0910AW 同主题写作第一期 ISSUE13 by yyx017

ccrobin000UID：2296575

写的相当不错了，我看不用改了，最少能有4.5分，不过感觉字数好像少了点

银落UID：2632560

我明天不睡觉也一定会给你改。。。今天刚刚改了两篇A。。。我困。。。。话说。。。我还一直很想看草木给你改的呢。。。看看被修改后的文章会是啥米样的。。。

jessicaluluUID：2471730

Everything in the nature, a kind of animal or a style of language, has its unique sense to exist or extinct. Languages, as primary vehicles of culture expressions and intangible culture heritage, they not only provide us platforms to communicate, but also convey us various ideas, emotions, knowledge, memories and values. However, does（is） it really necessary for the governments of countries to prevent their own endangered languages? Probably not, or at least, not all. 这一段蛮好。第一句抽象概念引入关键词语言→语言很重要→提出问题：由政府来保护濒危语言是否必要？ 我觉得主题句这个necessary要小心使用，题干是讨论“应不应该”，你这里写“是否必要”，好像默认了还是应该保护的，但你的下文将讨论这种必要性的程度到底有多大。我认为二者还是有区别的。

At first glance, the distinct cause of some lesser-known languages are being lost is fewer and fewer people speak them. Nevertheless, to the deep degree, the circumstance is（删） also results from the countries' economic power, the status in the world, and their own abilities to deal with complicated things（这句话很莫名）. Thus, from this perspective, languages are not only judged by whether they are popular among people, but closely connected to their countries' overall strength, especially （in）the economic realm. It is easily for these countries to run into a vicious circle, which means the more opportunities to exchange cultures or do business with other countries are cut off due to the losing languages, the harder for the languages themselves to survive which makes the former situation worse in turn.赞！ Of course, we can not put the responsibility only on the governments or the leaders of these countries, （呃，这句跟上面连接得比较奇怪）their citizens, as a group use（using?） the language directly, are also an essential element to this issue. A sense of national pride, a positive attitude to their own ethic and customs and a consciousness of the countries' prosperity, all these are indispensable to a nation. Once lost, their languages are in danger. 关于这点，我有点想法哈。人民的民族自豪感，道德和习惯的养成，很大程度上不是一种个人行为啊，还不是主要是由整个国家的政府导向、经济情况和文化背景所决定？而所有的这些，造成语言消亡的根本原因，不就是lesser and lesser speakers啊。。Come on~~BS~~

anyway,你是想说，有深层次的原因在里头哇~~反正我觉得不是特别充分这段论证的~米有把偶说服哇~~

So, to prevent or to let it go, that is a question. 承接得好~有点像某篇ECO DEBATE~~But I prefer the latter. All things has its own life cycle（这句话主谓不一致...）, to put simply, the innovation determines the destiny of the material world. During this natural selection, something survive and improved while others such as the endangered languages will become extinct. To some extent, the power of nature is far beyond our human strength. Imagine a country in which the endangered language are spoken, when the government makes great efforts to prevent the language from extinct, such as spends lots of money on propaganda and education, what does the outcome will be? A overall revive or continue to die out? I（am）afraid to say that most situations may be the second one. Firstly, according to the theory, what the government does has broken the rules of nature, which means stops the process of evolvement. Secondly, struggling with the meaningless language would only cut off the approaches to the outside world. How could the country be thriving or at least survive with the language which are only understood by themselves? In addition, even the efforts let the language stands for a while, in today's world which globalization is the mainstream, the use of the lesser-known language is becoming weaker and weaker, finally it must disappear from the earth. Thus, as long as the government's efforts are in vain, it is unnecessary to prevent it from dying.提出问题：保存or放手？→回答问题引入观点→

语言的消亡是自然选择的结果，即使政府干预也白搭→理由：1、阻断了自然的进化（明显是个循环论证么~或者你改下写法，自然选择是大自然的规律，即使政府干预，也无法根本上改变这一定律？）2、切断了与外界的联系3、国际化的冲击（后两个点点我认为很好，第一点待修正~）但是这段的写作思路挺赞的，很清晰~

