issue130 [7\8\9\10]AW作文小组 7.18 第一次作业

candy808UID: 2466859

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better sociey” .                                                        

WORDS: 478          TIME: 1:20:00        DATE: 2008-7-19                                                                                                

       The speaker’s declaration focuses on the following two aspects: on the one hand, the socialization of children in current time exclusively influences on the destiny of the society; on the other hand, we have not yet learned how to cultivate the ability of the children. I agree with the second point partially, but I can hardly consent the first one.

        First,no doubt that children do greatly affect on the society's future development, since after a several decades, the children nowadays will step into the procession of adults and take over the constructive burden for the society. But the socialization of children does not exclusively influence on the destiny of the society. There are many important factors affecting the development of the society, such as a sound legal system, the development of science, technology and culture. When we trace the history, we will find that the main reason which impulse the revolution of the society, almost, is the advancement of the science, technology and culture.

        In my opinion, as a matter of fact, the fate of society determines how the children are socialized, which is just opposite to the speaker’s claim. As the development of material society, social division of labor is more and more detailed; kinds of new jobs appear at the same time. The whole society seems like a big factory, and we are the workers on the pipelining. That means we can’t live without others. If we want to lead better lives in the world, we should learn how to integrate into society, which is called socialization. Meanwhile we should also teach our children the socialization.

        Second, I believe that socialization is a very important part of the education of the children. Montesquieu said that we receive three educations, one from our parent, one from our schoolmaster and one from the world, and the third contradicts the first two teach us. Many children learn knowledge from their parent and schoolmaster, however, except the ability of socialization. When children grow up and go into the society, then, they just start to culture their socialization. Maybe it is a little late. That is the failure of the education of children. If we can coordinate the pace of the three educations, and let children contact the world earlier, I believe we can raise children who can adapt to the society better.

        In addition, I believe the extent of the socialization of children can not let children bring a better world, but can lead good lives. That is why I agree with the second point of the speaker partially.

        In sum, the fate of the society influence the extent of the socialization of children, and socialization makes a child to survive in the world. And we should find well balance of three educations of children, which from parent, schoolmaster and society, so we can strengthen the degree of socialization.

[ 本帖最后由 candy808 于 2008-7-21 02:12 编辑 ]

general727UID: 2494818

:handshake

The speaker’s declaration focuses on the following two aspects: on the one hand, the socialization of children in current time exclusively influences on the destiny of the society; on the other hand, we have not yet learned how to cultivate the ability of the children. I agree with the second point partially, but I can hardly consent the first one.
        First, no doubt that children do greatly affect on the society's future development, since after a several decades, the children nowadays will step into the procession of adults and take over the constructive burden for the society. But the socialization of children does not exclusively influence on the destiny of the society. There are many important factors affecting the development of the society, such as a sound legal system, the development of science, technology and culture. When we trace the history, we will find that the main reason which impulses the revolution of the society, almost, is the advancement of the science, technology and culture.
        In my opinion, as a matter of fact, the fate of society determines how the children are socialized, which is just opposite to the speaker’s claim.( 是不是想表达opposite to the fact.
) As the development of material society, social division of labor is more and more detailed; kinds of new jobs appear at the same time. The whole society seems like a big factory, and we are the workers on the pipelining. That means we can’t live without others. If we want to lead better lives in the world, we should learn how to integrate into society, which is called socialization定义最好放前边第二段处. Meanwhile we should also teach our children the socialization.
        Second, 加一个转折会好一些Although, socialization doesn’t exclusively influence on the destiny of the society, it also … I believe that socialization is a very important part of the education of the children. Montesquieu said that we receive three educations, one from our parent, one from our schoolmaster and one from the world, and the third contradicts the first two teach us. Many children learn knowledge from their parents and schoolmasters, however, except the ability of socialization. When children grow up and go into the society, then, they just start to culture their socialization. Maybe it is a little late. (有点Chinglish, that must be too late to start to culture their socialization. 会好一些吧)That is the failure of the education of children. If we can coordinate the pace of the three educations, and let children contact the world earlier, I believe we can raise children who can adapt to the society better.
        In addition, I believe the extent of the socialization of children can not let children bring a better world, but can lead good lives. That is why I agree with the second point of the speaker partially.
        In sum, the fate of the society influence被动把the extent of the socialization of children, and socialization makes a child to survive in the world. And we should find well balance of three educations of children, which from parent, schoolmaster and society, so we can strengthen the degree of socialization.

小建议：文章思路很清晰，行文一开头为依据，分别指出对定因素不为一，以及社会化教育的重要性和加强社会化教育。
socialization的定义最好提到第二段前写。
我个人认为，最好有些事例，例如：有些学习，不会交际的人，在学校没有朋友啊，心里封闭阿等等，据身边发生的例子就可以，会让文章看起来更充实，也可以增加字数吗。

Add oil! :handshake