我的第三篇TWE..又加了一篇topic143。。继续拍拍。。大家狠狠的拍吧！定回拍！

shendanlinUID: 2142838

obviously,attending classes is an important part of teaching processes in universities.whether required to attend classes or optional for students to choose should be considered in varities aspects.however,as far as i concerned,i believe that required to attend classes would be the premier one,rather than optional choices of students.

good studying environment is provided in class.for instance,communications,discussions,and even debats hold an excellent place for studying.through that the understanding of kowledge is impressived.otherwise,new ideas of invention is sparked by discussing.last month,a new kind of character-corrected liquid was invented by a group of students during their chemistry experimental class because of a fiere discussion about a mistake occured in their expriment.however,class could be a birthland of new founds.

professors' guidence must play an critical role in understanding subjects taught in universities' classes.to some degree,sujects,in universities,are advanced lessons which is difficult to comprehend well,and required a large amount of background knowledges and abundance of experiences.all of them are relied on the professors' teaching .with the help of prpfessors,students could learn sujects better ,and save the time of referring a great number of resources .from that,it is clear to show that how significant the professors' in-class teaching is.

sum up, optional for students attending class do have some positive effects on students' learning,as a flexible schedule ,abilities of self-learing,and solving problems independently.however,considing all occasions, i argue that univerisities should require students attending classes to guarantee the qulity of students.
可惜还是超时了。。急死了。。怎么回事呢。。大家建议一下啊。。
超时，一紧张就什么都写不出来了
十四楼又加了一篇。。。大家帮帮忙把！

[ 本帖最后由 shendanlin 于 2006-5-1 23:57 编辑 ]

foolboy007UID: 28322

超时多长时间？
实际考试中作文都很紧张的 一定要多写

czj_swufeUID: 199954

obviously,attending classes is an important part of teaching processes in universities删除.whether required to attend classes or 前后结构好象不太一致optional for students to choose should be considered in varities （various）aspects.however,as far as i am concerned,i believe that required to attend classes would be the premier one.

good studying environment is provided in class.(主题句要好好写下，比如改成Firstly, the environment of study can be greatly improved with lots of students  learning from each other, thus making it necessary to require students to attend classes. )for instance,communications,discussions,and even debats hold an excellent place for studying(不是很懂).through  the understanding of kowledge is impressived.otherwise（What's more）,new ideas of invention is（more likely） sparked by discussing.last month,a new kind of character-corrected liquid was invented by a group of students during their chemistry experimental class because of a fiere discussion about a mistake occured(occuring) in their expriment.however(感觉不对),class could be a birthland of new founds
professors' guidence must play an critical role in understanding subjects taught in universities' classes（第一句很重要啊~而且一定要跟主题联系起来，至少要跟required to attend classes联系起来~）.to some degree,sujects,in universities,are advanced lessons which is （are）difficult to comprehend well,and required a large amount of background knowledges and abundance of experiences.all of them are relied on the professors' teaching .with the help of prpfessors,students could learn sujects better ,and save the time of referring a great number of resources .from that,it is clear to show that how significant the professors' in-class teaching is.
to sum up, optional for students attending class do have some positive effects on students' learning,as a flexible schedule ,abilities of self-learing,and solving problems independently.however,considing all occasions, i argue that univerisities should require students attending classes to guarantee the qulity of students.
后面没细看了哈，主要看了第一个理由和第二个理由一点
感觉到：1.一些简单语法错误还是有点
             2。主题不鲜明
       多多加油

shendanlinUID: 2142838

嗯。。超了大概十多分钟。。
主题句好像还是有问题得。我也在想是不是应该。。。扣题
大家在写得时候，怎么避免语法的错误呢，我想了那头就会忽略语法了、、

michel_shaoUID: 204704

obviously,attending classes is an important part of teaching processes（我觉得直接用education会不会好点？） in universities.whether required to attend classes or optional for （？）students to choose should be considered in varities aspects.however,as far as i （大写）concerned,i believe that required to attend classes（？） would be the premier one,rather than optional choices of students.

good studying environment is provided in class.for instance,communications,discussions,and even debats hold an excellent place for studying.through that the understanding of kowledge is impressived.otherwise,new ideas of invention is sparked by discussing.last month,a new kind of character-corrected liquid was invented by a group of students during their chemistry experimental class because of（后面加名词，不是句子） a fiere discussion about a mistake occured in their expriment.however,class could be a birthland（好象是故乡的意思，不太好） of new founds.

professors' guidence must play an critical role in understanding subjects taught in universities' classes.to some degree,sujects,in universities,are advanced lessons which is difficult to comprehend well,and required a large amount of background knowledges and abundance of experiences.all of them are relied on the professors' teaching .with the help of prpfessors,students could learn sujects better ,and save the time of referring a great number of resources .from that,it is clear to show that how significant the professors' in-class teaching is.

