volksren～作文备考 fighting!

volksrenUID：2189399

2.2printed book have had greater effects on society than television has
      As television becomes popular and popular due to the development of the technology, there raise a statement that television has greater effects on society than printed book. I concede that a TV set becomes an indispensible media of getting information and news for many decades. However, we cannot ignore the effects printed book made on society.

To    Tobegin with, as the development of the technology, there comes a trend that the television will be replaced by the computer due to the popularity of the internet. More and more people are accustomed to utilize computer connected to the internet to require knowledge and read daily news, which is easy for people to grasp the development of the society. Television is popular among older people who are not sensitive to the outer things. However, printed books are more durable for people to touch the trend of the development of the society for all kinds of people. The printed books have been used for thousands of years and have no hint of being replaced . Many people who are intelligent and farsighted held the career of publishing printed books. Some of them have a great influence on the society. What is more , the context of a printed book is always about the professional knowledge and information in a certain area. College students can get the cutting edge technology through reading the printed book. Many people would like to read books about literation during their spare time. However, most program of the TV is used for entertainment. We always watch TV shows or teleplays through the television rather than gain information or study. Hence, from the perspective of study, printed book has greater effects than the television. The people with well education or with variety of knowledge will have possitive effects on the society. Such people have less possibility to commit crimes than the people with less education and knowledge.
However, the television has both vision and sound which is useful for the people who are not educated to gain the news through books. Also, such advantage can benefit the people who cannot see or listen.
To sum up, I concede that television is widely used and it can benefit disable people and people who are not educated. However, we cannot underestimate the function of the printed books, which can help us to get more information and knowledge which has a great effect on the society. At the same time, we should recognize the trend that computer will replace the television and becomes the most popular equipment for people to study and entertainment. However, printed book has no such problems. Hence, I hold the position that printed book has greater effects on the society than the television.
第一次写，麻烦楼下的童鞋了～

arlenezxyUID：2487145

As television becomes popular and popular(more and more popular) due to the development of the technology, there raise a statement that television has greater effects on society than printed book. I concede that a TV set becomes an indispensible media of getting information and news for many decades. However, we cannot ignore the effects printed book made on society.
To    Tobegin with, as the development of the technology, there comes a trend that the television will be replaced by the computer due to the popularity of the internet. More and more people are accustomed to utilize computer connected to the internet to require(acquire) knowledge and read daily news, which is easy for people to grasp the development of the society. Television is popular among older people who are not sensitive to the outer things. However, printed books are more durable for people to touch the trend of the development of the society for all kinds of people. The printed books have been used for thousands of years and have no hint of being replaced . Many people who are intelligent and farsighted held the career of publishing printed books. Some of them have a great influence on the society. What is more , the context of a printed book is always about the professional knowledge and information in a certain area. College students can get the cutting edge technology through reading the printed book. Many people would like to read books about literation (literature)during their spare time.


However, most programs of the TV is(are) used for entertainment. We always watch TV shows or teleplays through the television rather than gain information or study. Hence, from the perspective of study, printed book has greater effects than the television. The people with well education or with variety of knowledge will have possitive effects on the society. Such people have less possibility to commit crimes than the people with less education and knowledge.' However, the television has both vision and sound which is useful for the people who are not educated to gain the news through books.(why books?)Also, such advantage can benefit the people who cannot see or listen(hear).


To sum up, I concede that television is widely used and it can benefit disabled people and people who are not educated. However, we cannot underestimate the function of the printed books, which can help us to get more information and knowledge which has a great effect on the society. At the same time, we should recognize the trend that computer will replace the television and becomes the most popular equipment for people to study and entertainment. However, while (use while as conjunction to avoid repeatedly use of however) printed book has no such problems. Hence, I hold the position that printed book has greater effects on the society than the television.




as w

volksrenUID：2189399

2.6该不该禁止针对小孩子（2－5岁）的电视广告
As the increasing effect of the advertisement in the modern society, people from the young to the old have accepted the function of getting information of new products through watching the advertisement in the TV program. However, a problem that whether it is necessary for us to prohibit the advertisement related to the children between the age of two and five. Basically, I hold the point that we should eliminate such kind of advertisement.

