0910AW 同主题写作第五期 ARGUMENT65 by akong

akongworldUID: 2607594

This statement is made to change the main kind of cheese in the store by claiming that the best selling cheeses is those from domestic market, and strengthen it by provide a investigation by a world magazine. Finally, the author suggests limiting inventory of the imported cheese and stocking domestic ones instead. All the reasons seem reasonable but unfounded.

Firstly, the statement show the evidence that the best selling cheeses at the newest store are domestic cheeses. That can be doubt that whether the sell performance of the newest stores can represent other stores. Is the regional difference concerned? What if the newest stores are located in a relatively remote area that those imported cheeses are more expensive than others? As everybody knows that people owns a common living standard
always prefer the cheaper one even though they know that the imported one will taste good, because they are not care more about the taste than the cost.
Moreover, if the newest stores are promoting their selling performance by discount of those domestic cheeses, the whole number will absolutely increase. Because of the high cost, the imported commodities are always far from the discount.

Secondly, the survey made by the magazine should also be reconsidered. What the scale of subscribers is and what the preference of them? Maybe those are investigated are the very person who always prefer to the domestic cheese because of their familiar taste and moderate cost? Author fails to concern about this.

Thirdly, the store has to concern about those who are favoring the imported cheeses. What is the proportion of this kind of people? Will their need be a big effect to the whole sale? If we implement the new policy that limit the stock and decrease the number of them, can the loss be immense? Maybe the performance of the imported cheese does not as good as the domestic ones, but if we just limit the stock because of the high cost, will the loss be more serious? Luxuries, which always maintains a high level of cost and price, still sustains a large market share because of its perfect quality and brilliant fame which represents a superior life level.
The imported cheeses, like the luxuries, also represent a superior taste and regalement, cannot be replaced. So if just limit the stock without a detailed investigation, the profit may decrease rather than increase.

Finally, can the profit be improved only by discontinuing stock of imported cheese? As everybody knows, it is not easy to stop a commercial chain in business world. It involves the supplier, the transporter and the consumer. If the store wants to decrease the imported cheeses without a reasonable answer but only because of an unsure trend that the profit will be influenced by the high cost of the imported cheeses, it will hurt the contract with the supplier and the transporter. It will be difficult to reestablish another relationship if you discover in the future that the imported cheese owns a better market. Maybe one can argue that there are numerous cheese suppliers and transporter in the market, but are they willing to cooperate with a seller who interrupts a relationship only because of its own evaluation?


In sum, the author seems to concern roundly to benefit the store, but he has failed to provide more evidence to support his statement. In this way, the author should offer a detailed investigation of the present market share and preference in the future to make the final decision of the stock. Moreover, the relationship which is involved in the whole business chain needs to be considered carefully to prevent a discomfited situation in the sphere.

akongworldUID: 2607594

0910AW 同主题写作第五期 ARGUMENT65 by akong

This statement is made to change the main kind of cheese in the store by claiming that the best selling cheeses is those from domestic market, and strengthen it by provide a investigation by a world magazine. Finally, the author suggests limiting inventory of the imported cheese and stocking domestic ones instead. All the reasons seem reasonable but ungrounded.

Firstly, the statement show the evidence that the best selling cheeses at the newest store are domestic cheeses. That can be doubt that whether the sell performance of the newest stores can represent other stores. Is the regional difference concerned? What if the newest stores are located in a relatively remote area that those imported cheeses are more expensive than others? As everybody knows that people owns a common living standard always prefer the cheaper one even though they know that the imported one will taste good, because they are not care more about the taste than the cost.Moreover, if the newest stores are promoting their selling performance by discount of those domestic cheeses, the whole number will absolutely increase. Because of the high cost, the imported commodities are always far from the discount.

Secondly, the survey made by the magazine should also be reconsidered. What the scale of subscribers is and what the preference of them? Maybe those are investigated are the very person who always prefer to the domestic cheese because of their familiar taste and moderate cost? Author fails to concern about this.

Thirdly, the store has to concern about those who are favoring the imported cheeses. What is the proportion of this kind of people? Will their need be a big effect to the whole sale? If we implement the new policy that limit the stock and decrease the number of them, can the loss be immense? Maybe the performance of the imported cheese does not as good as the domestic ones, but if we just limit the stock because of the high cost, will the loss be more serious? Luxuries, which always maintains a high level of cost and price, still sustains a large market share because of its perfect quality and brilliant fame which represents a superior life level.The imported cheeses, like the luxuries, also represent a superior taste and regalement, cannot be replaced. So if just limit the stock without a detailed investigation, the profit may decrease rather than increase.