sum up（To sum up?）, optional for students attending class do have some positive effects on students' learning,as a flexible schedule ,abilities of self-learing,and solving problems independently.however,considing all occasions, i argue that univerisities should require students attending classes to guarantee the qulity of students
每个句子的首单词首字母要大写，lz要注意啊，我后面的单词就没帮你标出来了。
还有就是有词的用法，我知道LZ想表达的意思，但是用在那个句子里不太好。另外就是句式的变化。optional for students attending class这个表达用了很多次，可以尝试一下其他的表达方式。


每个句子的首单词首字母要大写，lz要注意啊，我后面的单词就没帮你标出来了。
还有就是有词的用法，我知道LZ想表达的意思，但是用在那个句子里不太好。另外就是句式的变化。optional for students attending class这个表达用了很多次，可以尝试一下其他的表达方式。


http://210.51.167.66/bbs/viewthr ... &extra=page%3D2
这个是我的,欢迎大家来看看.

[ 本帖最后由 michel_shao 于 2006-4-26 10:38 编辑 ]

gallianiUID: 2142648

obviously,attending classes is an important part of (teaching processes)education in universities.whether all the students should be required to attend classes or they can make choices depending on their own conditions (optional for students to choose) should be considered in (varities)various aspects.however,as far as i am concerned,i believe that (required to attend classes) 语法不对would be the premier one,rather than optional choices( of students.)

(good studying environment is provided in class.for instance,communications,discussions,and even debats hold an excellent place for studying.)上面两个句子不好，合并下换个句式：,In class, communications, discussions and even debates contribute to a perfect environment of learning, which has a positive effect on the development of students' ability of logical thinking and reasoning.through that process the understanding of kowledge is impressived.(otherwise)Moreover,new ideas of invention is 加often好点 sparked by (discussing)discussion.last month,a new kind of character-corrected liquid was invented by a group of students during their chemistry experimental class because of a (fiere)贬义吧?intense discussion about a mistake occured in their expriment.(however)therefore,class could be a birthland of new (founds)discoveries.

professors' guidence must play an critical role (in understanding)for students to understand (subjects)knowledge taught in (universities' classes)in class.to some degree,(sujects)?,in universities,are advanced lessons which is difficult to comprehend well,(and required)requiring a large amount of background knowledges and abundance of experiences.all of (them)前面改成逗号这里用which， are relied on the professors' teaching 说得太绝对.with the help of prpfessors,students could learn sujects better ,and save the time of referring to a great number of resources .(from that)delete,it is clear to (show that)see how significant the professors' in-class (teaching)instruction或许好点 is.

To sum up, optional for students attending class do have some positive effects on students' learning,as a flexible schedule ,abilities of self-learing,and solving problems independently.however,considing all occasions, i argue that univerisities should require students attending classes to guarantee the (qulity)quality of (students)education.

说说你的问题：
思路上还是有点窄，可以更进一步：教育不仅仅是传授知识，也应该培养学生遵守纪律。上课是对教师的尊重，养成严格要求自己和尊重他人的习惯，对今后的工作也很有好处。这样分3段说，结构上更完整。

语言上，还是语法问题有点多，完全可以避免的：
动词的ing/ed还有误用的地方，连词错的比较多，therefore moreover furthermore however别用混，另外，词汇有些单调

加油

shendanlinUID: 2142838

Experience, a summary of people’s past life, maybe a valuable fortune for individual’s memory, and even the difficulty experience might be the most remarkable and valuable in a person’s life.

In study, difficulty experience gives people chances to introspect their selves, and let them to renewably summarize the faults they made. For instance, students can remember their mistakes better than that of right ones to prevent from making the same mistakes. Furthermore, from this process, students could reexamine how well they master their knowledge, and even gain more new information from the reexamination. Therefore, mistakes and even the difficulties meet in people’s study would be a resource which would teach them more, rather than a tough time in their memory.

In work, suffering frustration let people to rescan their work patterns, relationships with coworkers, and ways of communication. The experience of senses of frustration would be memorable in people’s minds and usually make them feel painful. However, the pain could alert people that there must be some false they made during their working, then stimulate them to rescan what they do , to identify whether are right or not , what problems are, and even why them occur. Consequently, people could realize the mistake they did, even the solutions they learn from others’ difficulty experience.

In life, difficulty experiences teach people to be persistent, independent in their life. Instantly, difficulty experiences of being a disable woman give Helen a brave heart and a steel-like persistence, and the tough life in his early age of being an apprentice builds Mark an independent spirit. According to those facts, it is clearly to reveal that the importance of difficulty experience in building a person a strong character.

Given the factors I have just outlined, I can only announce that difficulty experience would be a valuable and even the most rarity fortune the life gives us.

shendanlinUID: 2142838

又加了一篇。。大家来帮忙看看吧！顺便评价一下吧！

lyhcynthiaUID: 2178647

原帖由 shendanlin 于 2006-4-26 21:27 发表
Experience, a summary of people’s past life, maybe a valuable fortune for individual’s memory, and even the difficulty experience might be the most remarkable and valuable in a person’s life.

...