For one thing, the advertisement always contains exaggerative elements to advocate the consumer to buy it. To be honest, such kind of exaggeration cannot avoid cheating the custom more or less. Children with age of two to five are in the progress of growing up, during which they would be trained to build up the proper moral standard. In the mean time, children at such age have the intensive ability of imitation. If our children expose on such kind of exaggerative statement in the advertisement, they will cultivate the custom of cheating and exaggerating which will lead to distort their character and moral standard even commit a crime when they grow up.

For another thing, children of age of two to five have no capability of consuming but depend on their parents because they have no income.
Actually, the decision of whether to buy such kind of product is made by their parents not the children themselves. Hence, the parents should cope with divergence view between the children and their parent on whether to buy such product. Otherwise, there will come up with a quarrel among the family members. For example, when I was a child, I was fascinated by the advertisement of a transformer model. However, my mother refused to buy it for me due to the high price, which leads me to cry for a whole day without eating and drinking. Hence, such kind of advertisement is not so much as for the children as for the children’ parent. To be honest, most parents have no interest in such kind of thing. So it is unnecessary to transmit such advertisement on the TV program.
To sum up, I concede that sometimes an advertisement related to the children can have a function of spreading the product of a certain company. However, its disadvantage weighs over it. Not only could such kind of advertisement influence the growing up of children between two and five years old, but also it will leave our parents into an embarrassing position and there will come up with an unharmonious result if our parents cannot cope with different opinion between them and their children successfully.

arimidyUID：2673973

As the increasing effect of the advertisement in the modern society, people from the young to the old have accepted the function of getting information of new products through watching the advertisement in the TV program. However, a problem（缺少动词，整句话只是对problem的描述，最后加个raised） that whether it is necessary for us to prohibit the advertisement related to the children between the age of two and five. Basically, I hold the point that we should eliminate such kind of advertisement.

For one thing, the advertisement always contains exaggerative elements to advocate the consumer to buy it. To be honest, such kind of exaggeration cannot avoid cheating the custom more or less. Children with age of two to five are in the progress of growing up, during which they would be trained to build up the proper moral standard. In the mean time, children at such age have the intensive ability of imitation. If our children expose on such kind of exaggerative statement in the advertisement, they will cultivate the custom of cheating and exaggerating(但从广告上小孩看得出夸大啊啥的吗？好吧，我碎碎念) which will lead to distort their character and moral standard even commit a crime when they grow up.

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For another thing, children of age of two to five have no capability of consuming but depend on their parents because they have no income.3 g& t+ i" G$ e0 O* e
Actually, the decision of whether to buy such kind of product is made by their parents not the children themselves. Hence, the parents should cope with divergence view between the children and their parent（themselves） on whether to buy such product. Otherwise, there will come up with a quarrel among the family members. For example, when I was a child, I was fascinated by the advertisement of a transformer model. However, my mother refused to buy it for me due to the high price, which leads me to cry for a whole day without eating and drinking. Hence, such kind of advertisement is not so much as for the children as for the children’ parent. To be honest, most parents have no interest in such kind of thing. So it is unnecessary to transmit such advertisement on the TV program.（这段的观点很清楚，此类广告致使家庭不和谐）

To sum up, I concede that sometimes an advertisement related to the children can have a function of spreading the product of a certain company. However, its disadvantage weighs over it. Not only could such kind of advertisement influence the growing up of children between two and five years old, but also it will leave our parents into an embarrassing position and there will come up with an unharmonious result if our parents cannot cope with different opinion between them and their children successfully.
孩子你的论证部分需要加强，通篇读完没有十分convincing的感觉呢。最近改太多东西了，忘记没改独立，不好意思哈～

volksrenUID：2189399

2.17紫日作业 （没有修改）
To solve problems present and future is it necessary to understand the past.

Should it is necessary to understand the past to solve problems present and future? Varied people can hold variety answers to such question. I concede that some problems have nothing to do with the problem in the past. Unfortunately, I still hold the standpoint that we would benefit a lot from the problem in the past when we want to solve the problems present and future.

To begin with, by understanding the past, we can learn many lessons from the problem in the past, which can avoid us from being plunged into the trap again. For example, at the beginning of the open mind policy in the early China, our government concentrated in the development of the economy and kept one eye open on the issue of environment protection. Many resource-consuming projects were established in the China. I concede that such projects make our economy booming for a long period time. However, at the mean time, it also damages the biological environment and exhausts the limited resources which considers as unrenewable resource. Hence, when our government wants to set up the economic schedual in the future, it is necessary to take a comprehensive plan and avoid solving a certain problem at the expense of creating another problem.



