issue4 四月底的机考，今天才写第一篇 ，望大家拍砖

tiazi199UID: 2312742

今天才开始写第一篇，却切是今天才开始准备，是不是太晚了阿。
花了3个多小时才写完，心里真是没底。
希望大家多多指点、拍砖。
4、"No field of study can advance significantly unless outsiders bring their knowledge and experience to that field of study."
正文
Does the expertise of the outside fields make indispensable contributions to the advancement of the one certain study? The speaker claims so with no doubt, and I completely concede the assertion that no field of study can advance significantly unless outsiders bring their knowledge and experience to that field of study, while voices may also arise from the masses saying that some subject, such as calligraphy, can perfect itself without any “help”, which reveal sidedness of considering things for the reason that without a good sense of painting and poesy one calligraphist can never reach his attainment of his own style.

Admittedly, breakthrough that at the first glance seemingly refers to no other professional knowledge may also come into our scope. But just think twice, such view will fall. We need look no further than the clone of Dolly to support this idea. When Dolly was cloned in 1996 from a cell taken from a six-year-old Finnish Dorset ewe, she was chosen by the U.S. magazine "Science" as the world's first top ten scientific and technological progresses and become the focus of the international news. Everybody attribute this fantastic achievement to the study genetics and often ignore the contributions of other fields. Without modern microscope technology scientist can not take the mother cell from the donors, without sophisticated means of chemistry the cell can not be preserved, without the bacterial culture and organism nutriology the primary tissue can not be formed through cell differentiation, and at last without mechanics abortion may occur during the incubator time.

The outside knowledge may act in various ways to induce one certain study advancement, but generally it plays two types of rules – impetus and collaboration.
Consider how calculus was formalized not by the quest of mathematicians for solve conundrum concerning about tangent slope or the length of a curve, which is the fundamental problems that calculus serves to figure out, but by Newton who turned to some advanced mathematic tools for his dynamic theories came to a stagnation, after when he was titled with both greatest physicist and mathematician in the world. On the other hand, new theories of nature science had mushroomed on the foundation of this greatest mathematical breakthrough. Many inspirations are drew when people was engaged in another thing, just as Franklin says, a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. The time when one field is at a standstill, which functions as a spur to incent people to search into another relevant realm to seek technical assistance, is the time some new discover of the other subject may be founded and inversely accelerate the advancement of the that stagnant field.

Collaborations in the context of a variety of disciplines manifest themselves in the contemporary science world, which is marked by the complexity of a meshwork of manifold branches. That means no field of study can advance significantly only by the expertise of its own professionals without the reference and cooperation of other realm of science. Cutting-edge technology, take manned space technology as an example, requires, indubitablely, knowledge of astronomy, as well as of computer, gas mechanics，machinery automation, medicine, and so forth. In fact, referring to outside field many whimsy of one study may become real. For example, in the past, doctors have never thought of probing inside the human body to identify health problems or to perform delicate surgery, which however is about to change for the advances in computers and biophysics, which have started a microminiature revolution that's allowing scientists to envision and in some cases actually build microscopic machines.

To summarize, every field of study should ascribe more or less of its progress to other subjects, of which, some outside knowledge help directly while some indirectly, some fill the role of motivity while some of collaboration. But it’s sure: no outside expertise no significant advancement.

[ 本帖最后由 tiazi199 于 2007-3-20 23:29 编辑 ]

