03 的独立作文

happyfaith2008UID：2709856

(184)Some students prefer to study alone. Others prefer to study with a group of students. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

The condition of study, which plays an important role in the process and outcome of study, often leads a hot debate among students. Some students consider study ing alone bebefits us more. However, others stand on the different ground. They belive studying with a group of people is better. As far as I am concerned, I prefer the latter opinion. In the following passages, I will use specific reasons to illustrate my my point of view.

First, to sudy with a group of students will do a great help for our study. Soppuse you have taken part in a study group,   you can study together to discuss the problems you may meet in certain subjects.Three heads are better than one. The problems can be solved efficiently. And when the final exams are coming you can be clear about what you should review since you have discussed the problems with your group members. The scores of the exams will tell you the progress you have made. I do agree to study with a group of students.   

Second, if we join a group of students to sudy, we will make more friends. For instance, my friend Lily once had few friends. But after she took part in a study group to pass the College Entrance Examination you can often see her talking with her friends happily on the campus. Lily told me that the students in her group were very kind and the always encouraged her and she did appreciate this kind of relationship.Now she not only has passed the big exam, but also has got some good freinds. We should study with a group of students, shouldn’t we?

Finally, attending a group of students to sudy, we can have a lot of fun. Suppose you meet a mathe problem in your study you may think it is so boring and lose your pacient to study. But if you study with a group of students you can make jokes with each other and you may forget the bad mood because of the laughters. Or you feel happy to study just because one of your group members says you look great today. There are so many examples. Can studying with a group of students benefit us more? The answer is definitely “positive.”

Taking all the factors above into account , we may safely arrive the conslusion that studying with a group of students is a wise option. It can help us study, bring more friends for us and make a lot of fun in our daily life.However, we can also see the problems that we may meet if we study together, and for example, sometimes it will take a long time for us to discuss and we may be disturbed by other members when we sutdy at one room. But compared with the benefits we can get from it I will also hold the opinion that it is a wise, rational and sensible option to study with a group of students.  

mpromanusUID：2565872

感动一下。。终于开张了。。T-T

The condition (This word can mean many things, and probably is too vague for your examiner to guess what you meant to express. I know the Chinese expression 学习条件 is widely used, but that's because we all know what it implies, more or less. A phrase like 'condition of study', on the other hand, doesn't translate to any similar understanding. Plus, if you use 'THE condition', it implies there is one particular condition of study that is in discussion, which, obviously, is not what you're trying to imply.) (If you're not able to be concise, try to at least EXPLAIN, e.g. 'Conditions of study, such as the physical environment in the room or the social atmosphere during study activities, are important factors in the process...' ) of study (, which plays an important role in the process and outcome of study, often leads to a hot debates among students. (Generally speaking, it's often safer to keep plurals with plurals. 'a hot debate among students' is implying that there's only one such debate.) Some students consider that studying alone benefits us (Who? Mixing 1st person with 3rd person like this is confusing.) more. However, others stand on thea different ground.: (The colon is a good device for show off when appropriate: it signals your reader to expect more information/explanation, therefore creates a natural and comfortable flow of logical reasoning.) They belive studying with a group of people is better. As far as I am concerned, I prefer the latter opinion. In the following passages, I will use specific reasons to illustrate my my point of view.

First, to sudy with a group of students will do a great help for our study. Suppose you have taken part in a study group,  you can study together with others? (I understand that 'you' can be both singular and plural, but don't let it be both singular and plural in the same sentence.) to discuss the problems you may meet in certain subjects. ThreeTwo heads are better than one. (In Chinese we do say 三个臭皮匠赛过诸葛亮 but please don't assume the same in another language, so if you plan to use proverbs, make sure you get them correct.) so The problems can be solved efficiently. (Loosely connected sentences are entirely acceptable and perfectly understood in Chinese, less so in English.) And (Starting a sentence with 'and' is weak in tone. You may use 'also' or a stronger 'therefore'.) when the final exams are coming you can be clear about what you should review since you have discussed the problems with your group members. The scores of the exams will tell you the progress you have made. (I don't see what this has to do with the previous sentence, or your topic about 'studying in a group'. What exactly is the relationship between ' clear about exam review' and 'scores of the exams'?) I do agree to study with a group of students.

