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[未归类] 进军美利坚作文10.9 by跑跑 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-10-9 20:32:59 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 liuguagua 于 2009-10-9 20:35 编辑

人们变得越来越不友好了

Advanced transportation vechiles and modern communication facilities increase societal development steps, broaden people's views and also promotes their living standards. It seems that people should have more leisure time to enjoy a more friendly relationship and becomes more intimate than ever before with the help of mordernization. As far as I am concerned, relationship between human are not shorten but extended due to the higher social pressures and fruits of high techniques.

In the beginning, people have to focus most of their energy on their individual development under the huge societal pressures, including how to buy a small suite and how to be in face of the increasing prices of necessities, especially those areas with better economy such as beijing and shanghai. I want to give you a comparision to illustrate the viewpoints above.Living in different cities with almost the same salary, my best undergrate friend and I have a totally distinctive life. He is in Chengdu, one of the city of Sichuan; while I am in shanghai, almost the financial center of China. He can use his weekends to have a tea with his friends and get a round-together dinner with his family members.But I can't because eating in the restaurant is so expensive which makes me hestited to send invitation to my friends. Less communication must affects the friendship intimacy between friends, which correspondingly leads to beless friendly.

In addition, modern transportation enable people to go far and enjoy a broad insights; meanwhile it also prohibits them wo have more face to face talk, which can really shorten the distance between friends. Peole are accustomed to communicate through the telephone line and to write through E-mail just because their proficiencies. I do admit that these tools indeed accelerate our speed.Neverthelese,telephone lacks the facial emotion and E-mail is short of sounds, which are vital elements during the communication process. Under this sturbon and emotionaless information exchanges, how can people become more friendly?

In conclusion, people are becoming less friendly as before not because they want to be indifferent but because the social development, which turn them to be more and more self-centered. This is irresistable according to the principle of economy procession. If we want to release this phenomenon, we should learn to use spare time to care about our friends and family members. After all, higher frequency of telephone calls are better than no telephone calls.

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发表于 2009-10-10 14:53:47 |显示全部楼层
Advancedtransportation vechiles and modern communication facilities increasesocietal development steps, broaden people's views and also promotes(单复数应与前面一致)their living standards. It seems that people should have more leisuretime to enjoy a more friendly relationship and becomes more intimatethan ever before with the help of mordernization. As far as I amconcerned, relationship between human are not shorten but extended dueto the higher social pressures and fruits of high techniques.呵呵~~ relationship用shorten和extend表示怪怪的,我觉得用weak和enhance要好些,你觉得呢)开头不错~~
) Z' d! q3 g4 ?7 [2 _3 a# l7 }- d0 W0 {( g2 S
In thebeginning, people have to focus most of their energy on theirindividual development under the huge societal pressures, (从社会压力上将不错)including howto buy a small suite and how to be in face of(用how to face就可以了吧) the increasing prices ofnecessities, especially (in)those areas with better economy such as beijingand shanghai. I want to give you a comparision to illustrate theviewpoints above.Living in different cities with almost the samesalary, my best undergrate friend and I have a totally distinctivelife. He is in Chengdu, one of the city of(a city in) Sichuan; while I am inshanghai, almost the financial center of China. He can use his weekendsto have a tea with his friends and get a round-together dinner with hisfamily members.But I can't because eating in the restaurant is soexpensive which makes me hestited to send invitation to my friends.Less communication must affects the friendship intimacy betweenfriends, which correspondingly leads to beless friendly(从这个角度论述不错,很新颖~赞).# e. e3 }4 {& k( B& F* u

3 ?/ i6 x3 C( B$ P! |1 U7 E6 Z0 \. U# @Inaddition, modern transportation enable(单数) people to go far and enjoy abroad insights; meanwhile it also prohibits them wo have more face toface talk, which can really shorten the distance between friends. Peoleare accustomed to communicate through the telephone line and to writethrough E-mail just because their proficiencies(小反对一下,呵呵~~人们通过电话和email是为了提高效率不假,但是为了增进友谊我大老远跑来跟你说事办公吧~~). I do admit that thesetools indeed accelerate our speed.Neverthelese,telephone lacks thefacial emotion and E-mail is short of sounds, which are vital elementsduring the communication process. Under this sturbon and emotionalessinformation exchanges, how can people become more friendly?: c/ j+ L0 [3 g7 [3 T% L
+ d$ ?; {; O5 |. _7 C5 I
In conclusion,people are becoming less friendly as before not because they want to beindifferent but because (of)the social development, which turn(单数) them to bemore and more self-centered. This is irresistable according to theprinciple of economy procession. If we want to release this phenomenon,we should learn to use spare time to care about our friends and familymembers. After all, higher frequency of telephone calls are better thanno telephone calls.

总的来说,作者的观点还是挺不错的~~,理由也比较充分,希望再细节上和语句上再正式一些~~这些小的错误也是ETS扣分的地方
千江有水千江月 万里无云万里天

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RE: 进军美利坚作文10.9 by跑跑 [修改]

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