argument188 diviine第八篇 有拍必回

DivineUID: 2650173

TOPIC: ARGUMENT188 - A new report suggests that men and women experience pain very differently from one another, and that doctors should consider these differences when prescribing pain medications. When researchers administered the same dosage of kappa opioids-a painkiller-to 28 men and 20 women who were having their wisdom teeth extracted, the women reported feeling much less pain than the men, and the easing of pain lasted considerably longer in women. This research suggests that kappa opioids should be prescribed for women whenever pain medication is required, whereas men should be given other kinds of pain medication. In addition, researchers should reevaluate the effects of all medications on men versus women.

The author of this argument cites a research on effects of a certain kind of painkiller on men versus women to make his suggestion that the differences between men and women in terms of pain experience should be considered before prescribing pain medications and a similar reevaluation on all medications is necessary. This suggestion seems at first to be reasonable. However, it makes little sense after a second thought.

First of all, the research itself lacks accuracy and completeness. A personal description of how painful one feels is too vague to support a scientific conclusion. How much more pain do the participating men really feel than women? Or do they suffer more pain at all?
We don't know. And even if granted that the men are suffering more pain than the women tested, it is still possible
that the men are less sensitive to drugs thus need a larger dose of kappa opioids to kill their pain, also, the number of participants is too small, and the
researchers have limited themselves on the nerves near tooth. All of the above make it hard to be satisfied with the author's conclusion: men and women experience pain differently.

If such examination is taken by the author, he would be less likely to make the
second mistake to suggest that kappa opioids should be used for women whenever they need pain medication and men should not use this medicine.
Here he unreasonably generalized the report to a large scope. Merely a research on curing the pain caused by extracting wise tooth is insufficient to show that kappa opioids works better for women than in any kinds of pains. The situation may be just the opposite. Hence It is irresponsible for the author to make the suggestion which could mislead doctors and do harm to
patients.

Therefore the last recommendation of the author is ungrounded due to the lack of credibility of his conclusion. Maybe in some specific area of medication, like painkilling, a reevaluation is needed to discover their effects
on men versus women. But it is totally unreasoned to reevaluate all kinds of
medication, which would require a large expense, before clear evidence necessitates it.

In conclusion, the author's conclusion and suggestions based on the research is unconvincing, because of his inadequate reasoning and the vagueness of the research. In order to make these remarks more credible, a comprehensive study concerning the effects of kappa opioids on different sexes in more cases like headaches and stomachs is needed.
And the author may have to provide more information about the cause of differences in pain experiences between men and women.

DidasWUID: 2666962

我看完了，也想改，但是无奈自己确实只写过两篇A，技术太烂不敢下笔改你的。特地来看看你是怎么写的，取经来的……
帮你顶下，希望有人能帮你改，我跟着沾光听听经验

DivineUID: 2650173

呵呵~没关系 我也没写几篇Argument
晚上我发一下这两天写的issue 麻烦你帮忙提提意见吧
有没有我能帮忙改的？

nuaaskyUID: 2615912

我看完了，也想改，但是无奈自己确实只写过两篇A，技术太烂不敢下笔改你的。特地来看看你是怎么写的，取经来的……
帮你顶下，希望有人能帮你改，我跟着沾光听听经验
DidasW 发表于 2009-8-4 17:48

其实不必如此谦虚了~我一篇都没写都在这里拍呢~我就是脸皮厚~只要你知道AW是什么，就可以去看别人的文章并发表一些看法了~写不写差别在于语感吧，别人有些读不懂的地方不敢说是语法错而可能是自己水平不够罢了~可以看看别人的逻辑嘛~作文得比思路的~

nuaaskyUID: 2615912

楼主~我先来说下这篇文章的逻辑~
文章的观点是题干中的建议是不可信的，因为以下两大点理由：
1、报告中的不准确和不完整。个人描述对于科学研究是模糊的，可能男人需要更大的剂量；调查者的数量太少；研究局限于牙齿附近的疼痛。
2、论断夸大了研究的结果。女用男不用错，什么都该被revaluated不对

个人觉得，逻辑上的漏洞我想到的和楼主一样多~应该就是要写这些~
楼主第一个要点即第二段写得还不错，结尾最后一段也挺好~但是感觉第二个要点分析的不够好。倒数第二段（Therefore那段）感觉有点像是倒数第三段的重复，这样这两段看起来有些罗嗦了~第一个要点的叙述感觉挺言简意赅的，扩充不扩充都可以吧，毕竟字数有那么多了~至于开头，那个句子好长啊，有52个字~虽然我读懂了，但我总有点担心~关于开头你咨询一下更有经验的吧~

整篇文章我没有像上次那样全部复制过来给你一点一点改，因为我发现这篇几乎没有拼写错误。至于句子上，我不好说怎么怎么样，觉得大家都有点中国式英语吧~问题和你上一篇A35的类似，Jeremie说的关于语言的那些~

还有一个小问题，倒数第二段的那个unreasoned 用的大概不对吧，查了下，那个不是形容词，不过鉴于你前面已经正确地用过unreasonable，大概是笔误吧。

想到的就这么多~鉴于自己的水平~我能写到你这个水平我也就满足了~个别地方我可能说的不好~A我没有经验~
大家多加油吧~

DivineUID: 2650173

5# nuaasky
的确的确 以前受新东方毒害觉得所有argument都要写三段 看了ets范文才发现不是这样...倒数第二段并如前一段好一些

拼写错误一直存在，不过这篇先在word里改了 所以我还是很发愁考场上拼写错误...

关于Chinglish我也很苦恼...关键是好多意思不知道怎么表达 只能慢慢练了 也麻烦你看到觉得是Chinglish的部分给我提一下

感谢朋友们来改我的作文，我一定会不遗余力回改的

nuaaskyUID: 2615912

6# Divine 因为自己也是有这个毛病，所以也是苦恼中~我打算现在每天看一些英语是母语的人写的文章，潜移默化吧~共同努力~

DivineUID: 2650173

7# nuaasky

有空帮忙拍拍这一篇吧 多谢了
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=992595&page=1#pid1773044886