isue64 rabbitvv 5*4

rabbitvvUID: 2115592

64"Many people know how to attain success, but few know how to make the best use of it."
提纲：
1、的确很多人都有自己的目标，并也大体知道如何去获得成功
2、但确实很多人不知道如何更好利用成功
   A.不懂得如何利用成功获得更大的成功。
   B、不懂得如何利用成功去做更多有意义的事情。
Success is always a brilliant star shinning ahead and every one has a dream to achieve something or to be someone. I basically agree with the speaker that many people are clear about their goals and can try their best to reach them. Yet unfortunately, not every one know how to make the best use of it, that is, how to climb higher and how to do something more meaningful.

The strong attraction of success and rich experiences from role models provide people enough motivation and knowledge to approach their goals. Although the definition of success would differ from person to person, it is a common recognition that success would bring pleasure, wealth or reputation. Especially when the world is becoming more and more practical and competitive, the saying "to win or to death" is seemingly rising to be the principle to survive. Under this circumstance, people were inspired to be a giant through success. Meanwhile, the experiences or lessons from our predecessors, many of which would be found on the internet or in the libraries, could taught people detailed measures and rules to success. For instance, Carnegie's management books have helped many businessmen to enhance productivity and make profits.

Then, what should people do after the realization of their goals? According to my observation, not all of them can fully acknowledge the value of success and clear about how to make the best use of it. In my opinion, success would usually lead to greater success if we do not be satisfied so easily and continue on based on the achievements already. In fact, along with one achievement, people could obtain a great amount of benefits besides the simple pleasure or money they anticipated before. Realizing those precious resources and wisely grasping them would usually provide people better opportunities to conquer higher mountains in the near future. Otherwise, those resources would elapse soon with the passing time and it will even be hard for them to maintain the extant glory, especially in this ever-changing world. For instance, with efforts and effective strategies, an entrepreneur would make profits and occupy the most market share. I admit that he can be view as successful if this is his goal. However, if he become satisfied with this achievement and overlooks other valuable resources he could grasp now, such as the ascending capital, public reputation and advanced position in market; surely he would lose great opportunities to further occupy the national or even the international market. Even worse, in the competitive business arena, simply satisfaction would amount to failure at last.

Furthermore, any responsible successful person should question himself that what his success could be utilized to contribute further besides the limited achievements he expected at first, usually the personal interests--wealth, reputation, self-realization and so forth. After all, anyone's success can not be totally attributed to individual efforts, without the support of others and the society, people can achieve nothing. Thus, any lucky ones have responsibilities and actually have enough capacities to utilize their success to reward the whole society. Lijiacheng is a telling example. As a successful entrepreneur, Li invested a great deal of money to support China's education. With another angle of view, his selfless consideration and contributions to the whole society actually helped him achieve more glorious success to a larger extent. Is there any accomplishment greater and more meaningful than boosting the social welfare?

In sum, it is human nature to pursue success, yet not all people understand how to make the best use of it. A wise person could never be satisfied with the extant accomplishment and would always try to achieve more not only for himself, but also for the whole society..

linna.fanUID: 2175453

Success is always a brilliant star shinning ahead and every one has a dream to achieve something or to be someone. I basically agree with the speaker that many people are clear about their goals and can try their best to reach them. Yet unfortunately, not every one know how to make the best use of it, that is, how to climb higher and how to do something more meaningful.

