12月4日 violin独立写作帖

cavadorisUID: 2646574

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefit more from travelling in their own country than travelling in a foreign country.
16：12---16：58 orz又超时了 下次一定改正。。。大家猛拍啊猛拍啊猛拍啊。。。这次错字好多。。。5个多好像。。。:L

Recently I have read a news that an old man spent his whole-life earnings to travel around the world, including all the continents at the lowest cost. Gradually common as such kind of news, it is as if that news, nevertheless, aroused a fierce debate in the society on whether travelling home or aboard could bring comparatively larger benefit to people. People must embrace various opinions according to their distinctive backgrounds, values, experiences and attitude towards travel, the case of that old man could illustrate it all too well. When it comes to me, I would like to assert that, undoubtedly, we suburban creatures can obtain more during the trip to foreign countries.
Let’s get down to some fundamentals and accept that the main purpose of travelling is to open one’s horizons, to acquire more knowledge and to reconsider the world and oneself. A cursory review of the history would demonstrate it more clearly: Mac polo’s first journey to China or Colombo’s discovery of the new continent would obviously reflect all men’s truly longing for novelty and the original willingness to go out seeking for a new and bigger world. As a result, it is to travel abroad that will definitely widen one’s horizon, rather than travelling in one’s own country.
What’s more, if you are limited to the benefit of obtaining more knowledge when travelling abroad, you will be surely disappointed to the oversea journey. Another advantage of the oversea trip over the ones to places at home is that people could communicate with local people and do some valuable interaction with them. When I travelled abroad, I would always like to visit some places where large amount of natives crowded or assembled, such as local markets, churches and so forth and I felt quite exciting when chatting with them and listening to their stories in the crowds. I found myself that, at that moment, a member of them, in other words, another role of life, was chattering among them, rushing to the cheapest stall, with an exaggeratedly hat and camera. What a fantastic experience! So as people with curiosities like me, travelling abroad is a cherished chance, to experience the outside world as another person.
Nevertheless, some may argue that they prefer the trip in their own countries because they only want to relax themselves during the journey. I do not mean to deny that there is indeed somewhat good points of travelling in one’s own country, but what I am here to stress is that people would obtain more from their journey to foreign countries than in their own countries, their knowledge to outside world, their enriched experiences and, even more important, their attitude towards future life.
All in all, I would feel quite comfortable to reach my point of view that people could benefit more from their journey abroad, due to the purpose of the trip, their various experiences. Just imagine, when you roam about in a quiet street line of a small town in a foreign country with you friends, watching the cars rushing and people you totally unfamiliar with passing by, how could you refuse such a glorious time of life?

饕餮丫UID: 2575059

Recently I have read a piece of news that an old man spent his whole-life earnings to travel around the world, including all the (delete “the”?) continents at the lowest cost. Gradually common as such kind of news, it is as if that news, nevertheless, aroused a fierce debate in the society on whether travelling home or aboard could bring comparatively larger benefit to people. (the example you cited might be not so appropriate to induce the question pertains to the theme. U just mentioned travelling around the world but not refer to the comparison between that abroad and domestic) People must embrace various opinions according to their distinctive backgrounds, values, experiences and attitude towards travel. The case of that old man could illustrate it all too well (this expression reads like Chinglish). When it comes to me, I would like to assert that, undoubtedly, we suburban creatures can obtain more during the trip to foreign countries. (why “suburban” is specified here?)
Let’s get down to some fundamentals and accept that the main purpose of travelling is to open one’s horizons, to acquire more knowledge and to reconsider the world and oneself (Good). A cursory review of the history would demonstrate it more clearly: Mac polo’s first journey to China or Colombo’s discovery of the new continent would obviously reflect all men’s truly longing for novelty and the original willingness to go out seeking for (how about “explore”) a new and bigger world. As a result, it is to travel abroad that will definitely widen one’s horizon, rather than travelling in one’s own country.(er….you stated human nature here but no focus on benefit. How about repeat the achievement of such exploration? Bring Chinese culture to Europe; new continent for settlement and new resource.