tiazi199UID: 2312742

没人理阿，自己先顶一个吧。
第一写，在word里，被提示了好多语法与拼写错误，还不时地拿金山词霸查找，在网上搜例子。
大家最初写的时候也会这样么？

guoyuanxiongUID: 2274405

Does the expertise of the outside fields make indispensable contributions to the advancement of the one certain study? The speaker claims so with no doubt, and I completely concede the assertion that no field of study can advance significantly unless outsiders bring their knowledge and experience to that field of study, (while voices may also arise from the masses saying that some subject, such as calligraphy, can perfect itself without any “help”, which reveal sidedness of considering things for the reason that without a good sense of painting and poesy one calligraphist can never reach his attainment of his own style.一般开头不要像这样举出具体的例子，只要摆出自己的观点就行了)
Admittedly, breakthrough that at the first glance seemingly refers to no other professional knowledge may also come into our scope. But just think twice, such view will fall. We need look no further than the clone of Dolly to support this idea. When Dolly was cloned in 1996 from a cell taken from a six-year-old Finnish Dorset ewe, she was chosen by the U.S. magazine "Science" as the world's first top ten scientific and technological progresses and become the focus of the international news. Everybody attribute this fantastic achievement to the study genetics and often ignore the contributions of other fields. Without modern microscope technology scientist can not take the mother cell from the donors, without sophisticated means of chemistry the cell can not be preserved, without the bacterial culture and organism nutriology the primary tissue can not be formed through cell differentiation, and at last without mechanics abortion may occur during the incubator time.（排比句式很好，赞！）
The outside knowledge may act in various ways to induce one certain study advancement, but generally it plays two types of rules – impetus and collaboration.
Consider how calculus was formalized not by the quest of mathematicians for solve conundrum concerning about tangent slope or the length of a curve, which is the fundamental problems that calculus serves to figure out, but by Newton who turned to some advanced mathematic tools for his dynamic theories came to a stagnation, after when he was titled with both greatest physicist and mathematician in the world. On the other hand（用moreover要好也吧）, new theories of nature science had mushroomed on the foundation of this greatest mathematical breakthrough. Many inspirations are drew when people was engaged in another thing, just as Franklin says, “a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. ”The time when one field is at a standstill, which functions as a spur to incent people to search into another relevant realm to seek technical assistance, is the time （要加个when）some new discover of the other subject may be founded and inversely accelerate the advancement of the that stagnant field.
Collaborations in the context of a variety of disciplines manifest themselves in the contemporary science world, which is marked by the complexity of a meshwork of manifold branches. That means no field of study can advance significantly only by the expertise of its own professionals without the reference and cooperation of other realm of science. Cutting-edge technology, take manned space technology as an example, requires, indubitablely, knowledge of astronomy, as well as of computer, gas mechanics，machinery automation, medicine, and so forth. In fact, referring to outside field many whimsy of one study may become real. For example, in the past, doctors have never thought of probing inside the human body to identify health problems or to perform delicate surgery, which however is about to change for the advances in computers and biophysics, which have started a microminiature revolution that's allowing scientists to envision and in some cases actually build microscopic machines.
To summarize, every field of study should ascribe more or less of its progress to other subjects, of which, some outside knowledge help directly while some indirectly, some fill the role of motivity while some of collaboration.(又是一排比，好) But it’s sure: no outside expertise no significant advancement.

LZ第一篇能写成这样已很好了，语言比较好！向你学习！

tiazi199UID: 2312742

非常感谢，昨晚睡得早，今天一大早起来就来看是否有热心人回帖。
能这么仔细把文章看一边真的太感谢了。
还有，好高兴你给提出的意见。

iq28UID: 2152875

抱歉~
晚上干了别的事情~
现在已经是早上了吧额~
你的还没改完~
23:00之前会改完的

ps:你文笔不错哦^_^

tiazi199UID: 2312742

赫赫 多谢夸奖了  
都凌晨三点了还不睡，真是辛苦了~~

iq28UID: 2152875

Does the expertise of the outside fields make indispensable contributions to the advancement of the(去掉) one certain study? (这一句改写漂亮)The speaker claims so with no doubt, and I completely concede the assertion that no field of study can advance significantly unless outsiders bring their knowledge and experience to that field of study, while voices may also arise from the masses saying that some subject, such as calligraphy, can perfect itself(bingo) without any “help”, which reveal(s) sidedness of considering things for the reason that without a good sense of painting and poesy one calligraphist can never reach his attainment of his own style. (长句玩得过头了...这句话83个词.中间没必要这么长的.其实lz文字功力还是不错的.句子蛮流畅.但是太长了看了还是会觉得不清楚.)(还有,第一段不用出现具体的例子及其阐述,比如书法)
Admittedly, breakthrough that at the first glance seemingly refers to no other professional knowledge may also come into our scope. But just think twice, such view will fall. (没必要把ts写成这样的让步,简明给出)We need look no further than the clone of Dolly to support this idea.(没有论证直接进入例子.不好) When Dolly was cloned in 1996 from a cell taken from a six-year-old Finnish Dorset ewe, she was chosen by the U.S. magazine "Science" as the world's first top ten scientific and technological progresses and become the focus of the international news.(冗长.只需要提及就可.此事无人不知.而且这些细节对于论证也没有太大作用) Everybody attribute this fantastic achievement to the study genetics and often ignore the contributions of other fields. Without modern microscope technology scientist can not take the mother cell from the donors, without sophisticated means of chemistry the cell can not be preserved, without the bacterial culture and organism nutriology the primary tissue can not be formed through cell differentiation, and at last without mechanics abortion may occur during the incubator time. (4个完全等价的例子.无用.保留一个就可,别的一笔带过.)(此段没有任何正面论证的内容)

