issue5 教育类，限时44分钟，请狠狠的拍吧！

翦瞳UID: 184872

限时，44分钟。拼写及大小写错误已在Word 中改了。
Issue5、"A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer."
提纲：
1 基本同意
2 陈述制定统一课程的重要
3 反证取消统一课程的弊端
4 承认补充课程的必要
5 提出提高的方法自我评价：
用词不够准确，词的变化不够，词很老，有的拼写有错误。
有一些单复数没有注意到。论证不够流畅。
【正文】：
There is always a debate whether a nation should offer all its students the same national curriculum until they are admitted to the college level. As to this issue, I limitedly agree with the author's opinion with a discreet attitude that the diversity of some other courses is dispensable to some extent.

To support my view on the debate, I think the essentiality of a national curriculum is basing on the practical and perspective reasons. On the one hand, when a nation decides which scientific or natural or social field of knowledge should be elected, I believe the authority must have taken account of it considerately and prudently. The courses chosen by the national educational agency should have been testified as the basic and essential and crucial ones which are adapted to all the students. On the other hand, when all students have learnt the basic courses that will be used in the coming time, they could be prepared in a more overall aspects to determine what is suitable to learn in the college or university and what is vital to continue to accept the new and advancing knowledge. In the undergraduate degrees, the fundamental faculty could set them free from the illiterate.

I have every reason to affirm that without the inscription of the national curriculum the ultimate goal of the education could hardly achieved. Scarcely could the author ensure that each part of the nation has the enough responsibility and capacity to choose the most suitable courses for their pupils. Maybe some of them are too lazy to think about it while too hasty to decide the offering courses. The secure method to protect the entitlements of the students from the laws is to set same fundamental national courses to offer and protect them from unbelievable determination.  

The uniform curriculum does not illustrate itself that includes all the courses containing some special ones. For example, the special schools built for the dump and blind, which is a part of the whole educational system, need some specific text books and unique courses to prepare them for survive in the competitive society. Another good example is that some minor races have their own rituals and have the initial demand to learn their own languages and histories. With the basic and crucial courses included in the curriculum, these unique courses are the supplement to the whole system. To make the culture revive, the cultural diversity is essential. But it does not undermine the vitality of other basic courses.

In sum, to conclude from the statements above, the education should be improved by adding some special and variety courses to  attract the attention of the students and help them find the most interesting courses to develop and learn in the college and university. The basic knowledge lends them a hand to find how to learn and the extra ones gives them a chance to discover what they love.

翦瞳UID: 184872

忘了说了，486字

fircattyUID: 166248

好像字数有点少哦~不过限时的，已经很不错了
我先占个座，一会儿把修改意见贴上来~

[ Last edited by fircatty on 2005-7-8 at 22:20 ]

ahqiuUID: 207682

占个座先，待会儿改好

fircattyUID: 166248

不好意思，有点事，明天在把修改的贴上来吧：）
呵呵，欢迎互砸哦~~
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;page=1#pid1596747

ahqiuUID: 207682

Issue5、"A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer."


There is always a debate whether a nation should offer all its students the same national curriculum until they are admitted to the college level. As to this issue, I limitedly agree with the author's opinion with a discreet attitude that the diversity of some other courses is dispensable to some extent.（两个with感觉不太好，而且limitedly和discreet有点重复）
To support my view on the debate(去掉), I think the essentiality of a national curriculum is basing on the practical and perspective reasons（perspective reasons是什么意思）. On the one hand, when a nation decides which scientific or natural or social field of knowledge（改成which subject in a specific area吧，我觉得好像没有这种说法） should be elected, I believe the authority must have taken account of it considerately and prudently. (这种推断的句型不好，你相信，读者就会相信吗，太中国化了，要讲述一个事实)The （these）courses chosen by the national educational agency should have been testified as the basic and essential and crucial ones which are adapted to all the students.（太绝对了吧，most of, 天才儿童就不适合） On the other hand, when all students have learnt the basic courses that will be used in the coming time（谁说学过的知识将来就一定会用到呢，改成that prepare them in future会不会好些）, they could be prepared in a more overall aspects（a好像不能和后面的aspects搭配吧，be prepared with knowledge of various/more aspects） to determine what（which subject） is suitable to learn in the（去掉） college or university and what（which one） is vital to continue(后面是什么意思，好像没看懂)to accept the new and advancing knowledge. In the undergraduate degrees, the fundamental faculty could set them free from the illiterate.(改成undergraduates could be set free from illiterate with these fundamental abilities)这段感觉层次比较清晰，但缺乏一个比较有力的中心句，还有建议不要用英语来翻译中文，这种迹象在你的作文中很明显哦，尽量用英语思考吧
I have every reason to affirm that without the inscription（为什么用这个词，不懂） of the national curriculum（，） the ultimate goal of the education could hardly achieved. Scarcely could the author ensure that each part of the nation has the enough responsibility and capacity to choose the most suitable courses for their pupils. Maybe some of them are too lazy to think about it while too hasty to decide the offering courses.(这只是你的推断，怎么能让人信服) The secure（reassuring） method to protect the entitlements of the students from the laws （from the law 去掉）is to set same fundamental national courses to offer and protect them from unbelievable determination.  举的例子不好，没有说服力，topic
sentence 说have every reason，但后来的论证无力
The uniform curriculum does not illustrate itself that includes all the courses containing some special ones. (这句话有问题，再考虑一下吧，include 和contain 用在一起，挺奇怪的)For example, the special schools built for the dump (deaf) and blind, which is a part of the whole（the whole 去掉）  educational system, need some specific text books and unique courses to prepare them for survive in the competitive society. （这个例子太特殊了，呵呵，但跟课程无关阿，只是教材形式变了而已）Another good example is that some minor races have their own rituals and have the initial demand to learn their own languages and histories. With the basic and crucial courses included in the curriculum, these unique courses are the supplement to the whole system. To make the culture revive（thrive）, the cultural diversity is essential. But it does not undermine the vitality of other basic courses.