Second, if we join a group of students to sudy, we will make more friends. For instance, my friend Lily once had few friends. But after she took part in a study group to pass the College Entrance Examination you can often see her talking with her friends happily on the campus. Lily told me that the students in her group were very kind and they? always encouraged her and she did appreciate this kind of relationship. Now she not only has passed the big exam, but also has gotten some good freinds. We should study with a group of students, shouldn’t we? (Let me give this logic a twist: if you make friends by joining a sports team, are these friends going to be equally good for you, since you were describing how friends are good and helpful? Have you ever thought about WHAT EXACTLY is the merit of the study group? Is it just the friends, or the friends who STUDY WITH YOU? Think about it.)

Finally, attending a group of students (If you 'attend' people, it means you take care of them.) to sudy, we can have a lot of fun. Suppose you meet a mathe problem in your study, you may think it is so boring and lose your pacience to study. But (Similar to a previous comment about starting a sentence with 'and', 'but' is a weak conjuction that shouldn't head a sentence. You may use 'however' or 'yet'.) if you study with a group of students, you can make jokes with each other and you may forget the bad mood because of the laughters. Or you feel happy to study just because one of your group members says you look great today. There are so many examples. Can studying with a group of students benefit us more? The answer is definitely “positive". (I don't see how being happy in a study group can 'benefit' you because there're many other ways to be happy and relaxing. Don't assume that your reader will know your assumption of 'being happy benefits studying because you'll be more relaxed and motivated to study in a good mood'. Tell them.)

(This is similar to the comment for the 'Second' paragraph: from your argument, I understand that being in a group is good, but why must it be 'study' in a group? This question is asking you about two options, therefore you should focus on the differences between the options.)

Taking all the factors above into account, we may safely arrive at the conslusion that studying with a group of students is a wise option. It can help us study, bring more friends for us and make a lot of fun in our daily life. However, we can also see the problems that we may meet if we study together., and for example, sometimes it will take a long time for us to discuss and we may be disturbed by other members when we sutdy atin one room. But compared with the benefits we can get from it (What? The subject is too far away from this pronoun for the reader to remember.), I will also (still) hold the opinion that it is a wise, rational and sensible option to study with a group of students.

(Again, one fussy examiner may ask: aren't there so many things that can 'bring more friends' or 'make a lot of fun in our daily life' out there, that I may still enjoy if I'm studying alone? What exactly is so good in studying with a group that is BETTER THAN studying alone, that makes you prefer the former?)

总结：

语言，词汇和逻辑上来说，没有什么很严重的问题，注意一下写作语言尽量避免口语化的倾向。

最主要的是对于问题来说，逻辑不够有力。这个问题在出两个很明确的命题给你的时候，它的潜台词便不是单纯的what's good about studying in a group, 而是why is studying in a group more preferable than studying alone，或者说，它是在要你多少证明一下A>B，而不是仅仅A is large. 不过不一定需要很用力地写，稍微说一下study alone相比study in a group的不足就可以了。那么这类型的文章我就不能说一定是不好，要看考官觉得如何~单以托福的要求来说的话，是满足的，但是以个人的眼光来看的话，这个逻辑还没有达到能够圆满地说服读者的程度。

happyfaith2008UID：2709856

多谢点评！还有一些问题，麻烦解答一下。非常感谢！
同学指出了我的好多问题。我挑主要的说。因为我是套用总分总的结构，在最关键的论述分论点上，我差不多套两句话就算完事了，的确有点条理不清，论述不足。那么是不是我以后我练习应该放在逻辑思维的训练上？还有一个问题是，我写一篇文章要花好长时间，40分钟以上，总是想把句子说的好一点，但是自己说的句子老是不地道。写作时间还不够用。还有一个多月就考试了，我应该如何提高造句水平呢？最后一点，二选一的话题要两点比较一下的说，那在论述A好的时候，顺带说一下比B优越，还是另起一段说与A相比之下B不足？这两个哪一个计较好写或者是更能扣题？