The strong attraction of success and rich experiences from role models provide people enough motivation and knowledge to approach their goals. Although the definition of success would differ from person to person, it is a common recognition that success would bring pleasure, wealth or(and) reputation. Especially when the world is becoming more and more practical and competitive, the saying "to win or to death" is seemingly rising to be the principle to survive. Under this circumstance, people were inspired to be a giant through success. Meanwhile, the experiences or lessons from our predecessors, many of which would be found on the internet or in the libraries, could taught people detailed measures and rules to success. For instance, Carnegie's management books have helped many businessmen to enhance productivity and make profits. (这一段一直在说成功已经改变成一种生存手段，我觉得好象有点不切题，我不明白你到底想说获得成功的途径
多了，还是成功的定义？）
Then, what should people do after the realization of their goals? According to my observation, not all of them can fully acknowledge the value of success and clear about how to make the best use of it. In my opinion, success would usually lead to greater success if we do not be satisfied so easily and continue on based on the achievements already. In fact, along with one achievement, people could obtain a great amount of benefits besides the simple pleasure or money they anticipated before. Realizing those precious resources and wisely grasping them would usually provide people better opportunities to conquer higher mountains in the near future. Otherwise, those resources would elapse soon with the passing time and it will even be hard for them to maintain the extant glory, especially in this ever-changing world. For instance, with efforts and effective strategies, an entrepreneur would make profits and occupy the most market share. I admit that he can be view as successful if this is his goal. However, if he become satisfied with this achievement and overlooks other valuable resources he could grasp now, such as the ascending capital, public reputation and advanced position in market; surely he would lose great opportunities to further occupy the national or even the international market. Even worse, in the competitive business arena, simply satisfaction would amount to failure at last.

Furthermore, any responsible（删） successful person should question himself that what his success could be utilized to contribute further besides the limited achievements he expected at first, usually the personal interests--wealth, reputation, self-realization and so forth. After all, anyone's success can not be totally attributed to individual efforts, without the support of others and the society, people can achieve nothing. Thus, any lucky ones have responsibilities and actually have enough capacities to utilize their success to reward the whole society. Lijiacheng is a telling example. As a successful entrepreneur, Li invested（CONTRIBUTED） a great deal of money to support China's education. With another angle of view, his selfless consideration and contributions to the whole society actually helped him achieve more glorious success to a larger extent. Is there any accomplishment greater and more meaningful than boosting the social welfare?

In sum, it is human nature to pursue success, yet not all people understand how to make the best use of it. A wise person could never be satisfied with the extant accomplishment and would always try to achieve more not only for himself, but also for the whole society
思路清楚，就是第一段有点模糊，不知道想表达什么。谢谢兔子姐姐前两次给我的批注，以后我会留下痕迹的。

greenlemonUID: 2169154

Success is always a brilliant star shinning ahead and every one has a dream to achieve something or to be someone. I basically agree with the speaker that many people are clear about their goals and can try their best to reach them. Yet unfortunately, not every one know how to make the best use of it, that is, how to climb higher and how to do something more meaningful.

The strong attraction of success and rich experiences from role models provide people enough motivation and knowledge to approach their goals. Although the definition of success would differ from person to person, it is a common recognition that success would bring pleasure, wealth or reputation. Especially when the world is becoming more and more practical and competitive, the saying "to win or to death" is seemingly rising to be the principle to survive. Under this circumstance, people were inspired to be a giant through success. Meanwhile, the experiences or lessons from our predecessors, many of which would be found on the internet or in the libraries, could taught people detailed measures and rules to success. For instance, Carnegie's management books have helped many businessmen to enhance productivity and make profits. 看了下linna的评论，上半部分是在解释为什么人们这么渴望成功以及大部分人都知道如何成功的原因吗？如果是这样，这个因果关系点出来比较好一点

Then, what should people do after the realization of their goals? According to my observation, not all of them can fully acknowledge the value of success and clear about how to make the best use of it. In my opinion, success would usually lead to greater success if we do not be satisfied so easily and continue on based on the achievements (acquired) already. In fact, along with one achievement, people could obtain a great amount of benefits besides the simple pleasure or money they anticipated before. Realizing those precious resources and wisely grasping them would usually provide people better opportunities to conquer higher mountains in the near future. Otherwise, those resources would elapse soon with the passing time and it will even be hard for them to maintain the extant glory, especially in this ever-changing world. For instance, with efforts and effective strategies, an entrepreneur would make profits and occupy the most market share. I admit that he can be view as successful if this is his goal. However, if he become satisfied with this achievement and overlooks other valuable resources he could grasp now, such as the ascending capital, public reputation and advanced position in market; surely he would lose great opportunities to further occupy the national or even the international market. Even worse, in the competitive business arena, simply (simply是副词啊) satisfaction（self-satisfaction/complacence） would amount to failure at last.