Secondly, by understanding the problem solved in the past, we can spark more innovative and effective measures to solve the problem present and future, because the problems in the present or future may have a close relationship with the problem in the past. That is to say, we can solve the problem now on the basis of problems solved in the past. Take the scientific research as an example, the invention of automobile is on the basis of understanding the mechanism of a stream machine. After transferring the stream machine on the vehicles ,the automobile created which brings numerous convenience for the people daily life and treated as an indispensible tools in the nowadays.

To sum up , Although some people hold the opinion that it is a waste of time to understand the problem in the past to solve the problem present and future, I hold the opinion that it is important for me to do so. Because by understanding the problem solved in the past, we can spark more innovative and effective measures to solve the problem present and future. What is more, by understanding the past, we can learn many lessons from the problem in the past, which can avoid us from being plunged into the trap again.

volksrenUID：2189399

2.17紫日作业（经过修改，望童鞋很批~）
To solve problems present and future is it necessary to understand the past.

Should it is necessary to understand the past to solve problems present and future? Varied people can hold variety answers to such question. I concede that some problems currently and future have nothing to do with the problem in the past. Unfortunately, I still hold the standpoint that we would benefit a lot from the problem in the past when we want to solve the problems present and future.

To begin with, by understanding the past, we can learn many lessons from it, which can avoid us from being plunged into the trap again. For example, at the beginning of the open mind policy carried out in China, our government concentrated on the development of the economy and kept one eye open on the issue of environment protection. Many resource-consuming projects were established in the China at that time. I concede that such projects make our economy booming for a long period time. However, at the mean time, it also damages the biological environment and exhausts the limited resources some of which considers as nonrenewable resource such as oil and gas. Hence, when our government wants to set up the economic schedule in the future, it is necessary to take a comprehensive plan and avoid solving a certain problem at the expense of creating another problem.


Secondly, by understanding the problem solved in the past, we can spark more innovative and effective measures to solve the problem present and future, because the problems in the present or future may have a close relationship with the problem in the past. Take the scientific research as an example, the invention of automobile is on the basis of understanding the mechanism of a stream machine. After transferring the stream machine onto the vehicles ,the automobile created which brings numerous convenience for the people’s daily life and treated as an indispensible tools in the nowadays.

To sum up , Although some people hold the opinion that it is a waste of time to understand the problem in the past to solve the problem present and future, I hold the opinion that it is important for me to do so. Because by understanding the problem solved in the past, we can spark more innovative and effective measures to solve the problem present and future. What is more, by understanding the past, we can learn many lessons from the problem in the past, which can avoid us from being plunged into the trap again.

半夏之北UID：2517498

Should it is necessary to understand the past to solve problems present and future? Varied people can hold variety answers to such a question. I concede that some problems currently and future have nothing to do with the problem in the past. Unfortunately, I still hold the standpoint that we would benefit a lot from the problem in the past when we want to solve the problems present and future.

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To begin with, by understanding the past, we can learn many lessons (from it去掉), which can avoid us from being plunged into the trap again. For example, at the beginning of the open mind policy carried out in China, our government concentrated on the development of the economy and kept one eye open on the issue of environment protection. Many resource-consuming projects were established in （the去掉） China at that time. I concede that such projects make our economy booming for a long period time. However, at the mean time, it also damages the biological environment and exhausts the limited resources some of which considers as nonrenewable resource such as oil and gas. Hence, when our government wants to set up the economic schedule in the future, it is necessary to take a comprehensive plan and avoid solving a certain problem at the expense of creating another problem.

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Secondly, by understanding the problem solved in the past, we can spark more innovative and effective measures to solve the problem present and future, because the problems in the present or future may have a close relationship with the problem in the past. Take the scientific research as an example, the invention of automobile is on the basis of understanding the mechanism of a stream machine. After transferring the stream machine onto（into） the vehicles ,the automobile created which brings numerous convenience for the people’s daily life and treated as an indispensible tools in the nowadays. #

