求改作文啦。。。。各位老大帮忙了

443582555UID: 2762368

小弟现在读高一  自认水平不怎么样 希望各位多多帮助   每天完成作业 再做托福阅读  在写作文再改作文   虽然会很累   但我一定会加油的   
以下是我第一篇作文   希望大家能忍住看下去    多多拍砖

3.26
does advice given by older people more valuable than from people your age

     Many people believed that the people my age are childish and childlike, the decisions we make are careless and the advice we tell is unavailable. Without enough experience and experiences ,the out come might turn out to be disappointment .The conclusion they make is we
should follow what they say ,follow what they do .and the “they” is the people like our parents our relatives our teachers or the people on the internet maybe we don’t know .However the thing what I want to say is that our friends are the people my age and they take vital part in our life and no one can ignore their influence.

Firs of all , their advise is the truly advise .In contemporary society everything is changing rapidly, only the friends in my age may face the same difficulty like me and may use the ways I can use to solve the problem. In contrast with the old person , maybe he has seen many things , maybe the salt he has ate is more than the rise I have ate , but his opinion is mostly different form all of us . Can the people in 1900 believe that we can walk in space ? Obviously not ,the things has changed and out mind.

Admittedly maybe the choice we took from our friends is wrong ,but it does not matter if we have known it is wrong. According to Maslow”s theory about human needs , people have several basic needs including esteem-recognition ,self actualization, accomplishment , creativity, love and status .the process we fix out mistakes is the process we accomplish ourself . so don’t worry about this . the only consequence is the relationship between your friends and you will become better.

so , finally I want to tell you , if you believe “a friend in need is the friend indeed” just take their advise when they want to help you.

s499992008UID: 2688967

.26
does advice given by older people more valuable than from people your age

                     Many people believed that the people like my age are childish and childlike(unmature), the decisions we make are careless(partial) and the advice what we tell is unavailable. Without enough experience and experiences(这句是什么？？？) ,the out come might turn out to be disappointment .The conclusion what they make is we
        should follow what they say ,follow what they do .and the “they” is are the people like our parents our relatives、 our teachers 、or the people on the internet maybe we don’t know .However the thing what I want to say is that our friends are the people my age and they take vital part in our life and no one can ignore their influence（第一段交代观点未免有点太长了，建议精炼一些。）.6 A6 `6 H7 J' n! k+ y$ F2 t
  w( w* K7 n) I" k. j3 _
First of all , their advises is(are) the truly advise .In contemporary society everything is changing rapidly, only the friends in my age may face the same difficulty like me and may use the ways I can use to solve the problem(这句？很中式，可以用简单句). In contrast with the old person , maybe he has seen many things , maybe the salt he has ate is more than the rise I have ate , but his opinion is mostly different form all of us . Can the people in 1900 believe that we can walk in space ? Obviously not ,the things has changed and out mind.
                   Admittedly maybe the choice we took（换换词obtained） from our friends is wrong ,but it does not matter if we have known it is wrong. According to Maslow”s theory about human needs , people have several basic needs including esteem-recognition ,self actualization, accomplishment , creativity, love and status .the process we fix out mistakes is the process we accomplish ourself . so don’t worry about this . the only consequence is the relationship between your friends and you will become better（这段太中式，我想给你改我都不知道怎么给你改，我还没看懂）.
               so , finally I want to tell you , if you believe “a friend in need is the friend indeed” just take their advise when they want to help you(这个楼主果然是高中生，单词量可能真的很有限，我个人建议，多用些简单句型，把要自己想要表达的意思清楚地表达出来，如果你这样写，让看作文的人很吃力，另外，你要多看些作文书，从中你要学到的并不仅仅是单词，而是他们的逻辑思维，从头到尾你也没能说明我朋友的建议比老人的强，而且要多用例子和细节，少些议论。不过对于一个高中生来讲写出这样的作文已经很让人满意了，你努力吧。。楼主)

443582555UID: 2762368

怎么说呢      作文书在看啦  单词也在背啦 这是我第一篇作文  要求不要呢么高好不。。。
另外   你说那一段太中式。。。关于maslow 的例子。。。新东方老师给的好不  就稍微改了点  
顺便问一下   那些例子那里有看啊        有时候都不知道怎么写   
还是谢谢啦    ！！

443582555UID: 2762368

今天加油了   。。
3.29        Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? More money should be invested by the government on improving access to the Internet, rather than public transportation

