【辉太郎杀G大队】7/18业 Argument9 by MC dragonfly

lmcdragonflyUID: 2601914

TOPIC: ARGUMENT9 - The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.


Supposing that the procedure that encourage students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of their professors leads to rising of the overall student grade averages in Omega, which makes the potential employers believe the grades are inflated and prefer to employ the students from nearby Alpha University, the author comes into conclusion that Omega University should terminate the student evaluation procedure to enable its graduates to secure better jobs. Relatively sound it seems, careful scrutiny reveals that the argument is based on some unwarranted assumptions and some critical flaws make the line of reasoning unconvincing.

First of all, the author commits of the "after this, therefore because of this " fallacy. The line of reasoning is that because the implementation of evaluation procedure happened before the higher grades in Omega, then the former cause the latter. But the causal relationship cannot be confirmed unless other causal factors have been considered and ruled out. It is entirely possible that the change of evaluation method leads to such rising in overall student grades. Perhaps the teaching effectiveness in Omega really advanced contributes to the rising. The author shouldn’t make such a hasty deduction without considering other possibilities.

Secondly, the author unfairly assumes that the 30 percent rise in grades will give the potential employers a impression of inflating. It is possible that 30 percent is not a so big proportion to arouse this kind of worrying. If the overall student grades average was relatively low, the 30 percent of rising will not cause too much concerns on inflating. In fact, the author fails to provide any evidence to affirm that the potential employers really have this kind of impression.

Moreover, even if the rise of grades should cause the employers' impressions on inflating in average grade, the argument rests upon the unwarranted assumption that the impressions exclusively cause the inferiority of Omega graduates in hunting jobs. Common sense tells us that employers don’t hire a graduate just according to his graduates. Even the grades at Omega are not so convincing in the views of employers, perhaps they will not give much disadvantages to its graduates. It is entirely possible that some other factors such as the working ability and socialization level of its graduates contribute more to this phenomenon. In absence of considering and ruling out this factors, the author’s assumption is not convincing at all.

Finally, the author unwarrantedly assumes that the Omega must terminate the evaluation procedures to enable its graduates to find better jobs. As mentioned above, many factors maybe contribute to the inferiority of the graduates of Omega to get a good job. The author fails to consider other means that might help Omega graduates in securing a better job. For example, more courses on occupational planning and more control on teaching effectiveness should be provided to help reverse such inferiority.

In summary, the argument is not convincing for all this unwarranted assumptions it bases on. To strengthen the argument, more information are required to establish the causal relationship between the evaluation procedures and higher grades. More credible evidence is also needed to affirm all these assumptions.

ApplemangoUID: 2661244

整个段落结构非常成熟了，唯有一个缺陷是，如果结尾可以再说明哪些evidence需要具体再提供的话会锦上添花。
还有有的时候地名全部缩写成首字母，可能不太妥当，除非这个地名太长了，或者由两个词组成