issue51 MARS战队作文帖 好久没写 手生的很

huangdaoUID: 190018

TOPIC: ISSUE 51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

1 开头
2 有效的含意
3 适当满足需要可以促进学习效率和效果
4 学校因素对满足个人兴趣的影响
5 个人兴趣需要正确引导
6 结尾

For a pupil, it may mean pleasure ground more than serious church. For a high school student, it mostly has something to do with dull and insipid classes. For a undergraduate, it relates to more challenges and fresh knowledge. Yes, it is education. Different person has his/her own idea about it, some people consider it could be most effective when follow the needs and interests of each student. Nevertheless, maybe there are other elements should be taken into account.

What is the meaning of "effective", which is the critical problem, should be firstly considered. Whether a single man's fulfilled desire or a society's progress means effective? It is hard to say. The part of society may be more predominant. As my teacher told me education's aim is to cultivate people who fit the need of society. If the interests of a student do not match the society, even this student is excellent; it is hard to say the education is effective.

Of course, students' interests should be met in some degree. Interest is the best teacher of human kind. With the catalysis of it, the efficiency of education actually advanced, but conditionally. It is common that a person could learn and study more effective and efficient than others who are not as interested as him. That is one of reasons why Newton found his law and Einstein met theory of relativity, and these actually enhance the society's advance.

However, this situation is bound by some conditions. The satisfaction of individual's needs should fit for the school's conditions (include finance), because few schools can afford the form of education to meet each student's interests and needs. Not each student has the exactly the same favorite things which absolutely need the support of money, more or less, yet to feed them all need a pretty penny. Even if some schools own the ability to pay it, most of them should not do it, because the board needs to balance the finance no matter in private schools or public schools. It is hard to imagine that a school buys a piano and builds a isolation booth for only one student's interest.

At last, some interests should be carefully guided, not cater for it. If a pupil wanted to fight for the right of Arabdom and admire Osama bin Laden, even hoped to do him a favor, would the school meet his interest? I do not think so. The better way is to lead his interest to the light side not to satisfy it. In this aspect, the kind of education is not effective, but destructive.

As discussed above, blindly cater to students' interests and needs do not help to the effective education, in some instance, it may ruin the fruits of education. To achieve effective results of education, people should consider most aspects of education, and gain a balanced conclusion.

iven19821005UID: 2160156

TOPIC: ISSUE 51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

1 开头
2 有效的含意
3 适当满足需要可以促进学习效率和效果
4 学校因素对满足个人兴趣的影响
5 个人兴趣需要正确引导
6 结尾

For a pupil, it may mean pleasure ground more than serious church. For a high school student, it mostly has something to do with dull and insipid classes. For a undergraduate, it relates to more challenges and fresh knowledge. Yes, it is education. （开头不错，可以抓住读者的注意力）Different person has his/her own idea about it, some people consider it could be most effective when follow the needs and (the漏了吧？) interests of each student. Nevertheless, maybe there are other elements should be taken into account.
（第一段没有很明显地表明论点，似乎不是那么得明知）
What is the meaning of "effective", which is (the是不是该用a？) critical problem, should be firstly considered. （运用了插入的句型，好）Whether a single man's fulfilled desire or a society's progress means effective? It is hard to say. (The part of society 不是十分妥当吧)may be more predominant. As (my teacher 这样用显的不够有力，改成某某教育方学面的，或社会学方面的教授关于什么什么的讲话，或许更好)told me education's aim is to cultivate people who fit the need of society. If the interests of a student do not match the society, even this student is excellent; it is hard to say the education is effective.
（本段作者讲了一个“有效”的定义问题）

