issue154 求拍，必回拍。

haieryuUID：2291571

TOPIC: ISSUE154 - "Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."

The speaker claims that both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools because the importance of education. I concede that the involvement of the parents and communities will be helpful to the improvement of the educational quality. However, in my view, educators should play a major role in teaching students, for the involvement of parents and communities sometimes have a negative effect on the students' education.

Admittedly, the involvement of parents and communities will be beneficial to the students. With the more and more important role that scientific knowledge plays in development of our society, education becomes more important than ever before and the investments on education devoted by society are rapidly increased. The circumstance gives the educators more responsibilities and power about how to sufficiently improve the quality of education, and gives the students a lot of spiritual forces. The cooperation among parents, communities, and educators will make this easier. The participation of the parents would help release the spiritual forces that most of the students have and exchanging the information about the students would be helpful to design education to students personally. more over, the involvement of parents and communities will supervise the educators to make sure the educational sources get sufficiently used.

However, sometimes the involvement of parents and communities has a negative effect on the students' education, for the different opinions on education that parents, communities and educators have. A good educator will design different forms of education to meet the personality of the student, to inspire his talent and give him biggest benefit. Compared with educators, parents and communities often see the education on the utilitarian angle, they care more about short-term effect of the education, how much money they will earn after graduation and the need of the society. This ideology difference makes a conflict on the education, the type and content of education would be the compromise among them, no matter what the result is, the effect on the student can not be evaluated.

The negative effect, which the involvement of parents and communities would have, makes one think about the roles that those three participants play in the students' education. In my view, to the education, the educators are more professional than the parents and communities, they are more insightful, and they should play a leading role in the education. For the students’ sake, the communities and parents should help the educators as much as possible.

To sum up, it would be beneficial for the student that the parents and communities to involve the education as the speaker asserts. However, the negative effect that they may have should not be ignored, so the major role that educators play in education should be confirmed for the students’ sake.

haieryuUID：2291571

:funk:

[ 本帖最后由 haieryu 于 2007-3-23 08:26 编辑 ]

iq28UID：2152875

The speaker claims that both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools because the importance of education. I concede that the involvement of the parents and communities will be helpful to the improvement of the educational quality. However, in my view, educators should play a major role in teaching students, for the involvement of parents and communities sometimes have a negative effect on the students' education. (开头总地来说很不错了.非要挑刺的话,就是红色的两段字位置掉换一下可能会好一点.否则开始读到前面的however会觉得有点突兀.因为前面说到的involvement跟后面的major role并不矛盾.)

Admittedly, the involvement of parents and communities will be beneficial to the students. With the more and more important role that scientific knowledge plays in development of our society, education becomes more important than ever before and the investments on education devoted by society are rapidly increased. (beat around the bush.这段话毫不支持ts,甚至不太相关.只是在说教育的重要性.拿来支持跟本段ts相反的观念也可以) The circumstance gives the educators more responsibilities and power about how to sufficiently improve the quality of education, and gives the students a lot of spiritual forces. (不明白.怎么又说到教育家了?开头ts不是说到要讲家长和社区的参与的么?到现在家长和社区还没出现) The cooperation (参与不等于合作.参与主要是讲一方面,合作就要讲两个方面了.第一段你都已经是在说参与的好处,就不要讲到另外一个方面了) among parents, communities, and educators will make this easier. The participation of the parents would help release the spiritual forces that most of the students have and exchanging the information about the students would be helpful to design education to students personally. (严重病句.) more over, the involvement of parents and communities will supervise the educators to make sure the educational sources get sufficiently used. (第二个观念给出之后无论证无总结就结束了.)

However, sometimes the involvement of parents and communities has a negative effect on the students' education, for the different opinions on education (这一点应该是你下面要重点论述的) that parents, communities and educators have. A good educator will design different forms of education to meet the personality of the student, to inspire his talent and give him biggest benefit. (首先这一点没有看出是教育家特有的而社区和家长不能有;其次也没有看出这个是对于教育的不同理念造成的) Compared with educators, parents and communities often see the education on the utilitarian angle, they care more about short-term effect of the education, how much money they will earn after graduation and the need of the society. (这个目标还叫short-term?) This ideology difference makes (是如何make的?没有详细说下去) a conflict on the education, the type and content of education would be the compromise among them, no matter what the result is, the effect on the student can not be evaluated.

The negative effect, which the involvement of parents and communities would have, makes one think about the roles that those three participants play in the students' education. (本段ts的意图很好,就是想要探讨三者之间到底应该是什么关系) In my view, to the education, the educators are more professional than the parents and communities, they are more insightful, and they should play a leading role in the education. For the students’ sake, the communities and parents should help the educators as much as possible. (没有提到原因.感觉这段升华最好在结尾段落说)

To sum up, it would be beneficial for the student that the parents and communities to involve the education as the speaker asserts. However, the negative effect that they may have should not be ignored, so the major role that educators play in education should be confirmed for the students’ sake. (最后导致结尾的段落相对于前一个段落的观念反而退步了)

不错了
整体框架都在
内部论证再加强吧
加油

haieryuUID：2291571

汗，自己感觉写得有很多毛病，看Iq修改才知道问题的严重。看来自己需要加倍努力了。
谢谢版主!辛苦了！:handshake

[ 本帖最后由 haieryu 于 2007-3-23 21:13 编辑 ]