陌的独立写作工坊

何惜醉流霞UID: 2776142

03的组

03.09
题目：
Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.


正文：
It has been taken for granted that students should deal with homework assigned by their teacher as an everyday routine. However, nowadays, a debate over whether it should be viewed as an obligation of teachers to assign daily homework for students ranges among people. From my perspective, everyday homework has a negative effect on both teachers and students.

First of all, dealing with homework given by teacher everyday limits the development of students’ academic ability. Since we are now living in a world which is changing rapidly, learning becomes a live-long pursuit so that people tend to value the ability of self-education more than ever before. Yet, by devoting their everyday time to homework given by teachers, students form a habit of receiving knowledge passively. In other words, everyday homework robs students of the chances of better self-understanding and self-development. Lacking of practice on finding and solving problems actively may result in a decrease of motivation in study process as well as a lack of basic academic abilities such as collecting and using data by students themselves.

More over, assigning homework day by day also adds unnecessary burden to teachers. As it known to all, in order to working out an appropriate plan for further study, a responsible teacher will never miss the chance to know their students better through their homework. Admittedly, homework can achieve this goal well if is used properly. However, everyday homework forces teachers to fulfill their obligation in a too intensive way, much more intensive than necessary, thus lead to a waste of energy of teachers. Take my Chinese teacher in high school as an example, being a leader of her office, she’s always busy at dealing with our papers and homework and seldom went home before 22:00 pm. Once she told me that it had been 6 years since she had free time to go to see a movie with her husband. So, it is obvious that not only students but also teachers have become the victims of everyday homework.

In conclusion, the age-old practice of dealing with daily homework harms both student’s and teacher’s interests, adding unnecessary stress to their life, thus should be replaced by other advanced educational techniques.

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第一次尝试且状态十分困倦，请包涵……

holyiriniUID: 2741598

QIt has been taken for granted that students should deal with homework assigned by their teacher as an everyday routine. However, nowadays, a debate over whether it should be viewed as an obligation of teachers to assign daily homework for students ranges among people（ranging among people?/ students’ ranges among people?不明白这句。）. From my perspective, everyday homework has a negative effect on both teachers and students.0 M0 w' L! d( D: @" C2 H

; f  E: g" N" U8 W+ {7 CFirst of all, dealing with homework given by teacher everyday limits the development of students’ academic ability. （论点很清楚啊。学习。）Since（As ？！） we are now living in a world which is changing rapidly, learning becomes a live-long（lifelong） pursuit so that people tend to value the ability of self-education more than ever before. Yet, by devoting their everyday time to homework given by teachers, students form a habit of receiving knowledge passively.（这里可能关系不是很紧密。我觉得应该说明一下自学能力和被动学习之间的区别关系之类的。） In other words, everyday homework robs students of the chances of better self-understanding and self-development. （下面的可以提到上面先说，再得出结论。）Lacking of practice on finding and solving problems actively may result in a decrease of motivation in study process as well as a lack of basic academic abilities such as collecting and using data by students themselves.9 C! ; E' ^' w
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More over（Moreover）, assigning homework day by day also adds unnecessary
burden to teachers. As it known to all, in order to working out an appropriate plan for further study, a responsible teacher will never miss the chance to know their students better through their homework. Admittedly, homework can achieve this goal well if （it）is used properly. （这句可以展开一句两句的论证。虽然是让步句，但是就一句话感觉有点空洞。）However, everyday homework forces teachers to fulfill their obligation in a too intensive way, much more intensive than necessary, thus lead to a waste of energy of teachers. Take my Chinese teacher in high school as an example, being a leader of her office, she’s always busy at dealing with our papers and homework and seldom went （goes？！前后时态不一致。） home before 22:00 pm. Once she told me that it had been 6 years since she had free time to go to see a movie with her husband. So, it is obvious that not only students but also teachers have become the victims of everyday homework. - F, Q% r2 z1 ^
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In conclusion, the age-old practice of dealing with daily homework harms both student’s and teacher’s interests, adding unnecessary stress to their life, thus should be replaced by other advanced educational techniques.