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To sum up , Although some people hold the opinion that it is a waste of time to understand the problem in the past to solve the problem present and future, I hold the opinion that it is important for me to do so. Because by understanding the problem solved in the past, we can spark more innovative and effective measures to solve the problem present and future. What is more, by understanding the past, we can learn many lessons from the problem in the past, which can avoid us from being plunged into the trap again.
红色的是改错的，蓝色的是值得学习的~~
写的很好啊，没有语法错误，论证充实，用词和句式也很好~~
教教我如何写短句吧，我一写就是定语从句\(^o^)/~

hulinlin24UID：2731389

To solve problems present and future is it necessary to understand the past./ k/ F2 g) _. v! S+ Q. L* n8 Q
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Should it is necessary to understand the past to solve problems present and future? Varied people can hold variety answers to such question. I concede that some problems currently and future have nothing to do with the problem in the past. Unfortunately, I still hold the standpoint that we would benefit a lot from the problem in the past when we want to solve the problems present and future.

To begin with, by understanding the past, we can learn many lessons from it（去掉）, which can avoid us from being plunged into the trap again. For example, at the beginning of the open mind policy carried out in China, our government concentrated on the development of the economy and kept one eye open on the issue of environment protection. Many resource-consuming projects were established in the China at that time. I concede that such projects make our economy booming for a long period time. However, at the mean time, it also damages the biological environment and exhausts the limited resources some of which considers as nonrenewable resource such as oil and gas. Hence, when our government wants to set up the economic schedule in the future, it is necessary to take a comprehensive plan and avoid solving a certain problem at the expense of creating another problem. 例子占了大概3/4了，论述少了点

Secondly, by understanding the problem solved in the past, we can spark more innovative and effective measures to solve the problem present and future, because the problems in the present or future may have a close relationship with the problem in the past. Take the scientific research as an example, the invention of automobile is on the basis of understanding the mechanism of a stream machine. After transferring the stream machine onto the vehicles ,the automobile created which brings numerous convenience for the people’s daily life and treated as an indispensible tools in the nowadays.


To sum up , Although some people hold the opinion that it is a waste of time to understand the problem in the past to solve the problem present and future, I hold the opinion（和前面的一样了，可以换个说法,still insist)that it is important for me to do so. Because by understanding the problem solved in the past, we can spark more innovative and effective measures to solve the problem present and future. What is more, by understanding the past, we can learn many lessons from the problem in the past, which can avoid us from being plunged into the trap again.(可以用not only.......but also.....连接，比较简洁）

写的很好啊，划线的是好词好句，红色的是可以改进的地方
汽车那个例子非常好。。学习了
加油

volksrenUID：2189399

2.18 紫日Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues.
It is a competitive issue whether government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues. I concede that health care issue plays a critical role among the citizens in the country because it relates to a person’s life. However, from a comprehensive view, government should pay more attention on environment issues rather than health care issues.

To begin with, many health care issues are caused by environment issues to some extent. As the development of the economy, the problems concerned environment issues have attract many people’s attention such as the green house effect, air pollution and it likes. At the mean time, many diseases have been approved of coming up with the environment issues. For example, the destruction of the atmosphere of the earth, which is due to the certain element using in air conditions, has cause millions of people suffer from skin cancer during the past decade. Hence, to some extent, only if we can solve the problems about environment issues, we can solve the problem related with heath care issues.

What is more, government should pay more attention on the environment issues because it can benefit our offspring. The environment issues grow more serious than before in the modern society. Many nonrenewable resources has been abused and wasted. Our biological environment has serious striked by air pollution, greenhouse effect and so on. Government should launch effective measure to cope with such problem which can benefit not only the health of citizen but also survive of our offspring. For example, if we cannot control the emission of gas from the vehicles, the green house effect will cause many cities emerging into the sea after several decade years. It will cause many people lost their home and many species extinct, which should consider as a disaster for the human being.

In a conclusion , although the many health care should be solved immediately because there are still many people in the world who cannot gain effective medical treatment, we recommend government pay more attention on the environment issues as two reasons. The first one, many health care issues are caused by environment issues to some extent. The second one, it will benefit our off spring a lot by paying more attention on the environment issues.

