小黄的小作文-2010.1.18起

helenhuang19UID: 2742635

2.18 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Letting a friend make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy your friendship.

As we know, when we are at school, at work or on tour, without parents, what we can rely on are our friends, who gave us hands in depression, stayed with us at Christmas watching movie and kept earnestly talking on bed all night. So many people believe that when friends of course should prevent us from making mistakes if they are true friends. However, I hold a contrary opinion that let them make a small mistake but not big false sometimes is good for our friends and our friendship.

First and foremost, making a small mistake is kind of experience dispensable in our lives which may keep us from more mistakes and help us grow stronger. For example, a mom wrote on her blog "Boy, I'm waiting you to make a mistake." She had told her 3-year-old boy several times not to touch the bottle contained hot water, but meanwhile she must took care of her boy because he, she knew, would try to catch that bottle put on the shelf no matter what she had said. One day, she took the bottle from higher place to a small table with less boiled water. The boy reached his goal then cried painfully. Her mother gave him some -- and told him not to do again. This time, little boy know what her mother means. And she mentions not to coddle kids too much they should knew what is angry, what is pains and what is disturbing.

Whereas, we shouldn't let the failure destroy our friends. For instance, my friend Ken want to put all his money to stock market for a new company. Neither he nor I know fully how this company will run. He told me the CEO was succeeding in IT industry but what he invested is a dairy which is not very outstanding before it enter the market. The motivator of this crazy plan, I supposed, was a movie he watched recently which made him want to earn lots of money in a short time.I persuaded him day in and day out don't risk his life and analyzed what he was thinking to him. Ultimately, he put half of the money to that dairy and some other coordination diversifiedly. Analysis is a pretty good way not to destroy our friendship and help them out of craziness which can let him know I hope him well.

As far as I am concerned, I would not take care of him for those tiny problem. But I would involve in his plan if he may crash himself without destroying our friendship.



自己随便看了下语法错误，我的英语很中文，改的同学辛苦啦。。

另：谢谢卷卷小姐的模板

Uranus1989UID: 2756616

As we know, when we are at school, at work or on tour, without parents, what we can rely on are our friends, who gave us hands（confort us沮丧的时候要安慰吧) in depression, stayed with us at Christmas watching movie and kept earnestly talking on bed all night(直接talk with us earnestly on bed就好了吧, keep有点累赘，还有为什么是过去式） So many people believe that when（去掉) friends of course(这种formal writing里面用of course这样口语的话好么） should prevent us from making mistakes if they are true friends. However, I hold a contrary opinion that let them make a small mistake but not big false sometimes is good for our friends and our friendship.' Z4 {+ a8
（上面这句话我理解的意思是让他们范点小错对我们友谊有好处，我猜你应该不是想表达这个意思吧，核心的句子表达还是要清楚吧）

First and foremost, making a small mistake is kind of experience dispensable(真的是dispensable不是indispensable?) in our lives which may keep us from (making) more mistakes and help us grow stronger. For example, a mom wrote on her blog "Boy, I'm waiting you to make a mistake." She had told her 3-year-old boy several times not to touch the bottle contained hot water, but meanwhile she must took(take) care of her boy because he, she knew, (就直接说she knew he would try blablabla...)would try to catch that bottle put(去掉） on the shelf no matter what she had said. One day, she took the bottle from higher place to a small table with less boiled water. The boy reached his goal then cried painfully（大声哭就完了，没必要那么痛苦吧cry loudly). Her mother gave him some and told him not to do again. This time, little boy know(knew) what her mother means(meant). And she mentions(mentioned) not to coddle kids too much (since) they should knew(know) what is angry, what is pains(pain) and what is disturbing.(其实我觉得三个并列句合成一个就是what is pain就完了，因为我觉得这三个也没什么联系）