However,（连接词用的都很到位，段落间的逻辑关系清晰~赞！） I do not mean that the governments should do nothing to the situation that the languages are in danger. On the contrary, something must be done. As we all know, the languages are the very essence to transmit the heritage of the countries' civilizations, from knowledge on the universe to rituals, performing arts to handicrafts. What's more, the spirit of the nation, the sedimentary culture of the ethnic group and the inter-generational transmission are all depend（depending） on languages. Hence, the governments in these nations should take the responsibilities to make the documents and canons well collected, from literature to historical records, architectures to relics. Even the languages die out from this planet, the civilizations of these countries will remain to the descendants for one hundred years, one thousand years or maybe forever.相当于一个小让步，即语言改保存，因为象征文明~（但是，当一门语言，只以文字或者艺术作品的形式保留，而没有人了解或者钻研的话，那么，这些过往的文明又怎么为我们所知或者理解或者掌握呢？）

Languages do not stand for anything, but they are vital to our human beings, without them we can not imagine what life would be like. However, there are so many kinds of languages in the world and we can do little to drag many of them from the edge of danger, if they are destined to disappear. It is smart for governments, also the citizens, to try their best to keep the fruits of the nations rather than to focus on the languages only赞总结升华！.

但是，看过全文，我还是有点疑问：你说，语言该但是不该使劲去保护，相当于顺其自然嘛，政府保护了好像也没多大用，因为这是自然选择的结果。但是小盆友，题目说，政府应该保护濒危语言。我觉得是不是应该回答：1、政府应该不应该？2、政府为什么应该为什么不该？  你在有意识弱化政府的作用？我不确定这种写法合适不。还是等草木来评判吧~~~拍得真爽！哈哈~~~
就是拍了很久，~~~~(>_<)~~~~

银落UID：2632560

TOPIC: ISSUE13 - "Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."

Everything in the nature, a kind of animal or a style of language, has its unique sense to exist or extinct. Languages, as primary vehicles of culture expressions and intangible culture heritage, they not only provide us platforms to communicate, but also convey us various ideas, emotions, knowledge, memories and values. However, does it really necessary for the governments of countries to prevent their own endangered languages? Probably not, or at least, not all.

这段的话。。。我觉得提到的两个优点可以是下面文章对优点扩展的主题句，这样结构可以更加紧密些~其他都很好

At first glance, the distinct cause of some lesser-known languages are being lost is fewer and fewer people speak them. Nevertheless, to the deep degree, the circumstance is（删去） also results from the countries' economic power, the status in the world, and their own abilities to deal with complicated things. Thus, from this perspective, languages are not only judged by whether they are popular among people, but closely connected to their countries' overall strength, especially the economic realm. It is easily for these countries to run into a vicious circle, which means the more opportunities to exchange cultures or do business with other countries are cut off due to the losing languages, the harder for the languages themselves to survive which makes the former situation worse in turn.将这种恶性循环的因果写得很清楚》《 Of course, we can not put the responsibility only on the governments or the leaders of these countries, their citizens, as a group use the language directly, are also an essential element to this issue. A sense of national pride, a positive attitude to their own ethic and customs and a consciousness of the countries' prosperity, all these are indispensable to a nation.不仅仅对国家，应该要点出对语言的重要性 Once lost, their languages are in danger. 这里的话我觉得应该写a sense of ...对国家是重要的，他们对语言有影响，如果语言消失了，这种sense就会消失，然后威胁到国家。。。但我觉得你的思路似乎有那么些反了。。。成为了因为sense没了。。所以语言危险了。