dairymanUID：2683905

先说你昨天的文章，我瞄了一眼，发现你把各段段首句一点不变地当结尾段，丫的真偷懒，我觉得这法不好，你得变变
2.18 紫日Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues.0 W6 B, X1 \0 W1 V1 y1 q$ K
It is a competitive issue whether government should pay more attention to health care issues （than） or on environment issues. I concede（你每篇必用concede，你怎么就不用admit呢……） that health care issue plays a critical role among the citizens in the country because it relates to a person’s life. However, from a comprehensive view, government should pay more attention on environment issues rather than health care issues.$ {7 H5 ~1 E) `3 N
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To begin with, many health care issues are caused by environment issues to some extent. As the development of the economy, the problems concerned environment issues have attract many people’s attention such as the green house effect, air pollution and it likes用法不对，and so on都比这个对. At此处应该用in the mean time, many diseases have been approved of coming up with the environment issues. For example, the destruction of the atmosphere of the earth, which is due to the certain element using in air conditions, has cause millions of people suffer from skin cancer during the past decade. Hence, to some extent, only if we can solve the problems about environment issues, we can solve the problem related with heath care issues此段十分一针见血，我喜欢. ]& w) Q  h3 I% ?( H

What is more, government should pay more attention on the environment issues because it can benefit our offspring. The environment issues grow more serious than before in the modern society. Many nonrenewable resources has been abused and wasted. Our biological environment has serious striked by air pollution, greenhouse effect and so on. Government should launch effective measure to cope with such problem which can benefit not only the health of citizen but also survive of our offspring. For example, if we cannot control the emission of gas from the vehicles, the green house effect will cause many cities emerging into the sea after several decade years. It will cause many people lost their home and many species extinct, which should consider as a disaster for the human being.
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In a此处不该有冠词 conclusion , although the many health care should be solved immediately because there are still many people in the world who cannot gain effective medical treatment, we recommend government pay more attention on the environment issues as two reasons. The first one, many health care issues are caused by environment issues to some extent. The second one, it will benefit our off spring a lot by paying more attention on the environment issues.和上一篇一样，把ts就抄下来了，这太省工了，不行
总结一下，你还是得努力，爱之深责之切，唉，你得好好干

volksrenUID：2189399

2.18Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues.修改后的~~
It is a competitive issue whether government should pay more attention to health care issues or on environment issues. I concede that health care issue is very important for the citizens because it relates to a person’s life. However, from a comprehensive view, government should pay more attention on environment issues rather than health care issues.

For one thing, many health care issues are caused by environment issues to some extent. As the development of the economy, the problems concerned environment issues have attract many people’s attention such as the green house effect, air pollution and it likes. In the mean time, many diseases have been approved of coming up with the environment issues. For example, the destruction of the ozonosphere, which is due to the certain element using for air conditions, has cause millions of people suffer from skin cancer during the past decade. Hence, to some extent, only if solving the problems about environment issues can we hope to solve the problem related with heath care issues.

For another, government should pay more attention on the environment issues because it can benefit our offspring. The environment issues grow more serious than before in the modern society. Many nonrenewable resources has been abused and wasted. Biological environment has serious stroke by air pollution, greenhouse effect and so on. Government should launch effective measure to cope with such problem which can benefit not only the health of citizen nowadays but also leaving more available resource for our offspring. For example, if we cannot control the emission of gas from the vehicles, the green house effect will cause many cities emerging into the sea after several decade years. It will not only leave many people lost their home but also make many species extinct so that it could break down the food chain in the ecological environment which should be considered as a disaster for the human being.

In a conclusion, although many health cares should be solved immediately because there are still many people in the world who cannot gain effective medical treatment, we recommend government pay more attention on the environment issues. Because many health care issues are on the basis of air pollution, destruction of ecological environment it will waste time to cope with the health care directly by ignoring the current big problem in the environment issues. Besides, facing the environment issues can benefit our offspring as well. It will give them a available space and resource for them to explore so that they will live a better life.

volksrenUID：2189399

10# dairyman
谢谢瓜子童鞋的意见，我最后一段总是写不好，主要是一写就和前面的一样，而且30分钟内都没有什么时间去想最后一段，看来我得加强练习~ O(∩_∩)O

dairymanUID：2683905

2.18Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues.修改后的~~
居然还有修改后，害的老夫改两遍……
It is a competitive issue whether government should pay more attention to health care issues or on environment issues. I concede that health care issue is very important for the citizens because it relates to a person’s life. However, from a comprehensive view, government should pay more attention on environment issues rather than health care issues.. U% _" i' Q( d. N$ C4 L4 A