Whereas, we shouldn't let the failure destroy our friends. For instance, my friend Ken want to put all his money to stock market(invest in stock market for all his money) for a new company. Neither he nor I know fully how this company will(去掉) run. He told me the CEO was succeeding in IT industry but what he invested is a dairy which is not very outstanding before it enter the market. The motivator of this crazy plan, I supposed, was a movie he watched recently which made him want to earn lots of money in a short time.I persuaded him day in and day out(太可爱了!) don't (not to)risk his life and analyzed what he was thinking to him( 直接改成the whole matter thoroughly to him). Ultimately, he put half of the money to that dairy(dairy industry) and some other coordination diversifiedly. Analysis is a pretty good way not to destroy our friendship and help them out of craziness which can let him know I hope him well.

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As far as I am concerned, I would not take care of him for those tiny problem. But I would involve in his plan if he may crash himself without destroying our friendship.（有点乱这句）
1.语法之类的就不说了，反正大家都是要提高
2.论证我认为你的例子太多了，少了论证过程，难道托福允许这样。当然我觉得如果你的底子很好，知道一堆典故，那么也是可以的。但是如果底子不是很好的话，就现实一点，应该用更多比较客观的论证来充数，你说呢？
3.用自己的例子来说明问题在托福里面也是可以的，你的例子真的很真挚:D
4.红色的是我觉得有问题的，粉色的是我一般想不到的表达
还有就是很多问题都可能是我过于吹毛求疵，你要是觉得没问题也可以不改，也可能是我的问题，我的只是建议是吧，你写的也很好啊。
&好



Y8 Z- d: x,

helenhuang19UID: 2742635

2.19 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for a teacher to help students gain self-confidence than to teach them specific knowledge?

As we know, teachers are an important guide in pour growing life. So many people believe that the most significant use of teachers is teaching specific knowledge while spirit-building work are for parents. However, I hold the contrary opinion that the more important task for them is building confidence in study.

First and foremost, it is the responsibility for teachers to make us know how to learn and do reaseraches, not what is gravity which can be explored by ourselves someday when we grow up. It's clear that studying how to learn is a pretty good way to lead us approach science and the society we may involved in the future because it makes us more confident and enthusiastic to research by ourselves, which gave us more. When I have just enter senior school,my physic teacher had told me "Knowledge in the nature are too wide and complicated which a teacher can not explain well even though he devotes all his life. You guys should never see the end of the book as the end of science."

Additionally,some teachers unawaring of that they are in charge of their students' confidence might do something bad which benefited themselves because they thought what teacher should do is to teach Mathematics or Physics. For example, before the High-School Entrance Examination, my teachers were doing their utmost to hold  excellent students for their high school which may not good. In my country, the competitions between schools are very drastic. Schools were compared by how many student go to QsingHua or Peking University or how many student could be accepted by the TOP 100 universities. So principal claimed to prize the teacher who could hold more top5 students. To press on students, my mathematics teacher told us almost every day we can not be accepted by those Top 4 school no matter how smart you are because those competitive school prefer ones from their own senior school. Some of my classmates became very panicky and were held. Ultimately, only 2 of top 10 in our class go to other high school. But as a matter of fact, top 8 in our class could go to those good high school. It stands the reason that that teacher deprive good opportunity from us for his own benefit.

As far as I am concerned, teacher can not taught us all knowledge of physical and social science. But they were in charge of building self-confidence in researching and exploring and helping students make better choices.




真悲剧，我还以为我能在你们改之前贴上第二片呢，
楼上的小姐谢谢你啦

刀小镜UID: 2618532

姑娘我忏悔 我一般都是傍晚活动所以改晚了 对不起啊=皿=

As we know, when we are at school, at work or on tour, without parents, what(who) we can rely on are our friends, who gave us hands in depression, stayed with us at Christmas watching movie and kept earnestly talking on bed all night. So many people believe that when(去掉) friends of course should prevent us from making mistakes if they are true friends. However, I hold a contrary opinion that let them make a small mistake but not big false sometimes is good for our friends and our friendship.

