argument151 必回

450UID：2319228

TOPIC: ARGUMENT151 - The following is a letter to the editor of the Atticus City newspaper.

"Former Mayor Durant owes an apology to the city of Atticus. Both the damage to the River Bridge, which connects Atticus to Hartley, and the traffic problems we have long experienced on the bridge were actually caused 20 years ago by Durant. After all, he is the one who approved the construction of the bridge. If he had approved a wider and better-designed bridge, on which approximately the same amount of public money would have been spent, none of the damage or problems would have occurred. Instead, the River Bridge has deteriorated far more rapidly over the past 20 years than has the much longer Derby Bridge up the river. Even though the winters have been severe in the past several years, this is no excuse for the negligence and wastefulness of Durant."
WORDS: 369          TIME: 0:32:36          DATE: 2007-3-28
The conclusion that former Mayor Durant owes an apology to the city of Atics is logically flawed. I will discuss these fallacies in the following details.

To begin with, the author provides no evidence that the River Bridge and the Derby Bridge are comparable. The author may overlook or ignore the differences between the two bridge. If the wind is mild and the current velocity is slow in Derby Bridge, the bridge meets less stress. However, there is much acid rain in River Bridge which may deteriorate the bridge heavily. What's more, the author may not take account for the situation that there are more unreliable drivers in the River bridge and they crash the bridge too frequently. Failing to exclude the possibility the author can not draw the conclusion that the River Bridge is poorly constructed.

Moreover, even if the bridge has the quality problem, the author unfairly imputes the damage to the River Bridge and the traffic problems on the bridge to Durant. First, the quality of a bridge depends many factors, such as the level and experience of designers and engineers of the bridge,  the material used in the bridge and so forth. Perhaps these designers and engineers had little sense of responsibility during the building of the bridge. Or perhaps the material could only last 20 at most which is relative advanced under the technology at that time. Secondly, traffic problems may rise if the number of cars or other vehicles increases dramatically. One possibility is that the increase of the vehicles transcends the capability of the bridge because Atticus city has become an very important intersection in the nation these years. In short, without ruling out this possibility, the author can not convince me that the former Mayor should be responsible for the damage mentioned in the argument.

Finally, the author fails to consider the benefits brought by the River Bridge these years. On the one hand, the bridge may make people freely pass between the two cities. On the other hand,  perhaps the bridge brought the prosperous economy. And the traffic problem may be an telling evidence of the highly running economy in Atticus.

To sum up , the argument is not persuasive.

[ 本帖最后由 450 于 2007-3-28 22:03 编辑 ]

450UID：2319228

顶

iq28UID：2152875

The conclusion that former Mayor Durant owes an apology to the city of Atics is logically flawed. I will discuss these fallacies in the following details.

To begin with, the author provides no evidence that the River Bridge and the Derby Bridge are comparable. (ts的写法.请指明你要攻击什么错误,而不是你去攻击这个错误的理由) The author may overlook or ignore the differences between the two bridge. (这一句总领必不可少.) If the wind is mild and the current velocity is slow in Derby Bridge, the bridge meets less stress. However, (读起来感觉莫明其妙,这里怎么能用however呢,最多是个while) there is much acid rain in River Bridge (不通桥里面有酸雨?对比的反例也选取糟糕.一个说风一个说雨.应该当成两层例子来说.第一个说一边的风大一边风小,一边有酸雨一边无酸雨.而且事实上这两个例子是一个层次的,说一个就可以.别的层次本质影响桥本质的原因,比如河的流量没有提及) which may deteriorate the bridge heavily. What's more, the author may not take account for the situation that there are more unreliable drivers (和司机是否reliable无关.又不是讲车祸.只要提及流量大小区别就可以了) in the River bridge and they crash the bridge too frequently. Failing to exclude the possibility the author can not draw the conclusion that the River Bridge is poorly constructed.

Moreover, even if the bridge has the quality problem, the author unfairly imputes the damage to the River Bridge and the traffic problems on the bridge to Durant. (这是比较好的ts写法) First, the quality of a bridge depends (on) many factors, such as the level and experience of designers and engineers of the bridge,  the material used in the bridge and so forth. Perhaps these designers and engineers had little sense of responsibility during the building of the bridge. Or perhaps the material could only last 20 at most which is relative advanced under the technology at that time. (反例不够强.因为宏观来看这些问题市长还是有责任的.) Secondly, traffic problems may rise if the number of cars or other vehicles increases dramatically. One possibility is that the increase of the vehicles transcends the capability of the bridge because Atticus city has become an very important intersection in the nation these years. In short, without ruling out this possibility, the author can not convince me that the former Mayor should be responsible for the damage mentioned in the argument.

Finally, the author fails to consider the benefits brought by the River Bridge these years. On the one hand, the bridge may make people freely pass between the two cities. On the other hand,  perhaps the bridge brought the prosperous economy. And the traffic problem may be an telling evidence of the highly running economy in Atticus.

To sum up , the argument is not persuasive.

整体思路太乱
段间段内关系毫无章法
让人看了觉得是想到哪写到哪

看了快两个小时了觉得都不知道应该怎么改

不过也很可能是我现在自己精神不太好
不好意思
暂时看不下去了



过两天精神好了一定把全文改完
sry

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-3-29 18:55 编辑 ]