yan的独立写作小组作业帖

yan121UID: 2415099

3.16 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should live one city or in one country all their life instead of moving to live in different places.

不限时 367字 第一篇..自己觉得单词比较贫乏 而且结尾很弱 一直想要跳出模板的框框 可是又无力 求拍 谢谢先～

Although moving itself could be very troublesome and it always takes time to adapt to a new environment, living in different places can bring us the thrills of new things and open the doors for life exploration. As someone loves adventures, I tend to disagree the statement that people should live in one place all his/her life.

Have you ever heard the story of the frog which lived in a shallow well? He thought the well he lived and what he saw from the mouth of the well are the whole world. He didn't know how deep the ocean could be. He never knew how green trees were and how sweet flowers smelt. A life in one place is just like living in a shallow well, you turn your back on the colorful world outside. But living in different places would provide you every opportunity to enrich your experience. Every city has its culture and people of various characters. Only really seeing can you develop a complete value of how the world truly like and eliminate discrimination towards people with different living habit.

Besides, there are so many people who move to new places to look for better job, house, community or climate. In the famous Chinese tale, Mencius' mother move three times, only trying to find her son a better studying atmosphere around the neighborhood. The place we born was decided, but we all have the right to choose the environment we most comfortable to live with. There is a say goes like this, " When you don't know what you like, you try a little bit of everything." Moving around will broad your horizon, therefore help you to know about other living styles outside your hometown, and you can choose the one best suitable for you.

Furthermore, most conflicts is based upon misunderstanding, moving to different place can facilitate communication among people from diverse area. If we could know each other better, I am sure this world would be a much more better place to live.

To summarize, life is all about explore the world and yourself, moving to new places could serve as a great impetus for you to know more and experience more.

holyiriniUID: 2741598

3.16 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should live one city or in one country all their life instead of moving to live in different places.

Although moving itself could be very troublesome and it（把moving代进去意思好像不对噢~应该是People吧~） always takes time to adapt to a new environment, living in different places can bring us the thrills（改成trilling feelings好点吧。）
of new things and open the doors for life exploration. As someone loves adventures, I tend to disagree（怪怪的，一般都tend to agree的。就直接disagree吧。） the statement that people should live in one place all his/her life.

Have you ever heard the story of the frog which lived in a shallow well? He thought the well he lived and what he saw from the mouth of the well are the whole world. He didn't know how deep the ocean could be. He never knew how green trees were and how sweet flowers smelt. 【想法不错哎~我好像还没用过类比~学习~】A life in one place is just like living in a shallow well, you turn your back on（to？！） the colorful world outside. But living in different places would provide you every opportunity to enrich your experience. Every city has its culture and people of various characters. Only really seeing can you develop a complete value of how the world truly like and eliminate discrimination towards people with different living habit.【观点吧。不过感觉倒装有点怪怪的。】
, z9 o* P( M6 F8 h% C
) ?6 _$ X3 j1 t) G
Besides, there are so many people who move to new places to look for better job, house, community or climate.【这观点不错。好论证。】 In the famous Chinese tale, Mencius'
【童鞋太强了。举的例子都很高级。怎么想出来的？有米有啥例子库的也给我个？】mother move three times, only trying to find her son a better studying atmosphere around the neighborhood. The place we born was decided（可以用destined。命中注定啊。）, but we all have the right to choose the environment we feel most comfortable to live with. There is a saying goes like this, " When you don't know what you like, you try a little bit of everything." Moving around will broad（broaden） your horizon(这个词MS用烂了。可以用expand one’s vision之类的。), therefore help you to know about other living styles outside your hometown, and you can choose the one best suitable for you.

Furthermore, most conflicts is based upon（are brought about as a result of这样改看行不？） misunderstanding, moving（Moving这里要另起一句了吧。） to different place can facilitate communication among people from diverse
area（areas）. If we could know each other better, I am sure this world would be a much more（删） better place to live.

To summarize, life is all about explore the world and yourself, moving to new places could serve as a great impetus for you to know more and experience more.

PS：亲写的不错噢~举例子这块儿特让我羡慕~学习啊~
但是一些小的语法错误要注意一下~
还有一些表达也不太恰当~搭配啊什么的~还是用自己比较熟悉的来~
基本没什么大问题吧~观点也清楚~论证也可以吧~

yan121UID: 2415099

3.18 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on young people.