First and foremost, making a small mistake is （a）kind of experience dispensable (indispensable)in our lives which may keep us from more mistakes and help us grow stronger. For example, a mom wrote on her blog "Boy, I'm waiting you to make a mistake." She had told her 3-year-old boy several times not to touch the bottle contained hot water, but meanwhile she must took(take) care of her boy because he, she knew, would try to catch that bottle put on the shelf no matter what she had said. One day, she took the bottle from higher place to a small table with less boiled water. The boy reached his goal then cried painfully. Her mother gave him some 啥？ and told him not to do again. This time, （the）little boy know what her mother means(meant). And she mentions mentioned that parents should not to coddle kids too much they should knew what is angry, what is pains and what is disturbing. (我觉得既然文章说的是友谊
姑娘举的例子最好也应该是朋友之间的事情)

Whereas, we shouldn't let the failure（？是想表达错误吗 failure这个词不太好吧？） destroy our friends. For instance, my friend Ken want （wants）to put(invest) all his money to stock market for a new company. Neither he nor I know fully how this company will run. He told me the CEO was succeeding( successful 没必要用过去进行时) in IT industry but what he invested is a dairy which is not very outstanding before it enter(enters) the market. The motivator（motivation） of this crazy plan, I supposed, was a movie he watched recently which made him want to earn lots of money in a short time. I persuaded him day in and day out don't risk his life and analyzed what he was thinking to him. Ultimately, he put half of the money to that dairy and some other coordination diversifiedly(不太明白什么意思). Analysis is a pretty good way not to destroy our friendship and help them out of craziness which can let him know I hope him well. （是不是用 not only but also的句型更好一些呢）

As far as I am concerned, I would not take care of him for those tiny problem（s）. But I would involve in his plan if he may crash himself without destroying our friendship.


姑娘的结构不错 但是我觉得第二段的例子有些欠妥 而且最后结尾稍显仓促最好能再多写一两句

helenhuang19UID: 2742635

2.20 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be paid at least as much as doctors, lawyers or business leaders are paid.

As we know, most teachers are paid lower than doctors, lawyers and business leaders. Many people believe that teachers are responsible for students' future so they can get more salary. However, I think salary mostly depends on how much they work and how much risk they take.

First and foremost, doctors and lawyers must stay longer at school then teachers. In America, because doctors are responsible for patients' lives, after graduating from university, doctors must continue studying in College of Medicine for 4 years. But 4-year-long school lives are not the end of doctors' preparation, before matching a hospital to be a internship for 2 to 3 years, they must take United Stated Medical Licensing Examination(USMLE) which is divided in 3 quite big parts and taken more than 6 days. After being internship, they ultimately can be called qualified doctor. But if they want to be a surgeon or internist, there is another examination waiting for them. Though lawyers take less time than doctors, it still request 3-year law school course while teachers only need to one year to get credentials.

Additionally, why can business leaders can get lots of salary when they don't have to stay in school so long? Because they use their live time to study. There is no new-graduate can be a CEO when he has no experience to convince other he can manipulate so complicated a cross-nation cooperation. He must struggle several years in his low position with lower salary than teachers get. They are risking their future and gambling whether can they raise the position as a CEO or not. Moreover, what teachers face every day are ingenious kids' smile but business men must struggle among sophisticated intellect. They may someday be trapped if they are so misfortune.