以上都是个人观点啊。我也是新手。请多多指教。

论点很清楚啊。第一个是对学生的NEGATIVE的方面，第二个是对老师的。学习！我观点太乱了。想问下，托福作文一定要一面倒吗？能不能有部分赞同部分反对的

何惜醉流霞UID: 2776142

多谢楼上同学的批改，我晚上再重新修改一下^^
唔，我也看到过两边兼顾的文章，包括OG上也有这样的5分范文，但是个人比较习惯一边倒，考虑到外国人的直线性思维方式....=v= 我觉得昨天这个题目你的那种观点提的很好的，应该没什么问题~~

水晶小鱼UID: 2471655

加油加油~~

何惜醉流霞UID: 2776142

4# 水晶小鱼

哈哈 多谢~~

何惜醉流霞UID: 2776142

03.10

题目：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can benefit more from traveling in their own country than traveling to foreign countries.



正文：
Thanks to the rapid development of the process of globalization, people now have an access to tourist resources both at home and abroad. Traveling to foreign countries gradually becomes a new trend with great vitality in China. However, I stick to the opinion that people can benefit more from traveling in their own country than going to foreign ones.

First of all, local sightseeing resources provide people with traditional culture which they are able to appreciate better than those foreign tourist spots. By traveling around, not only do we long for immersing in a relaxing atmosphere but also a close connection to the very local traditions. No matter being educated or not, people naturally acquire the certain distinctive thinking pattern of their own culture which led them to a better understanding of the cultural phenomenon they encounter with during their trips. For instance, a Chinese may easily maintain a sense of self-identity when he or she comes to visit lanes in Beijing and appreciates not only the exquisite layout and unique structure but also the color of old Chinese life retained in the building in a more profound way than most foreigners do. Only in this way can a tourist avoid the skin-deep understanding of the sightseeing resources so that really benefit from their trips.

Secondly, it is obviously much more convenient to travel within one’s own country rather than going abroad. The language barrier prevents foreigners from effective communicating with local people, making them prone to solitary situation even when they really run into big troubles. Not need to mention the energy-consuming preparation process before you really set your foot on the new land. Necessary procedures, like visa application,etc, are enough to drive you mad. Comparatively, traveling in one’s own country can save people all the troubles mentioned above, thus allows them concentrate more on trips themselves.

Last but not least, the comparatively high cost of touring abroad is the third significant factor that should be taken into consideration. Admittedly, a trip with bulging pockets can broaden once horizon, however, if one choose to travel around in one’s own country with the same amount of money, he or she is very likely to get a more rich experience since the comparatively lower cost at every tourist spot will enable tourists to travel more and feel more.

In conclusion, although a trend of traveling abroad is full swing, one can never deny that tourism in one’s own country led to a better understanding of the trip with convenience and financial advantages thus benefit tourists more.

holyiriniUID: 2741598

Thanks to the rapid development of the process of globalization, people now have an access to tourist resources both at home and abroad. Traveling to foreign countries gradually becomes a new trend with great vitality in China. However, I stick to the opinion that people can benefit more from traveling in their own country than going to foreign ones.

First of all, local sightseeing resources provide people with traditional culture which they are able to appreciate better than those foreign tourist spots. By traveling around, not only do we long for（We long for not only）
immersing in a relaxing atmosphere but also a close connection to the very local traditions. No matter (whether) being educated or not(可省), people naturally acquire the certain distinctive thinking patterns of their own culture which led（lead） them to a better understanding of the(省。没有特指。) cultural phenomenon they encounter with during their trips. For instance, a Chinese may easily maintain a sense of self-identity when he or she comes to visit lanes in Beijing (why?) and appreciates not only the exquisite layout and unique structure but also the color of old Chinese life retained in the building in a more profound way than most foreigners do(意思是不是中国人理解这些东西会比外国人更深刻？但是这个more than的位置感觉在说中国的建筑比外国的建筑更有深韵..). Only in this way can a tourist avoid the skin-deep（没见过。学习。一直用superficial。） understanding of the sightseeing resources so that it（无主语。指的是understanding吗？） really benefits from their trips.

Secondly, it is obviously much more convenient to travel within one’s own country rather than going abroad. The language barrier prevents foreigners from effective communicating with local people, making them prone to(也没用过。这个号。) solitary situation even when they really run into big troubles. Not（No？！） need to mention the energy-consuming preparation process before you really set your foot on the new land. Necessary procedures（这个可能说起来麻烦，可以说需要的证件）, like visa application（多举几个吧。passport, credit cards, driving liscense?。）, etc, are enough to drive you mad. Comparatively, traveling in one’s own country can save people all the troubles (注意搭配。你教育我的哈~嘻嘻~) mentioned above, thus（主语？） allows them concentrate more on trips themselves（话说那些手续都是出发前的啊。）.

k) f) h
Last but not least, the comparatively high cost of touring abroad is the third significant factor that should be taken into consideration. Admittedly, a trip with bulging pockets（没用过。是指花很多钱去旅游吗？突起的口袋？） can broaden once（one’s） horizon, however, if one choose to travel around in one’s own country with the same amount of money, he or she is very likely to get a more rich experience since the comparatively lower cost at every tourist spot
（which？）will enable tourists to travel more and feel more（两个句子挤在一起了。你再看看吧。读上去有点累。不过我也经常写这种句子的。囧。）.

