Issue7 =So What=小组第1次作业 by 灿烂千阳灿烂

灿烂千阳灿烂UID: 2538650

Documents can be a menifestation of authority. Consider receipts, titles, and deeds as examples of proof of ownership, and passports or driver's licenses as proof of identity.

Documents carry metaphoric significance: metaphors based on documents permeate our thinking,ranging from the obvious to the highly allegorical.

Instruments of Governance and Law: The unchanging aspect of documents is crucial to the consistent communication of policay and administration of law to citizens. Documents play such roles include constitutions, corporate annual reports and religious texts.

connotations and denotations.

videa record is of no use in documenting statistical or other quantitative information.

灿烂千阳灿烂UID: 2538650

7. "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
摄像机可以通过如此精确而有力的记录手段来再现当代生活，因此它已经代替书面记录成为了一种更重要的记录手段。


提纲：
1.        大背景的交代，提出问题。
2.        摄影机当然能给我们带来诸多好处和方便，可以帮助我们更加精准的记录我们的生活。它能记录生动形象的影像画面，是纸质版的记录不能代替的。比如声音，运动的场景等等。无法现象总统大选没有摄影机会是什么样子，我们将会因为看不到听不到奥巴马激情澎湃的演说而如此遗憾。奥运会。
3.        但是，纸质版的记录也有它独特的优势，决定了它不可能被人们所完全抛弃。首先，取材方便，比如留个便条什么的，就实在没有必要大动干戈地拍一段DV告诉对方临时的情况。再则，不是所有人都能买得起摄影机，毕竟高科技总是以高昂的价格为前提的。最后，摄影机虽然更精准，但有的时候朦胧的、含蓄的东西也有其独特的魅力。比如，情人间的表白；致歉；我们读小说的原著总是比拍摄出来的电影或电视剧更令人回味，留给人更多的遐想空间。
4.        我们应该在不同的情况下选用不同的方式记录下我们的生活。

灿烂千阳灿烂UID: 2538650

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
WORDS: 460         TIME: 01:19:13          DATE: 2009-5-24 14:07:27

The modern society and the new technology bring us too much convenience. We chat through telephone with friends on the other hemishpere instead of letter. We prefer to search online to be informed of the latest news comparing with buying a piece of newspaper. It seems that we have totally dumpened the so-called old ways to live. Under the scenerio, Can video camera replace the role of written records to record our life? Things can never be so simple.

Indeed, we come into a new era in which science and technology have never developed so fast as it is. The invention of the camera brings so much convenience and joy to the world. We need it because the video camera functions to record, especially those with sound and mobile. The yound mother are surely thirst for one camera in that she could record the whole period during which her dear son grows from a little baby to a handsome gentleman with the wonderful machine. Also, we could not imagine how could it be if video cameras were absent from the American President Election. It would be so pity that we failed to see the eloquent and convincing Obama. More over, we would not believe how marvelous the 28th Olympic Games was if we did not enjoy the specutacular display through video camera.

While, it is not that reasonable to dran a conclusion that video camera has become a more important form of documentation than written records. As a matter of fact, we does not need to take up camera everytime. When leaving a message, we could just write the main information on the note. It is more easily and convenient to get a piece of paper than get the video camera. Secondly, not everyone could afford such a high price to own a video camera. Just like one old adage says, good things pays much. The advent of high technology is at the cost of pulling wads of money from your pockets. In addition, not so accurate though, written forms, which are of more connotation and conservation have some unique charm. We tend to confess our affection by means of a torrid love letter. We prefer to apologize to others through a letter. We are more willing to read the original book of a novel in that words leave immense space for readers to imagine. What’s more, movie and TV plays may not be so accurate because to some degree, they are more of the work from the director, rather than the original writer.

From what has been mentioned above, what we should do is not to argue what sort of record is more important, but to make these two forms more convenient and use them under different scenario properly.

ZhouPYFUID: 2633778

Red refers to the grammar mistakeBlue refers to the spelling mistake

The modern society and the new technology bring us too much convenience. We chat through telephone with friends on the other hemishpere instead of letter. We prefer to search online to be informed of the latest news comparing with buying a piece of newspaper (a piece of paper 这个说法很少见，在google里查都没有类似的话，是不是就用a newspaper可以了). It seems that we have totally dumpened the so-called old ways to live (加in, to live in the old ways). Under the scenerio, Can video camera replace the role of written records to record our life? Things can never be so simple.

Indeed, we come into a new era in which science and technology have never developed so fast as it is. The invention of the camera brings so much convenience and joy to the world. We need it because the video camera functions to record, especially those with sound and mobile (是不是想表示有声音和便携？是不是改成with sound and pictures ，因为图片和声音是传统的written records无法比拟的). The yound mother are surely thirst for one camera in that (是不是用by which比较好，把后面的with the wonderful machine 去掉。)she could record the whole period during which her dear son grows from a little baby to a handsome gentleman with the wonderful machine. Also, we could not imagine how could it be if video cameras were absent from the American President Election. It would be so pity that we failed to see the eloquent and convincing Obama. More over (这两个词连在一起), we would not believe how marvelous the 28th Olympic Games was if we did not enjoy the specutacular display through video camera.