不限时 371字 不知道要怎么把文章写长 老是觉得没话讲唉 谢谢拍～

In this age which mass media prosper, while watching television have become an essential way to get update information and people can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books, watching movies also serve as a indispensible role in entertainment. Despite all these convenience they brought us, we cannot deny movies and televisions do more harm than good to young people.

As a easily-realized fact, movies and televisions have occupied too much time of young people which they suppose to use to develop their bodies and brains. My cousin, who is 10 years old, spends most of his leisure time after school on watching television. Being addicted to those cartoon series, he refused to go out to play, enjoy the sunshine, breath the fresh air with his friends, which make him a total couch potato. Childhood and adolescence are important periods during which young people explore, move, play, touch and repeat as they learn. Studies have found that watch television does not promote social skills or foster creative play.

Besides, young people are easily affected by movies and television programs. First, lacking capacity of critical thinking, they are vulnerable to the influence of commercial advertisement and therefore would pressure their parents to by some useless products like junk food and toys. Secondly, without a clear understanding and judgment, young children are curious about what they see on screen and would probably imitate those fancy but unsuitable behavior such as violence, sexual activities and drug or alcohol use. Studies has shown that children watch violent shows are more likely to display aggressive behavior. Since most parents don't have time to select health television and movies for their children and it is hard to control what they see, excessive television-watching or movie-watching may result in adolescent crime or other social problems.

In sum, I agree that televisions and movies have more negative than positive effects on young people. Excessive amount of these entertainment would distract them from the skills they should learn and develop. What’s more, improper scenes from TV programs or movies may mislead them. In order to solve these potential problems, I strongly advice that parents should take some strategies to guide young people’s television and movie viewing.

yuyan890619UID: 2602299

用word改的
不好意思改晚了啊

yan121UID: 2415099

140993
用word改的
不好意思改晚了啊
yuyan890619 发表于 2010-3-20 15:53

嘻嘻 是我写晚了

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

不好意思啊，楼主，我之前不知道是看漏了，还是回复的时候没贴进去，然后前两天没在家，所以现在才补上哦……
Although moving itself could be very troublesome and it(去掉？) always takes time to adapt to a new environment, living in different places can bring us the（可以去掉） thrills of new things and open the doors for life's exploration. As someone loves adventures, I tend to disagree the statement that people should live in one place all his/her life.8 A4 B5 [( A% @

Have you ever heard the story of the frog which lived in a shallow well? （我最近刚刚听说的一个观点，貌似作文里做好不要用疑问句，汗，其实我也喜欢用的说……）He thought the well he lived and what he saw from the mouth of the well are the whole world. He didn't know how deep the ocean could be. He never knew（可以删掉，直接并列宾语，感觉更有气势哦~~） how green trees were and how sweet flowers smelt. A life in one place is just like living in a shallow well, you turn your back on（towards吧？） the colorful world outside. But living in different places would provide you every opportunity（opportunities？） to enrich your experience. Every city has its culture and people of various characters. Only really seeing can you develop a complete value of how the world truly like and eliminate discrimination towards people with different living habit（倒装是很好的句型哦，但是这句感觉怪怪的，不过我又说不出来哪里怪了……）.

Besides, there are so many people who move to new places to look for better job, house, community or climate. In the famous Chinese tale, Mencius' mother move three times, only trying to find her son a better studying atmosphere（觉得这个词有点怪，换environment是不是会好点？） around the neighborhood. The place we born was decided, but we all have the right to choose the environment we（我理解这里是定语从句，所以这样调整了，in which is） most comfortable to live with（去掉）. There is a say goes like this, " When you don't know what you like, you try a little bit of everything." Moving around will broad your horizon, therefore help you to know about other living styles outside your hometown, and you can choose the one best suitable for you.（观点再次提升，赞一个~~~）

Furthermore, most conflicts is based upon misunderstanding,（前后都是主谓器官的句子，中间不能用逗号哦，可以用分号~） moving to different place can facilitate communication among people from diverse area. If we could know each other better, I am sure this world would be a much more better place to live.

To summarize, life is all about explore the world and yourself, moving to new places could serve as a great impetus for you to know more and experience more.