For one thing, many health care issues are caused by environment issues to some extent. As（此处用with） the development of the economy, the problems concerned environment issues have attract many people’s attention such as the green house effect, air pollution and it likes擦，上篇都给你改了，你还不改过来. In the mean time, many diseases have been approved of coming up with the environment issues. For example, the destruction of the ozonosphere, which is due to the certain element using for air conditions此句有问题, has caused millions of people suffer from skin cancer during the past decade. Hence, to some extent, only if solving the problems about environment issues can we hope to solve the problem related with heath care issues.8 |0 ?# i6 X; ]6 X, M  e

For another, government should pay more attention on the environment issues because it can benefit our offspring. The environment issues grow more serious than before in the modern society. Many nonrenewable resources has been abused and wasted. Biological environment has serious stroke by air pollution, greenhouse effect and so on. Government should launch effective measure to cope with such problem which can benefit not only the health of citizen nowadays but also leaving more available resource for our offspring. For example, if we cannot control the emissiondischarge较好 of gas from the vehicles, the green house effect will cause many cities emerging into the sea after several decade years. It will not only leave many people lost their home but also make many species extinct so that这个词组不妥 it could break down the food chain in the ecological environment which should be considered as a disaster for the human being.

In a conclusion, although many health cares should be solved immediately because there are still many people in the world who cannot gain effective medical treatment, we recommend government pay more attention on the environment issues. Because many health care issues are on the basis of air pollution, destruction of ecological environment it will waste time to cope with the health care directly by ignoring the current big problem in the environment issues. Besides, facing the environment issues can benefit our offspring as well. It will give them a available space and resource for them to explore so that they will live a better life.
改了以后最后一段明显比原来好了……

amanda_qinyyUID：2632170

2.18Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues.修改后的~~ It is a competitive issue whether government should pay more attention to health care issues or on environment issues. I concede that health care issue is very important for the citizens because it relates to a person’s life. However, from a comprehensive view, government should pay more attention on environment issues rather than health care issues.: N& z: ^$ Y$ Z; ~. x7 P For one thing, many health care issues are caused by environment issues to some extent. As（with） the development of the economy, the problems concerned(on) environment issues have attract many people’s attention such as(such us应该放在environment issue之后，放这里是对attention的举例) the green house effect, air pollution and it likes（it likes怎么用的？不了解）. In the mean time, many diseases have been approved of coming up with the environment issues. For example, the destruction of the ozonosphere, which is due to the certain element using for air conditions, has cause millions of people suffer from skin cancer during the past decade. Hence, to some extent（这段用了2次，最好换下避免重复）, only if solving the problems about environment issues ，can we hope to solve the problem related with heath care issues.这里最好也换个表达，有点重复的感觉 3 B, M% h5 Q! B2 U$ u, X For another, government should pay more attention on the environment issues because it can benefit our offspring. The environment issues grow（become） more serious than before in the modern society. Many nonrenewable resources has been abused and wasted. Biological environment has (been terribly destroyed)serious stroke by air pollution, greenhouse effect and so on. Government should launch effective measure to cope with such problem which can benefit not only the health of citizen nowadays but also leaving more available resource for our offspring. For example, if we cannot control the emission of gas from the vehicles, the green house effect will cause many cities emerging into the sea after several decade years. It will not only leave(leave不恰当，用主动表达吧) many people lost their home but also make many species extinct so that it could break down the food chain in the ecological environment which should be considered as a disaster for the human being.这一长句，最好变成两句。前面说人，后面来个what's worse...讲species e% w) d6 V0 H3 M: h In a conclusion, although many health cares should be solved immediately because there are still many people in the world who cannot gain effective medical treatment, we recommend government pay more attention on the environment issues. Because many health care issues are on the basis of air pollution, destruction of ecological environment it will waste time to cope with the health care directly by ignoring the current big problem in the environment issues. Besides, facing the environment issues can benefit our offspring as well. It will give them a available space and resource for them to explore so that they will live a better life.最后一段，跟前面内容大幅重复。最后换点句式，比如疑问句，强调句啊，简洁点概括下就好。 总体： 每段的模式都是先中心句再论述，我也这么做的，但每次都是不能高度概括论点，你的概括的挺好，而且后文依论点展开阐释。 文章没什么大问题，就是要多注意下同义词的替换，句式也可以再丰富些！ 还有，结尾要再改改！

dairymanUID：2683905

我和狐狸么么