argument117..限时成功。。。必回拍。。

foreveraUID：202035

题目：ARGUMENT 117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
字数：426          用时：上午 12:30:00          日期：2005-8-30

In the argument, providing a recent sruvey and some related analysis, the author asserts that the changes provoked by the author will make office-supply departments the most profitable component of the stores. At the first glance, the author's claim seems reasonable, but with further analysis, the author's logic suffers from several serious fallacies as follows.

Primarily, for the uncertainty of the makeup of the respondents, the high percentage of the respondents who are required to take more work home than ever before is far away from convincing to represent the real situation of all the workers. It is quite possible that the most workers who are not required to take work home do not response the very survey. Or, maybe the people who enroll in the survey are not randomly selected, and the surveyer only choose the people who take more work home. Under this circumstance, it is too hasty to allege that there is an increasing work-at-home trend.

What's more, even granted that the result of the survey is reliable, the author fails to offer sufficient evidence to convince me that office machines listed in the article are related to the works taken home by the workers.  As Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, I have enough reason to doubt that the chief economy relies on industry or handicraft industry. To this extent, the machines listed by the author are not likely to be welcomed by the workers in Valu-Mart. And accordingly, their office-suppy departments would lose much profit, let alone be the most profitable component of their stores.

In addition, the author seems to miss the factor of cost in the economic activities-the cost of the office supplies might be extremely high, and the profit available of the office supplies would largely decrease on the contrary. And, naturally, as for the increasing sale of office supplies, the cost of stock and operating the sales would rise simultaneously. Therefore,even the sales of office supplies may keep on increasing, the corresponding cost might counteract the profit the sales bring. Thus, the author is too optimistic to assert that their office-supply departments would gain much profit in the work-at-home trend.

In conclusion, to make the argument more reasonable and convincing , the author still needs to present some more detailed information about three aspects: (1) most of the workers in Valu-Mart are required to take more work home;(2)the machines and materials listed are indeed  boardly applying in the workers' jobs;(3)the profit the sales can bring far overwhelms the cost it leads.

用的这个PP3的类似软件好难用。。打字超慢。。。我打完了还要等它一个字一个字的出。。要不应该能说的更全面一点。。。HOHO

kolu_renUID：158196

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
字数：426          用时：上午 12:30:00          日期：2005-8-30

In the argument, providing 用with回不会好一点？a recent sruvey and some related analysis, the author asserts that the changes provoked by the author will make office-supply departments the most profitable component of the stores. At the first glance, the author's claim seems reasonable, but with further analysis, the author's logic suffers from several serious fallacies as follows.

Primarily, for the uncertainty of the makeup of the respondents, the high percentage of the respondents who are required to take more work home than ever before is far away from convincing to represent the real situation of all the workers. It is quite possible that the most workers who are not required to take work home do not response the very survey. Or, maybe the people who enroll in the survey are not randomly selected, and the surveyer only choose the people who take more work home. Under this circumstance, it is too hasty to allege that there is an increasing work-at-home trend.蛮顺的，但是不需要在家工作的人没有调查到和只调查了更多在家工作的人的意思有些重复，你觉得呢？

What's more, even granted that the result of the survey is reliable, the author fails to offer sufficient evidence to convince me that office machines listed in the article are related to the works taken home by the workers.  As Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, I have enough reason to doubt that the chief economy relies on industry or handicraft industry. from where这种说法是不是太武断啦？To this extent, the machines listed by the author are not likely to be welcomed by the workers in Valu-Mart. And accordingly, their office-suppy departments would lose much profit, let alone be the most profitable component of their stores.这里还可以写的具体一点，譬如裁纸机、传真机等设备对于只是把工作带回家加班而不是在家工作的人是否需要？可以再扩展一点！;)

In addition, the author seems to miss overlook the factor of cost in the economic activities-the cost of the office supplies might be extremely high, and the profit available of the office supplies would largely decrease on the contrary. And, naturally, as for the increasing sale of office supplies, the cost of stock and operating the sales would rise simultaneously. Therefore,even the sales of office supplies may keep on increasing, the corresponding cost might counteract the profit the sales bring. Thus, the author is too optimistic to assert that their office-supply departments would gain much profit in the work-at-home trend.

In conclusion, to make the argument more reasonable and convincing , the author still needs to present some more detailed information about three aspects: (1) most of the workers in Valu-Mart are required to take more work home;(2)the machines and materials listed are indeed  boardly applying in the workers' jobs;(3)the profit the sales can bring far overwhelms the cost it leads.

foreveraUID：202035

It is quite possible that the most workers who are not required to take work home do not response the very survey. Or, maybe the people who enroll in the survey are not randomly selected, and the surveyer only choose the people who take more work home. 这里说那些被调查到的没被要求把工作任务带回家的人大部分没有回应survey..而后面说或者这个调查根本就很少调查到没把工作带回家的人。。。一个是是否response的问题。。。一个是是否enroll的问题。。。这是不一样的。。。你觉得呢？

[ Last edited by forevera on 2005-8-30 at 14:50 ]

foreveraUID：202035

I have enough reason to doubt that the chief economy relies on industry or handicraft industry.
这里只是doubt。。我并没有说 i confirm that .....我觉得怎么怀疑都是合理的。。。只要怀疑出的东西能攻击作者的观点就可以了。。而且这个怀疑比较符合常理

[ Last edited by forevera on 2005-8-30 at 14:50 ]

foreveraUID：202035

To this extent, the machines listed by the author are not likely to be welcomed by the workers in Valu-Mart. And accordingly, their office-suppy departments would lose much profit, let alone be the most profitable component of their stores.可以修改为：

To this extent, the machines listed by the author are not likely to be welcomed by the workers in Valu-Mart. The office supply department would not possible have a sound sale, and accordingly, they would lose much profit, rather than be the most profitable component of their stores.

cxlbread84UID：184012

楼主的思维挺严密的，这篇不错， 指出两个小问题
1。 surveyor 不是er
2。 even 的用法可以查查， 这里最好改成even if
楼主想再提高，只能从细节入手啦

foreveraUID：202035

哪些细节呢？