In sum, to conclude from the statements above, the education should be improved by adding some special and variety（various special） courses to  attract the attention of the students and help them find the most interesting courses to develop and learn in the college and university. The basic knowledge lends them a hand to find how to learn and the extra ones gives（give） them a chance to discover what they love.

ahqiuUID: 207682

这只是个人意见，加油啊，呵呵，多用用英语来思考

fircattyUID: 166248

There is always a debate whether a nation should offer all its students the same national curriculum until they are admitted to the college level. As to this issue, I limitedly agree with the author's opinion with a discreet attitude that the diversity of some other courses is dispensable to some extent.

To support my view on the debate, I think the essentiality of a national curriculum is basing based吧 on the practical and perspective reasons. On the one hand, when a nation decides which scientific or natural or social field of knowledge should be elected, I believe the authority must have taken account of it considerately and prudently. The courses chosen by the national educational agency should have been testified as the basic and essential and crucial ones which are adapted to all the students. On the other hand, when all students have learnt the basic courses that will be used in the coming time, they could be prepared in a more overall aspects to determine what is suitable to learn in the college or university and what is vital to continue to accept the new and advancing knowledge.这里说的意思是不是说，基础教育是应该统一课程，而高等教育时就各地制定不同课程？涉及到论证的另一个方面，应该再说得仔细一点，举个学科的例子 In the undergraduate degrees, the fundamental faculty could set them free from the illiterate.

I have every reason to affirm that without the inscription of the national curriculum the ultimate goal of the education could hardly achieved. Scarcely could the author ensure that each part of the nation has the enough responsibility and capacity to choose the most suitable courses for their pupils. Maybe some of them are too lazy to think about it while too hasty to decide the offering courses. The secure method to protect the entitlements of the students from the laws is to set same fundamental national courses to offer and protect them from unbelievable determination.  感觉这一段没有说服力，而且上一段讲a nation decides时the authority must have taken account of it considerately and prudently，你怎么确定each part of the nation确定课程时不是同样的考虑仔细，或者说确定全国的课程时，专家不会too lazy and too hasty？关于这个最好能说点别的缺点，比如造成学生偏科等等。

The uniform curriculum does not illustrate itself that includes all the courses containing some special ones. For example, the special schools built for the dump and blind, which is a part of the whole educational system, need some specific text books and unique courses to prepare them for survive in the competitive society. Another good example is that some minor races have their own rituals and have the initial demand to learn their own languages and histories. With the basic and crucial courses included in the curriculum, these unique courses are the supplement to the whole system. To make the culture revive, the cultural diversity is essential. But it does not undermine the vitality of other basic courses.

In sum, to conclude from the statements above, the education should be improved by adding some special and variety courses to  attract the attention of the students and help them find the most interesting courses to develop and learn in the college and university.观点总结是不是应该全面一点？你的观点是基本同意，这是大的方面，同时需要补充一点别的课，那就应该说全了，要不然就都别说好了 The basic knowledge lends them a hand to find how to learn and the extra ones gives them a chance to discover what they love.


呵呵，限时能写得这么好很羡慕！在总结一下个人意见，第二段我觉得可以拆成两段说，说的彻底一点，第三段要做点修改了，太牵强。总的来说，还是不错的，我也要像你学习啦，开始限时：本人菜鸟一个，说的有不对的，一起讨论阿。

翦瞳UID: 184872

perspective 用错了，想表达 “全面的，整体的看” comprehensive
inscription 错了，想表达“限制”的意思circumscription
revive 已经被猜出来 原来要说的是 thrive
多谢ahqiu 的狠拍，没有更好的例子，论证思路也不是特别清晰，所以有些武断的推论，值得注意！
chinglish 的现象存在，以后偶一定多多注意！

翦瞳UID: 184872

你说的都是大的方面，我审题不是特别全面的，总是易走极端，练习也不够，谢谢！我会回拍得！
看来我的例子的确不好，改了再发！