最近　实在太忙了　，所以　只能抽时间上来　。。

我觉得你这篇文章写得很不错　。　很有　新意也很全面　。

DidoyUID: 2181213

这个，你又加的这一篇是什么题目的？

shendanlinUID: 2142838

那个是题目63。艰难的经历可以转化为可贵的教训吗、。‘
can difficult experience become valuable lessons.

roric2025UID: 2134473

Experience, a summary of people’s past life, maybe（少谓语，橘子结构不完整，+is） a valuable（觉得valuable和fortune有点重复） fortune for（in）（an） individual’s memory, and even the difficulty experience might be the most remarkable and valuable in a person’s life.（明白你这句话要说的意思，可总觉得别扭呢，experience改成experienced 修饰difficulty, 或者，difficulty experience是一个固定搭配吗？； be改为become减少重复；）

In study, difficulty experience gives people chances to introspect their selves（themselves）, and let them to renewably (“重新”的意思？) summarize the faults they made. For instance, students can remember（memorize更为正式） their mistakes better than that of（that of 去掉） right ones to prevent from making the same mistakes. Furthermore, from（during） this process, students could reexamine how well they master their knowledge, and even(even 去掉)  gain more new information from the reexamination. Therefore, mistakes and even the difficulties meet（occur）in people’s study would be a resource which would teach them more, rather than a tough time in their memory.

In work, suffering frustration let people to rescan their work patterns, relationships with coworkers, and ways of communication. The experience of senses of（sensing） frustration would be memorable(memorable好像通常形容好的记忆，用unforgettable) in people’s minds and usually make them feel painful. However, the pain could alert people that there must be some false they made during their working, then (thus) stimulate(ing) them to rescan what they do(have done) , to identify whether are right or not , what problems are, and even why them(they) occur(happened这个换不换都行). Consequently, people could realize the mistake they did, even the solutions they learn from others’ difficulty experience（有毛病，可以改为learn more solutions from others’ difficulty experience）.
` j
In life, difficulty experiences teach people to be （more）persistent, independent in their life. Instantly(啥意思？噢，改为for instance), difficulty experiences of being a disable woman(有disable就够了) give Helen a brave heart and a steel-like persistence, and the tough life in his（改为the，否则容易与前面一个例子混淆） early age of being an apprentice builds Mark an independent spirit. According to those facts, it is clearly to reveal that the importance of difficulty experience in building a person a strong character.

Given the factors I have just outlined, I can only announce that difficulty experience would be a valuable and even the most rarity fortune the life gives us.

来晚了，改你的第二篇

还是语法问题，even这个词用得有点多，说理还行，在好好组织下语言，语法这个问题很重要，细节也要注意，最好能多用地道的表达方式。好，继续加油！！

shendanlinUID: 2142838

原帖由 roric2025 于 2006-4-29 20:15 发表
Experience, a summary of people’s past life, maybe（少谓语，橘子结构不完整，+is） a valuable（觉得valuable和fortune有点重复） fortune for（in）（an） individual’s memory, and even the difficulty  ...

x谢谢啊！！
我正在赶紧修改。。
语法啊！！
我的语法啊！
简直就是要抓狂了！

shendanlinUID: 2142838

Topic 143
Whether students should be given one long vacation each year or several short vacations throught the whole year,it is widely discussed in the field of educations. Some think the first one ,given one long vacation each year instead of several short vacations,is a better choice,but other not. However, in my part, I consider the vacations, divided into several parts and distributed in a whole year,would be the premier one.

Admittedly, a long vacation each year give students more time to contorl freely. First, it let students have more choices to make some longtime-lasting plan, such as a long trip throughout their countries by bike ,writing novels about students’ daily life and so on .second, students might have enough time to learn other sujects they interested in and can not get from their classes. For instance,a student majored in mathematics, could choose history or english courses which his/her favorite and learn them through the vacation. However, a long vacation might be not easy to be controlled and planned. If students can not or do not want to choose something intructive to do or learn, the time would be wasted easily. It’s not worthy to spend a long vacation on playing computer games,reading comic books and other entertaimental activities, which need little time , only relaxations.

Therefore, several short vacations throughtout the year seems to be ra reasonable choice. Short vacations give students enough time to free from the heavy studying. Recently, some scientists pointed out that the human body can recover from tought work in two days, indicated short vacation was enough for students recovering. Students could get a break  when they feel tired,rather than endure a longtime-lasting study schedule, and regulate their learning conditions in time. What’s more, though short break, they could own sufficient time to review what they learn, reexamize how well they understand, and figure out problems immediately. Moreover, short vacation are more easier to plan and control than a long wacation.

In sum, I believe that several short vacations would have more advantages than a long vacation. Students would gain more benefits from that choice and improve their acdemic abilities more.

michel_shaoUID: 204704

题目还没看到
大概看了一下 结构 标志性的字句用的很好,一看就明白LZ的看法了.开头和结尾的摸板固定了吧.这样写快点.T八股用的不错~
我觉得老外看作文也就是几分钟的事情,可能还不到,所以结构和标志性的句子挺重要的.

加油!最后10几天的样子了,一起进步.