TOEFL集结号暑期作文第2次作业by 甲子园

甲子园UID: 2662675

Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development?

提纲
倾向于投资经济
1.
环境很重要
2.
但是经济发展是保护环境的基础
3.
经济发展促进旅游业，商人等会对环境投资
4.
经济发展，人们生活好了，意识提高了，用那些贵的但是可降解的材料。
倾向于投资经济
1.
环境很重要
2.
但是经济发展是保护环境的基础
3.
经济发展促进旅游业，商人等会对环境投资
4.
经济发展，人们生活好了，意识提高了，用那些贵的但是可降解的材料。
Whatever the government do for preserving nature environment or the economic development, it should bring benefits to the citizens. In resent years, the immediate, existing problems like financial crisis, unemployment, reduce the life quality of people. It is hard to determine which is more essential to deal with first, the environment or the economic development. As far as my concerned, the government should focus more on economic development.

Of course, the contaminated environment and destroy ecology balance can led to a series of problems, such as greenhouse effect, ozone layer destruction, acid rain and those of them reduce the people’s life quality. Take financial problem into consideration, however, there appear to be not enough money to afford both preserving environment and boosting economic development by government. Therefore, more attention should pay for the most important thing—economic development.

First of all, preserving environment need economic fundamental to support. It will take huge sums of money, for instance, to undergo degradation of plastic wastes and paper products. The plastic bags people bring home from supermarket will end up in a landfill. Every year, more than 500 billion plastic bags are distributed, and less than 3% of those bags are recycled. They are typically made of polyethylene and can take up to 1000 years to biodegrade in landfills. If reduce all-around social plastic wastes, it will need solid economic fundamental to support.

In addition, well-developed economy can push protecting environment process. As all know that a good tourist sites expect balance ecology environment. For example, the number of visitors to the Alps is increasing each year, for the protected well environment. In order to develop tourism, businessman will investment in preserving environment, and the local citizens as well as do that, because they can earn benefits from it.

What is more, on the basis of economic growth, government will hold more financial to focus on preserving environment. Unemployment rate decrease result in increasing awareness of preserving environment. For instance, people will pay their own salary to plan tress, will use degradable plastic bags and paper products despite they are expensive.

Compared the ways how to reasonable to use government resources, we can make a conclusion that government should focus more on economic development than preserving environment.

hustzwjUID: 203387

甲子园的 作业
Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development?

提纲
倾向于投资经济

环境很重要
2.
但是经济发展是保护环境的基础
3.
经济发展促进旅游业，商人等会对环境投资

经济发展，人们生活好了，意识提高了，用那些贵的但是可降解的材料。

我发现你的单复数上面很多错字噢

我发现你的单复数上面很多错字噢

Whatever the government does for preserving nature environment or the economic development, it should bring benefits to the citizens. In resent years, the immediate, existing problems like financial crisis, unemployment, reduce the life quality of people. It is hard to determine which is more essential to deal with first, the environment or the economic development. As far as my concerned, the government should focus more on economic development.9 w+ w- N. w9 ?) [( G) x) O

Of course, the contaminated environment and destroyed ecology balance can lead to a series of problems, such as greenhouse effect, ozone layer destruction, acid rain and those of them reduce the people’s life quality. Take financial problem into consideration, however, there appear to be not enough money to afford both preserving environment and boosting economic development by government. Therefore, more attention should pay for the most important thing—economic development.

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First of all, preserving environment needs economic fundamental to support. It will take huge sum of money, for instance to undergo degradation（这里有点confused）
of plastic wastes and paper products. The plastic bags people bring home from supermarket will end up in a landfill. Every year, more than 500 billion plastic bags are distributed, and less than 3% of those bags are recycled. They are typically made of polyethylene and can take up to 1000 years to biodegrade in landfills. If reduce all-around social plastic wastes, it will need solid economic fundamental to support.
In addition, well-developed economy can push protecting environment process. As all know that a good tourist sites expect balance（confused，就简单点，用good之类就行了吧） ecology environment. For example, the number of visitors to the Alps is increasing each year, for the protected well environment. In order to develop tourism, businessman will invest in preserving environment, and the local citizens as well as do that, because they can earn benefits from it.我总觉得这段细节一点就更好了，可以说说怎么怎么是由于开发商的投资，使得那里的环境有什么变化，比如旅游区的环境卫生啊什么的

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What is more, on the basis of economic growth, government will hold more financial to focus on preserving environment. Unemployment rate decrease result in increasing awareness of preserving environment. For instance, people will pay their own salary to plan tress, will use degradable plastic bags and paper products despite they are expensive。这段不错噢，，

哎呀呀，我终于明白你的构思了，那你上一段TS没有写好，你应该强调是economy promotes more investments of business men on the preservation of environment.

Compared the ways how to reasonable to use government resources, we can make a conclusion that government should focus more on economic development than preserving environment.

整体上写的很好，构思很清晰。。语言有点小单复数的问题，其他都非常的好！*

文赋UID: 2611067

Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development?

Whateverthe government do for preserving nature environment or the economicdevelopment, it should bring benefits to the citizens. In resent years,the immediate, existing problems like financial crisis, unemployment,reduce the life quality of people. It is hard to determine which ismore essential to deal with first, the environment or the economicdevelopment(并列逻辑错误，可以参见我们小组里面另外一个同学的作文）. As far as my concerned--> As far as I am concerned, the government should focus moreon economic development.

