TOEFL4-6 Dark-Tournament小组第一次作业

liurui8802UID: 2595045

Nearly seventy-five percent of American children choose to play computer games to kill their time.This amazing fact has instigated a heated debate on whether teenagers should be allowed to play computer games.Some experts abuse those parents who give their children their"game hours",while some parents hold that they just want their children to relax themselves when they do what they like.Are computer games  monsters or  wonderful playmates?We shall examine different aspects of this issue.

Computer games have long been blamed for unhealthy for children.They make those addicted youngster stick to the heroic characters in games day and night.These children, say some experts, may suffer from some mental problems when they grow old. Because recieving information passively may result in the lack of activity in the brain.These teenagers, with their hormone bursting, should do sports outdoors instead of sitting in front of a computer.

Playing computer games has another subtle influence on children's mind,and it may be more serious .Attracted by those fierce battle in a game, children have less time to communicate with their parents and friends.Study finds that these teenagers are more likely to keep things to themselves and to encounter problems such as
low self-esteem,or indifferent to others.These problems, undoubtedly, will affect an individual's views about the world and things around them.

Some parents may argue that they will control the time for their children to play computer games.But they do not realize that if one is completely captivated by games,it is hard for him to discipline himself.More over,they will find every opportunity to get access to the games.This applys especially to teenagers who do not acquire the resistance to something so tempting.My little brother was a victim of computer games.He dropped out of school because he could not sit in the classroom but thinks about those games,although his teachers and parents had tried every method to restrict his time with computers.

In summary, it is better for children to get away from computer games.They can have a more glorious childhood playing sands, putting puzzles together,roaming in forests.They will learn to love,to observe,to think rather than be expert at clicking mouse and hitting keyboards.

liurui8802UID: 2595045

希望大家猛拍。个人觉得句式大多很长，穿插短句式就好了，望多多指教！

奔跑蜗牛UID: 2579189

第一段最好明确提出 观点
看你的文章很舒服 :loveliness:

mimicaUID: 2457275

Nearly seventy－five percent of American children choose to play computer games to kill their time. This amazing fact has instigated a heated debate on whether teenagers should be allowed to play computer games. Some experts abuse those parents who give their children their‘game hours", while some parents hold that they just want their children to relax themselves when they do what they like. （这句断开更好吧）Are computer games  monsters or  wonderful playmates? We shall examine different aspects of this issue. 4 a8 I+ g% t7 l/ l- T' m

Computer games have long been blamed for unhealthy for children.They make those addicted youngster stick to the heroic characters day and night. （没看明白）These children, say some experts, may suffer from some mental problems when they grow old（up）. Because recieving information passively may result in the lack of activity in the brain.These teenagers, with their hormone bursting(burst),  should do sports outdoors instead of sitting in front of a computer.$ @* E/ H9 e( h$ o7 p

Playing computer games has another subtle influence on children's mind, and it may be more serious .(which may cause even more serious problems.)Attracted by those fierce battle in a game, (games) children have less time to communicate with their parents and friends. Study finds(shows) that these teenagers are more likely to keep things to themselves and to encounter problems such as low self-esteem, or indifferent to others. These problems, undoubtedly, will affect an individual's views about the world and things around them. 4 q) ()0Z7 i+ O  Q" u" ()()K()

Some parents may argue that they will control the time for their children to play computer games. But they do not realize that if one is completely captivated by games, it is hard for him to discipline himself. More over, they will find every opportunity to get access to the games. This applys especially to teenagers who do not acquire the resisitance to something so tempting. (apply这个词的这种用法没见过，resistance拼写有误，后半句有点生硬，可以改成who have no resistance to something so tempting。) My littile（little） brother was a victim of computer games. He dropped out of school because he could not sit in the classroom but thinks (thought) about those games. Although his teachers and parents had tried every method to restrict his time with computers, (the boy had no interest in study any more) .1 D& i! F/ V$ t

In summary, it is better for children to get away from computer games. They can have (choose)a more glorious childhood playing sands, putting puzzles together, roaming in forests. They will (should )learn to love, to observe ,to think rather than be expert（s） at clicking mouse and hitting keyboards.

