Issue144 =So What=小组第3次作业 by fengrui129

fengrui129UID: 2639927

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"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value." a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
144． 是艺术家而不是批评家，给了社会一些永久的价值。*批评家指经常评价艺术作品，例如小说、电影、音乐、绘画等的人

字数：701

fengrui129UID: 2639927

When we appreciate a marvelous novel or a melodious song, which one worth more gratitude, the artists who create them or the critic who observe the value of artists’ work? From my perspective, one priceless work calls for the association of the artists and critics.

There is no denying that the artists afford society something of lasting value. Their masterpieces give us some spiritual comfort and offer us a chance to express our inner feeling like passions, emotions, and desires. For instance, Beethoven, one of the prolific composers and musicians, was renowned by creating many symphonies. He began to lose his hearing when he was only 30. Indeed, losing hearing is a tremendous catastrophe to a musician.  Astonishingly, he produced his famous Fifth Symphony with deafness and this symphony carries the explosion of enthusiasm, which inspires thousands of people to seize fate by the throat and to struggle with fate when it knocks the door. Even today, few people cannot be moved or shocked by a heroic life struggle represented in the progression of emotions whenever we heard it, and therefore strength our determination to overcome all the obstacles in life. That is what artist brings us—courage to fight against adversities! Except that, the great artists’ work offers us more things to consider, precisely, the novel like Hunchback of Notre Dame reveals the humanity from a totally different perspective. In it the author depicts a person whose appearance is extremely ugly while his personality is quite appealing. The stark contrast between beauty and ugly enables us to get a better understanding about the outside world. All those things inform us that artists do promote something of lasting value.

However, on no account can we ignore the importance of critics’ role in contributing lasting value. Common sense informs us that critics who are quite familiar with a particular artist and his or her works is highly likely to get certain insights about those works that the layman would not. In this way, those critics act as a bridge which connects artists and audience, for audience, more often than not, can hardly capture the subtle meaning hidden behind artists’ masterpieces without the specific and detailed explanation from critics. For instance, the painting Sunflower drawn by Van Gogh was best characterized by the brilliant yellow color combination, which carry the load of self-expression. Moreover, the painter lays much emphasis on the sunflower, as the color it manifests is the symbol of love, and thus he compared himself as a sunflower. As a matter of fact, we are capable of understanding this abstract artwork via critics’ criticism. Otherwise, how many of us can honestly say that we know the brilliant color is the manifestation of the artist’s inner feeling when we first catch a glimpse on it?

Furthermore, a critic's evaluation can benefit both public and artists as well and the benefits can also be regarded as something of lasting value. For the public, comments made by critics, to some extent, help people to discern outstanding artwork from mediocre one. Contemporary society is laden with tons of films, songs, novels, pictures and so on. As a consequent, we become confused and puzzled when are confronted with them. Under such circumstances, critics consolidate the status based on the fact majority of us would turn to them for help. To illustrate, we, more or less, read entertaining magazine or surf the Internet to get information about the list of best seller, and this in turn help us to know which film ,song or book is time-worthiness.  For the artists, certain comments and efforts, some times, can serve as a great imputes for these persons to strive for a better works in their future engagement and ultimately make them possible to achieve a long lasting artistic work.

Overall, creating something of lasting value, we need the joint efforts from both artists and critics. For artists, they create and convey beauty to the world. For Critics, they not only help we ordinary people to capture the subtle meaning behind a marvelous masterpiece and spend much less time to find the ideal movie or novel, but also stimulate artists to fulfill their potential and improve their skills.