Nowadays the contemporary society is rapidly developed expecially the internet .A person who can’t use internet just like a baby who don’t know how to drink .However it is not completely true to say that the transportation is useless. In fact it takes vital part in everybody’s life.
First of all , it is train that make our country harmonious. There is a special group in china named migrant worker who leave his land travel around china to find a job which can raise his kids. They work hard for a whole year maybe just can make a little money ,maybe he must live under a bridge . it does not matter because he can face his children with a big smile at the day named spring festival . at that time ,they go home together with their family. The only transportation is train because it is the cheapest even they had to stand in a train for more than 12 hours . but it is worth doing . China is paying more attention about that , although it will cost millions of dollors , it is also worth doing . just for these poop guy.
Moreover , as we all know , the pollution in our earth is increasing uncontroled, water pollution , air pollution and land pollution ,one of the reason is the carbon emissions, part of the solution is to develop the public transportation ,like underground , bus ,etc to limited the using of the private car..Can you imagine the picture that on the road which with 10 lines is crowded with cars and can only move 5 meters an hour . this is the fact in china . with the ground full of people, with the roads full of cars ,with the sky with bad breathe, that certainly not the environment we want ,the only choice is pay for the public transportation.
Internet is benefit to all of us and let us receive the message all over the world , however only the public transportation can is the thing assignable for the government.
  。。。。明天物理考试  后天化学考试。。。搞笑了。。。
  大家最好多给我换些词什么的     谢了

yxb_25UID: 2758094

3.26
does advice given by older people more valuable than from people your age
. g" R1 p+ H8 V- X8 a
     Many people believed that the people my age are childish and childlike, the decisions we make are careless and the advice we tell is unavailable. （开头啰嗦了）Without enough experience and experiences （这样的堆砌太明显了）,the out come might turn out to be disappointment .The conclusion they make is （that）we 9 F6 \( E( S: Z9 _should follow what they say ,follow what they do .and the “they” is the people like our parents our relatives our teachers or the people on the internet maybe we don’t know .However the thing（what thing?)
what I want to say is that our friends are the people my age and they take vital part in our life and no one can ignore their influence.

Firs of all , their advise is the truly advise .(不要这样堆砌辞藻，反而会引起阅卷人的反感）In contemporary society everything is changing rapidly, only the friends in my age may face the same difficulty like me and may use the ways I can use to solve the problem. In contrast, with(去掉with） the old person , maybe he has seen many things , maybe the salt he has ate is more than the rise I have ate , but his opinion is mostly different form all of us . Can the people in 1900 believe that we can walk in space ? Obviously not ,the things has changed and out mind.# ^% N2 x* f5 A- v2 a9 A

: Z& z- {  ~, K9 g6 F! v
Admittedly maybe the choice we took from our friends is wrong ,but it does not matter if we have known it is wrong. According to Maslow”s theory about human needs , （呀，高一就知道马斯洛的需求层次理论，厉害）people have several basic needs including esteem-recognition ,self actualization, accomplishment , creativity, love and status .the process we fix out mistakes is the process we accomplish ourself(去掉oneself） . so don’t worry about this . the only consequence is the relationship between your friends and you will become（be)
better.. k6 B1 d! w' T+ C  h; _

so , finally I want to tell you , if you believe “a friend in need is the friend indeed” just take their advise when they want to help you.


LZ句子结构还不清晰，建议能再回去重新调整一下文章的句子结构，特别是长句，想写长句固然很好，LZ的长句培养了我高超的跳跃性思维能力，呵呵，建议能先从简单句开始，把问题论述明白了再一步步加工变成长句，语法问题也比较多，由于这两天课很多，比较忙，下次再帮LZ改写一下~！

443582555UID: 2762368

谢了哈

s499992008UID: 2688967

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? More money should be invested by the government on improving access to the Internet, rather than public transportation

^9 Y* p& K! z) G
Nowadays the contemporary society is rapidly developeddeveloped rapidly, expecially(as well as) the internet .A person who can’t(cannot 不能用连写的方式。要分开，符号后面要有空格，标准格式。楼主记住了) use internet just like a baby who don’t（donot） know how to drink .However， it is not completely true to say that the transportation is useless. In fact it takes vital part in everybody’s life.

