ke_heather作文贴

ke_heatherUID: 2681472

28号  
终于发好了  我的破电脑啊。。。。。

8月28日作文
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.




When it comes to the topic that what kind of job is better, people may have different opinions. Were it up to me to make a decision, I would prefer that a job with more vacation time but a low salary will make a priority to become my best choice.

On one hand, a good job should make one’s life better. In my opinion, the money you make has less influence on the life you enjoy than the private time you have. More vacation time means not only more time to relax but also a chance to see, to learn, and to grow. A trip in the countryside, a day off in the library, or a wonderful talk with friends and family can really make me happy than money.

On the other hand, there should be optimistic influence on your work and if fortunately raises of your salary, if you make your vacation time a better use. It is obvious in some innovative works, which I prefer, that the things you do in your private time have more chances to leads to a good harvest than concentration. For example, an architect has some good ideas after a good trip abroad, can help his group to make some really impressive designs.

Last but not least, a job with a high salary but less vacation time is more likely to be a temporary one. People having this kind of job sometimes do not have time to relax or take exercise. The even worse consequence that the continuously high pressure leads to, may be worse than you imagine, not to mention a better life.

In sum, the choice you make about this issue depends on the definition of better life you may have. However, I agree that a job with more vacation time but low salary is better than the opposite one.

utdreamerUID: 2793080

1# ke_heather [/b
多谢你的修改意见，下面是你的文章反馈，写的太好了，鉴于本人水平，真的找不出毛病来，总之是好文

longxue26UID: 2687755

您好 不好意思 最近家里出了些事儿 我有的时候忘了来看作文  绝对不是故意的 抱歉抱歉

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.


When it comes to the topic that what kind of job is better, people may have different opinions. Were it up to me to make a decision, I would prefer<这里的prefer和后面的priority有点重复的感觉 可以二选一> that a job with more vacation time but a low salary will make a priority to become my best choice.

On one hand, a good job should make one’s life better. In my opinion, the money you make has less influence on the life you enjoy than the private time you have. More vacation time means not only more time to relax but also a chance to see, to learn, and to grow. A trip in the countryside, a day off in the library, or a wonderful talk with friends and family can really make me happy than money.


On the other hand, there should be optimistic influence on your work and if fortunately raises of your salary, if you make your vacation time a better use<两个if是表示什么意思呢>. It is obvious in some innovative works, which I prefer, that the things you do in your private time have more chances to leads to a good harvest than concentration. For example, an architect has some good ideas after a good trip abroad, can help his group to make some really impressive designs.


Last but not least, a job with a high salary but less vacation time is more likely to be a temporary one. People having this kind of job sometimes do not have time to relax or take exercise. The even worse consequence that the continuously high pressure leads to, may be worse than you imagine, not to mention a better life.
这段讲的比较模糊 段首提出论点 但是稍后的议论没有切题 意思模糊 像窗户纸没捅破

In sum, the choice you make about this issue depends on the definition of better life you may have. However, I agree that a job with more vacation time but low salary is better than the opposite one.

总体上 蛮简短的 前面写的挺好的 但是到后面有些议论部分weak了  
虽然字数并不代表一切 但是要很strong地议论出来 字数还是蛮需要的
仅为个人意见 如若有错误和误解的地方 忽略之

ke_heatherUID: 2681472

又迟交 啦。。。。 汗一个  每次都很仓促  辛苦批改的童鞋啦~~~~

ke_heatherUID: 2681472

3# longxue26


多谢指正~~！。。。   许久没摸作文， 实在是写不上字数啊，还不久就要考了 加油吧~~！

ke_heatherUID: 2681472

9。2  作业~~~~

求狠拍！！！

ke_heatherUID: 2681472

9.4作业 感觉挺难写的。。。
  请狠拍~~！

pku_shuigeUID: 2325405

总体还不错。
但是第三段的论证貌似有点偏了，主要是说引起注意的坏处，和不引人注意的好处。最终的结果还是得到了上司的赏识，这样的话，不就let your employers know about your strengths and accomplishments了吗？


一些具体的语病，我直接发文件给你吧，格式弄不对，贴不上来~

luolnUID: 2689004

0904 修改完毕～

185726666UID: 2686686

已改

ke_heatherUID: 2681472

9月9 的作业~

qy10166341UID: 2653519

Ke hether
2009.9.11NA  agree or disagree it is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life.