So, to prevent or to let it go, that is a question.这句话是从to be or not to be, that is the question转变的吧，很有特点~ 但是上面一段只提了language的优点，没有提缺点，怎么可以突然就说so呢But I prefer the latter.我觉得这里写However，I prefer the latter。然而后面停顿一下，可以给人更加强烈的主观效果 All things has its own life cycle（pattern）, to put it simply, the innovation determines the destiny of the material world. During this natural selection, something survive and improved（evolved） while others such as the endangered languages will become extinct. To some extent, the power of nature is far beyond our human strength. Imagine a country in which the endangered language are spoken, when the government makes great efforts to prevent the language from extinct, such as spends lots of money on propaganda and education, what does the outcome will be(what will the outcome be)? A(an) overall revive or continue to die out我觉得用the revival of endangered languages or the disapperance of them比较好? I afraid to say that most situations may be the second one. Firstly, according to the theory, what the government does应该指出做了什么，不然题目没有说政府资助了 has broken the rules of nature, which means stops the process of evolvement. Secondly, struggling with the meaningless language would only cut off the approaches to the outside world. How could the country be thriving or at least survive with the language which are only understood by themselves? In addition, even the efforts let the language stands for a while, in today's world which globalization is the mainstream, the use of the lesser-known language is becoming weaker and weaker, finally it must disappear from the earth. Thus, as long as the government's efforts are in vaint，it is unnecessary to prevent it from dying.只要政府的手段导致的结果是徒劳的就不需要保护了吗？似乎有点不对，应该说付出的代价与其它pressing problem或者其自身的结果相比，不值，所以才不应该去保护。

我觉得。。。这段不应该说不需要保护。。。而应该说不值得保护。。这样下面才能够说。。极端时政府还是需要保护的

However, I do not mean that the governments should do nothing to the situation that the languages are in danger. On the contrary, something must be done. As we all know, the languages are the very essence to transmit the heritage of the countries' civilizations, from knowledge on the universe to rituals, performing arts to handicrafts. What's more, the spirit of the nation, the sedimentary culture of the ethnic group and the inter-generational transmission are all depend on languages.理由写得特别好~ Hence, the governments in these nations should take the responsibilities to make the documents and canons well collected, from literature to historical records, architectures to relics. Even the languages die out from this planet, the civilizations of these countries will remain to the descendants for one hundred years, one thousand years or maybe forever.这段我其实觉得不是特别好，因为大段的语言重要的理由和第二段是平等的，没有引申，而且也没有结合第三段的不值来具体说应该怎么做。并且，如果语言消失了，后代也就没有办法去了解这样的文明了，因为作为载体的文字已经没有人能懂了，这里我觉得有些逻辑错误。

Languages do not stand for anything, but they are vital to our human beings, without them we can not imagine what life would be like. However, there are so many kinds of languages in the world and we can do little to drag many of them from the edge of danger, if they are destined to disappear. It is smart（sensible） for governments, also the citizens, to try their best to keep the fruits of the nations rather than to focus on the languages only.最好能提到fruits of the nation 与language的关系，不然似乎就有点离题。

整体感觉是篇很好的文章，总起提出疑问--》语言重要性--》还有其他客观因素导致保护语言的不值--》所以应该折中--》总结。

思路很清晰，文笔也很好，如果这是考场时间内写出来的话。。我实在是好佩服了。。><

银落UID：2632560

恩。。。很好。。。说了熬夜也一定会改完。。终于改完了。。》《。。。。楼主很厉害。。。学习。。~希望可以分享经验。。》《

jessicaluluUID：2471730

瓜小北，距离6分指日可待了。
文字的驾驭基本没问题了，行文风格也是熟悉的那种。
部分语法错误，小白的我都找出来了，不过不排除我太小白了，找错了，你看一下哇。
总之，个人风格日渐成熟，论证比较有力，起承转合比较好，段落间的逻辑关系蛮紧密。
但我觉得几个论点的论证都有点问题，你看一下吧~也可能我固化于自己的观点了~嘿嘿~

jessicaluluUID：2471730

改死偶了，你满足吧~(～ o ～)~zZ

jessicaluluUID：2471730

10# yyx017
哼，分都不给偶加！小气！

seiranzcc1UID：2514067

Everything in the nature, a kind of animal or a style of language, has its unique sense to exist or extinct. Languages, as primary vehicles of culture expressions and intangible culture heritage, they not only provide us platforms to communicate, but also convey us various ideas, emotions, knowledge, memories and values. However, does it really necessary for the governments of countries to prevent their own endangered languages? Probably not, or at least, not all.

