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发表于 2010-1-10 22:10:42
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本帖最后由 rockyanglei 于 2010-1-10 22:12 编辑
It is clear that human activity increasingly influences the Earth in various ways. Some people argue that human activity has a harmful impact on our Earth, while others hold the (other) opinion that due to the effect of human activity, our Earth is becoming a better place to live. As far as I am concerned, I agree with that human activity makes the Earth more suitable to live.
First, As a result of human activity, various kinds of transportations are invented, and people are able to save time when travelling. In ancient time, it may take several mouth(s) to go from one city to another, while it may only need few hours nowadays. So, it is unimagable for an ancient people to travel around the world, while it is easy to achieve now as long as you have enough money and (add "if" better?) you are willing to. In addition, the transportation is continuously improved. For example, the railway from my hometown to Hangzhou has been improved last year, and it only take 3 hours now to travel between these two cities, much faster comparing to 8 hours before.
Second, Due(due) to human activity, we are able to live in a more comfortable environment, especially with the invention of electrical instrument. Light enable(s) us continue our work or have a good time in the evening; television enable(s) us know the outside world; telephone enable(s) us communicate with friends or relatives far from us.(I have no idea, whether there need add to behind "enable", I think it should be like this: sth enable sb to do sth) You can see, it is human activity makes life so colorful for us nowadays.
Finally, because of human activity, the longevity of human beings has been realised. We are able to survive from natural disaster as we can forecast the weather more than 2 weeks earlier, which enable us to(it's right, hehe!) prepare for a natural disaster before it arrives. Also, we are able to resist from many kinds of diseases, which once killed a majority of people's life in ancient period, due to the continuously development in medical(I think the last sentence should be deleted, it's redundant). For instance, in Qing dynasty, a lot of people died because of the epidemic disease—— variola, which now is easy to treat.
In a nutshell(good, I like this), though human activity do has some harmful impacts on the Earth, the dramatic significance of it obscures the minor disadvantage it brings about. When we enjoy the benefits result from human activity, it is necessary that we consider human activity takes an important role in making our Earth a better place to live.
总结:省去夸奖的话!
整体来讲,你想论述的是为Earth becomes better for people to live because of human activity. 但是整体讲的大多是invention,应该强调与Earth is suitable for human多一些。
每一段个人认为,与Earth联系不是很大,倒像是在讲什么使得人类生活更好!思路及内容个人认为在TOEFL中还是占很大比例的!
其他语法等小问题标注了,有些是个人的意见,仅供参考,呵呵!不足之处,还望见谅!
BTW,我用的时间比较多,45mins,正在努力提高!呵呵! |
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