argument147 (GOGOGO)

加一UID: 2168628

The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

Outline: 1.游戏的质量取决于很多方面，并非只有画面
            2.游戏配置的合理性以及游戏的定价
            3.不同的年龄段喜欢游戏的种类应该不一样


    In this argument, the author considers that the sales of Whirlwind will increase soon because they just released some games which attract many children and youth. The claim seems to be reasonable at the first glance, but with further analysis, it appears to suffer from several logical fallacies as follows.

    Primarily, we can gain some useful information from the argument that the video-game players believe that graphics is the most significant effort in a successful video-game. Then Whirlwind tries their best to improve the graphics of their games. But we should know that the video-games are not just like watercolor painting. Many aspects also play an important role in the quality of games such as sound efforts and scenario. So we can conclude that only graphics is not enough to save the sales of Whirlwind.

    What is more, although children and youth are the largest consumers in the video-game filed, we should notice that many of them do not have extra money to buy what they want. According to the argument, the video-games introduced by Whirlwind require the most powerful computer to play the game because of the amazing graphics. I think only a few youth could enjoy the wonderful games after both up-to-date computer and splendid video-games are taken from the shopping center. Even if the games could be played in other places such as parents' office or library of the university, high price of the video-game would be a killer to decrease the sales.

    In addition, the interests of consumers are necessary to be analyzed. Although almost all the people between 10 and 25 years old are interested in playing video-games, we can not ignore a fact that different age of people may enjoy different type of games. The latest survey, which is published by the world famous PC magazine, shows that the children from age 10 to 17 are likely to play role play games, because they always dream to become a princess or warrior. But the age from 18 to 25 are fond of playing simulation games. After growing up, boys are more likely to be a general instead of paladin. It is just because they realize that managements and administrations are more interesting. So Whirlwind should make a great effort to distinguish the requirement of consumers.

    From what has been discussed above, we can safely drew the conclusion that Whirlwind need to do more researches on consumers and video-games related filed before introducing new games.
           
72min 420 words

[ Last edited by 加一 on 2005-12-21 at 11:15 ]

azaleaUID: 196122

明天要考试，我简单评一下了

觉得一个大问题就是楼主还没明白Argu的真谛
Argu是找Reasoning（论证）中的错误，而不是evidence的错误。觉得楼主虽然有提到reasoning的错误 但没有深入分析 尤其倒数第二段

还有就是用词不太符合Argu的风格，比如 the video-games are not just like watercolor painting
先不说这个对比是否恰当 这样的话一般不会出现在Argu里的

建议楼主先看几篇Argu的范文 思考一下Argu的写法

说得有点重了hehe 其实语法、结构还不错的 继续努力~

加一UID: 2168628

呵呵，两针见血啊！多谢！

happy_shirleyUID: 2155516

你可以上网了？别忘了把issue发上来！

happy_shirleyUID: 2155516

In this argument, the author considers that the sales of Whirlwind will increase soon because (dramaticially based on the assumption that) they have just released (introduced) some games which attract many children and youth. (这个应该不是原意，正是需要攻击的漏洞)The claim seems to be reasonable at the first glance, but with further analysis, it appears to suffer from several logical fallacies as follows.:victory:
第一段摆明观点还是很清楚的，但是注意一定不要引申，在我看来第一段的归纳是后面驳斥的重要依据．第一段相当于摆出作者缺乏逻辑性的论证过程，让人看完你的第一段就感觉作者论证得毫无道理：）

    Primarily, we can gain （这个词用得不合适）some useful information from the argument that the video-game players believe that　lifelike graphics is the most significant effort (改为character)in a successful video-game. Then Whirlwind tries their best to improve the graphics of their games. (这个是你的推测吧，文章里面并没有说呀，只是W公司正好引入了这个游戏，并没有涉及开发的过程)But we should know that the video-games are not just like watercolor painting. Many aspects （other characters ）also play an important role (play important roles) in the quality of games (这句话比较chi-English)such as sound efforts and scenario (楼主一定对游戏很熟悉了;P). So we can conclude that only graphics is not enough to save the sales of Whirlwind.（这个论证可以改为，虽然图象化是玩家最喜欢的特性，但并不能保证这一点就足以激发他们的购买行为，其他的因素也肯能影响购买）

    What is more　（这个比较口语，好象moreover, in additiona, in the second place用得比较多）, although children and youth are the largest consumers in the video-game filed, （这个句子是你直接引申了的，文章只说了年龄，所以最好遵照原文）we should notice that many of them do not have extra money 　（could not afford）to buy what they want （应该说是such a video game，小孩子喜欢的糖他们可能还是买得起的:)）. According to the argument, the video-games introduced by Whirlwind require the most powerful computer to play the game because of the amazing graphics. I think only a few youth could enjoy the wonderful games after both up-to-date computer and splendid video-games are taken from the shopping center. Even if the games could be played in other places such as parents' office or library of the university, high price of the video-game would be a killer to decrease the sales.
这段要论证的逻辑有点乱，楼主说了两重意思，一方面是小孩子钱不够，另一方面是游戏软件需要的设备成本很高．

    In addition, the interests of consumers are necessary to be analyzed. Although almost all the people between 10 and 25 years old are interested in playing video-games, we can not ignore a fact that different age of people may enjoy different type of games. The latest survey, which is published by the world famous PC magazine, shows that the children from age 10 to 17 are likely to play role play games　（楼主这个写得很专业，经常看游戏杂志哦！）, because they always dream to become a princess or warrior. But the age from 18 to 25 are fond of playing simulation games. After growing up, boys are more likely to be a general instead of paladin. It is just because they realize that managements and administrations are more interesting. So Whirlwind should make a great effort to distinguish the requirement of consumers.
虽然这段里面你举了调查的例子，但是感觉论证的方式不太像argument的方式．并不是在驳斥作者的推理错误！可能是后面的例子不是很恰当．

    From what has been discussed above, （In a sum, the arguer does not consider these and other more possibilities that may influence the sales of Whirlwind）we can safely drew the conclusion that Whirlwind need to do more researches (conduct a further market survey) on consumers and video-games  related filed before introducing new games. (on consumers' demands of video games before any real commercial action is carried out.)

楼主第一次发帖子还是很不错的，看得出是自己很熟悉的题目＿游戏．建议再看看argument的一般写法，先多看，学会套路．尤其注意看人家的中文分析部分。看英文是学句型，看中文可以学分析:)
另外以后发帖注意格式哦！

[ Last edited by happy_shirley on 2005-12-21 at 00:45 ]

happy_shirleyUID: 2155516

不好意思太困了，明天再帮你改issue!