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[活动] tpo7综合写作 [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-2-20 13:10:54 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
The lecture mainly exhibits some contradictory evidences, which directly contradicts the theory depicted in the passage, and contends that it's appreciably necessary for American companies to receive ecocertification proposal.

First, the opinion that American consumers seldom notice the ecocertification label on the wood product owing to the lack of confidence to such kind of advertisements, is actually not convincing. As the professor points out that the opinion of consumers to advertisings varies from one to another, that means not everyone distrusts them. And what's more, majorities of American consumers do nonetheless believe what the consumer agency disseminates.

In addition, the assumption that due to the higher price of the ecocertified wood than others, resulting in such wood less attractive to public, is refuted by the fact that most of consumers can accept the price that is negligible exorbitant, like 5 percents higher than other, moreover it's environmental friendly. So, the price of ecocertified wood would not scare away American consumers.

Finally, the lecture presents an opposite view to the passage, which illustrates that American government should support American companies to export their ecocertificated woods outside the country before the exterior ecocertificated woods are imported into America. Because, competition taken place not just in domestic market, but also the intentional marketplace.
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发表于 2010-2-22 00:05:58 |只看该作者

修改BY雾都

本帖最后由 悠扬的麦歌 于 2010-2-22 00:08 编辑

The lecture mainly exhibits some contradictory evidences, which directly contradicts the theory depicted in the passage(这一句跟前边的主句有些重复), and contends that it's appreciably(略微,有一点儿,这个词用错了吧?) necessary for American companies to receive ecocertification proposal.
很明显是三个evidences直接指出来便可以,不要用some。

First, the opinion that American consumers seldom notice the ecocertification label on the wood product owing to the lack of confidence to such kind of advertisements, is actually not convincing. (句子好长,让我一下子又回到了刚开始写GRE作文的时候,建议写的短一点。As the professor points out that the opinion of consumers to advertisings varies from one to another, that means not everyone distrusts them. And what's more, majorities of (这个限定词在听力原文中提到了吗?)American consumers do nonetheless believe what the consumer agency disseminates.5 S2 e# Q- g% K: k
这个要点听的不准确,不是说不同的人对待广告态度不同,而是说美国人能够区分广告。杯具,我今天早上把这篇听力的原文听写了,可惜好像忘了保存。。本来想给你参考一下。。。。。


In addition, the assumption that due to the higher price of the ecocertified wood than others, resulting in such wood less attractive to public, is refuted by the fact(为什么fact,听力中也只是一种观点而已,不一定是事实吧。) that most of consumers can accept the price that is negligible exorbitant, like 5 percents higher than other, moreover it's environmental friendly. So, the price of ecocertified wood would not scare away American consumers.(感觉表述的极为不准确,最后一句感觉像是自己写上去的,综合作文不能写自己的观点)% b* C  ~6 B* Q( y4 ?0 R: W

Finally, the lecture presents an opposite view(观点,这个词我保持沉默,不是前边说这是其中的一个evidence吗?) to the passage, which illustrates that American government should support American companies to export their ecocertificated woods outside the country before the exterior ecocertificated woods are imported into America. Because, competition taken place not just in domestic market, but also the intentional marketplace.(表述的不太准确
总评:①词语句式方面;用词不太准确。如appreciably等。句式方面太多的非限定性定语从句,造成句子太长。
      ②可能听出来了,但是表述的时候意思都跑偏了。
建议:①研读OG标准和范文。
      ②再重写一遍吧。
最后:我发现我的评语实在是太苛刻了,其实我很随和。
今生,非凤姐不娶。

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RE: tpo7综合写作 [修改]

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