Ofcourse, the contaminated environment and destroy 人家是动词唉 ecology balance--> canled to a series of problems, such as greenhouse effect, ozone layerdestruction, acid rain and those of them reduce the people’s lifequality. Take financial problem into consideration, however, thereappear to be not enough money to afford both preserving environment andboosting economic development(这个并列就对了么) by government. Therefore, more attentionshould pay-->paid（注意主动被动） for the most important thing—economic development.

Firstof all, preserving environment need economic fundamental形容词啊 to support. Itwill take huge sums of money, for instance, to undergo degradation ofplastic wastes and paper products. The plastic bags people bring homefrom supermarket will end up in a landfill. Every year, more than 500billion plastic bags are distributed, and less than 3% of those bagsare recycled. They are typically made of polyethylene and can take upto 1000 years to biodegrade in landfills. If reduce all-around socialplastic wastes, it will need solid economic fundamental to support.(......我咋没看到一句话是关于处理塑料袋要钱的呢?另外，过于不常见的术语，要保证考场上也能写的出来。)

Inaddition, well-developed economy can push protecting environmentprocess. As all know that a good tourist sites expect balance ecologyenvironment. For example, the number of visitors to the Alps isincreasing each year, for the protected well environment. In order todevelop tourism, businessman will investment in preserving environment,and the local citizens as well as do that, because they can earnbenefits from it. 另外一位版友说的很对

Whatis more, on the basis of economic growth, government will hold morefinancial to focus on preserving environment. Unemployment ratedecrease result in increasing awareness of preserving environment.（就业率下降是因为环保意识增加？这种说法是会受到质疑的，而其你后面的例子也不是很好的支撑这个论点) Forinstance, people will pay their own salary to plan tress, will usedegradable plastic bags and paper products despite they are expensive.; ]) B, R; n# ?$ }
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Comparedthe ways how to reasonable to use government resources, we can make aconclusion that government should focus more on economic developmentthan preserving environment-->environmental protection.又不对称了，但是马马虎虎还行吧，严格要求是不行的。
甲子园 发表于 2009-7-15 20:36

语法错误还是有一些，另外段落分配要掌握好，宁可写两个充实丰满的段子，不写三个拼凑的段子。

最后就是，结尾宜总结分论点，提出建议或措施，结尾写的太马虎一样会扣分。

weflxUID: 2237166

Should the government focus more on preserving nature environment and less on economic development?

1.环境很重要
2但是经济发展是保护环境的基础
3经济发展促进旅游业，商人等会对环境投资
4经济发展，人们生活好了，意识提高了，用那些贵的但是可降解的材料。
A5 r) k& H8 ?. A$ V
Whatever the government do for preserving nature environment or the economic development, it should bring benefits to the citizens. In resent years, the immediate, existing problems like financial crisi[fly]s, unemployment, reduce the life quality of people.
（这句有点凑字数之嫌）It is hard to determine which is more essential to deal with first, the environment or the economic development. As far as my concerned, the government should focus more on economic development.这段有点绕,开头段点明自己观点既可。

Of course, the contaminated environment and destroy ecology balance can led to a series of problems, such as greenhouse effect, ozone layer destruction, acid rain and those of them reduce the people’s life quality.（这里有点空泛，最好具体说说这些危害带来怎么的结果，来突出环境的重要性，比如acid rain阻碍了农作物生长，导致减产，很多人饱受饥饿，农产品价格飞涨，甚至导致社会动荡） Take financial problem into consideration, however, there appear to be not enough money to afford both preserving environment and boosting economic development by government. Therefore, more attention should pay for the most important thing—economic development.经典的欲扬先抑段落，估计也是先考的GRE，个人建议TOEFL作文完全可以一边倒。

First of all, preserving environment needs economic fundamental to support. It will take huge sums of money, for instance, to undergo degradation of plastic wastes and paper products. The plastic bags people bring home from supermarket will end up in a landfill. Every year, more than 500 billion plastic bags are distributed, and less than 3% of those bags are recycled. They are typically made of polyethylene and can take up to 1000 years to biodegrade in landfills. If reduce all-around social plastic wastes, it will need solid economic fundamental to support.这个例子说服力不够强，没有突出经济发展具体如何支持保护环境的。如果真要保护环境直接用环保纸袋或者其他容易降解的材料不就行了，干嘛用那么多塑料袋，再花大把银子去减少它。不如说说为了支持环保，花银子投入去研究更容易分解的材料口袋，这种更能体现经济对保护环境的支持。

In addition, well-developed economy can push protecting environment process. As all know that a good tourist sites expect balance ecology environment. For example, the number of visitors to the Alps is increasing each year, for the protected well environment. In order to develop tourism, businessman will investment in preserving environment, and the local citizens as well as do that, because they can earn benefits from it.这段论证比较充分
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What is more,（可能Finally更简洁，明确点呢，what is more和in addition差不多，最好用第二个理由开头）on the basis of economic growth, government will hold more financial to focus on preserving environment. Unemployment rate decrease result in increasing awareness of preserving environment.（这两句太牵强，经济增长，政府一定会更多投入环保吗？失业率减少能增加环保意识？如果是怎么投入法？如何增强意识？后面的例子也太浅薄，不足以很好支持分论点）For instance, people will pay their own salary to plant tress, will use degradable plastic bags and paper products despite they are expensive.

Compared the ways how to reasonable to use government resources, we can make a conclusion that government should focus more on economic development than preserving environment.
点评：文章结构非常清晰，用词多样化，文笔不错，只是需要在论证和逻辑上多下点功夫