First of all , it is train that makes our country harmonious（火车使我们国家和谐？？？）. There is a special group in china named migrant worker who leave his（their） land（home to） travel around china，in order to find a job， which（where） can raise his kids. They work hard for a whole year maybe just can make(earn,少用make 这样的万能词汇) a little money ,maybe he must live（accomodate ） under a bridge . and it does not matter because he can face his children with a big smile at the day named spring festival (it doesnot matter that it is the biggest comfort when he remined of his child the candied smile, at speacial day in our country named spring festival). at that time ,they go home together with their family. The only transportation is train because it is the cheapest even they hadhave to stand in a train for more than 12 hours . but it is worth doing . China is paying more attention about that (对他们注意干什么啊，没交代明白，应该是征服投资钱，他们更可以的享受到更低的票价), although it will cost millions of dollors , it is also worth doing . just for these poop guy.7 O1 r, X: V) F* h6 d: y/ F
Moreover , as we all know , the pollution in our earth is increasing uncontroled（without control）, such as water pollution , air pollution and land pollution ,one of the reason is the carbon(carbon dioxide) emissions, part of the solution is to develop the public transportation ,like underground , bus ,etc to limited the using of the private car..Can you imagine the picture that on the road which with 10 lines is crowded with cars and can only move 5 meters an hour . this is the fact in china . with the ground full of people, with the roads full of cars ,with the sky with bad breathe, that certainly not the environment we want ,the only choice is pay for the public transportation(这段该不过来了。。。).$ n# j, r" L" f5 X
Internet is benefit to for all of us and let us receive the various message all over the world , however only the public transportation can is the thing assignable for the government

443582555UID: 2762368

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most people prefer having other people make decisions for them rather than making decisions by themselves.

   One of the basic roles for people living in the world is that we cant change the things we have done. And as a man , i think ,we should not repent of our past live.So the decision we made is important all the time. Considering about the statement, obviously, i will choose to demand my life by myself.
   When we walking on the road , when we watching at the Tv ,whenever and whatever we are , we always hear  like that"if i practised piano when i were 5, i would..""if i worked hard in english i would...'.why they are so upset and angry about their life . Perhaps they ones got chances to do these things ,but they didn't held their option and was easily changed by the others. Do we realized that our fates are in our hands , God put us on the road with so many cross , and what we should do is to select the right way .however if one step is wrong ,you will never to correct it .And if one day we find the decision we made is wrong ,i insist,  if a person is responsible for his life and himself the only thing he would do is find the mistake he made and never do that again. The decision is made by myself ,the life is myself, what will we respond?
   In china there is a story which is known by everyone .Hundreds of years age ,there was a clever child .He wanted to study .However his father demand him to graze cattle .He did it ,but when he walked at the side of a school, he was attracted by the sounds of reading by the students . So when he worked hard to recite the things he heard ,he lost his cattle .What a pity. Although he was shoot by his father, he also did that day after day regardless what his father had say . Finally he became a famous politician with great reputation. This told us that we need not care about the others ,just do that.
   In conclusion ,maybe the advise made by the others is important ,it just advise, the demander of our life is ourselves.


我尽力了      本来不想写了。。。。。。。这两天好忙啊。。




楼上的   谢了啊   ！！！   我知道自己水平比较懒。。。我会努力的！！

yxb_25UID: 2758094

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most people prefer having other people make decisions for them rather than making decisions by themselves.

   One of the basic roles for people living in the world is that we cant（can not，尽量不要用缩写） change the things (which) we have done. And as a man , i(I) think ,we should not repent of our past live.So the decision we made is important all the time. Considering about the statement (what I have mentioned above), obviously, i will choose to demand my life by myself.(I hold the opinion that people should determine their life by their own) 其实我觉得第一段最后表达态度只要把支持的观点稍微改写一下抄下来就行了
   When we walking on the road , when（前面有when啦） we watching at the Tv ,whenever and whatever we are （不管我们是什么东西？）, we always hear  like that"if i practised piano when i were 5, i would..""if i worked hard in english i would...'.why they are so upset and angry about their life . Perhaps they ones
got chances(Because they are the one who got chance ) to do these things ,but they didn't held their option and was easily changed by the others. Do we
(have been) realized that our fate are (holding) in our hands , God put us on the road with so many cross , and what we should do is to select the right way .however if one step is wrong ,you will never (have a chance)to correct it .And if one day we find the decision we made is wrong ,i insist,  if a person is responsible for his life and himself (and himself 可以删去）the only thing he would do is （to)
find the mistake he made and never do that again. The decision is made by myself ,the life is myself(the life is holding in our hand), what will we respond?7 ]) E/ c% P. B6 \7 x& U3 P8 i" E
   In china there is a story which is known by everyone .
Hundreds of years age ,there was a clever child .He wanted to study .However his father demand him to graze cattle .He did it ,but when he walked at the side of a school, he was attracted by the sounds of reading by the students . So when he worked hard to recite the things he heard ,he lost his cattle .What a pity. Although he was shoot by his father, he also did that day after day regardless what his father had say . Finally he became a famous politician with great reputation. This told us that we need not care about the others ,just do that.
(例子举得不错，中间有些细节还需修饰完善一下）
   In conclusion ,maybe the advise made by the others is important, （Although some advises that other people gives is important for individuals.) it just advise, the demander of our life is ourselves