As far as I am concerned, because teachers put less time to prepare than doctors and lawyers and more equable than business men, they deserved being paid less than either of those three jobs.

helenhuang19UID: 2742635

5# jbc88
em..今天貌似只有你一人改。。。
那个because..我似乎从来没有听说过because前要加逗号呀。。
http://bearwhisper.blogbus.com/logs/53149504.html
欢迎讨论，共同进步哈

tomatooUID: 2754865

As we know, teachers are an（are ,后面又是an?意思上是对的，但语法上显然不对，想办法用别的表达） important guide in pour growing life（首先不明白Pour在这里什么意思，另外，语法上也不对，它是动词，in直接加动词？）. So many people believe that the most significant use of teachers is teaching specific knowledge while spirit-building work are for parents. However, I hold the contrary opinion that the more important task for them is building confidence in study（你故意把这个confidence狭义化的吗？）.1 ]) D$ ~( m) y3 s7 d* L! k) U- t! u

First and foremost, it is the responsibility for teachers to make us know how to learn and do reaseraches, not what is gravity which can be explored by ourselves someday when we grow up. It's clear that studying how to learn is a pretty good way to lead us (to)approach science and the society we may involved in the future because it makes us more confident and enthusiastic to research by ourselves, which gave us more(这个成分不明，which修饰谁？). When I have just entered senior school,my physic teacher had told me "Knowledge in the nature are too wide and complicated which a teacher can not explain well even though he devotes all his life. You guys(太口语化) should never see the end of the book as the end of science（书的终结作为科学的终结？好深奥啊）."

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Additionally,some teachers unawaring of (unaware是ADJ，后面加ing?be unaware of sth是固定表达，我想你可能是想用动名词做主语，这样的话teachers后面要加撇啊?)that they (+个should好点，不然有歧义)are in charge of their students' confidence might do something bad which benefited themselves because they thought what teacher should do is to teach Mathematics or Physics(这长句用得真不好，驾驭不好就换短句吧！). For example, before the High-School Entrance Examination, my teachers were doing their utmost to hold  excellent students for their high school （什么意思？）which may not good（什么可能不好？）. In my country, the competitions between schools are very drastic. Schools were compared by how many student go to QsingHua or Peking University or how many student could be accepted by the TOP 100 universities. So principal claimed to prize the teacher who could hold more top5 students. To press on students, my mathematics teacher told us almost every day we can not be accepted by those Top 4 school no matter how smart you are because those competitive school prefer ones from their own senior school. Some of my classmates became very panicky and were held. Ultimately, only 2 of top 10 in our class go to other high school. But as a matter of fact, top 8 in our class could go to those good high school. It stands the reason that that teacher deprive good opportunity from us for his own benefit.（这一段说得什么，我真不太懂，论点论证我都不太懂，虽然我对中国国情很能了解，可能我水平太差）

As far as I am concerned, teachers can not taught us all knowledge of physical and social science. But they were in charge of building self-confidence in researching and exploring and helping students make better choices

第二段论的干，第三段例子不生动反而晦涩。
长句读得人喘不过气，呵呵！
个人观点而已

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helenhuang19UID: 2742635

9# jbc88 [/b/]

omg。。我丫气晕你了，这点感到很抱歉。。。
可是俺情不自禁的膜拜你。。这么多字不是谁都写的出来啊。。拜拜拜

helenhuang19UID: 2742635

还有你转那篇博文，我看了。那是独立句子不要用逗号！！

http://bearwhisper.blogbus.com/logs/52991641.html
这篇也是那人写的，你看人家怎么说？
jbc88 发表于 2010-2-21 09:52

我错了。其实那篇我也看了。。
昨天看书看了一天，眼睛都秀逗了。。
看都没看进去。谢谢啦。
是这题目简单吗。。我发现大家都有进步了。。。

PS。俺不学医的，俺才读高中，是这题目太妖孽害我在网上转了两个多小时才写

奇流沙UID: 2698749

2.20 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be paid at least as much as doctors, lawyers or business leaders are paid.# M) v1 H* `- s9 D8 ^" ?; I

As we know, most teachers are paid lower than doctors, lawyers and business leaders. Many people believe that teachers are responsible for students' future so they can get more salary. However, I think salary mostly depends on how much they work and how much risk they take.