Of course, students' interests should be met in some degree. Interest is the best teacher of human kind. With the catalysis of it, the efficiency of education actually advanced, but conditionally. It is common that a person could learn and study more effective and efficient than others who are not as interested as him. That is one of reasons why Newton found his law and Einstein met theory of relativity, and these actually enhance the society's advance.
（本段作者要表达的是，兴趣可以是学习有效和有效率。问题是论证的有些的简单，没有深入。而且在做例证的时候没有吧例子和分论点加以联系。而且本段，各句的连词用的不是那么多，所以看上去就不舒服了。）
However, this situation （是指interests吧，有点代词指代不明确的感觉，不会是我阅读能力不够吧。）is bound by some conditions. The satisfaction of individual's needs should fit for the school's conditions include finance, because few schools can afford the form of education to meet (用meeting合适吧，不定式用的在语法上有待探讨)each student's interests and needs. Not each student has the exactly the same favorite things which absolutely need the support of money, more or less, yet to feed them all need a pretty penny.（这句话好不舒服啊，解释一下吧） Even if some schools own the ability to pay it, most of them should not do it, because the board needs to balance the finance no matter in private schools or public schools. It is hard to imagine that a school buys a piano and builds an isolation booth for only one student's interest.
（本段的意思应该是，这种教育受到一定的限制吧，1。钱够不够2。钱花的合不合算。觉得本段在词汇的运用上不够好，简单的过于简单的词多。而且缺少有力的论据，只有自己说自己的份 ，完全可以结合一些数据、调查、来加强深度。）

At last, some interests should be carefully guided, not cater for it. If a pupil wanted to fight for the right of Arabdom and admire Osama bin Laden, even hoped to do him a favor, would the school meet his interest? I do not think so. The better way is to lead his interest （用了好多次了吧）to the light side not to satisfy it. In this aspect, the kind of education is not effective, but destructive.
[color=Teal]（本段说了有些兴趣是不能满足得。这个例子或许是夸张得写作手法吧，但如果不是，是不是放在这里作为论据，有些不太合适。）

As discussed above, blindly cater to students' interests and needs do not help to the effective education, in some instance, it may ruin the fruits of education. To achieve effective results of education, people should consider most aspects of education, and gain a balanced conclusion.
（结尾比较终归中举）全文总结
1、        的确有些闪光的地方，比如第一段
2、        对语句、语法的驾驭能力，还有余地可以努力
3、        对一些好的句型，用的有些个生硬，（但刚开始么大家都差不多啦，一起努力吧）
4、        作者论证了，四段内容，总的看来论证的简单的多余复杂的。论证简单复杂搭配姑且需要。但为了达到这个效果，却放弃了没个论点论证的深度和，可信读有点不是那么的恰当。
5、        全文对句型的驾驭能力显得不够，续大家一起努力进步。复杂句过少。有些则过于难理解。
不好意思，有点拍得过分了。但是也是在提醒我自己得过程。希望大家一起进步吧。

[ 本帖最后由 iven19821005 于 2006-2-17 20:20 编辑 ]

huangdaoUID: 190018

TOPIC: ISSUE 51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

1 开头
2 有效的含意
3 适当满足需要可以促进学习效率和效果
4 不能过分迁就学生的兴趣, 个人兴趣需要正确引导
6 结尾

For a pupil, it may mean pleasure ground more than serious church. For a high school student, it mostly has something to do with dull and insipid classes. For an undergraduate, it relates to more challenges and fresh knowledge. Yes, different person has his/her own idea about education; some people consider it as to be most effective when the needs and interests of each student are entirely fulfilled. Except this maybe there are other elements, such as social requirement and balance in education, should be taken into account.

What is the meaning of "effective", which is critical in this topic, should be firstly considered. Whether a single man's content desire or a society's progress means effective? The answer may be learnt from my research supervisor, who told me education's aim is to cultivate people who fit the needs of society. If the favorites of a student do not match the society, even this student is excellent; it is hard to say the education is effective.

Of course, it does good to both individual and the public that students' interests and needs are met in some degree. As Einstein said, interest is the best teacher of human kind. With the catalysis of it, the efficiency of education actually advanced. One of my classmates, Tom, took computer, which is the most favorite of him, as his major. Under this circumstance, he willed to spend much more time than before on it, and as a result, he won the champion of programming in our college. Not only the individual success, but a discipline’s advancement, even social progress, could be benefited, if the personal interest has satisfied, of course appropriately. The initial drive of establishment of Microsoft Corporation was Gate’s ambition and unusual fever for computer, as he said. Without passion, he could not pass the hard time at the beginning, while he finally succeeded. Meanwhile, the world is different, because a new era for scientists and engineers is coming. The legend of Windows stimulates thousands (maybe millions) people jump into the Gold Rush of establishment of new science and technology company. That starts the prosperity of 21centuary. We should see education did not content Gates’ needs, yet that does not mean education need not.