Furthermore, any responsible successful person should question himself that what his success could be utilized to contribute further besides the limited achievements he expected at first, usually the personal interests--wealth, reputation, self-realization and so forth. After all, anyone's success can not be totally attributed to individual efforts, without the support of others and the society, (建议被动，nothing can be achieved)people can achieve nothing. Thus, any lucky ones have responsibilities and actually have enough capacities to utilize their success to reward the whole society. Lijiacheng is a telling example. As a successful entrepreneur, Li invested a great deal of money to support China's education. With another angle of view, his selfless consideration and contributions to the whole society actually helped him achieve more glorious success to a larger extent. Is there(去掉there) any accomplishment greater and more meaningful than boosting the social welfare? (我以前说过，在正式语体中，there is a book on the desk是规范用法，可是好象大家不这么认为啊，要是有别的依据告诉我一下哦)

In sum, it is human nature to pursue success, yet not all people understand how to make the best use of it. A wise person could never be satisfied with the extant accomplishment and would always try to achieve more not only for himself, but also for the whole society.

结构上没什么问题，语言贵在流畅。

rabbitvvUID: 2115592

我发现自己写偏了。正在改。马上改完了再贴上来。

rabbitvvUID: 2115592

Success is always a brilliant star shinning ahead and every one has a dream to achieve something or to be someone. I basically agree with the speaker that many people are clear about their goals and can try their best to reach them. Yet unfortunately, not every one know how to make the best use of it, that is, how to climb higher and how to do something more meaningful.

Actually, many people know how to attain success. The strong attraction of success and rich experiences from role models provide people enough motivation and knowledge to approach their goals. Although the definition of success would differ from person to person, it is a common recognition that success would bring pleasure, wealth or reputation. Especially when the world is becoming more and more practical and competitive, the saying "to win or to death" is seemingly rising to be the principle to survive. Under this circumstance, people were inspired to be a giant through success. Meanwhile, the experiences or lessons from our predecessors, many of which would be found on the internet or in the libraries, could taught people detailed measures and rules to success. For instance, Carnegie's management books have helped many businessmen to enhance productivity and make profits.

However, few people can fully acknowledge the value of success and clear about how to make the best use of it. In my opinion, success would usually lead to greater success if we do not be satisfied so easily and continue on based on the achievements already. In fact, along with one achievement, people could obtain a great amount of benefits besides the simple pleasure or money they anticipated before. By grasping those extra benefits, people may have better opportunities to conquer higher mountains in the near future. Otherwise, those resources would elapse soon with the passing time and it will even be hard for them to maintain the extant glory, especially in this ever-changing world. Unfortunately, many people around us do not clear about this principle and lose further motivation to go ahead. For instance, with efforts and effective strategies, an entrepreneur would make profits and occupy the most market share. However, just like most of others, he would then become satisfied and overlooks other valuable resources he could utilize now, such as the ascending capital, public reputation and advanced position in market. As a result, he may lose great opportunities to further occupy the national or international market, and even fail at last..

Furthermore, few successful persons are used to question themselves how their success could be utilized to contribute further besides the limited achievements they expected at first, usually the personal interests--wealth, reputation, self-realization and so forth. After all, anyone's success can not be totally attributed to individual efforts, without the support of others and the society, people can achieve nothing. Thus, any lucky ones do have duty and actually have enough capacities to utilize their success to reward the whole society. Yet, the reality is that, many entrepreneurs only concern maximizing profits while ignoring the environment protection. Also many millionaires lead luxurious lives while overlook several pressing social problems such as poverty and illiteracy. Of course successful persons are not charitarians, but they do have responsibilities for the society. With another angle of view, such selfless consideration and contributions to the whole society would actually help them achieve more to a larger extent. Is there any accomplishment greater and more meaningful than boosting the social welfare?

In sum, it is human nature to pursue success, yet not all people understand how to make the best use of it. A wise person should never be satisfied with the extant accomplishment and would always try to achieve more not only for himself, but also for the whole society..

collins_liuUID: 190687

Success is always a brilliant star shinning ahead and every one has a dream to achieve something or to be someone. I basically agree with the speaker that many people are clear about their goals and can try their best to reach them. Yet unfortunately, not every one know how to make the best use of it, that is, how to climb higher and how to do something more meaningful.