ZhouPYFUID: 2633778

我不改作文，我进来拜一下牛人……LZ就是北美范文……

米丽水UID: 2637300

粉色：好词好句
蓝色：不确定
红色：修改的词句 注：这个很多地方没有word里面清楚我传个word修改版

(When we appreciate a marvelous novel or a melodious song, which one worth more gratitude, the artists who create them or the critic who observe value of artists’ work?) 我觉得这个句子有点不对，没见过when引导一个从句，后面的主句用疑问句的，尤其是我读到which one 的时候就想到诗歌还是美妙的歌更值得感动，接着看才知道让我从艺术家还是评论家选择。 From my perspective, one priceless work calls for the association->combination of the artists and critics. 算是隐晦提出观点了吧。默认priceless就是lasting value.这个价值能不能具体一点呢？后面没有阐释价值就默认了无价的即是价值。这个概念太抽象了，偶不懂。
There is no denying that（效果等同于it is true that） the artists afford(这个词能跟双宾语吗？值得商榷) society something of lasting value. 提出论点。很好Their masterpieces give us some spiritual comfort and offer us a chance to express our inner feeling like passions, emotions, and desires. 大师的作品给我们精神抚慰，使我们表达感情（这是lasting value）For instance, Beethoven, one of the prolific composers and musicians, was renowned (比我老拣well-known, famous 好)by creating many symphonies（这个我还不会表达，接走了，交响乐）. 以下的这些都删去He began to lose his hearing when he was only 30. Indeed, losing hearing is a tremendous catastrophe to a musician.( 看到这里我觉得艺术家本人的经历都是激励后人的lasting value,我觉得对例子你是侧重于将大师的作品，就直接到作品上，不必写他的其他了，否则很容易衔接断层) Astonishingly（强过surprisingly）, he produced his famous Fifth Symphony with deafness and this symphony carries the explosion of enthusiasm, which inspires thousands of people to seize fate by the throat and to struggle with fate(destiny) when it knocks the door(这个不懂). Even today, few people cannot be moved or shocked by a heroic life struggle represented in the progression （节奏？）of emotions whenever we heard it, and therefore->then(这个顺接更自然我觉得) strengthen(坚定克服困难的信念?不知道和determination搭不搭) our determination to overcome （这个障碍不是用overcome搭配的）all the obstacles（比用difficulties好） in life. That is what the artist brings us—courage to fight against adversities!(贝多芬的例子举得不错，确实是作品发出的震撼力影响深远，称得上lasting value) Except that, the great artists’ works (复数是作品)offer us more things to consider, precisely（这个词用在这我第一感觉就是“强烈同意”的意思，建议用say）, the novel like The Hunchback of Notre Dame(钟楼怪人？有点像巴黎圣母院) which(like 后面怎么能跟句子？) reveals the humanity from a totally different perspective（视角，我只会用view）. In it the author depicts （==describes）a person whose appearance is extremely ugly while his personality is quite appealing. The stark contrast between beauty and ugly(这个应该是名词ugliness)enables us to get a better understanding about the outside world.鲜明对比不光让我们更好了解世界，也让我们更好地了解自己，自已人性的优缺点。 All those things inform us that artists do promote something of lasting value.
Ok,这个作者在用例子上很知道要写什么才能说明lasting value，侧重于作品对人对社会的影响，这个影响很具体，赞，这是我看到的影响写得到位的唯一一个。

However, on no account can we ignore the importance of critics’ role in contributing lasting value.赞，用了倒装强调，强！下面看看评论家的角色吧 Common sense informs us that critics who are quite familiar with a particular artist and his or her works is->are highly likely to get certain insights about those works that the layman would->will not(这个省略我不知道通不通，我写就是that the layman will not get). 说明评论家见解深刻有这个资格In this way, those critics act(serve) as a bridge which connects artists and audience, for audience, more often than not, can hardly capture the subtle meaning hidden behind artists’ masterpieces without the specific and detailed explanation from critics. 例子围这个对段首的中心句具体阐释的句子写很好。看到这里我觉着艺术品因为评论家而实现了社会价值。For instance, the painting Sunflower drawn by Van Gogh was best characterized by the brilliant yellow color combination, which carry the load of(承载？) self-expression. Moreover, the painter lays much emphasis on the sunflower, as the color it manifests is the symbol of love, and thus he compared himself as a sunflower. As a matter of fact, we are capable of understanding this abstract artwork via critics’ criticism. Otherwise, how many of us can honestly say that we know the brilliant color is the manifestation of the artist’s inner feeling when we first catch a glimpse on it? 这个梵高的向日葵自我表达和爱的象征是评论家对这幅作品做的阐释，也就是评论家把晦涩的意思明白化了，那么自我表达和爱对社会有什么影响？写出来，这就是评论家对社会永久价值的贡献。

Furthermore, a critic's evaluation can benefit both public and artists as well and the benefits can also be regarded as something of lasting value. 这里面的also一用，我以为前面的段落都在阐释什么样的价值才是永久价值。For the public, comments made by critics, to some extent, help people to discern a piece of
outstanding artwork from mediocre one. Contemporary society is laden with tons of films, songs, novels, pictures and so on. Consequently(比as a result, therefore, so要新), we become confused and puzzled when are（这个可以肯定告诉你，删去） confronted with them. Under such circumstances（这个很难说是合适的）, critics consolidate the status （不知道这个地位是什么地位？）based on the fact the majority of us would turn to them for help. To illustrate, we, more or less, read entertaining magazine or surf the Internet to get information about the list of best sellers, and this (指代不清。我知道你要说的是评论，但是读出来的却是杂志和信息转而帮助我们知道。。。)in turn help us to know which film ,song or book is time-worthiness(有个time-consuming，你这里想表达值得花时间的，不知道合不合适). /// For the artists, certain comments and efforts, some times, can serve as a great imputes for these persons to strive for a better works in their future engagement and ultimately make them possible to achieve a long lasting artistic work修改成make it possible for them to achieve a long piece of lasting artistic work.
这段写的是评论家的评论在引导人们从芜杂的作品中拣出好作品起到了很重要的作用，在鼓舞艺术家创作上起了重要作用，这种作用也可以使永久的价值。我倒觉得这个作用就是评论家赋予永久价值的方式，而不是永久价值本身呢？建议你将本段和上一段合起来写，精炼一些。


