- 最后登录
- 2013-5-16
- 在线时间
- 146 小时
- 寄托币
- 1093
- 声望
- 8
- 注册时间
- 2007-9-21
- 阅读权限
- 25
- 帖子
- 159
- 精华
- 0
- 积分
- 977
- UID
- 2402936
- 声望
- 8
- 寄托币
- 1093
- 注册时间
- 2007-9-21
- 精华
- 0
- 帖子
- 159
|
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? People who go outside are more successful and happier than peoplewho live in villages
- N' V3 q5 Z+ s9 o4 y( F k1 x( n" U% V; U5 o
3 j) K$ K% @5 G, ZIf you have a chance to go outside, you will find the beautiful world, which is totally different to the villages’lives. But some people argues that people who lives(live) in villages are more successful and happier than people who lives(live) in villages(改成who go outside), because the villages offer nature air and peace to people. In my view, I quite disagree with the statement as the following reasons.$ g# W; j& o" ~7 D& U
`* @7 i) S y9 j y' P; k" s
First, one, which is important connecting to(感觉不是很地道,改为concerning是不是更好?)
the people's successful and happy,(这里应该为名词,改为success and happiness) is that outside world supplies a lot of competitions and chances to people. People can get more successful and happierfrom these things. People will find the value of their selves(themselves) when they won thecompetition. People will feel happy when they get appraise from thecompetition. For example, there are many young people who have great interesting(interests) in the business competition. They can earn the funds if they get thechampion for their projects. It is a very quick way to get successful if youhave the idea. Furthermore, they can get a lot of support from the audient (感觉用audient不太妥当,建议直接用those就好)whoappraise for him, yarning for him. From that, it is easy to see them so happythat crying in the TV show(这是从哪里来的??之前完全没有提到TV的事情啊)) e* X: H) h- H
' q! G2 u4 B2 D
* o( a& I4 W) N, D+ qSecond, going outside will make you learnall kinds of people(all kinds of people, 太绝对了), which is other way(another way) you can get the(be) successful and happier.Communicates (这里需要名词,改为communication)is the skill that god gives us. We can get a lot of fun formcommunication such as news, jokes. Going outside is a good chance that you canmake friends with a lot of people who you can never see in the villages, Inaddition, if you can get more information, you will much easier to getsuccessful. Making friends with a lot of people will make you accumulate anumber of information from all kinds of areas. If you find information which isfit for you to earn the money and create your business, the successful iscoming to you.
9 t# K2 I3 L, F, V7 _1 [/ X7 {; _$ ~& T2 j/ _1 d
' i9 Q3 E7 I9 n' w1 _
However, people argue that living invillages offer them peace and nature air. It is true. But the peace life andbeautiful nature will reduce the people emotion to keep moving. They will stopon what they get now. In china, there is a mortal(建议改为saying goes), "Living on danger, dyingon peace life." It means people should have the idea to face the difficultnot just the peace life because the peace life can not give us successful.8 {- D0 Q# v* Z' J0 P- ~) x+ L! `
9 H- N; K* G0 }; c- P" r+ p
0 o9 M, s) ]7 V" p& c. P1 m9 BIn sum, we can get the conclusion abovethat people go outside will more easy to successful and happier than peoplelives(live) in villages.
一些小问题,语法单复数要注意,另外,发现你写文章很多单词连在一起很不好辨认。。。写的时候要注意写完一个单词要空格。
整体思路很好,我写的时候也发现选择agree的角度比较好写~~加油哈! |
|