mpromanusUID：2565872

> 那么是不是我以后我练习应该放在逻辑思维的训练上？

这个问题，很诚实的说，就应付考试的目的来讲，我无法保证回答你说训练逻辑思维一定能帮助你作文拿更好的分数。。就像总结里说的，你写的不是不好，对付托福是没什么太大问题，只是以我个人习惯的严谨逻辑来看有些松，所以如果你想继续训练逻辑思维，那就不是为了对付托福了。。

你的文章逻辑并不是不好，而是不圆满，话就差一点不到点子上。如果把你作文每段的结尾都单独拿出来和题目放在一起，题目是which do you prefer，而你每段的结尾是I agree..We should...Can benefit...没有和题目的问法相扣的，你的结尾段也是没有扣上问题。扣题的意思不仅仅是说内容要针对题目，也要考虑如何针对题目来表达这个内容。

> 还有一个问题是，我写一篇文章要花好长时间，40分钟以上，总是想把句子说的好一点，但是自己说的句子老是不地道。写作时间还不够用。还有一个多月就考试了，我应该如何提高造句水平呢？

句子写简单的就好，写不出来就想想能不能换个词汇换个说法。我个人的看法是宁愿逼自己掐时间，也不要为了想一个句子而养成超时的习惯，正式考试的时候那个时间倒数很容易造成恐惧感的。。

> 最后一点，二选一的话题要两点比较一下的说，那在论述A好的时候，顺带说一下比B优越，还是另起一段说与A相比之下B不足？这两个哪一个计较好写或者是更能扣题？

首先我要确认一下，我的意思不是所有的二选一都需要比较。。这个题目我个人认为应该比较一下是因为它的用词是prefer，这个词和like的意思比起来，有一层经过比较而选择的含义。写法上来说，考虑到字数和时间，第一种就够了，其实只需要你稍微提到一下另外一个选项，表示你明白有另一个选项的存在，能让读者觉得你并不是漫无边际地讨论，就够了。最基本的比如，在论述了一个好处之后，结尾放一句Thus, because of xxx,  I prefer xxx over xxx，不需要花太多时间解释为什么另外一个选项不好，因为这是一个个人喜好类的问题。。

happyfaith2008UID：2709856

国宝同学谢谢啦！呵呵！语言真是很有意思的东西。现在感觉写英语作文和写中文议论文一样了。:D

hyacinthUID：2184492

国宝同学谢谢啦！呵呵！语言真是很有意思的东西。现在感觉写英语作文和写中文议论文一样了。:D
happyfaith2008 发表于 2009-12-21 18:12

T的作文本来就是议论文啊... 只不过让你用英语写出来...

另外你说的那个想把句子写好一点的情况...我个人的经验是, 先掐时间写.... 写完了修改的时候, 可以考虑多种表达, 怎么样写得地道一点. 这样下次得时候就可以直接套用修改过后的句型了.

happyfaith2008UID：2709856

恩。谢谢斑斑！

mpromanusUID：2565872

T的作文本来就是议论文啊... 只不过让你用英语写出来...

另外你说的那个想把句子写好一点的情况...我个人的经验是, 先掐时间写.... 写完了修改的时候, 可以考虑多种表达, 怎么样写得地道一点. 这样下次得时候 ...
hyacinth 发表于 2009-12-29 09:49

颤抖。。斑斑你的意思是很多人其实都不知道T作文的性质就是英文议论文吗。。？我要回去检讨自己的想当然了。。T_T

happyfaith2008UID：2709856

估计就我傻呵呵的不知道吧！:L呵呵！我刚开始就没把T的作文想象的要像中文的议论文一样·这样来看我的作文还是很有希望的。:lol