The strong attraction of success and rich experiences from role models provide people (with)enough motivation and knowledge to approach their goals. Although the definition of success would differ from person to person, it is a common recognition that success would bring pleasure, wealth or reputation. Especially when the world is becoming more and more practical and competitive, the saying "to win or to death" is seemingly rising to be the principle to survive. Under this circumstance, people were inspired to be a giant through success. Meanwhile, the experiences or lessons from our predecessors, many of which would be found on the internet or in the libraries, could taught people detailed measures and rules to success(succeed). For instance, Carnegie's management books have helped many businessmen to enhance productivity and make profits.

Then, what should people do after the realization of their goals? According to my observation, not all of them can fully acknowledge the value of success and clear about how to make the best use of it. In my opinion, success would usually lead to greater success if we do not be satisfied so easily and continue on based on the achievements already. In fact, along with one achievement, people could obtain a great amount of benefits besides the simple pleasure or money they anticipated before. Realizing those precious resources and wisely grasping them would usually provide people (with)better opportunities to conquer higher mountains in the near future. Otherwise, those resources would elapse soon with the passing time and it will even be hard for them to maintain the extant glory, especially in this ever-changing world. For instance, with efforts and effective strategies, an entrepreneur would make profits and occupy the most market share. I admit that he can be view as successful if this is his goal. However, if he become(s) satisfied with this achievement and overlooks other valuable resources he could grasp now, such as the ascending capital, public reputation and advanced position in market; surely he would lose great opportunities to further occupy the national or even the international market. Even worse, in the competitive business arena, simply satisfaction would amount to failure at last. (只是说人们不知道去利用，没说不知道如何去利用，似乎有些跑题)

Furthermore, any responsible successful person should question himself that what his success could be utilized to contribute further besides the limited achievements he expected at first, usually the personal interests--wealth, reputation, self-realization and so forth. After all, anyone's success can not be totally attributed to individual efforts, (and)without the support of others and the society, people can achieve nothing. Thus, any lucky ones have responsibilities and actually have enough capacities to utilize their success to reward the whole society. Lijiacheng is a telling example. As a successful entrepreneur, Li invested a great deal of money to support（on） China's education. With another angle of view, his selfless consideration and contributions to the whole society actually helped him achieve more glorious success to a larger extent. Is there any accomplishment greater and more meaningful than boosting the social welfare?

In sum, it is human nature to pursue success, yet not all people understand how to make the best use of it. A wise person could never be satisfied with the extant accomplishment and would always try to achieve more not only for himself, but also for the whole society.

总体感觉思路比较清晰，没什么小错误。兔子JJ的文章质量还是高啊~

rabbitvvUID: 2115592

collins,我的文章已经重新写过了，你还是改了第一稿呀，呵呵。

meilinUID: 2169936

Success is always a brilliant star shinning ahead and every one has a dream to achieve something or to be someone. I basically agree with the speaker that many people are clear about their goals and can try their best to reach them. Yet unfortunately, not every one know how to make the best use of it, that is, how to climb higher and how to do something more meaningful.

Actually, many people know how to attain success. The strong attraction of success and rich experiences from role models provide people enough motivation and knowledge（temptation的东西能yielding knowledge么？）  to approach their goals. Although the definition of success would differ from person to person, it is a common recognition that success would bring pleasure, wealth or reputation. Especially when the world is becoming more and more practical and competitive, the saying "to win or to death" is seemingly rising to be the principle to survive. Under this circumstance, people were inspired to be a giant through success. Meanwhile, the experiences or lessons from our predecessors, many of which would be found on the internet or in the libraries, could taught people detailed measures and rules to success. For instance, Carnegie's management books have helped many businessmen to enhance productivity and make profits.