Furthermore, adventure nature cannot indicate travelling abroad is better than home one. Any place you didn’t visit ever is full of uncertain)
both types of travelling could bring more expansive horizon, it is better if you emphasize the one oversea provides the chance to get “exotic” staff)- |/ y  B, A  x3 U, p0 a


What’s more, if you are limited to the benefit of obtaining more knowledge when (from) travelling abroad, you will be surely disappointed to the oversea journey (??? This top sentence needs your weighing). Another advantage of the oversea trip over the ones to places at home is that people could communicate with local people and do some valuable interaction with them. When I travelled abroad, I would always like to visit some places where large amount of natives crowded or assembled, such as local markets, churches and so forth and I felt quite exciting when chatting with them and listening to their stories in the crowds. I found myself that, at that moment, is a member of them, in other words, playing another role of life, was chattering among them, rushing to the cheapest stall, with an exaggeratedly hat and camera. What a fantastic experience! So as to people with curiosities like me, travelling abroad is a cherished chance, to experience the outside world as another person. (make it simple with “it is …..for….to…..”)
$ `( Z. Q: G3 Q7 H7 h" `Nevertheless, some may argue that they prefer the trip in their own countries because they only want to relax themselves during the journey. I do not mean to deny that there is indeed somewhat good points of travelling in one’s own country, but what I am here to stress (I stress) is that people would obtain more from their journey to foreign countries than in their own countries, their knowledge to outside world, their enriched experiences and, even more important, their attitude towards future life.- f, p# `" F9 B# L/ c
All in all, I would feel quite comfortable to reach my point of view that people could benefit more from their journey abroad, due to the purpose of the trip, their various experiences. Just imagine, when you roam about in a quiet street line of a small town in a foreign country with you friends, watching the cars rushing and people you totally unfamiliar with passing by, how could you refuse such a glorious time of life?
The point you made is clear but the rationalization and evidence is not so strong. Suggest you take 2 real life examples of trips home and abroad and then compare the gain from the 2.

cavadorisUID: 2646574

2# 饕餮丫
灰常感谢ls的点评 这里面因为有句型是直接套用的 所以看上去会有些别扭 唉 我从小到大写作文就爱跑题 总是一展开就回不来了 呵呵 可能的话能不能给我一些关于这方面的建议呢？

shiwei83UID: 2680950

Recently I have read a news that an old man spent his whole-life earnings to travel around the world, including all the continents at the lowest cost. （用事例开头，这个方法好，值得学习）Gradually common as such kind of news, it is as if that news, nevertheless, aroused a fierce debate in the society on whether travelling home（用domestic较好） or aboard could bring comparatively larger benefit to people. People must embrace various opinions according to their distinctive backgrounds, values, experiences and attitude towards travel, the case of that old man could illustrate it all too well. When it comes to me, I would like to assert that, undoubtedly, we suburban creatures can obtain more during the trip to foreign countries.

Let’s get down to some fundamentals and accept that the main purpose of travelling is to open one’s horizons, to acquire more knowledge and to reconsider the world and oneself. A cursory review of the history would demonstrate it more clearly: Mac polo’s first journey to China or Colombo’s discovery of the new continent would obviously reflect all men’s truly longing for novelty and the original willingness to go out seeking for a new and bigger world.（很好的例子，赞） As a result, it is to travel abroad that will definitely widen one’s horizon, rather than travelling in one’s own country.

What’s more, if you are limited to the benefit of obtaining more knowledge when travelling abroad, you will be surely disappointed to the oversea（这个词用得好，我怎么没想到呢） journey. Another advantage of the oversea trip over the ones to places at home is that people could communicate with local people and do some valuable interaction with them. When I travelled abroad, I would always like to visit some places where large amount of natives crowded or assembled, such as local markets, churches and so forth and I felt quite exciting when chatting with them and listening to their stories in the crowds. I found myself that, at that moment, a member of them, in other words, another role of life, was chattering among them, rushing to the cheapest stall, with an exaggeratedly hat and camera. What a fantastic experience! So as people with curiosities like me, travelling abroad is a cherished chance, to experience the outside world as another person.