思路很新颖哦，跟俺们这种套模板的孩子有本质的区别哦~~~

yan121UID: 2415099

3.23 （09.01.23）Young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.8

怠工多日，总算又写了一篇，字数和时间都再创新高！
自己的感觉，词汇、例子还是比较贫乏呃，但总算是个比较有话说的话题。先前看过一篇relevant的文章，对观念有比较大影响。
终于可以发附件了 激动><

WORDS: 443   DATE: 2010-3-23 22:11:27

Outside school, most people spend more than eight hours a day on their job. Although we cannot equate jobs as life, it is no doubt that jobs occupy a big part of our lives.And there are lots of young people who just step into their career life expect to achieve success or realize personal value through their careers. Therefore, I strongly agree that young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.

To begin with, in such a competitive society, employers are looking for someone armed with not only professional skills but also sufficient experience so that employees could start their job immediately once they were recruited. Trying different short-term jobs will help young people accumulate job experience before their finally get the ideal one. Take my sister who majored in
marketing in university as an example. After graduation, she tried different jobs such as accountant in a small accounting firm, products consultant in a supermarket and secretary of manager in a cosmetic company. Through all of these, she knew how to apply the knowledge she learned in university into practice and how to make products appeal to customers. Her experience from these short term experience, along with her academic knowledge pave her way to be a successful marketing manager in a big department store right now.

What's more, trying different jobs will contribute a lot for young people to find the job most suitable for them. We always heard people complaining about their jobs, how boring the job is but they are too old to make changes. This situation is mostly due to their confusion when they first came into the job market. There is a say goes like this, " When you don't know what you like, you try a little bit of everything." Trying different jobs offers young people the chance to see what they like and what they are best in. My university implement a policy in last a few years which allows students to choose their major after two years study in the university. During this very two years, students have every access to know what those majors are all about and what people of some particular majors actually do. It is the same to find a job you can really devote yourselves to. The more information you get, the better choice you can make.

To conclude, trying different jobs before make final decision to a long term career will help young people to explore their own needs and strength. Besides, these experience also contribute a lot to their transition between academic life and career life.

水谣碧玺UID: 2765062

修改。
童鞋不用帮我改了，我昨天的作文丢了...TT

cp19880313UID: 2643174

改完了。有点晚了。

mpromanusUID: 2565872

这位童鞋我不知道你到底求改几楼的文章所以就给你改第一篇了啊。。

1# yan121

Although moving itself could be very troublesome and it always takes time to adapt to a new environment, living in different places can bring us the thrills of new things and open the doors for life exploration?. As someone who loves adventures, I tend to disagree with the statement that people should live in one place all his/her (This doesn't pair up with 'people'.) life.

Have you ever heard about the story of the frog which lived in a shallow well? He thought the well he lived in and what he saw from the mouth of the well are the whole world. He didn't know how deep the ocean could be. He never knew how green trees were and how sweet flowers smelt. A life in one place is just like living in a shallow well, you turn your back on the colorful world outside. But living in different places would provide you every opportunity to enrich your experience. Every city has its culture and people of various characters. Only by really seeing these can you develop a complete value? (What is a 'value' of 'how the world is like'? Do you mean 'picutre'?) of how the world is truly like and eliminate discrimination towards people with different living habits.

Besides, there are so many people who move to new places to look for better jobs, houses, communities or climates. In the a famous Chinese tale, Mencius' mother moved three times, only trying to find her son a better studying atmosphere around the neighborhood. The place in which we were born was decided, but we all have the right to choose the environment we are most comfortable to live with. There is a saying goes like this, " When you don't know what you like, you try a little bit of everything." Moving around will broad your horizons, therefore helping you to know about other living styles outside your hometown, and you can choose the one best most suitable for you.

Furthermore, most conflicts is are based upon misunderstandings, and moving to different places can facilitate communication among people from diverse areas. If we could know each other better, I am sure this world would be a much more better place to live. (I don't get the logic in this, and there's no example to fully illustrate your point.)

To summarize, life is all about exploring the world and yourself, and moving to new places could serve as a great impetus for you to know more and experience more.

