第一次写独立作文，请猛啪！！！！！

a-moon82815UID：2651591

第一次写独立作文，请猛啪！！！！！

孩子应该是玩和学习还是做家务household chores？

Andy, my brother who is 12 years old, does her homework after school until 20 clock at night every day. There is no time to play with her friends even for doing some household works. However，the way of study have been supported by most teachers and parents. The main goal of what most of them agree with the approach of learning is for children to better to digest knowledge learning in class. But, form the point of me, I think children should both study and play with other people as well do some housework.

First of all, study is important to children. Learning, form the class taught by teachers, make them know the normal knowledge, such as math, physics, geology and so on, which serve to children’s daily life. My neighbor has a lively son, Mike, who is 6 yeas old. Last Sunday, they went to Renmin park, when mike’s parents bought tickets for watching perform where was in the south of park, took by animals. mike felt thirst. In that case, he walk alone to a shop which was located in the north of park without telling his parents. he should walk through so many trees and turned a lot of, but finally he bought a icecream and the money he gave was correct. He remembered the way he went and characters of way, finally, he took icecream and came back to his parents. At that point, his parents primarily got angry with him, however, they were pleased. The reason was that they knew their children could took advantage of math knowledge and logic method to remember the way he walked and calculated the correct money bought for iceream.

In addition, apart from studying, play is necessary to children. Psychological research has given rise to some interesting findings concerning with the important of playing. The result have suggested that the children, who frequently play with other people, is more confident in study and alive than those do not. Mike often spend his spare time playing with his friends, thus,he is not afraid of talking to strangers and very self-trust. For instance, mike told me that his schoolmates, who is luca, rarely speak to others, when teacher ask luca to stand up and answer questions in class, she always lower her head and not reply to the issue fluency.

However, after children finish their homework, and have spent some certain times in playing, no matter how the way of playing. I think it is necessary for them to do some household chores. The reason is that it not only conduct to foster independent ability but also help parents.

With these advantages, we may conclude that the study and play experience as well as doing housework which will guarantee a more comfortable life for children and cultivate the sense of confident as well independence.

枫叶满天UID：2730468

Andy, my brother who is 12 years old, does her homework after school until 20 clock at night every day. There is no time to play with her friends even for doing some household works. However，the way of study（ing） have been supported by most teachers and parents. The main goal of what most of them agree with the approach of learning is for children to better to digest knowledge learning in class. But, form the point of me(改成 my point of view), I think children should both study and play with other people as well do some housework.

First of all, study is important to(for) children. Learning, form the class(删掉from the class) taught by teachers, make them know the normal(fundamental) knowledge, such as math, physics, geology and so on(such as 和so on 不能连用), which serve（s）（a basic skill） to children’s daily life. My neighbor has a lively son, Mike, who is 6 yeas old. Last Sunday, they went to Renmin park, when mike’s parents bought tickets for watching perform(ance) where was in the south of park, took by animals. mike felt thirst. In that case, he walk alone to a shop which was located in the north of park without telling his parents. he should(must) walk through so many trees and turned a lot of(删掉), but finally he bought a icecream and the money he gave was correct. He remembered the way he went and characters of way, finally, he took icecream and came back to his parents. At that point, his parents primarily got angry with him, however, they were pleased. The reason was that they knew their children could took advantage of math knowledge and logic method to remember the way he walked and calculated the correct money bought for iceream.
这个例子虽然有点假，但还是能证明论点的。  

In addition, apart from studying, play is necessary to（for） children. Psychological research has given rise to some interesting findings concerning with the important(importance) of playing. The result have suggested that the children, who frequently play with other people, is more confident in study and alive than those do not. Mike often spend his spare time playing with his friends, thus,he is not afraid of talking to strangers and very self-trust. For instance, mike told me that his schoolmates, who is luca, rarely speak to others, when teacher ask luca to stand up and answer questions in class, she always lower her head and not reply to the issue fluency(fluently).

However, after children finish their homework, and have spent some certain times in playing, no matter how the way of playing. I think it is necessary for them to do some household chores. The reason is that it not only conduct(s) to foster independent ability but also help(s) parents.

With these advantages, we may conclude that the study and play experience as well as doing housework which will guarantee a more comfortable life for children and cultivate the(改成a) sense of confident as well independence.
我的建议是楼主不要写成这种没有倾向性观点的文章，一定要主题句中体现出来，比如说：我觉得学习和玩比做家务重要的多因为。。。，但是做适当家务还是需要的因为。。。

a-moon82815UID：2651591

2# 枫叶满天


感谢提出宝贵的意见！！！！！

SilentScorpiusUID：2686998

Andy,my brother who is 12 years old, does her homework after school until 20clock at night every day. There is no time to play with her friendseven for doing some household works. However，the(this) way of study have been supported by most teachers and parents. Themain goal of what most of them agree with the approach of learning isfor(感觉有点绕，可以写简明写) children to better to digest knowledge learning in class. But, formthe point of me, I think children should both study and play with otherpeople as well do some housework.

Firstof all, study is important to children. Learning, form the class taughtby teachers, make them know the normal(fundamental好些) knowledge, such as math,physics, geology and so on(有such as了这个要删去), which serve to children’s daily life. Myneighbor has a lively son, Mike, who is 6 yeas old. Last Sunday, theywent to Renmin park, when mike’s parents bought tickets for watchingperform where was in the south of park, took by animals. mike feltthirst. In that case, he walk alone to a shop which was located in thenorth of park without telling his parents. he should walk through somany trees and turned a lot of, but finally he bought a icecream andthe money he gave was correct. He remembered the way he went andcharacters of way, finally, he took icecream and came back to hisparents. At that point, his parents primarily got angry with him,however, they were pleased. The reason was that they knew theirchildren could took advantage of math knowledge and logic method toremember the way he walked and calculated the correct money bought foriceream.(这个例子不错) 0 Y# w  s$ b8 k, Y: X- \

In addition, apart from studying, play is necessary to children. Psychologicalresearch has given rise to some interesting findings concerning withthe important of playing. The result have suggested that the children,who frequently play with other people, is more confident in study andalive than those do not. Mikeoften spend his spare time playing with his friends, thus,he is notafraid of talking to strangers and very self-trust. For instance, miketold me that his schoolmates, who is(删去) luca, rarely speak to others, whenteacher ask luca to stand up and answer questions in class, she alwayslower her head and not reply to the issue fluency.

However, afterchildren finish their homework, and have spent some certain times inplaying, no matter how the way of playing. I think it is necessary forthem to do some household chores. The reason is that it not onlyconduct to foster independent ability but also help parents.

; t/ G/ h8 p, u3 c

# d* Y* f. A+ w5 U; _3 Z( ^3 _3 f, O7 [
Withthese advantages, we may conclude that the study and play experience aswell as doing housework which will guarantee a more comfortable lifefor children and cultivate the sense of confident as well independence.

论点很清晰，例子也很detail,但是把家务和学习、玩的比较部分比较少，可以深入讨论一下，显得结构更加完整。

djy1333UID：2619415

我只说第一句

BROTHER 跟 HER  楼主注意一下基本的问题  这个很伤分的

a-moon82815UID：2651591

我只说第一句

BROTHER 跟 HER  楼主注意一下基本的问题  这个很伤分的
djy1333 发表于 2009-12-12 16:07

感谢，这个小错误自己没有察觉到！谢谢

a-moon82815UID：2651591

4# SilentScorpius
感谢宝贵意见！
我第一次写作文，对有三个选项的进行选择，有点不知道该怎么下手比较好，是只选一个，否定其他两个？还是可以选择两个，否定一个呢？