加油，有进步，观点鲜明，表达需要提高，如果有时间，多看看别人的文章，自己根据优秀范文改写也可以啊，不要放弃呀~！
建议能先在MS WORD里面写，有个纠错的功能，不过真实考试就没这东西了，呵呵

443582555UID: 2762368

3.31  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on young people.
Nowadays televisions and movies are regard as the fundamental human pleasure and perhaps no one can live without them. However it’s by no means that those entertainment suppliers always take positive effect. Personally I think if it could be, for young men, we had better keep away from those things which may influence our daily life.
In seeking to the impact made by televisions and movies, many scientists have done various investigations. Here is one of them. In this research they have shown that most of the students watch TV or movies for at least 3 hours everyday in China. When they have dinner, when they lie on bed, even the time when they do their homework, they just turn on the television regardless what their parents have said. Obviously whatever they do when they are watching TV, it can not make full use of the time, maybe their life. Let us think about it, 3 hours a day, one-eighth of our life and except for the time when we fall asleep.
Secondly, in my opinion, the most important time in our life is the age from 10 to 20. It is the time that we absorb knowledge to develop ourselves. However, no one like to study because it’s boring and lack of interesting.  Have you ever experienced that when you are too tired to study, even a small bird can draw you attention the rather than a television. So if president Mao could watch TV when he was a child, should he had read so many books and with so many reputation?
The last but not least is, the TVs and movies are the places where people escape from unpleasant realities, are the places where people lose themselves.
     So what I want to say is that A young idler, an old beggar. TVs and movies? Wait until we grow up.

      问下  现在练习的是不是可以把模板用上去啊   如果是的话  推荐几个吧  ！！

nexthopUID: 2744929

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most people prefer having other people make decisions for them rather than making decisions by themselves.

One of the basic roles for people living in the world is that we can’t change the things we have done. And as a man, I think, we should not repent of our past live. So the decision we made is important all the time. Considering about the statement, obviously, I will choose to demand my life by myself. 其实题目问的是你同意不同意，所以应该最好还是直接说同意题目观点，这不是让你选你喜欢哪一个。

When we are walking on the road, when we（改成or） watching at the（去掉） TV ,whenever and whatever we are , we always hear  something like that(去掉) “if I practiced piano when I were 5, I would”, or “If I worked hard in English I would...'. Why they are so upset and angry about their life. Perhaps they ones got chances to do these things, but they didn't held（hold） their option and was easily changed by the others. Do we realized that our fates are in our hands, God put us on the road with so many cross, and what we should do is to select the right way .however if one step is wrong, you will never to correct it .And if one day we find the decision we made is wrong, I insist, if a person is responsible for his life and himself the only thing he would do is find the mistake he made and never do that again. The decision is made by myself, the life is myself, what will we respond? 感觉说的还是挺好的，但是不够紧扣题意，如果你不同意题目观点，应该马上反驳，你觉得为什么自己做决定比人家做决定好？这一段在这方面体现不够。

In china there is a story which is known by everyone .Hundreds of years age（ago）, there was a clever child .He wanted to study .However his father demand him to graze cattle .He did it, but when he walked at the side of a school, he was attracted by the sounds of reading by the students. So when he worked hard to recite the things he heard, he lost his cattle .What a pity. Although he was shoot （shooting）by his father, he also did that day after day regardless what his father had say. Finally he became a famous politician with great reputation. This told us that we need not care about the others, just do that. 问题同上一段。

In conclusion, maybe the advise（advice） made by the others is important, it just advise, the demander of our life is ourselves.
主要问题呢，就是审题了，其实写的还是非常不错的。
题目明确了两个方面，一个是自己做决定，一个是人家帮你做决定。题目已经给出命题，问你同意不同意，如果你觉得自己做决定好，就直接说不同意，然后说原因一，原因二，所以我不同意。