总结：

语言功力不错，就是很多小的语法错误要注意一下，不影响意思但是让语言很磕碰。还有一些表达方面不够清晰的地方要注意。

论述上主要是第三个论点完全看不出是怎么推理出来的，也没有例子说明，所以基本上是无效论点，要注意一下论述要保持完整、清晰、有力。结尾的话其实把主要论点再总结一下就好了，不用担心没有拔高展开什么的。

yan121UID: 2415099

4.13TOPIC: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized tend to be more successful than students who do not.
WORDS: 502

DATE: 2010-4-14 16:47:47

唔 隔了超久没写的 这个topic实在不怎么好写
写了一个下午..有点乱 麻烦拍 用力拍木有关系..

提纲
1. 不容易分神, 找东西方便
2. 有计划能做得更好，高效利用时间
3. 大家更信任neat and organized的人能做得好


It is common scenes that we being late for school in the morning simply because we can't find our ID cards or text books, and there are always food stains on our books and clothes due to accidentally knocking over a tea cup or cake dish. Just have seconds thinking about the time we waste on cleaning up these annoying mess, I won’t hesitate to agree with the statement that students who keep their rooms neat and organized tend to be more successful

First of all, being neat and organized will help us stay in good mood and be more concentrate. When I have a clear surface and can find my materials quickly, I can easily get my works done with every tools at hand.
Otherwise, when disorder surrounds me, it blocks me with its distractions. Yes, it does take time to hang up clothes or put something away in a drawer, but the payback is that I do less ironing since clothes are hung up, and I know where to retrieve an item versus spending extra minutes (or hours) hunting for something that was buried and then shifted around by others. To keep neat and organized can help you save much time which you waste on finding your stuff.

Besides, neat and organized room indicate a well-planned life with efficient time management. These people always have a schedule, like my cousin. Everything of hers are classified and carefully placed in her shelves or drawers. Similar to other methodical people, she put everything back after using them. She never let things pile up until the last minute and she book in vacations and family visits outside her work.
Therefore she has great flexibility as a result of ordered schedule.
Unlike me, never had she need to decline a last-minute invitation because of a looming deadline nor stay awake until late night only to finish a paper which due to the next day. Being organized will allow you to focus on what's really important and to be more efficient.


Furthermore, people whose room are neat and well-organized tend to earn more trust that people believe they know what they are doing and they can handle things around them other than let themselves lost in the mess. Imagine that, can you trust the accountant to manage your financial account when his personal life filled with chaos? Can you trust your lawyer to defend your interest when she can hardly find your contract in her piles of documents? An organized life gives the outside world the sense that things are running smoothly and people would believe that these kind of people are more likely to be successful cause they always keep things under control.

Getting organized goes far beyond a neat desk, it is a kind of lifestyle. Although achieving more order in your life won't necessarily guarantee you success, while a chaotic and cluttered life apparently won't help, it can certainly put you ahead of the pack, particularly in these difficult and competitive times.

john_332UID: 2741978

4-13   作文修改 by 舜

It is common scenes (common scenes用在这里不合适，一般表示“常识”，可以用it does happen, 表示经常发生) that we being late for school in the morning simply because we can't find our ID cards or text books, and there are always food stains on our books and clothes due to accidentally knocking over a tea cup or cake dish. Just have seconds (take some time 即可，) thinking (就用原型think)about the time we waste(过去时) on cleaning up these annoying mess, I won’t hesitate to agree with the statement that students who keep their rooms neat and organized tend to be more successful,

我觉得从倒数第二段向最后一句的过渡很牵强，因为从小事的过失马上就断定“不成功”，感觉很唐突。

First of all, being neat and organized will help us stay in good mood and be more concentrate. When I have a clear surface(surface ? 平面 就用桌子吧 desk) and can find my materials quickly, I can easily get my works done with every tools at hand.

Otherwise, when disorder surrounds me, it blocks me with its(disorder's ? 说不通哦) distractions. Yes, it does take time to hang up clothes or put something away (hang up 和 put away这两个词用得很漂亮)in a drawer, but the payback (你是说merit / advantage of it) is that I do less ironing since clothes are hung up, and I know where to retrieve an item versus spending extra minutes (or hours) hunting for something that was buried and then shifted around by others. (前面这个拖太长了，versus后面的可以砍掉)To keep neat and organized can help you save much time which you waste on finding your stuff.