Finally, can the profit be improved only by discontinuing stock of imported cheese? As everybody knows, it is not easy to stop a commercial chain in business world. It involves the supplier, the transporter and the consumer. If the store wants to decrease the imported cheeses without a reasonable answer but only because of an unsure trend that the profit will be influenced by the high cost of the imported cheeses, it will hurt the contract with the supplier and the transporter. It will be difficult to reestablish another relationship if you discover in the future that the imported cheese owns a better market. Maybe one can argue that there are numerous cheese suppliers and transporter in the market, but are they willing to cooperate with a seller who interrupts a relationship only because of its own evaluation?


In sum, the author seems to concern roundly to benefit the store, but he has failed to provide more evidence to support his statement. In this way, the author should offer a detailed investigation of the present market share and preference in the future to make the final decision of the stock. Moreover, the relationship which is involved in the whole business chain needs to be considered carefully to prevent a discomfited situation in the sphere.

XOXLOLUID: 2309408

This statement is made to change the main kind of cheese in the store by claiming that the best selling cheeses is those from domestic market, and strengthen（突然来个谓语动词但是没有主语？是谁strengthens the statement?) it by provide（providing) a investigation by a world magazine. Finally, the author suggests limiting inventory of the imported cheese and stocking domestic ones instead. All the reasons seem reasonable but ungrounded.

Firstly, the statement show(s) the evidence that the best selling cheeses at the newest store are domestic cheeses. That can be doubt that whether the sell performance of the newest stores can represent other stores. Is the regional difference concerned? What if the newest stores are located in a relatively remote area that those imported cheeses are more expensive than others? As everybody knows that people owns a common living standard always prefer the cheaper one even though they know that the imported one will taste good(这个提到不让人信服，可以质问你 why everybody?不同的人生活要求不一样，何况如果他们像你说的不买imported cheese他们怎么知道进口货就一定taste better?), because they are(do) not care more about the taste than the cost( why?any proof?).Moreover, if the newest stores are promoting their selling performance by discount(good point!) of those domestic cheeses, the whole number will absolutely increase. Because of the high cost, the imported commodities are always far from the discount.

Secondly, the survey made by the magazine should also be reconsidered(good!). What the scale of subscribers is and what the preference of them? Maybe those are investigated are the very person who always prefer to the domestic cheese because of their familiar taste and moderate cost? Author fails to concern about this.

Thirdly, the store has to concern about those who are favoring the imported cheeses. What is the proportion of this kind of people? Will their need be a big effect to the whole sale? If we implement the new policy that limit(s) the stock and decrease the number of them, can the loss be immense? Maybe the performance of the imported cheese does not as good as the domestic ones, but if we just limit the stock because of the high cost, will the loss be more serious? Luxuries, which always maintains a high level of cost and price, still sustains a large market share because of its perfect quality and brilliant fame which represents a superior life level(这里的观点就跟你第二段提的那个“就算味道好，大家还是爱便宜货“的观点矛盾了吧？）.The imported cheeses, like the luxuries, also represent a superior taste and regalement, cannot be replaced. So if just limit the stock without a detailed investigation, the profit may decrease rather than increase.

Finally, can the profit be improved only by discontinuing stock of imported cheese? As everybody knows, it is not easy to stop a commercial chain in business world. It involves the supplier, the transporter and the consumer. If the store wants to decrease the imported cheeses without a reasonable answer but only because of an unsure trend that the profit will be influenced by the high cost of the imported cheeses, it will hurt the contract with the supplier and the transporter. It will be difficult to reestablish another relationship if you discover in the future that the imported cheese owns a better market. Maybe one can argue that there are numerous cheese suppliers and transporter in the market, but are they willing to cooperate with a seller who interrupts a relationship only because of its own evaluation?（貌似这整段都没有围绕argument而是在提自己的观点，这算不算跑题？）


In sum, the author seems to concern roundly to benefit the store, but he has failed to provide more evidence to support his statement. In this way, the author should offer a detailed investigation of the present market share and preference in the future to make the final decision of the stock. Moreover, the relationship which is involved in the whole business chain needs to be considered carefully to prevent a discomfited situation in the sphere.
总的来说思路和语言都没什么问题，加油。

akongworldUID: 2607594

嗯，谢谢谢谢，我会好好改进的~ 3# XOXLOL