0910AW 同主题写作第六期 ISSUE157 by Nancy090909

nancy090909UID: 2530697

第一篇ISSUE XD，先谢过帮我修改的人啦=3


提纲：
1. 总起
2. 有些observation是可以十分客观的。例子：计数
3. 但多数observation是主观的。例子：不同expectation让人在对同一件事同一个人的评价有所不同。甚至会因为不同的expectation而故意忽视掉某些事实。
4. 虽然大多数observation是带着expectation和desire的，但并不意味着observation本身就一定主观。例子：地球不是宇宙中心


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Time used: 22 min for outline + 39 min for writing = total 61 min
Words: 529 with 4 typos (underlined)
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In the world, you can never say something absolutely. When it comes to observation, it is still true. Observation can be purely objective, subjective or something in between.


Observation can be purely objective in some cases. One example is that you want to count how many cars passing the bridge in front of you in one hour simply because you are bored. You don't have any expection on the exact number, nor do you have any desire that there had better be as many as possible. Therefore, under such case, the observation will be quite objective. The reason behind the objectivity is simple: you don'treally have an intention not to objective.


However, most observation is subjective.Many of us have ecountered such cases in which several friends together discussing a person they all know. It is not surprising that several people have different opinions or even opposite oppions on the same fact. Various views held by different people are the results of different factors. And one of the main factors is people have different expectations on that person. If you expect a typist to be extremely carefully, you will find him rather careless when he gets the words typed 99% correct. On the other hand, if you expect the same typist to be rather careless, you will conclude that the typist is unexpected careful when the words he types is 99% correct. That is how expectations can influence our observation. Based on the same facts, we can draw different conclusions.


Sometimes, people will even opt out some facts when observing. Psychologists tell us the first sight as well as a good looking are very important when interviewing. The interviewers have already decided which one to select at the first five minutes of the interview. If you not impress the interviewer at the beginning, no matter how well you perform later on, you will not be given the chance since interviewers have already had expectations in mind and they will try to find facts to support their expectation rather than go against them. The old saying "love is blind" can show how strong an expection can influence one's observation,too.


However, not all observation with expectations or desires is totally subjective. Most science observation can be viewed as highly objective. Back to seventeenth or eighteenth century,when most people believed our Earth was the center of the Universe. Many people, scientists or not, observed the sky and tried to find eviendences for that. However, when some of them found actually instead, the sun was the core,most of them were doubt of their observation. The expectation in their mind did affect their observation. Several of them chose to abandon their expectations and insisted on their observation, and they got the truth. It is hard to say such kind of observation was totally subjective though they observed with expectations.


To conclude, in our world, most observation is guided by the observers' expectations or desires though a little observation can be purely objective. However, it does not mean that all observation is subjective since even with expectations and desires,observation can still be relatively objective and guide observers to the truth.

nancy090909UID: 2530697

自己的总结：

1. 观点上。
自己觉得观点没什么深度。
对于observation的理解，我的倾向是只要你本身是客观的，就算observation的结果是错误的，但这个observation仍然是客观的。我不知道这个理解是否可以被其他人接受。

2. 在说服人的这点上。
用词的语气缺了点气势，总想着要显得客观一点。对观点并不十分自信。
例子上自己觉得很散漫，显得既不是一个从始到终的例子，也并非特别diverse。最后一个例子，因为想不起来具体过程和人物，感觉很敷衍

3. 组织上。
应该还不错。

4. 表达。
我想应该是表达清楚了。但遣词造句上总觉得很幼稚|||

5. 语法以及拼写。
4个拼写错误。语法，应该没有。←用的都是很简单的句子和词语，以后需要加强OTL

tmytgzzxyUID: 2628459

1# nancy090909
不妥的地方
In the world, you can never say something absolutely. When it comes to observation, it is still true. Observation can be purely （感觉purely有些绝对的意味，和你上一句说的never……absolutely有点矛盾吧）objective, subjective or something in between.（个人觉得这个开头观点不是很好，有点太泛泛了，应该稍微具体分析一下。个人观点O(∩_∩)O~）


Observation can be purely objective in some cases. One example is that you want to count how many cars passing the bridge in front of you in one hour simply because you are bored（怎么有因果关系的？）. You don't have any expection （expectation）on the exact number, nor do you have any desire that there had better be as many as possible. Therefore, under such case, the observation will be quite objective. The reason behind the objectivity is simple: you don'treally have an intention not to objective.（没有不客观的意图就客观了吗？感觉这个例子不太有说服力）


However, most observation is subjective.Many of us have ecountered（encountered） such cases in which several friends together discussing a person they all know. It is not surprising that several people have different opinions or even opposite oppions （opinions）on the same fact. Various views held by different people are the results of different factors. And one of the main factors is people have different expectations on that person. If you expect a typist to be extremely carefully, you will find him rather careless when he gets the words typed 99% correct. On the other hand, if you expect the same typist to be rather careless, you will conclude that the typist is unexpected careful when the words he types is（are） 99% correct. That is how expectations can influence our observation. Based on the same facts, we can draw different conclusions.


Sometimes, people will even opt out some facts when observing. Psychologists tell us the first sight as well as a good looking are very important when interviewing. The interviewers have already decided which one to select at the first five minutes of the interview. If you not （don't）impress the interviewer at the beginning, no matter how well you perform later on, you will not be given the chance since interviewers have already had expectations in mind and they will try to find facts to support their expectation rather than go against them. The old saying "love is blind" can show how strong （strongly）an expection can influence one's observation,too.


However, not all observation with expectations or desires is totally subjective. Most science observation can be viewed as highly objective. Back to seventeenth or eighteenth century,when most people believed our Earth was the center of the Universe. Many people, scientists or not, observed the sky and tried to find eviendences （evidences）for（of） that. However, when some of them found actually instead, the sun was the core,most of them were doubt（doubtful） of their observation. The expectation in their mind did affect their observation. Several of them chose to abandon their expectations and insisted on their observation, and they got the truth. It is hard to say such kind of observation was totally subjective though they observed with expectations.（觉得这段的论证语气太不强势了，既然这些观察没有收到主观愿望的guide，恰好可以反驳题目的观点all observation is guided by desires,可以说这样的观察就是客观的 貌似不用找一个主客观的中间状态）


To conclude, in our world, most observation is guided by the observers' expectations or desires though a little observation can be purely objective. However, it does not mean that all observation is subjective since even with expectations and desires,observation can still be relatively objective and guide observers to the truth.
论证：感觉你的论证思路是 观点：观察有主观，客观和中间状态
                                   1 阐述客观观察的存在
                                    2 阐述大部分观察都是主观的
                                    3有些观察虽然带着主观愿望仍是很客观的
                                   总结
我觉得第三点可以不写的 应该让你的观点更明确一些。另外开头感觉你是平衡观点 中间的论证又倾向主观多一点 应注意照应。论证的思路还是很清晰，但是例子应该改一些，或者分析的更透彻些。
语言：语言没什么错误，但是句式和词语比较单一，这个应该多积累多修改就好了。我现在也是这样。
总的来说还是很好的 加油。不妥的地方欢迎指正！
另外这几天忙着考试没有及时上网给你修改 见谅！