Nevertheless, some may argue that they prefer the trip in their own countries because they only want to relax themselves during the journey. I do not mean to deny that there is indeed somewhat good points of travelling in one’s own country, but what I am here to stress is that people would obtain more from their journey to foreign countries than in their own countries, their knowledge to outside world, their enriched experiences and, even more important, their attitude towards future life.,

All in all, I would feel quite comfortable to reach my point of view that people could benefit more from their journey abroad, due to the purpose of the trip, their various experiences. Just imagine, when you roam about in a quiet street line of a small town in a foreign country with you friends, watching the cars rushing and people you totally unfamiliar with passing by, how could you refuse such a glorious time of life?

你的文章很不错，在遣词造句和语法运用方面都值得我学习。谈两个小问题：
1.关于出国旅游的优点，你只谈到了两点，最好能再加上一点。这样可以使论证显得更有力，更充分。
2.感觉你的两个理由，似乎区分度不高，更像是一个理由。在你文章中，第一个理由是open one’s horizons, to acquire more knowledge and to reconsider the world and oneself，第二个理由是communicate with local people and do some valuable interaction with them。这两点意思比较接近，可以整合为一点。
当然，这个纯属我的个人意见，也许谈得不对，仅供参考， 呵呵）

名字是个词儿UID: 2707493

Recently I have read a [a piece of] news that an old man spent his whole-life earnings to travel around the world, including all the continents at the lowest cost. Gradually common as such kind of news, it is as if that news, nevertheless, aroused a fierce debate in the society on whether travelling home or aboard could bring comparatively larger benefit to people. People must embrace various opinions according to their distinctive backgrounds, values, experiences and attitude towards travel, the case of that old man could illustrate it all too well. When it comes to me, I would like to assert that, undoubtedly, we suburban[为咩要提到郊区这件事？] creatures can obtain more during the trip to foreign countries.

Let’s get down to some fundamentals and accept that the main purpose of travelling is to open[broaden] one’s horizons, to acquire more knowledge and to reconsider the world and oneself. A cursory review of the history would demonstrate it more clearly: Mac polo’s first journey to China[Orient] or Colombo’s discovery of the new continent would obviously reflect all men’s truly longing for novelty and the original willingness to go out seeking for a new and bigger world. As a result, it is to travel abroad that will definitely widen one’s horizon, rather than travelling in one’s own country.

What’s more, if you are limited to the benefit of obtaining more knowledge when travelling abroad, you will be surely disappointed to the oversea journey. Another advantage of the oversea trip over the ones to places at home is that people could communicate with local people and do some valuable interaction with them.[在本国也可以与当地人交流。所以重点不是可否交流，而是交流中间你能获得什么] When I travelled abroad, I would always like to visit some places where large amount of natives crowded or assembled, such as local markets, churches and so forth and I felt quite exciting when chatting with them and listening to their stories in the crowds. I found myself that[删that], at that moment, a member of them, in other words, another role of life, was chattering among them, rushing to the cheapest stall, with an exaggeratedly hat and camera.[关于这个例子，既然后面你都说得那么具体了，何妨前面也具体到地名和事件，更生动] What a fantastic experience! So as people with curiosities like me, travelling abroad is a cherished chance, to experience the outside world as another person[as if you are someone else].

Nevertheless, some may argue that they prefer the trip in their own countries because they only want to relax themselves during the journey. I do not mean to deny that there is indeed somewhat good points of travelling in one’s own country, but what I am here to stress is that people would obtain more from their journey to foreign countries than in their own countries, their knowledge to outside world, their enriched experiences and, even more important, their attitude towards future life.

All in all, I would feel quite comfortable to reach my point of view that people could benefit more from their journey abroad, due to the purpose of the trip, their various experiences. Just imagine, when you roam about in a quiet street line of a small town in a foreign country with you friends, watching the cars rushing and people you ［are］ totally unfamiliar with passing by, how could you refuse such a glorious time of life?

词汇丰富，很有文采。整体风格有点像一篇演讲稿。可以考虑再弄得书面一点。毕竟是议论文不是散文么。而且貌似你想说的内容多而且散，需要在提纲阶段好好组织一下。就算在行文中间跑了火车，结尾段也要尽量收回来。

饕餮丫UID: 2575059

我也写了，写国内旅游的好，越写越觉得别扭
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1038068&extra=