argumet 1 求拍

luckyxbzUID: 2555266

Argument 1
Should Nature’s Way open a store in Plainesville?

In this argument the vice president of Nature’s Way (NW) puts forward the proposal that NW should build their new store in Plainesville. He also gives various evidences that the people who live in P are very concerned with leading healthy lives. Yet, close scrutiny of each of these factors reveals that none of them lend credible support to his recommendation.

First, the author comes to the conclusion that P residents highly concern leading healthy based on that most people living in P highly concerns with the high sales of running shoes, exercise clothes and the prosperous health club. However, the evidence offered by the author failed to justify his statement. Perhaps the high sales of running shoes and exercise clothing just due to their low prices, or maybe they are fashionable at that moment. It is also possible that people who go to the health club just to make friends or its training classes are so small that it is easy to be full. Without ruling out those possibilities, the vice president’s inference is unconvincing.

Moreover, the author predicts that there will be a new generation of customers at P only for the reason that P’ schoolchildren are required to take part in a “fitness for life” program. However, the author overlooks the fact that it is the people who want to live a healthy life, not who join in a such program determines them to live healthy lives. It is equally possible that they will favor an unhealthy lifestyle when they grow older.

Even if the people who live in P are concerned about leading healthy lives and P’ next children will prefer to live a healthy lifestyle when they grow older, it is unwarranted that the author draws the conclusion that those people will buy the products of NW just from their previous experience. Because when he comes to this conclusion, he must assume that all the conditions which involves in this situation will not change. Yet there is no evidence to substantiate this assumption. It is just likely that people who highly concern health lifestyles now or in soon future will not prefer to buy health food or health-related products but to exercise more or something others. Not until the author can rule out those possibilities, can his proposal be convincing.

To make his recommendation more logically acceptable, the vice-president should provide the evidence that the high sales of exercise clothes and running shoes was caused by the concern of P’s residents for leading healthy lives, and the next generation of P will prefer to live a healthy lifestyle. Also he must provide the evidence to substantiate that their previous experience will also be applicable in future. Otherwise, his proposal can not be acceptable.

StefanaUID: 2143510

请记住，在你没有给予他人帮助之前，没有人有义务帮你修改作文。
因此在发贴求拍的同时，首先要有帮别人改的行动。
1. 在自己发贴求拍以后帮别人改上一篇，然后在拍的最后贴上自己的文章链接希望别人能够回拍是个很不错的办法。
2. 加入作文互改小组这种方式。
3. 参与零散板油互改。https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1048719-1-2.html
4. 找正在运营的修改铺。

StefanaUID: 2143510

你或许能和这位探讨下。他/她写了篇同题文。 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1050770

algabraUID: 2748722

1# luckyxbz

我是看了Stefana的回帖过来的，欢迎回拍~

In this argument the vice president of Nature’s Way (NW) puts forward the proposal that NW should build their new store in Plainesville. He also gives various evidences that the people who live in P are very concerned with leading healthy lives. Yet, close scrutiny of each of these factors reveals that none of them lend credible support to his recommendation.

First, the author comes to the conclusion that P residents highly concern leading healthy(leading healthy lives?) based on that most people living in P highly concerns with the high sales of running shoes, exercise clothes and the prosperous health club. (concern with 好像不是这么用的吧?) However, the evidence offered by the author failed to justify his statement. Perhaps the high sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are just due to their low prices（少了动词）, or maybe they are fashionable at that moment. It is also possible that people who go to the health club just want to make friends or its training classes are so small that it is easy to be full.（少了动词）Without ruling out those possibilities, the vice president’s inference is unconvincing. 这段论述得很有道理啊~

Moreover, the author predicts that there will be a new generation of customers at P only by reason that P’ schoolchildren are required to take part in a “fitness for life” program. However, the author overlooks the fact that it is the people who want to live a healthy life, not who join in such a program determines them to live healthy lives.（这句有点绕） It is equally possible that they will favor an unhealthy lifestyle when they grow older. 感觉这段论证有点勉强，不那么有说服力…

Even if the people who live in P are concerned about leading healthy lives and P’ next children （你想说下一代孩子是吗？可不可以这么说呢？next generation of children）will prefer to live a healthy lifestyle when they grow older, it is unwarranted that the author draws the conclusion that those people will buy the products of NW just from their previous experience. Because when he comes to this conclusion, he must assume that all the conditions which involves in this situation will not change. Yet there is no evidence to substantiate this assumption. It is just likely that people who highly concern health lifestyles now or in soon future will not prefer to buy health food or health-related products but to exercise more or something others. Not until the author can rule out those possibilities, can his proposal be convincing.
To make his recommendation more logically acceptable, the vice-president should provide the evidence that the high sales of exercise clothes and running shoes was caused by the concern of P’s residents for leading healthy lives, and the next generation of P will prefer to live a healthy lifestyle. Also he must provide the evidence to substantiate that their previous experience will also be applicable in future. Otherwise, his proposal cannot be acceptable.

驳斥的角度比我那篇多，展开的论述也很详细，还用了一些复杂的词汇和句型（比如倒装），嗯，这篇文章让我很有收获啊~
一起加油哦~  :-)