Nevertheless, the other side of this coin is some interests should be carefully guided, not catered to. If a pupil wanted to learn something about Utopia, the teacher would not pass him or her Utopia, but an easier illuminative one. The reason may be he or she is too young to digest it. The uncommon vocabulary and dull dialog would kill the little bud, so careful and instructive guidance is needed. The premise of my instance is the pupil can not have the enough ability to know Utopia, if he or she is a talent, Utopia should be passed, and this depends on the teacher’s judge. In other aspect, education should forestall the dangerous trend of students. The stealing, fighting, and the like, may be someone’s favorites because of the family violence, undue restraint, and so on. Absolutely, these must not be cultivated.

As discussed above, when students' interests and needs are suitable fed, that would cause double-win, individual and the public. While blindly cater to them do not help to the effective education, in some instance, it may ruin the fruits of education. To achieve hoped results, people should consider more aspects of education, and gain a balanced method.

fhxyweiUID: 157384

重新修改了一遍， 希望好些

TOPIC: ISSUE 51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

1 开头
2 有效的含意[有效的含义要单独开辟一段吗？说明有效的定义，只是为了表明你思维的严密性，你后面的正文内容可能相对较少了吧，不过也未尝不可]

3 适当满足需要可以促进学习效率和效果
4 不能过分迁就学生的兴趣, 个人兴趣需要正确引导
6 结尾
[从你的提纲来看，也是中和观点]

For a pupil, it may mean pleasure ground more than serious church.[这句话是杜撰的还是有出去？如果是后者，应当很精彩]   For a high school student, it mostly has something to do with dull and insipid classes. For an undergraduate, it relates to more challenges and fresh knowledge. [这两句话中的 it指代不是很明确，是指教育吧？]    Yes, different person has his/her own idea about education; some people consider it as to be most effective when the needs and interests of each student are entirely fulfilled. Except this maybe there are other elements, such as social requirement and balance in education, should be taken into account. 观点摆明了，开头也有自己的特点

What is [去掉]the meaning of "effective", which is critical in this topic, should be firstly considered. Whether a single man's content desire 自己创造的词组吧？满足感？千万不要自己创造，我第一次考试中自己创造了一个背景知识的词组，结果回来一查，谬误百出 or a society's progress means effective? The answer may be learnt from my research supervisor, who told me education's aim is to cultivate people who fit the needs of society. [这句话也有问题“培养适合社会需要的人，还是培养人以适合社会，定语从句要慎重”]If the favorites of a student do not match the society, even this student is excellent; it is hard to say the education is effective.
[这一段就是谈了一个标准，接着往下看]

Of course, it does good to both individual and the public that students' interests and needs are met in some degree. As Einstein [最好不要用这个人举例子了，还不如直接说上次ets雷同案中，就是好多人同时用到Einstein,尽管你改写了，但估计ets每次看到这个名字都想吐]said, interest is the best teacher of human kind[去掉]. With the catalysis of it[its catalysis], the efficiency of education [is]actually advanced. One of my classmates, Tom, took computer, which is the most favorite of him[明明可以直接用which is his favorite, favorite 没有最高级 ,本身就是最高级，而且也很少有of him的这种用法，of him就是his],  as his major. Under this circumstance, he willed to[is willing to] spend much more time than before on it, and as a result, he won the champion of programming in our college. Not only the individual success, but a discipline’s advancement, even social progress, could be benefited, if the personal interest has satisfied, of course appropriately. The initial drive of[the] establishment of Microsoft Corporation was Gate’s[这个人也是高频例子，注意点好] ambition and unusual fever for computer, as he said. Without passion, he could not pass [送你一个词组get over熬过]the hard time at the beginning, while he finally succeeded. Meanwhile, the world is different, because a new era for scientists and engineers is coming. The legend of Windows stimulates thousands (maybe millions) people jump into the Gold Rush of establishment of new science and technology company. That starts the prosperity of 21centuary.[这段话和主题有什么关系，没读明白] We should see education did not content Gates’ needs, yet that does not mean education need not.?]