Besides, neat and organized room indicate(加s) a well-planned life with efficient time management. These people always have a schedule, like my cousin. Everything of hers are classified and carefully placed in her shelves or drawers. Similar to other methodical (这个词很高级哦，不错)people, she put (加s) everything back after using them. She never let things pile up(词不错) until the last minute and she book in vacations and family visits outside her work.

Therefore she has great flexibility as a result of ordered schedule.

Unlike me, never had she need to decline a last-minute invitation because of a looming (很好的词) deadline nor stay awake until late night only to finish a paper which due to the next day. Being organized will allow you to focus on what's really important and to be more efficient.


Furthermore, people whose room are neat and well-organized tend to earn more trust that people believe they know what they are doing and they can handle things around them other than let themselves lost in the mess. (我觉得写这样的长句没必要，一是容易出错，二是容易让读者晕)Imagine that, can you trust the accountant to manage your financial account when his personal life filled with chaos (chaos是混乱，嘈杂的意思吧，在我印象中，只有古惑仔那种life才用chaos来形容)? Can you trust your lawyer to defend your interest when she can hardly find your contract in her piles of documents? An organized life gives the outside world the sense that things are running smoothly and people would believe that these kind of people are more likely to be successful cause they always keep things under control.

Getting organized goes far beyond a neat desk, it is a kind of lifestyle. Although achieving more order in your life won't necessarily guarantee you success, while a chaotic and cluttered life apparently won't help, it can certainly put you ahead of the pack, particularly in these difficult and competitive times.

我觉得用倒数第二段的最后一句来做结尾比上句要好，结构，表达都挺不错的，有很多
值得我学习的地方，希望文风能更简练。

zhaoliyaoUID: 2388938

4.13
TOPIC: Do you agree or disagree with thefollowing statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized tend tobe more successful than students who do not.

It is common scenes that webeing late for school in the morning simply because we can't find our ID cardsor text books, and there are always food stains on our books and clothes due toaccidentally knocking over a tea cup or cake dish. Just have seconds thinkingabout the time we waste on cleaning up these annoying mess, I won’t hesitate toagree with the statement that students who keep their rooms neat and organizedtend to be more successful

First of all, being neatand organized will help us stay in good mood and be more concentrate（onour study）. When I have a clear surface and can find mymaterials quickly, I can easily get my works done with every tools athand.
Otherwise, when disorder surroundsme, it blocks me with its distractions. Yes, it does take time to hang upclothes or put something away in a drawer, but the payback is that I do lessironing since clothes are hung up, and I know where to retrieve an item versusspending extra minutes (or hours) hunting for something that was buried andthen shifted around by others. To keep neat and organized can help you savemuch time which you waste on finding your stuff.

Besides, neat and organizedroom indicate(s) a well-planned life withefficient time management. These people always have a schedule, like my cousin.Everything of hers are（is）
classified and carefully placed in her shelves ordrawers. Similar to other methodical people, she put everything back afterusing them. She never let things pile up until the last minute and she book invacations and family visits outside her work.
Therefore she has great flexibility as a result of ordered schedule.
Unlike me, never had she need to decline alast-minute invitation because of a looming deadline nor stay awake until latenight only to finish a paper which due to the next day. Being organized willallow you to focus on what's really important and to be more efficient.


Furthermore, people whoseroom（s） are neat andwell-organized tend to earn more trust that people believe they know what theyare doing and they can handle things around them other than let themselves lostin the mess.(前面这句话，再顺一下，呵呵) Imagine that,can you trust the accountant to manage your financial account when his personallife filled with chaos? Can you trust your lawyer to defend your interest whenshe can hardly find your contract in her piles of documents? An organized lifegives the outside world the sense that things are running smoothly and peoplewould believe that these kind of people are more likely to be successful causethey always keep things under control.

Getting organized goes farbeyond a neat desk, it is a kind of lifestyle. Although achieving more order inyour life won't necessarily guarantee you success, while a chaotic and clutteredlife apparently won't help, it can certainly put you ahead of the pack,particularly in these difficult and competitive times.
例子举得很好很丰富啊，但是我觉得句子还可以锤炼得更好，这样会更容易读懂，加油！