At first glance, the distinct cause of some lesser-known languages are being lost is that fewer and fewer people speak them. Nevertheless, to the deep degree, the circumstance (is) also results from the countries' economic power, the status in the world, and their own abilities to deal with complicated things. Thus, from this perspective, languages are not only judged by whether they are popular among people, but closely connected to their countries' overall strength, especially the economic realm. It is easily(easy) for these countries to run into a vicious circle, which means the more opportunities to exchange cultures or do business with other countries are cut off due to the losing languages, the harder for the languages themselves to survive which makes the former situation worse in turn. (恕我水平有限，不过我总觉得啊，交流往来机会的减少不是由于小语种的丢失，而是说为了获得交流往来机会所以会选择用更通用的语言，这导致了小语种的消失。。。指点一下吧)Of course, we can not put the responsibility only on the governments or the leaders of these countries, their citizens, as a group use(using?) the language directly, are also an essential element to this issue. A sense of national pride, a positive attitude to their own ethic and customs and a consciousness of the countries' prosperity, all these are indispensable to a nation. Once lost, their languages are in danger.

So, to prevent or to let it go, that is a question. But I prefer the latter. All things has its own life cycle, to put simply, the innovation determines the destiny of the material world. During this natural selection, something survive and improved while others such as the endangered languages will become extinct. To some extent, the power of nature is far beyond our human strength.赞同 Imagine a country in which the endangered language are spoken, when the government makes great efforts to prevent the language from extinct, such as spends lots of money on propaganda and education, what does the outcome will be（will the outcome be）? A overall revive or continue to die out? I (am ?)afraid to say that most situations may be the second one. Firstly, according to the theory, what the government does has broken the rules of nature, which means stops the process of evolvement. Secondly, struggling with the meaningless language (说实话，什么是meaningless language是不是稍微点一下，还是endangered就是meaningless?... )would only cut off the approaches to the outside world. How could the country be thriving or at least survive with the language which are only understood by themselves? In addition, even the efforts let the language stands for a while, in today's world which globalization is the mainstream, the use of the lesser-known language is becoming weaker and weaker, finally it must disappear from the earth. Thus, as long as the government's efforts are in vain, it is unnecessary to prevent it from dying.


However, I do not mean that the governments should do nothing to the situation that the languages are in danger. On the contrary, something must be done. As we all know, the languages are the very essence to transmit the heritage of the countries' civilizations, from knowledge on the universe to rituals, performing arts to handicrafts. What's more, the spirit of the nation, the sedimentary culture of the ethnic group and the inter-generational transmission are all depend on languages. Hence, the governments in these nations should take the responsibilities to make the documents and canons well collected, from literature to historical records, architectures to relics. Even the languages die out from this planet, the civilizations of these countries will remain to the descendants for one hundred years, one thousand years or maybe forever.
上一段说对待濒危的语言还是放弃，这里又说对待濒危的语言还是要采取措施。恕我水平有限，我知道作者指的“濒危语种”是有程度之分的，但是这里体现的不是很明确。。。。。。呃。。。或者很明确了我没看出来，指点一下吧~~~


Languages do not stand for anything, but they are vital to our human beings, without them we can not imagine what life would be like. However, there are so many kinds of languages in the world and we can do little to drag many of them from the edge of danger, if they are destined to disappear. It is smart for governments, also the citizens, to try their best to keep the fruits of the nations rather than to focus on the languages only.

OK了，就这些，希望可以多交流~~~~~（有指错的地方请见谅，再给我一些指点哈，谢谢~~）