First and foremost, doctors and lawyers must stay longer at school then teachers？？. In America, because doctors are responsible for patients' lives, after graduating from university, doctors must continue studying in College of Medicine for 4 years. But 4-year-long school lives are not the end of doctors' preparation, before matching a hospital to be a internship for 2 to 3 years, they must take United Stated Medical Licensing Examination(USMLE) which is divided in 3 quite big parts and taken more than 6 days. After being internship, they ultimately can be called qualified doctor. But if they want to be a surgeon or internist, there is another examination waiting for them. Though lawyers take less time than doctors, it still request 3-year law school course while teachers only need one year to get credentials.
先赞一下中间的例子，一下子就觉得好高级~~膜拜ing 但是正常来说老师呆在学校的时间会比医生和律师段么？至多是从学成出师的时间比另两个要短，但是论起来，老师呆在学校的时间不会短吧？（疑问的语气，望解惑？）
Additionally, why can business leaders can get lots of salary when they don't have to stay in school so long? Because they use their live time to study. There is no new-graduate can be a CEO when he has no experience to convince other he can manipulate so complicated a cross-nation cooperation. He must struggle several years in his low position with lower salary than teachers get. They are risking their future and gambling whether they can raise（get） the position as a CEO or not. Moreover, what teachers face every day are(is) ingenious kids' smile but business men must struggle among sophisticated intellect. They may someday be trapped if they are so misfortune.(这句略显多余)

As far as I am concerned, because teachers put less time to prepare than doctors and lawyers and more equable than business men, they deserved being paid less than either of those three jobs.

嗯，不错，呱唧呱唧~~但是第二段的论点有点搅混了，干脆说要培养一个医生和律师要比培养一个老师来的难，且费时费力就行了么，一上来说医生和律师呆在学校的时间长于老师吓了我一跳~~（粉色是我觉得很好的地方，嗯，句法词汇基本没动都挺好的~~）
唉，一顿好找~

刀小镜UID: 2618532

As we know, most teachers are paid lower than doctors, lawyers and business leaders. Many people believe that teachers are responsible for students' future so they can（should最好用“应该”这个意思表达） get more salary. However, I think salary mostly depends on how much they work and how much risk they take.

First and foremost, doctors and lawyers must stay longer at school then (than) teachers. In America, because doctors are responsible for patients' lives, after graduating from university, doctors must continue studying in College of Medicine for 4 years. But 4-year-long school lives are not the end of doctors' preparation, before matching a hospital to be a internship for 2 to 3 years, they must take United Stated Medical Licensing Examination(USMLE) which is divided in 3 quite big parts and taken more than 6 days. (是想说考试分三大部分共6天考完吧 这种表述方式容易使人理解成分为三大部分总共六天 )After being internship（学习^^）, they ultimately can be called qualified doctor. But if they want to be a surgeon or internist, there is another examination waiting for them. Though lawyers take less time than doctors, it still request 3-year law school course while teachers only need to one year to get credentials. （排队膜拜例子
自从看了HOUSE相当佩服医生这个行业）

Additionally, why can business leaders can get lots of salary when（as  when也没啥问题 不过感觉as更好一些） they don't have to stay in school so long? Because they use their live time（whole life） to study. There is no new-graduate can be a CEO when he has no experience to convince other he can manipulate so complicated a cross-nation cooperation. He must struggle several years in his low position with lower salary than teachers get. They are risking their future and gambling whether can they raise the position as a CEO or not. Moreover, what teachers face every day are ingenious kids' smile (,) but business men must struggle among(学习^^) sophisticated intellect. They may someday be trapped if they are so misfortune.

As far as I am concerned, because teachers put less time to prepare than doctors and lawyers and more equable（是不是用错了？） than business men, they deserved being paid less than either of those three jobs.

思路很清晰 用的例子也能很好的支持自己的观点 向姑娘学习例子
不过姑娘首段说的是 how much they work 然而第二段的例子着重说他们为这个职业做了多少准备 有些没有扣到论点上 建议稍微把论点完善成 “他们为了职业付出了多少”
废柴一枚 若有修改不妥之处希望姑娘指出来再做讨论