While(直接一个while 放在段首很少见，想转折是不是用however比较好), it is not that （这个that是不是为了表示强调，觉得可以去掉） reasonable to dran a conclusion that video camera has become a more important form of documentation than written records. As a matter of fact, we does not need to take up camera everytime. When leaving a message, we could just write the main information on the note. It is more easily and convenient to（It is much easier and more convenient? 这里easily 作为副词吗，那后面用conveniently）
get a piece of paper than get the video camera. Secondly, not everyone could afford such a high price to own a video camera. Just like one old adage says, good things pays much. The advent of high technology is at the cost of pulling wads of money from your pockets. In addition, not so accurate though, written forms, which are of more connotation and conservation have some unique charm. We tend to confess our affection by means of a torrid love letter. We prefer to apologize to others through a letter. We are more willing to read the original book of a novel in that words leave immense space for readers to imagine. What’s more, movie and TV plays may not be so accurate because to some degree, they are more of the work from the director, rather than the original writer.

From what has been mentioned above, what we should do is not to argue what sort of record is more important, but to make these two forms more convenient and use them under different scenario properly.


第一段提出论点，表明主题是 两者地位相同，不能厚此薄彼
第二段论述video 给人类带来的convenience
第三段讲video的缺点，然后例举written records 的优点
最后段总结

思路清晰，但是有点在刻意用长句的感觉，有些用法我没怎么见过。
拼写稍微注意下。

fengrui129UID: 2639927

We chat through telephone with friends on the other hemishpere instead of letter. We prefer to search online to be informed of the latest news comparing with buying a piece of newspaper. 个人建议，把这句话稍微调整下改为排比句，中间用分号连接，it will impress other people in the beginning
Under the scenerio 换成 in this scenerio 或 under such circumstances 会不会好些·· 个人觉得Under the scenerio 搭配不太好 不常见

Indeed, we come into (are confronted with) <你的当然没错，但用这个会更书面些吧>a new era in which science and technology have never developed so fast as it is. The invention of the camera brings so much convenience and joy to the world. We need it because the video camera（camera'） functions to record, especially those with sound and mobile. The yound mother are surely thirst for one camera in that she could record the whole period during which her dear son grows from a little baby to a handsome gentleman with the wonderful machine. Also, we could not imagine how could it be(how awful it would be ) if video cameras were absent from the American President Election. It would be so pity that(if) we failed to see the eloquent and convincing （这个此不能修饰人 只能这么用，如a convincing speech）Obama. More over(Moreover  这是一个词), （表示举例并列时连词可以用 likewise 比较符合老外习惯）we would not believe how marvelous the 28th Olympic Games was if we did not enjoy the specutacular （spectacular）display(performances) through video camera(s).

While, it is not that reasonable to dran(draw) a conclusion that video camera has become a more important form of documentation than written records. As a matter of fact, we does not need to take up camera everytime. When leaving a message, we could just write the main information on the note. It is more easily (easy)and convenient to get a piece of paper than get the video camera. Secondly, not everyone could afford (such a high price to own 去掉，afford 本身就有买得起的意思，后面直接跟物)a （expensive） video camera. Just like one old adage says, good things pays much. The advent of high technology is at the cost of pulling wads of money from your pockets. In addition, not so accurate though, written forms, which are of more connotation and conservation have some unique charm. We tend to confess our affection by means of a torrid love letter. We prefer to apologize to others through a letter. We are more willing to read the original book of a novel in that words leave immense space for readers to imagine. What’s more, movie and TV plays may not be so accurate because (,)to some degree, they are more of the work from the director, rather than the original writer.
文章结够清晰
作者的语法不错 ，好多复杂句啊  呵呵··  我觉得in that 的使用挺惹眼的，毕竟很少在其他同学作文中看到

灿烂千阳灿烂UID: 2538650

5# fengrui129
谢谢辛苦修改。
camera'啥意思？
Moreover不是举例的类举，是表示递进，同in addition。
under the scenario=in this case/situation=when it comes down to this

灿烂千阳灿烂UID: 2538650

4# ZhouPYF
多谢多谢！
不过live可以做不及物动词，不加in

灿烂千阳灿烂UID: 2538650

issue7 again:

The modern society and the new technology bring us astronomical convenience. We chat through telephone with friends on the other hemisphere instead of letter; We prefer to search online to be informed of the latest news comparing with buying a piece of newspaper; We reach the far whither, owing to the invention of aeroplane, in much less time. It seems that we have totally dumped the so-called old ways to live. Under the scenerio, Can video camera replace the role of written records to record our life? Things can never be so simple.

Indeed, we are confronted with a new era in which science and technology have never developed so fast as it is. The invention of the camera brings so much convenience and joy to the world. The video camera plays an overwhelming place attributing to
its wonderful functions, especially when it comes down to documenting temporal events or capturing spatial events. We can easily come to an agreement that the yound mother are surely thirst for one camera in that she could record the whole period, during which her dear son grows from a little baby to a handsome gentleman. Also, we could not imagine how awful it could be if video cameras were absent from the American President Election. It would be so pity that we failed to see the eloquent and confident Obama. Moreover, we would not believe how marvelous the 28th Olympic Games was if we did not enjoy the specutacular performance through video camera.

