【09年1月-4月】TOEFL作文互改小组 rainbowstarwqc 第十次作业

rainbowstarwqcUID: 2597917

It is an apprentice age, no matter who you are , you have to receive training before you performance on the stage of work, or you may get frustrated by the barriers you encounter in the daily work. Under this circumstance, some youths choose to settle down in an occupation directly and seldom do they change it.However, I deem this decision as unwise for you have to take a multitude of factors to ponder, for example, your hobbies, family, just to name a few. Thus I prefer to try different job before my final decision, because it will deepen recognition to myself on the one hand, and will bring me the most suitable job for me on the another.


In the first place, by doing various kind of jobs, I will recognize myself deeper than previous choice. As we all know, our world is running with the contribution with all kinds of jobs: farmers provide us with food, workers supple us productions, musicians compose and sing for us, etc. Trying different jobs will give us a precious opportunity to interact with this society, in order that we will harvest not only money, but also friends in diverse field, who will communicate with us and mirror ourselves. Gradually, we will earn a much more profound recognition to ourselves, like what kind of person i am , what things do I authentically need?

The second reason is much more practical : we can find a job which like and tend to do it in the long term. As an old saying goes:"When work is pleasure, it is a joy; when work is duty, it is a slavery." That is true because if we dislike our works, we tend to escape working, in that way , our passions fade away, and left us struggling in the dessert of despair. Notwithstanding, on condition that we like what we are doing, the situation will sure be the opposite! So I’d like to claim that in order to seek after the job we appreciate, properly we have to try more times for nobody is 100 percent certain to find an ideal occupation in a glimpse.

Overall, to guarantee our own merits , we had better try different job before we determine one as our long term job, it will enhance our self-awareness in firsthand, and it will increase our satisfaction on our final jobs as well.

还是超时了大约1分钟，大家帮想想办法啊

roinyouUID: 2447501

可以说同学语言功底是相当出色的，描述能力比较强，也可以看到写作的套路和表达都有相当大的提高。
不过个人觉得第二点上面，开始描述很多包括saying，都描述要投其所好，只有最后说好的Job需要尝试很多次这个point，所以有点没有证明到点子上。 语言上面我就不在班门弄斧了，稍微指正一下一些语法吧，有直接用逗号句子链接的倾向！
It is an apprentice age, no matter who you are , (两个句子连接)you have to receive training before you performance on the stage of work, or you may get frustrated by the barriers you encounter in the daily work. Under this circumstance, some youths choose to settle down in an occupation directly and seldom do they change it.However, I deem this decision as unwise for you have to take a multitude of factors to ponder, for example, your hobbies, family, just to name a few. Thus I prefer to try different job before my final decision, because it will deepen recognition to myself on the one hand, and will bring me the most suitable job for me on the another.
In the first place, by doing various kind of jobs, I will recognize myself deeper than previous choice. As we all know, our world is running with the contribution with all kinds of jobs: farmers provide us with food, workers supple us productions, musicians compose and sing for us, etc. Trying different jobs will give us a precious opportunity to interact with this society, in order that we will harvest not only money, but also friends in diverse field, who will communicate with us and mirror ourselves. Gradually, we will earn a much more profound recognition to ourselves, like what kind of person i am , what things do I authentically need?
J* W* R/ T
The second reason is much more practical : we can find a job which like and tend to do it in the long term. As an old saying goes:"When work is pleasure, it is a joy; when work is duty, it is a slavery." That is true because if we dislike our works, we tend to escape working, in that way , our passions fade away, and left us struggling in the dessert of despair. Notwithstanding, on condition that we like what we are doing, the situation will sure(sure删除或者用of course/be sure) be the opposite! So I’d like to claim that in order to seek after the job we appreciate, properly we have to try more times for nobody is 100 percent certain to find an ideal occupation in a glimpse.

Overall, to guarantee our own merits , we had better try different job before we determine one as our long term job,(两个句子连接) it will enhance our self-awareness in firsthand, and it will increase our satisfaction on our final jobs as well.

nirvanahmjUID: 2534352

It is an apprentice age, no matter who you are, you have to receive training before you performance on the stage of work, or you may get frustrated by the barriers you encounter in the daily work. Under this circumstance, some youths choose to settle down in an occupation directly and seldom do they change it. However, I deem this decision as unwise for you [用you有点不是很和谐的说，换成people啊啥的是不是好点？] have to take a multitude of factors to ponder, for example, your hobbies, family, just to name a few. Thus I prefer to try different job before my final decision, because it will deepen recognition to myself on the one hand, and will bring me the most suitable job for me on the another. [the other]

In the first place, by doing various kind of jobs, I will recognize myself deeper than previous choice. As we all know, our world is running with the contribution with all kinds of jobs: farmers provide us with food, workers supple [supply] us productions, musicians compose and sing for us, etc. Trying different jobs will give us a precious opportunity to interact with this society, in order that we will harvest not only money, but also friends in diverse field, who will communicate with us and mirror ourselves. Gradually, we will earn a much more profound recognition to [of] ourselves, like [such as] what kind of person I am, what things do I authentically need?

The second reason is much more practical: we can find a job which like and tend to do it in the long term. [没看懂的说] As an old saying goes:"When work is pleasure, it is (a) joy; when work is duty, it is (a) slavery." That is true because if we dislike our works, we tend to escape working, in that way, our passions fade away [passion是不可数吧], and left us struggling in the dessert of despair. Notwithstanding, on condition that we like what we are doing, the situation will sure be the opposite! So I’d like to claim that in order to seek after the job we appreciate, properly we have to try more times for nobody is 100 percent certain to find an ideal occupation in a glimpse.

Overall, to guarantee our own merits, we had better try different job before we determine one as our long term job, it will enhance our self-awareness in firsthand, and it will increase our satisfaction on our final jobs as well.
您的文章用词还是不错的，不过个人认为结构还是弄成那种普遍的5段式比较保险。还有就是个人理解的您的两点理由其实说的就是一个事吧~