Overall, creating something of lasting value, we need the joint efforts from both artists and critics. For artists, they create and convey beauty to the world. For Critics, they not only help we ordinary people to capture the subtle meaning behind a marvelous masterpiece and spend much less time to find the ideal movie or novel, but also stimulate artists to fulfill their potential and improve their skills.这段话点出了作者要说，艺术家创造了美，而评论家扑捉并传播了美，最终为大众即社会接收保存。很好。
Ps:首先你最好切合题目可以引申阐释一下什么是你所定义的最终价值，这个是题目给的关键，搞不清它就很难界定是谁给了社会最终价值。
其次，假如是艺术品本身所焕发出的价值感染大众，激励大众（音乐），使大众反省（小说），这些无疑具有长久的价值。
再次，评论家在永久价值的实现上或是发掘了社会价值（对无法理解的作品阐释梵高），或是提炼了社会价值（信息参考），或是升华了社会价值（把作品的意思挖掘得更深），总之，这些都对永久价值的产生起到了不可磨灭的作用。
最后，再次阐释观点，可以深化。
本文对于段落结构的把握很好。段首中心句，然后分层支持，例子很有说服力，这是很赞的。应该学习。但是由于核心的最终价值没有定义好，导致段与段的中心之间衔接总是不完美。再者，可能看惯了开头的前篇一律，作者想要跳出俗路，三思，基于模式上的灵活也是功底的体现。
再说用词，变化真的很丰富，有些搭配可能我没有见过，所以误评，请见谅！读到这篇文章还是很受益的。在此谢过。
我来提炼一下你要表达的含义。同时也结合了我个人的理解。
一件艺术品诞生后，它就有了价值；那么它是否成为社会价值，需要大众认可。当大众无法认可，不说明艺术品没有社会价值，这就要评论家阐释艺术价值，为大众所接受。正是艺术家的原创+评论家的阐释巩固==长久的价值。

fengrui129UID: 2639927

首先谢谢米丽水了~~很认真，很仔细··绿色是我的回复 4# 米丽水

when we appreciate a marvelous novel or a melodious song, which one worth more gratitude, the artists who create them or the critic who observe value of artists’ work?) 我觉得这个句子有点不对，没见过when引导一个从句，后面的主句用疑问句的，尤其是我读到which one 的时候就想到诗歌还是美妙的歌更值得感动，接着看才知道让我从艺术家还是评论家选择。   gratitude  是感谢的意思，我们该感谢哪位呢？


He began to lose his hearing when he was only 30. Indeed, losing hearing is a tremendous catastrophe to a musician.( 看到这里我觉得艺术家本人的经历都是激励后人的lasting value,我觉得对例子你是侧重于将大师的作品，就直接到作品上，不必写他的其他了，否则很容易衔接断层)



我想表达的是艺术家个人的经历影响作品，从而作品所承载的情感能打动后人



which inspires thousands of people to seize fate by the throat and to struggle with fate(destiny) when it knocks the door(这个不懂).    是扼住命运的咽喉和命运作斗争  knocks the door等同于降临


strengthen(坚定克服困难的信念?不知道和determination搭不搭) our determination  
这是一个比较好的表达法，呵呵····




The Hunchback of Notre Dame(钟楼怪人？有点像巴黎圣母院) which(like 后面怎么能跟句子？)  


就是巴黎圣母院的意思，Like 后面是单词和句子都可以加的



critics consolidate the status （不知道这个地位是什么地位


我用错了，应该改为 critics consolidate the status as the role to explore valuable things and develop lasting value. based on ``````````


time-worthiness(有个time-consuming，你这里想表达值得花时间的，不知道合不合适).


是不太合适的，因为time-consuming 有点贬义词的含义。  一般常用的是sth is less time-consuming and more economical. 某事让人省钱省时


呵呵····谢谢你了···  PS：米丽水同学是不是学了思维导图啊·· WORD版里面还有文章的框架图，感动中····
欢迎常来改哦···