icelittle 12.10 writing

icelittleUID：2730464

Studying brings children the understanding of the world, which is acumulated by thousands of years from previously civilization, helping children to realize the environment they live better; playing is human nature, especially to children, from which they can not only finding their own friends, but also practicing what they learned from school, whereas house chore makes children the awared of the duty that they should have being as a part of their family. All these together contribute to children’s well growing up and none of them should be exceptional.

It is a common sense that study should always come first. Definitely this is true, no matter for children’s life or work in the future, knowledge is weighted in a very important place. This is such a competitive world, if did not have enough knowledge, children will easy fall behind after their growing up. Taking me myself as an example, when I was young, I spend a lot of time on just playing rather than learn something I interested in at that time. Some years later when I grew up, I found my classmeters are much more active than me in their spear life, they took part in the music party, dance party whereas I can just stood there watching. After that, I spend double time than I would if I learned them such as play a piano when I was a child. As a result, a good plan of study is so important to children.

Only stick to study, however, will limit children’s minds as well. Just like the essential of diversity to a habitat so that it can remain stainable, children also need various ways of experience to feel the world so that they will have a whole idea about the real life. Playing and some house chores are just such kind of experience to children. As a student in school, a partner among friends and a member at home, children can gradually understand their roles, so that when they grew up, they would not be isolated from the society.

In conclusion, children would not have a healthy growing up until their studying, playing and house chores play all take an part of their own in children' life.

cindynanaUID：2630679

Study(ing) brings children the understanding of the world, which is accumulated by thousands of years from previously civilization, helping children to realize the environment they live better; playing is human nature, especially to children, from which they (can) not only finding(find) their own friends, but also practicing(practice) what they learned from school, whereas house chore makes children the(to) aware(d) of the duty that they --were (as) a part of their family. All these together contribute to children’s well growing up and none of them should be exceptional.


It is a common sense that study should always come first. Definitely this is –可以搞个倒装强调一下—is this true, no matter for children’s life or work in the future, knowledge is weighted in a very important place. This is such a competitive world, if did not have enough knowledge, children will easy fall behind after their growing up. Taking (me) myself as an example, when I was young, I spend a lot of time on just playing rather than learn (ing) something I interested in (at that time.) Some years later—years later when I grew up用过了建议换一个，mature, I found my classmeters--classmates are--were much more active than me in their spear-spare life-time, they took part in the music party, dance party whereas I (can) just stood there--and watching. After that, if I WANT TO PLAY piano AS WELL AS THEY DID, I HAVE TO spend double time comparing the time if I would learn it in my childhood.than I would if I learned them such as play a piano when I was a child. As a result, a good plan of study is so important—用过，建议换单词 to children

Only stick to-我不大明白，你是要说坚持还是这个词有啥其他的意思-如果是坚持建议改成CONCERNTRATE study, however, will limit children’s minds--intelligence as well. Just like the essential of diversity to a habitat so that it can remain stainable, children also need various ways of experience to feel the world so that they will have a whole idea about the real life. –the picture of real life is not merely composed by study, but other actor such as playing and housekeeping Playing and some house chores are just such kind of experience to children. As a student in school, a partner among friends and a member at home, children (can] gradually understand their roles, so that when they grew up, they would not be isolated from the society.0
In conclusion, children would not have a healthy growing up until their-y studying, playing and house chores. All of them play all take an part of their own in children' life.
总的来说，条理很清晰，总分结构，可能是由于时间问题，最后两点发展的不是很充分，有些小词用的还是甚好的
建议是在例证的时候，多用几种方法会加强信服度
再选词的时候注意要变换，句子结构思路要清晰，抓住主干别忘了成分。
就这些，挺好的，加油

icelittleUID：2730464

谢谢 cindynana 的批改~
我写的时候就发现词汇严重不够用了，而且在你那里学到了什么叫强有力的论证~谢谢哦

lmsleeperUID：2559158

Studying brings children the understanding of the world, which is accumulated by thousands of years from previously civilization, helping children to realize the environment they live better; playing is human nature, especially to children, from which they can not only finding（make） their own friends, but also practicing(practice) what they learned from school, whereas house chore makes children the awared(be aware of) of the duty that they should have being as a part of their family.(有点绕，能否这样说：household chores remind the children of their obligation as a family member) All these together contribute to children’s well growing up and none of them should be exceptional.

It is a common sense that study should always come first. Definitely this is true, no matter for children’s life or work in the future, knowledge is weighted in a very important place
（be weighted 有 加重量，压倒的意思，这里有点歧义。Or say: be pondered as a very important element）. This is such a competitive world, if did not have enough knowledge, children will easy fall behind after their growing up. Taking me myself as an example, when I was young, I spend a lot of time on just playing rather than learn something I interested in at that time. Some years later when I grew up, I found my classmates are much more active than me in their spear(spare) life, they took part in the music party, dance party whereas I can just stood there watching. After that, I spend double time than I would if I learned them such as play(ing) a piano when I was a child. (to catch up with them, I have to spend double of time I would spend if I had learned it when I was a child)As a result, a good plan of study is so important to children.

Only (simply) stick to study, however, will limit children’s minds as well. Just like the essential of diversity (of creatures) to a habitat so that it can remain stainable, children also need various ways of experience to feel the world so that they will have a whole idea about the real life. Playing and some house chores are just such kind of experience to children. As a student in school, a partner among friends and a member at home, children can gradually understand their roles, so that when they grew up, they would not be isolated from the society.

In conclusion, children would not have a healthy growing up until their studying, playing and house chores play all take an part of their own (play important roles together) in children' life.

改晚了，见谅！
文章观点明确，结构清晰，语言也不错。
个人意见：语法基本功有待加强。结构上开头可简洁些，论证部分加强例子储备。
其实我问题也很多，找不到例子，痛苦啊~