xddh作文

xddh2009UID: 2876838

11.18

cmjteresaUID: 2951670

不好意思，因为刚来，还不能发附件，所以直接粘到回复贴中了~以下是改好的作文~

it is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends6 k%aasdasd

As the development of society(这句话比较中式，nowadays可能比较好), people always have to move to a new city or a new country as the demanding of their jobs. Some people consider this phenomenon is（有点烦琐，用which is considered比较好） bad to them, because they will lose many old friends. While others claim（that） it will benefit
（for） our lives, and will not cause the lose of old friends. In my opinion, it is not a barrier to the friendship. The reasons are as followings.

To begin with, the most significant reason is basically because（这个because可以去掉，前面已经讲reason了，显得多余） that one can communicate with his friends by many ways as（这里用“when”或者“though”比较符合语境） they are apart from each other. They can give their friends a call when they confront problems or need helps（help作“帮助时用单数”）; they can also talk to others face-to-face with the Skype; they can also send a（an） email to their friends when they are busy with their work（可能我理解能力比较差吧，busy了还发邮件？）. Take myself as an example. Nearly（nearly一般和almost搭配吧） most of my classmates in my university are from different place（复数！） of the country（复数！）. Right now, we have graduated from university, and are not in the same place as the needs of jobs. But we still communicate with each other by the software QQ, and give others a call such as festivals（有语法错误，时间状语）. Our separation does not harm our friendship. Therefore, moving to a new place will not cause the loss of old friends.

On the other hand, moving to a new place is just an opportunity to make new friends. A life only with a few friends（前后单复数不一致） must be a failure（太过绝对了吧，可以用should）. That is because everyone has his own virtue, we can learn from them, and improve ourselves. For instance, Li Ming, one of my best friends, is very serious to study（你想表达他对学习很认真吗？其实用work hard比较实在，没必要追求用词，忠实米国人的习惯比较好）, and always open-minded to the difficulties（思想开放和面对困难没有关系，应该是optimistic）, who I recognizes in the university（？看不太懂嗳）. I learn that confronting the failure is （the）only way for us to success（这是名词，应该是succeed）. What's more, the more friends we have, the more help we can get. As a saying goes, when one owns a new friend, one will have a new path. Consequently, going to a new city will benefit our future. （整段例子比较清晰简单，但不典型，因果关系也不太明确，如果能多加一下细节的东西就好了）

Admittedly, moving from one place to another may cause the lose of friendship in some place（复数！）. For example, there is only a telephone in one village in China, and even no telephone in this village（到底是有还是没有？）. It is hard for a person to communicate with his friends living in the village, and cause the lose of old friends（这个因果有点直接把）. However, these could not go further enough in supporting the statement that losing old friends is caused by moving to a new circumstance.

All I have listed above are the reasons why I consider（that） moving to a new place is a better choice for people than staying in a place all their lives.
整篇文章用词比较简单，存在一些语法错误，单复数错误严重，句式缺乏变化性，希望楼主能够多多加强语法和句式上的练习，虽然句子间的连贯词很多，但还是要注意逻辑上的连贯性。加油吧~！