I love movies. But when people ask me which one is my favorite, I cannot give an exact answer, since I find so many “favorite”s. Gone with the Wind told us a story about the experience of a girl to growing up during the war. The God Father
is
a legend movie that has happened. Sleepless in Seattle, began with a broadcast over the radio moves me most. After his wife’s death, the good father, husband Sam, finally finds his true love, Annie, and build a happy family.

These movies teach me lots of things about real life, so that I frequently watch them . Especially, I could obtain some new thoughts after watching these movies everytime.
Different directors use various languages and ways to display movies. However, good movies always have common features which can cause your thinking, brighten your mind, and teach you abouth the real life.

Nowadays, people have –我个人觉得这个形容词不能用来修饰ways ways of entertainments. But due to the financial crisis, which is still not far behind, going to cinemas seems to be a relative cheap and satisfying way to amuse.
I am very pleased to see that more good movies are made. Unfortunately, some of the box office hit movies seem just to waste the audience’s time. The most obvious one is The Twilight Saga - A love story between human and vampire, an adventure of pursuing the true love? It is only a moneymaker, gathering some pretty teenager, full of the director’s mystifying, and with none of the original novel’s highlights. By seeing these movies, I get nothing except two-hour dizzy torture.(个人觉得这段与主题无关)

However, some good movies do escape our view by misunderstanding. Because of a gentle beginning, a fast progress, or some lines said by a role with special experience, we sometimes do not follow. When we watch one more time, or grow older, they should not be that hard to understand. After all, a worth watching movie withstands several times reviews, and really deserves these reviews.

In sum, I believe that choosing meaningful movies to watch

is important. Spending several hours watching a purely amusing movie is a waste of time.It is only worth watching movies that can teach us about real life.

文章逻辑结构貌似还需要调整，感觉不紧凑~
个人水平有限，还请见谅~

allthetimeUID: 2898309

2009.9.11NA  agree or disagree it is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life.


I love movies. But when people ask me which one is my favorite, I cannot give an answer, since I find so many “favorite”s. Gone with the Wind tells us a story about how a girl grow to be （删掉） a woman in the war（我认为是during the war，毕竟她没上战场）. The God Father seems fantastic, but is really a legend that has happened, and is happening. (有点中式英语)Sleepless in Seattle, began with a broadcast over the radio moves me most. After his wife’s death, the good father, husband Sam, finally finds his true love, Annie, and build（builds） a happy family. These movies teach me lots of things about real life, so that I always watch them many times. Especially, for every time, I found some new points from the movie, the points that the director wants to tell us about. The languages of movies are varied, since the directors have their own different way to display a story. But a good movie, a worth watching movie, is the one that makes you think, brighten（brightens） your mind, and teach (teaches)you about real life.

Nowadays, people have abundant ways of entertainments. But due to the financial crisis, which is still not far behind, going to cinemas seems to be a relative cheap and satisfying way to amuse.  I am very pleased to see that more good movies are made. (是being made吧)Unfortunately, some of the box office hit movies seem just to waste the audience’s time. The most obvious one is The Twilight Saga - A love story between human and vampire, an adventure of pursuing the true love? （这个是肯定句）It is only a moneymaker, gathering some pretty teenager（teenagers）, full of the director’s mystifying, and with none of the original novel’s highlights. By seeing these movies, I get nothing except two-hour dizzy torture.

However, some good movies do escape our view by misunderstanding. Because of a gentle beginning, a fast progress, or some lines said by a role with special experience, we sometimes do not follow. When we watch one more time, or grow older, they should not be that hard to understand. After all, a worth watching movie withstands several times reviews, and really deserves these reviews.

In sum, I believe that wisely choosing movie to watch is important. Spending several hours watching a purely amusing movie, cannot compare with doing other things, such as outdoor sports, which can improve your health. It is only worth watching movies that can teach us about real life.

前两段逻辑和清除，第三段似乎和主旨有些偏离。
请注意一下动词格式，要统一。

ke_heatherUID: 2681472

9.18 来交了～～！