In conclusion, although a trend of traveling abroad is full swing（？）, one can never deny that tourism in one’s own country led to a better understanding of the trip with convenience and financial advantages thus（好像你用了thus以后就省句子成分了？我觉得thus后应该是跟一个完整的从句的吧。） benefit tourists more.

【批了亲两次作文，缘分呐~呵呵~亲批我的很认真的~先谢啦~认识一下吧~我英文名叫Jennilyn，叫Jenny也可以~410考托福，作文就这水准~蓝DELTA做了点~我紧张啊~
然后点评一下亲的作文，个人认为观点和思路什么的是没有问题的，但是希望亲改变一下模板的那种结构，因为我雅思套的模板，也是差不多这样写的，作文分只有5.5，害得我总分7分还得再来考托福。囧。所以以后的练习建议亲，换换其他形式，这样才可能有新的突破。这是我个人意见。语言方面，咱们得再讨论一下，关于那个THUS啊，这次发现亲好多地方都缺主语什么的，上篇好像没有这个问题啊。另外一个关于论点的，亲的论点是很清楚的，但是论证的逻辑不够严谨。总觉得少了点什么。反正没有一气呵成的感觉。呵呵。以上是我个人观点啊。有什么觉得不对的就回复我这楼。我会经常来看的。】

makeithappenUID: 2585223

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can benefit more from traveling in their own country than traveling to foreign countries.7 M4 ~, ^5 n5 ~& @7 c4 O; s& z
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正文：
Thanks to the rapid development of the process of globalization, people now have an access to tourist resources both at home and abroad. Traveling to foreign countries gradually becomes a new trend with great vitality in China. However, I stick to the opinion that people can benefit more from traveling in their own country than going to foreign ones." R2 s9 C1 h# E- r4 C, Z

First of all, local sightseeing resources provide people with traditional culture which they are able to appreciate better than those foreign tourist spots. By traveling around, not only do we long for immersing in a relaxing atmosphere but also a close connection to the very local traditions. No matter being educated or not, people naturally acquire the certain distinctive thinking pattern of their own culture which led them to a better understanding of the cultural phenomenon they encounter with during their trips. For instance, a Chinese may easily maintain a sense of self-identity when he or she comes to visit lanes in Beijing and appreciates not only the exquisite layout and unique structure but also the color of old Chinese life retained in the building in a more profound way than most foreigners do. Only in this way can a tourist avoid the skin-deep understanding of the sightseeing resources so that really benefit from their trips.

Secondly, it is obviously much more convenient to travel within one’s own country rather than going abroad. The language barrier prevents foreigners from effective communicating with local people, making them prone to solitary situation even when they really run into big troubles. Not need to mention the energy-consuming preparation process before you really set your foot on the new land. Necessary procedures, like visa application,etc, are enough to drive you mad. Comparatively, traveling in one’s own country can save people all the troubles mentioned above, thus allows them concentrate more on trips themselves.

Last but not least, the comparatively high cost of touring abroad is the third significant factor that should be taken into consideration. Admittedly, a trip with bulging pockets can broaden once horizon, however, if one choose to travel around in one’s own country with the same amount of money, he or she is very likely to get a more rich experience since the comparatively lower cost at every tourist spot will enable tourists to travel more and feel more.2 m% ?! K% _& ]) N% d& `
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In conclusion, although a trend of traveling abroad is full swing, one can never deny that tourism in one’s own country led to a better understanding of the trip with convenience and financial advantages thus benefit tourists more. 5 c- G& M: f' |8 U" e% Y

因为我明天就考了 所以语法就不帮你改了。。对不起啊。。我就看下内容 实在对不起你了！！！
我感觉写的很好很好了。。 如果还有什么小缺陷的话就是似乎Toefl喜欢细节如果可以多加些细节就多加些吧
那么晚改也很不好意思。。对不住楼主