[这段话的后面论证，我没整明白，被你绕进去了，盖茨的需求没有被满足意味着什么呢？]


Nevertheless, the other side of this coin is some interests should be carefully guided,[语法毛病，两个谓语] not catered to. If a pupil wanted to learn something about Utopia, the teacher would not pass him or her Utopia, but an easier illuminative one. The reason may be[that] he or she is too young to digest it. The uncommon vocabulary and dull dialog would kill the little bud, so careful and instructive guidance is needed. The premise of my instance is [that]the pupil can not have the enough ability [这个用法在英文中也不常见，还不如直接用ability/capacity/capability/competence/aptitude/faculty,反正很多 ]to know Utopia, if he or she is a talent, Utopia should be passed, and this depends on the teacher’s judge[ment]. In other aspect, education should forestall the dangerous trend of students. The stealing, fighting, and the like, may be someone’s favorites[使他们的最爱？还是换一个词好] because of the family violence, undue restraint, and so on. Absolutely, these must not be cultivated.

As discussed above, when students' interests and needs are suitabe[suitably] fed, that would cause double-win, individual and the public. While blindly cater[ing] to them do [does]not help to the effective education, in some instance, it may ruin the fruits of education. To achieve hoped results, people should consider more aspects of education, and gain a balanced method.

总结：
1，论证还可以，但举例子有些俗套，有些地方说理还要加强
2，语法毛病不少，多注意
3，开头结尾不错，毕竟是“老手”！：）加油

huangdaoUID: 190018

For a pupil, it may mean pleasure ground more than serious church.For a high school student, it mostly has something to do with dull and insipid classes. For an undergraduate, it relates to more challenges and fresh knowledge. Yes, different person has his/her own idea about education; some people consider it as to be most effective when the needs and interests of each student are entirely fulfilled. Except this maybe there are other elements, such as social requirement and balance in education, should be taken into account.

The meaning of "effective", which is critical in this topic, should be firstly considered. Whether a single man's satisfied desire  or a society's progress means effective? The answer may be learnt from my research supervisor, who told me education's aim is to cultivate people for the needs of society.If the favorites of a student do not match the society, even this student is excellent; it is hard to say the education is effective.

Of course, it does good to both individual and the public that students' interests and needs are met in some degree. As a famous scientist said, interest is the best teacher. With the its catalysis, the efficiency of education is actually advanced. One of my classmates, Tom, took computer, which is his favorite, as his major. Under this circumstance, he is willing to spend much more time than before on it, and as a result, he won the champion of programming in our college. Not only the individual success, but a discipline’s advancement, even social progress, could be benefited, if the personal interest has satisfied, of course appropriately. The initial drive of the establishment of Microsoft Corporation was Gate’s ambition and unusual fever for computer, as he said. Without passion, he could not get over the hard time at the beginning, while he finally succeeded. Meanwhile, the world is different, because a new era for scientists and engineers is coming. The legend of Windows stimulates thousands (maybe millions) people jump into the Gold Rush of establishment of new science and technology company. That starts the prosperity of 21centuary. We should see education did not content Gates’ needs, yet that does not mean education need not.

Nevertheless, the other side of this coin is that some interests should be carefully guided, not catered to. If a pupil wanted to learn something about Utopia, the teacher would not pass him or her Utopia, but an easier illuminative one. The reason may be that  he or she is too young to digest it. The uncommon vocabulary and dull dialog would kill the little bud, so careful and instructive guidance is needed. The premise of my instance is that the pupil can not have the talent to know Utopia, if he or she is a talent, Utopia should be passed, and this depends on the teacher’s judgement. In other aspect, education should forestall the dangerous trend of students. The stealing, fighting, and the like, may be someone’s habits, because of the family violence, undue restraint, and so on. Absolutely, these must not be cultivated.

As discussed above, when students' interests and needs are suitably fed, that would cause double-win, individual and the public. While blindly catering to them does not help to the effective education, in some instance, it may ruin the fruits of education. To achieve hoped results, people should consider more aspects of education, and gain a balanced method.

[ 本帖最后由 huangdao 于 2006-2-19 15:16 编辑 ]