yxb_25UID: 2758094

3.31  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on young people.3 D$ r* w7 f% I* }( Z[size=8.0000pt] Nowadays televisions and movies are regard as the fundamental human pleasure and perhaps no one can live without them. However it’s by no means that those entertainment suppliers always take positive effect. Personally I think if it could be,[size=10.5000pt]（personally 和I think 貌似意思重复了） for young men, we had better keep away from those things which may influence[size=10.5000pt]（impact) our daily life.; N: F, Z7 S  J; z7 v In seeking to the impact made by televisions and movies, many scientists have done various investigations. Here is one of them. In this research they have shown that most of the students watch TV or movies for at least 3 hours everyday in China. When they have dinner, when they lie on bed, even the time when they do their homework, they just turn on the television regardless what their parents have said. Obviously whatever they do when they are watching TV, it can not make full use of the time, maybe their life. Let us think about it, 3 hours a day, one-eighth of our life and except for the time when we fall asleep. (例子不错） Secondly, in my opinion, the most important time in our life is the age from 10 to 20. It is the time that we absorb knowledge to develop ourselves. [size=10.5000pt]（It is the golden period for individuals to absorb knowledge and develop their abilities) However, no one like to study because it’s boring and lack of interesting. (这句话有些不妥） Have you ever experienced that when you are too tired to study, even a small bird can draw you[size=10.5000pt]（your） attention the rather than a television. So if president Mao could watch TV when he was a child, should he had read so many books and with so many reputation? （LZ 想干什么？不太明白意图呀，可能我理解能力问题） The last but not least is（不需要is), the TVs and movies are the places where people escape from unpleasant realities, are the places where people lose themselves.: N! T6 a6 b9 s$ `' R- Q8 n" H      So what I want to say is that A young idler, an old beggar. TVs and movies? Wait until we grow up. （我明白意思，但不能这么说，感觉很怪，呵呵）[size=10.5000pt]

总体还是不错的，论述能力还需要在练习一下，观点有些不太清楚，加油！！
回答LZ的问题，模板什么的还是少用吧，可以看看前人的备考经验

wtnwinUID: 2764194

Nowadays televisions and movies are regard as the fundamental human pleasure and perhaps no one can live without them. However it’s by no means that those entertainment suppliers always take positive effect. Personally I think if it could be, for young men, we had better keep away from those things which may influence our daily life开头简明而要，立场分明
In seeking to the impact made by televisions and movies, many scientists have done various investigations. Here is one of them. In this research they have shown that most of the students watch TV or movies for at least 3 hours everyday in China. When they have dinner, when they lie on bed, even the time when they do their homework, they just turn on the television regardless what their parents have said. Obviously whatever they do when they are watching TV, it can not make full use of the time, maybe their life. Let us think about it, 3 hours a day, one-eighth of our life and except for the time when we fall asleep研究有点模板化并不生动
Secondly, in my opinion, the most important time in our life is the age from 10 to 20. It is the time that we absorb knowledge to develop ourselves. However, no one like to study because it’s boring and lack of interesting.  Have you ever experienced that when you are too tired to study, even a small bird can draw you attention the rather than a television. So if president Mao could watch TV when he was a child, should he had read so many books and with so many reputation结合生活有趣，亮点
The last but not least is, the TVs and movies are the places where people escape from unpleasant realities, are the places where people lose themselves.
  So what I want to say is that A young idler, an old beggar. TVs and movies? Wait until we grow up.(举例丰富，贴近生活，Mao 太搞笑了，However总体上欠缺逻辑的思辨，论证语言太过口语)

443582555UID: 2762368

4.1 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Basic science should be a mandatory course for all university students even if it is not related with their field of study. + U) e5 [' d& J8 x6 Q


    In contemporary society, many people believe that they only need to learn one major subject so that they can achieve enough time to research it. However during the time they devote themselves into math, physics, or medicine, there is no way around the fact that they not only lose important opportunities to develop themselves all around but also can not be regard as a good employee by those sophisticated interviewers.
   First of all, in my opinion, the knowledge we have learnt is full of communicated. In china, maybe all of the world, if a child is good at math, he can easily understand what his physics teacher are talking while the others are confused. Why? Because the time we are studying math is the process we improve our logical thinking and also can bring us many different method to solve some difficult questions.
   Secondly, according what I have seen and heard about, the graduates from college perhaps can not find a proper situation, which is suitable for their specialties. The choice for those graduates is do as an original employee or stay at home. I have a cousin who is now working in Australia. Although he was not employed for some addition ability, he was but in an important situation for showing his boss that he is good at computers and can also fix it. These knowledge you learnt from another souses except from your field of study is a shining point for you to be regard and respect.
  Finally, when you become a father or a mother, do you want to response you child’s question as “oh…” or “Surfing the internet by yourself”.
  So the conclusion is everybody needs basic science, it can not only benefit ourselves but our children.


感觉偏题了。。没力气改了   就当“只学一门专业好不好”看算了。。。。
不过 也有可能没有偏。。。额。。。算了。。。