The outside knowledge may act in various ways to induce one certain study advancement, but generally it plays two types of rules – impetus and collaboration. (这一分层不错) Consider how calculus was formalized not by the quest of mathematicians for solve conundrum concerning about tangent slope or the length of a curve,(最好要把曲线什么的归结到几何之中,说几何刺激了算术的发展.这个样子比较清楚.单纯说曲线不是很好) which is the fundamental problems that calculus serves to figure out, but by Newton who turned to some advanced mathematic tools for his dynamic theories came to a stagnation, after when(语法) he was titled with both greatest physicist and mathematician in the world.(又是一个超级长句)(明白你这个例子是想说牛顿的物理促进高数.但是如果只是想说后面的,前面的怎么产生就不用再累述.如果非要说可以按照前面的提议,表述为几何促进代数,下面还可以来一个递进,促进不仅局限在数学领域,别的自然科学比如物理也可以) On the other hand, new theories of nature science had mushroomed on the foundation of this greatest mathematical breakthrough. (分层了,不过两层之间还是又联系,继续用上一层的例子?不知道你是不是这个意图.如果是这个意图,用on the other hand可能不是很好.更像是递进的关系)Many inspirations are drew when people was engaged in another thing, (概念忽然变化.前面是说一个学科从另外一个学科收到刺激从而进步,这里说的是人在某个领域的劳作常会导致在另外一个领域的发现.虽然很近,但是还是需要衔接) just as Franklin says, a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. (概念又转换了.前面说的是在a领域的探索无意发现b领域的只是,这里说的是c领域僵局时候需要d领域的成果.还是有差别的.直接强行并列放在这里中间没有衔接让人看了总觉得很奇怪) The time when one field is at a standstill, which functions as a spur to incent people to search into another relevant realm to seek technical assistance, is the time(spur=time?句子长了就容易出现这种事故) some new discover of the other subject may be founded and inversely accelerate the advancement of the that stagnant field. (总地来说这段还是很bingo的)(加个结构词吧) Collaborations in the context of a variety of disciplines manifest themselves in the contemporary science world, which is marked by the complexity of a meshwork of manifold branches. (强大的句式...ft看得我吃力^_^) That means no field of study can advance significantly only by the expertise of its own professionals without the reference and cooperation of other realm of science. (这一句还是不能算论证.阐释ts而已) Cutting-edge technology, take manned space technology as an example, (句法似乎不可以这个样子) requires, indubitablely, knowledge of astronomy, as well as of computer, gas mechanics, machinery automation, medicine, and so forth. (跳了.前面还是讲的学科融合,后边变成别的领域的奇异观念可以在本领域实现.这个可能是融合的某种方式,所以前面用In fact转接不是很好) In fact, referring to outside field many whimsy of one study may become real. For example, in the past, doctors have never thought of probing inside the human body to identify health problems or to perform delicate surgery, which however is about to change for the advances in computers and biophysics, which have started a microminiature revolution that's allowing scientists to envision and in some cases actually build microscopic machines. (例子太长.没有论证.段尾也没有总结)(如果下面还有一个body还好,但是下面直接结尾的话这里的无总结就更显得突兀了.)

To summarize, every field of study should ascribe more or less of its progress to other subjects, of which, some outside knowledge help directly while some indirectly, some fill the role of motivity while some of collaboration. But it’s sure: no outside expertise no significant advancement.


anyway
lz的第一篇已经很不错了
语言很强
以后多多学习正面的论证
看看ets的官方6分范文
加油!