有些词的用法我没见过（比较惭愧，我本身词汇就是弱项），有些chinlish的地方我也不会改，有的句子堆砌词语过多使句子有些生硬，可尝试不用那么多长句。起点比我高，值得多学习！

lijr03UID: 2522963

我觉得楼主的词汇句子用得都挺好啊

liurui8802UID: 2595045

首先对你的修改表示感谢，apply 确实有这样的用法，词汇的拼写等错误我会注意以后上传前检查。建议在课外阅读有不明白的词汇和用法多查字典，相信会对你的词汇有所帮助。 4# mimica

奔跑蜗牛UID: 2579189

突然发现一点 这个主题其实很难写
因为浪费时间 所以不让玩
但是很容易就写成 别的害处 然后不让玩

奔跑蜗牛UID: 2579189

突然发现一点 这个主题其实很难写
因为浪费时间 所以不让玩
但是很容易就写成 别的害处 然后不让玩

liurui8802UID: 2595045

玩游戏当然有很多害处 浪费时间一方面 其他方面也有什么有害身体啦 关键是要说的有道理就好了
楼主别担心 越难写的越写 能力才能提高啊 8# 奔跑蜗牛

lewinskyUID: 2479218

Nearly seventy-five percent of American children choose（tend)to play computer games to kill their time.This amazing fact has instigated a heated debate on whether teenagers should be allowed to play computer games.（前两句可以合成一个长句）Some experts abuse those parents who give their children their"game hours",while some parents(others) hold that they just want(attempt to let) their children to relax(entertain) themselves when they do what they like.Are computer games  monsters or  wonderful playmates?We shall examine different aspects of this issue.
Computer games have long been blamed for unhealthy for children.They make those addicted youngster stick to(venerate;stick to是坚持吧） the heroic characters in games day and night.These children(与下句开头句式重复）, say some experts, may suffer from some mental problems when they grow old. Because recieving information passively may result in the lack of activity in the brain.（Those children who recieved information passively,say some experts,might suffer from psychological problems when they grow up)These teenagers, with their hormone bursting, should do sports outdoors instead of sitting in front of a computer（这句与主体应该没关系吧，我觉得可以略说一下mental problems的具体example).5 v$ D8 E0 B5 m3 L4 N* M- b5 s
Playing computer games has another subtle influence on children's mind,and it may be more serious(到底是subtle还是serious?我的理解是the subtle influence on children's mind by playing computer games may turn out to be serious) .Attracted by those fierce battle in a game, children have less time to communicate with their parents and friends.Study finds that these teenagers are more likely to keep things to themselves and to encounter problems such as# Z) t  {low self-esteem,or indifferent to others(缺乏自尊心和冷漠他人是内心扭曲 psychological displacement;不是encounter什么吧）.These problems, undoubtedly, will affect an individual's views about the world and things around them.
Some parents may argue that they will control the time for their children to play computer games.But they do not realize that if one is completely captivated by games,it is hard for him to discipline himself.More over,they will find every opportunity to get access to the games.This applys especially to teenagers who do not acquire the resistance to something so tempting.My little brother was a victim of computer games.He dropped out of school (My little brother,a victim of computer gams,dropped out of school since。。。）because he could not sit in the classroom but thinks about those games（his brain was saturated with games instead of human knowledge),although his teachers and parents had tried every method to restrict his time with computers.8 j; c5 M3 q
In summary, it is better for children to get away from computer games.They can have a more glorious childhood playing sands, putting puzzles together,roaming in forests.They will learn to love,to observe,to think rather than be expert at clicking mouse and hitting keyboards.
开头段应该更清楚表达出你的态度我想会更好一点，呵呵

chelseajcoleUID: 2589519

楼主的水平已经是相当的高了

chelseajcoleUID: 2589519

Nearly seventy-five percent of American children choose to play computer games to kill their time.This amazing fact has instigated a heated debate on(好词) whether teenagers should be allowed to play computer games.Some experts abuse（用ABUSE好像太过了，既然要指责，换个rebuke怎么样？） those parents who give their children their（删）"game hours",while some parents hold that they just want their children to relax themselves when（through） they do what they like.Are computer games  monsters or  wonderful playmates?We shall examine different aspects of this issue.

Computer games have long been blamed for unhealthy for children.They make those addicted youngster（s） stick to the heroic characters in games(是想说“他们让那些沉溺于游戏的年轻人stick to英雄角色”，查了查stick to的意思，一共有三个1，remain close to or fixed on or to 黏住2，remain faithful to 忠于3，keep to(a subject etc.)紧扣（主题等）没明白要用那个意思，或者是想要表达盲目崇拜那些英雄角色，用venerate怎么样?) day and night.These children, say some experts, may suffer from some mental problems when they grow old. (和glow up是同义吗？)Because recieving information passively may result in the lack of activity in the brain.（缺少大脑的运动改成缺少思考，用thinking 可以吗？）These teenagers, with their hormone bursting, should do sports outdoors instead of sitting in front of a computer.