However, few people can fully acknowledge the value of success and （be ）clear about how to make the best use of it. In my opinion, success would usually lead to greater success if we do not be satisfied so easily and continue on（fighting for a higher goal） based on the achievements already（current achievement）. In fact, along with one achievement, people could obtain a great amount of benefits besides the simple pleasure or money they anticipated before. By grasping（多做理解掌握知识） those extra benefits, people may have better opportunities to conquer higher mountains in the near future.（这些benefits是是什么？可以说是在the accumulation of experience and skills during fighting for the holy goal of success, 为将来成功大基础）Otherwise, those resources would elapse soon with the passing time and it will even be hard for them to maintain the extant（temporary） glory, especially in this ever-changing world. Unfortunately, many people around us do not clear about this principle and lose further motivation to go ahead. For instance, with efforts and effective strategies, an entrepreneur would make profits and occupy the most market share. However, just like most of others, he would then become satisfied and overlooks other valuable resources he could utilize now, such as the ascending capital, public reputation（reputation） and advanced position in market. As a result, he may lose great opportunities to further occupy the national or international market, and even fail at last.
Furthermore, few successful persons are used to question（ing） themselves how their success could be utilized to contribute further besides the limited achievements they expected at first, usually the personal interests--wealth, reputation, self-realization and so forth. After all, anyone's success can not be totally attributed to individual efforts, without the support of others and the society, people can achieve nothing. Thus, any lucky ones do have duty and actually have enough capacities to utilize their success to reward the whole society. Yet, the reality is that, many entrepreneurs only concern maximizing profits while ignoring the environment protection. Also many millionaires lead luxurious lives while overlook several pressing social problems such as poverty and illiteracy. Of course successful persons are not charitarians, but they do have responsibilities for the society. With another angle of view, such selfless consideration and contributions to the whole society would actually help them achieve more to a larger extent. Is there any accomplishment greater and more meaningful than boosting the social welfare? （我觉得你还可以回归个人成功离不开社会，如果个人成功后，边的selfish或者arrogant，就会lost public favor，就 不可能取得进一步成功，因为你本身定位成果就是个人的成功，material rewards 之类的东西）

In sum, it is human nature to pursue success, yet not all people understand how to make the best use of it. A wise person should never be satisfied with the extant accomplishment and would always try to achieve more not only for himself, but also for the whole society..

rabbitvvUID: 2115592

谢谢MEILIN,在B2中那个benefits我确实忘了简单说明一下了。就在后面加个：such as public reputation and social relations好了。

collins_liuUID: 190687

我是贴到word里面改的，那时候还没有发改正帖呢。。。。。

hchoUID: 204567

占个座先，刚才改了一篇文章花的时间太长了，明天回来改

hchoUID: 204567

Success is always a brilliant star shinning ahead and every one has a dream to achieve something or to be someone [感觉有点别扭]. I basically agree with the speaker that many people are clear about their goals and can try their best to reach them. Yet unfortunately, not every one know how to make the best use of it, that is, how to climb higher and how to do something more meaningful. [climb higher 不明白是何指，meaningful有点泛，还是加点限定词吧][这个Main idea 还是写的很正常的，预示你后面是一边倒的观点，如果不是，那么你的Main idea就和内容脱钩了，美中不足的是that is后面我没读懂，meaningful的意思太丰富了，我觉得有必要加几个词限定一下]

Actually, many people know how to attain success. The strong attraction of success and rich experiences from role models [这么快就学上了，兔兔强] provide people enough motivation and knowledge to approach their goals. Although the definition of success would differ from person to person, it is a common recognition that success would bring pleasure, wealth or reputation [非常简练，学一下]. Especially when the world is becoming more and more practical and competitive, the saying "to win or to death" is seemingly rising to be the principle to survive. / Under this circumstance, people were inspired to be a giant through success. Meanwhile, the experiences or lessons from our predecessors, many of which would be found on the internet or in the libraries, could taught people detailed measures and rules to success. For instance, Carnegie's management books have helped many businessmen to enhance productivity and make profits. [under后面有点乱，under后第一句你是想总结你的分论点的第一个论证方面，attraction，但我觉得to win or to death已经可以了，under和meanwhile之间这句话没用。Meanwhile后面我觉的你可以一个短句一转we are instilled with anecdotes of the famous everywhere at any time. 然后举两个例子，在一分析总结，这样字数控制了，论证也更加丰满]

