【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组-之【TWE作文】02.05号作业 by arlenezxy

arlenezxyUID: 2487145

In this listening material, the lecturer casts doubts on the issue raised by the reading passage that private space travel can benefit both of the serious space exploration and the public. The lecturer elaborates it from three aspects.

   Firstly, the control system of the spaceflight and the strict safety test needed by the space travel cost a lot and will be reflected in the ticket. However, the reading passage describes a picture that privatization of space technology will bring technological costs down fast because of the competition of market.

   Another thing is that the lecturer worries about the private space travel will prevent the improvement of the scientific research. Because the competition brought by the private travel drive the scientific research to pursue profit and be constricted by the commercial need, which is totally contradict to the reading passage.      

   Furthermore, because of billions and billions of money is needed for the shuttle to the space, the so-called private travel will compose extra tax on the consumers by adding it into the tickets of space tourism. Conversely, the reading passage holds the opinion that the private space travel will ease the burden on taxpayers by transferring the charge to the tickets.

springzlrUID: 2591464

局部点评：

1 第一段里that 后加个定冠词the, 是 the private space travel... ...

2 both 后的of 去掉吧！

3 a lot 后加个“，”会好些，要不句子太长

整体点评：

文章思路清晰，更赞内容听的详尽，几乎无语病
佩服，佩服，学习，学习
第一次点评，不大会，还要多借鉴别人的点评，如果以后有机会。。。 。。。o(∩_∩)o...

holdingUID: 2285054

In this listening material, the lecturer casts doubts on the issue raised by the reading passage that private space travel can benefit both of the serious space exploration and the public. The lecturer elaborates it from three aspects.

   Firstly, the control system of the spaceflight and the strict safety test needed by the space travel cost a lot and will be reflected in the ticket. However, the reading passage describes a picture that privatization of space technology will bring technological costs down fast because of the competition of market.

   Another thing is that the lecturer worries about the private space travel will prevent the improvement of the scientific research. Because the competition brought by the private travel drive the scientific research to pursue profit and be constricted by the commercial need, which is totally contradict to the reading passage. （这个点里有说到competition吗？听了几遍没有听到～）

   Furthermore, because of billions and billions of money is needed for the shuttle to the space, the so-called private travel will compose extra tax on the consumers by adding it into the tickets of space tourism. Conversely, the reading passage holds the opinion that the private space travel will ease the burden on taxpayers by transferring the charge to the tickets.

总体来说没有大的问题，点也基本上都踩上了，语言也不错。不过，提一个建议，个人感觉综合写作还是听力材料为主要，所以第二、四段的先写听力再写阅读信息的写法不是太好，这样写的感觉好像是在强调阅读材料。所以，个人建议可以段首写对比，然后一句写阅读中说blahblahblah，然后最后转折写听力内容。

不会太久vivianUID: 2592395

沙发与板凳都没得坐了·他们多说的差不多鸟····我下次要来早点···


1.三段听力重点都包含在内了，结构也挺好～只有有个小点will compose extra tax on the consumers by adding it into the tickets of space tourism. ，听力里面好像只说tax payer will pay more。
2.语法语句都很好～ 学到个短语～～ ease the burden on ～

～ 什么时候我能写成这样···

不会太久vivianUID: 2592395

1.三段听力重点都包含在内了，结构也挺好～只有有个小点will compose extra tax on the consumers by adding it into the tickets of space tourism. ，听力里面好像只说tax payer will pay more。
2.语法语句都很好～ 学到个短语～～ ease the burden on ～

～ 什么时候我能写成这样···