Nonetheless, written records can outweigh the video camera in certain other situations. As a matter of fact, we does not need to take up camera everytime. When leaving a message, we could just write the main information on the note. It is more easy and convenient to get a piece of paper than get the video camera. Secondly, not everyone could afford a video camera. Just like one old adage says, good things pay much. The advent of high technology is at the cost of pulling wads of money from your pockets. In addition, not so accurate though, written forms, which are of more connotation and conservation have some unique charm. We tend to confess our affection through a torrid love letter. We prefer to apologize to others by means of words. We are more willing to read the original book of a novel in that words leave immense space for readers to imagine. What’s more, movie and TV plays may not be so accurate because, to some degree, they are more of the work from the director, rather than the original writer.

From what has been mentioned above, what we should do is not to argue what sort of record is more important, but to make these two forms more convenient and use them under different scenario properly.

sha-shineUID: 2610662

The role （这里是不是缺少了个连词？我感觉读起来有点别扭。
play an important role in 在...中起重要作用
和
fill the role of
担负...的任务
感觉这里应该加一个of） children have been playing in outweighs(outweigh是动词为什么要加复数s呢？) others from generations to generations（我知道描述“一代一代”的词组有from generation to generation 和generation after generation。不知道from generation to generation 是否正确
和你讨论一下
如果是正确的描述我就又加了个词条
）, especially in recent eras in which only one child is raised in each family（这个现象只发生在中国，去掉比较好。）（而且我理解的这里应该是说孩子占得比重比较大，所以才说孩子决定了社会的命运吧）. Parents holds (Parents hold) that child is the hope and the future to our family, our nation and our society. But is the socialization of children the only indicating facor（？） to the destiny of the society?
If it is so determining, according to the speaker, then what he really feels pity is we have not learned how to make children （这里感觉缺少了点东西，如果加上“to built a”后更能表达你想说的意思）better socialized. （这里我是这么表达“we do not learn to teach children how to built a better society.”）If it is not so determing（determining）, then have we done such a bad job in learning how to raise children who can help bring about(我查到bring about是引起; 致使; 造成; 达成的意思
用在这里似乎不太合适
换成bring on或者别的 ) a better society?

Socialization refers to the process of learning one’s culture and how to live within it. For the individual it provides the skills and habits necessary for acting and participating within(与前文重复
同义词代换下：surrounded by) their society. To achieve this, a child should first（first去掉） learn to speak, to write, to read, thus he become cultured and mastered in certain skills upon which he could support himself in the society. Reasonably, the better the children are socialized,（，去掉） the more he could contribute to the society. With the fast develop of the entire society, we have tripled or more time and resources to cultivate children. Big burden on their shoulders though, parents can never be pleased (应该不是
被动never easy pleased)about what their children have learned and the time they have devoted into sorts of cultivation. Perceptibly, it is not so surprised for us to see the increasing quantity of children who contract a good habit, or the spiraling number of students who cultivate a critical thinking skills.（thinking skills 是什么啊？） It is not difficult to find we achieve the goal that children tend to be law-abiding citizens and good collegues, as well as cultured and respectful members of society.
Nonetheless, how children are socialized could not take up the whole space when it comes to the destiny of society. Stephen William Hawking, who receive the reputation as the most outstanding scientist all over the world, can only speak with the help of the sound synthesizer owing to a disease suffered when he was 21 years old. Hawking makes astronomical contribution to the scientific world and the society by means of his will to overcome physical diseases, his strong thirst for science and his dilligence（diligence）. Another persuading example is The Declaration of Independence, which was the precious prize for American people. Independence and freedom as its core soul have been quoted every now and then. For the independence and freedom, other than any socialization, the united states could come into existence

As for the author’s assertion that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, since we have done a good job on making children well socialized, which have been expatiated in the second passage, let us discuss how we perform in other aspects about raising children who can help bring about a better society.  Nowadays, better resources help children gain much more opportunities to receive advanced education in more places; more sophisticated medical equipment allows for safer diagnosis and treatment; the advent of the information age enables children informed of the latest technology and various advanced technology facilitates their great participation in the social activities. Accordingly, we have provided the best resources and created the most intensive atmosphere for children in order to help them more qualified to bring about a better society.

From what have been discussed above, how children are socialized today fails to determine the destiny of society attributing to the existence of other essential factors. And it is too hasty to draw the conclusion that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. Because we could worth a two-thumb up not only in socializing children but also in other perspectives referring to helping children bring about a better society.


后面的提纲里写的比较详细 读起来容易所以错误挑出来的比较少
老外的思维比较直 如果你能在首段点一下自己的主题 这样会更占优势的
我的英语底子不好 语法更加缺乏（在我的文章里你一定已经看出来了） 所以给你改错了 不要介意哦