However, few people can fully acknowledge the value of success and clear about [clear对么？] how to make the best use of it. In my opinion, success would usually lead to greater success if we do not be satisfied so easily and continue on based on the achievements already. In fact, along with one achievement, people could obtain a great amount of benefits besides the simple pleasure or money they anticipated before. By grasping those extra benefits, people may have better opportunities to conquer higher mountains in the near future. Otherwise, those resources would elapse soon with the passing time and it will even be hard for them to maintain the extant glory, especially in this ever-changing world. [success would lead to greater success是不是a way to make the best use of it，是的话为什么不点明？我注意到你后面说many people 没有注意这一点，我觉得直接就提很多人没有注意到success would lead to greater success，不用说In my opinion。用最少的语言说明白最多的问题才是一个人写作的本事] Unfortunately, many people around us do not clear about this principle and lose further motivation to go ahead. [因此，这句话应该并在上面] For instance, with efforts and effective strategies, an entrepreneur would make profits and occupy the most market share. However, just like most of others, he would then become satisfied and overlooks other valuable resources he could utilize now [你这里的论证重点是达到成功的企业家没能利用好成功去追求更大的成功，你谈到了为什么没有利用好成功，我觉得可以不谈，要谈也要再加点补充，寻欢作乐不思进取不是利用成功，有进取的意识但策略失败算不算没有利用好成功呢？比如巨人本来生物作的好好的，却投资房地产，结果破产][不谈可能不好呢，分析事实怎么能不谈原因呢？], such as the ascending capital, public reputation and advanced position in market. As a result, he may lose great opportunities to further occupy the national or international market, and even fail at last..

Furthermore, few successful persons are used to question [be use to doing] themselves how their success could be utilized to contribute further besides the limited achievements they expected at first, usually the personal interests--wealth, reputation, self-realization and so forth. After all, anyone's success can not be totally attributed to individual efforts, without the support of others and the society, people can achieve nothing. Thus, any lucky ones do have duty and actually have enough capacities to utilize their success to reward the whole society [首先，TS太绕，虽然意思我明白，但我建议你改下句式让意思更明白一点，其次你从社会帮助人们成功，人们就应该回报社会的角度来证明contribute 是一种make best use of success。我觉得有点牵强，有些人可能觉悟并不那么高，他们会说社会根本没帮他们什么，虽然理在你这一方，但你很难一下子说清楚。我觉得你可以从successful people有更大的power 来contribute来说，毕竟这不是强制性的obligation,但从社会角度，人们是希望他们take more responsibilities 的]. Yet, the reality is that, many entrepreneurs only concern maximizing profits while ignoring the environment protection. Also many millionaires lead luxurious lives while overlook several pressing social problems such as poverty and illiteracy [they can help要点清，这不是他们义务的所以也要注意语气，以免强辞夺理]. / Of course successful persons are not charitarians, but they do have responsibilities for the society [do have强制性，我不赞同，哪条法律说they have more responsibilities for the society，除了交更多的个人所得税]. With [in] another angle of view, such selfless consideration and contributions to the whole society would actually help them achieve more to a larger extent. Is there any accomplishment greater and more meaningful than boosting the social welfare? [结尾落脚点无力。help them achieve more如果说help them achieve more individual profit or interests比较好，能对应B1，但这又要论证为什么，Is there any accomplishment greater and more meaningful than boosting the social welfare? Er 我思维短路了，想不起来怎么说了]

In sum, it is human nature to pursue success, yet not all people understand how to make the best use of it. A wise person should never be satisfied with the extant accomplishment and would always try to achieve more not only for himself, but also for the whole society..

有一个整体的感觉，你要说的东西太多了，而一些应该重点论证的地方被一些该删，该简化，该合并的东西给压住，没有丰富起来，就像一个健康的器官被恶性肿瘤给积压住了（有点类似，但绝不是这么严重）。这在B1表现得比较明显，其他地方我提了几个问题，认为有待于深入论证。

今天有点事，所以看得不是很深，请兔兔海涵阿。