Playing computer games has another subtle influence on children's mind,and it may be more serious .Attracted by those fierce battle in a game, children have less time to communicate with their parents and friends.Study finds(Research has found) that these teenagers are more likely to keep things to themselves(没看懂，是不是想说有什么事闷在心里不说出来呢？整个一句改成:keep silent when they encounter problems which may lead them low self-esteem…)and to encounter problems such as low self-esteem,or indifferent to others.These problems, undoubtedly, will affect an individual's views about the world and things around them. )

Some parents may argue that they will control the time for their children to play computer games.But they do not realize that if one is completely captivated by games,it is hard for him(or her) to discipline himself(themselves).More over,they will find every opportunity(ies) to get access to the games.This applys especially to teenagers who do not acquire the resistance to something so tempting.My little brother was a victim of computer games .(My little brother,a victim of computer gams,dropped out of school since。。。）He dropped out of school because he could not sit in the classroom but thinks about those games,（his brain was saturated with games instead of text knowledge)although his teachers and parents had tried every method to restrict his time with computers.

In summary, it is better for children to get away from computer games.They can have a more glorious childhood playing sands, putting puzzles together,roaming in forests.They will learn to love,to observe,to think rather than be expert at clicking mouse and hitting keyboards.(好句)

还不熟悉T的作文，改的不好，见谅！                     
Chelseajcole

liurui8802UID: 2595045

stick to sth: to continue with sth and not change to anything else
eg:I am sticking to orange juice tonight because I am driving tonight
来自牛津高阶英汉词典

abuse：attack in words 取的这个意思，use foul or abusive language towards; "The actress abused the policeman who gave her a parking ticket"; "The angry mother shouted at the teacher"来自google在线词典

感谢大家修改，让我对词汇和句式有更深的认识。

rockzongliUID: 2597666

Nearly seventy-five percent of American children choose to play computer games to kill their time.This amazing fact has instigated a heated debate on whether teenagers should be allowed to play computer games (or not).Some experts abuse(是想说专家批评家长？这个词太严重了，可以用criticize之类的) those parents who give their children their"game hours",while some parents hold that they just want their children to relax themselves when they do what they like（但我觉得通常的情况是家长不让玩，专家建议适当玩）. Are computer games  monsters or  wonderful playmates?We shall examine different aspects of this issue. （开头段缺少明显表态）
. Computer games have long been blamed for unhealthy for children.They make those addicted youngster stick to the heroic characters in games day and night.These children, say some experts, may suffer from some mental problems when they grow old. Because recieving information passively may result in the lack of activity in the brain（result in 后面加名词）. These teenagers, with their hormone bursting, should do sports outdoors instead of sitting in front of a computer.（仅凭几个专家说玩游戏得老年痴呆，就作为游戏的弊端，个人觉得不够说服力）

Playing computer games has another subtle influence on children's mind,and it may be more serious .Attracted by those fierce battle in a game, children have less time to communicate with their parents and friends.Study finds that these teenagers are more likely to keep things to themselves and to encounter problems such as low self-esteem,or indifferent to others（同样的问题，study缺少说明，不足以说服别人相信）.These problems, undoubtedly, will affect an individual's views about the world and things around them.

Some parents may argue that they will control the time for their children to play computer games.But they do not realize that if one is completely captivated by games,it is hard for him to discipline himself.More over（Moreover）,they will find every opportunity to get access to the games.This applys especially to teenagers who do not acquire the resistance to something so tempting.My little brother was a victim of computer games.He dropped out of school because he could not sit in the classroom but thinks about those games,although his teachers and parents had tried every method to restrict his time with computers. （这个论据相比前两个，更有说服力一点，因为是以身边的人为例子）

In summary, it is better for children to get away from computer games. （结尾才提观点有点太晚了诶）They can have a more glorious childhood playing sands, putting puzzles together,roaming in forests（囧。。。难道玩沙子很好吗？小孩子也会沉迷玩沙子而不顾学习-.-）.They will learn to love,to observe,to think rather than be expert at clicking mouse and hitting keyboards.（不玩游戏也不见得人身观价值观瞬间飞跃呀）

liurui8802UID: 2595045

关于abuse的用法我上面有说明，至于观点上我所听来的论据和您的不一样，我觉得是个人看法，大可求同存异，楼上的修改我很感谢，但希望修改的时候从作者的角度出发，又何必强加你的观点与我呢？