issue144,已修改 求拍，有拍必回

xwjsarahUID: 2627269

144"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
As we know that criticism and scepticism of science and technology always generate the progress of society .In a word,criticism is a part of science .Smilarly, criticism also have the same function to works of art.Nevertheless,in fact ,merely those fabulous works of arts always impress people for long time and be craved by history and society,instead of criticism .But we should know that the greatness of arts is born of not only the inspiration of artists ,but also the criticism of critics .They both give society something of lasting value.


On science and technology level ,critcism is the prerequistes of any new doctrine and theory's development ,for the more criticism and scepticism they have ,the more mistakes they can avoid .For example when people were immersing the main stream doctrines of the catholic chuch that was the earth was the center of the universe ,Galileo Galilei ,an Italian mathematician ,criticised that the doctrine was fraught some fallacies ,through his observation by telescope .Although his criticism forced him to pay the expence of eight years home arrest ,he still made the titanic contribution to development of astronomy or even to the theory of Copernicus and Newton.The instance has illustrated that criticism can be also memorised by history in the field of science ,or even be more important than the process of research,for criticism is the real core of science research.


On arts level ,in certain respects , critics can play a vital role to propel the development of art.For example, in the renaissance,amounts of artists and critics exsisted in the same era parallelly.And with this background ,the culture of Europe had been burned in wind.Whereas,only the fantastic works of art have been left and the artists have been extoled by people ,no
any critic has been memorised,or even praised.However,we couldn’t hold the saying that critics don' t gives something of lasting values compared with artists as the speaker.Because critics are the catalyst of arts, that no criticism, the artists never know whether what he or she have done is right or not.Meanwhile the works of art will never be great,thus,how do they leave any values for society ?


Obviously,if a society whose members don't have any critic to criticise the works of art ,the artists will tend to be more egregious and more extreme. As we know that ,there is no complete freedom in the word even arts ,everything must be controled by laws ,and everything must have a base line ,if arts meet the base line or overdue it ,which wouldn't be accepted by morality or ethos of society.And the critics are the standard of the baseline.For example ,in a peaceful country ,no any starvation,no any wars or proverty,a painting about extoling the jingo has been shown in the library ,does anyone accept it ,without embraced by people ,how does it give something of lasting values to human beings ?In this situation ,critics could eliminate the work in the first place.


In sum ,critics are just like the assistants for artists to create the art values to society ,although critics’ importance is always omitted by aftertime people when they encounter the masterpieces .In a word ,critics and artists are both give something of lasting values to society.No critics ,no masterpieces.

zhusichao88UID: 2786754

怎么上传文档？给你修改了一下，不知道怎么上传...

xwjsarahUID: 2627269

直接贴到我的页面吧，谢了 2# zhusichao88

zhusichao88UID: 2786754

144"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
As we know that criticism and scepticism of science and technology always generate the progress of society .In a word,criticism is a part of science .Smilarly（similarly）, criticism also have the same function to works of art.Nevertheless,in fact(我觉得这里nevertheless和in fact 留一个就可以了吧，都是表示转折嘛) ,merely those fabulous works of arts always impress people for long time and be craved by history and society,instead of criticism .But we should know that the greatness of arts is born of not only the inspiration of artists ,but also the criticism of critics .They both give society something of lasting value.


On science and technology level ,critcism（criticism） is the prerequistes of any new doctrine and theory's development ,for the more criticism and scepticism they have ,the more mistakes they can avoid .For example when people were immersing the main stream doctrines of the catholic chuch that was the earth was the center of the universe （强调句It was the earth that was the center of the university）,Galileo Galilei ,an Italian mathematician ,criticised that the doctrine was fraught some fallacies（It was a doctrine fraught certain fallacies） ,through his observation by telescope .Although his criticism forced him to pay the expence of eight years home arrest ,he still made the titanic （我认为用tremendous，因为titanic 是指形体巨大）contribution to development of astronomy or even to the theory of Copernicus and Newton.The instance has illustrated that criticism can be also memorised by history in the field of science ,or even be more important than the process of research,for criticism is the real core of science research.

（这一段跟主题关系不大哦，完全可以重新举例子嘛，比如跟艺术有关的Leonardo De Vinci，或者Beethoven成名前评论家不看好他）


On arts level ,in certain respects , critics can play a vital role to propel the development of art.（多说两句，比如哪些作用会带来什么效果，能不能促进艺术进步之类的）For example, in the renaissance,amounts of artists and critics exsisted（Appeared更好我觉得） in the same era parallelly.And with this background ,the culture of Europe had been burned in wind.Whereas,only the fantastic works of art have been left（Kept） and the artists have been extoled by people ,not any critic has been memorised（There were no critics who has been memorised）,or even praised.However,we couldn’t hold the saying that critics don' t gives （Never offer anything）something of lasting values compared with artists as the speaker.Because critics are the catalyst of arts, that no criticism, the artists never know whether what he or she have done is right or not.Meanwhile the works of art will never be great,thus,how do they leave any values for society ?
(这一段有三个层次，第一，评论可以促进艺术，第二，评论家鲜有后世流传，第三，我们不能否定评论家的功绩，都说的有点少，可以每一层表态后写个例子。这样更有血有肉)

Obviously,if a society whose members don't have （obtain）any critics to criticise the works of art ,the artists will tend to be more egregious and more extreme. As we know that ,there is no complete freedom in the word even arts ,everything must be controled by laws ,and everything must have a base line ,if arts meet the base line or overdue（你是想说undue吧…这是个形容词，overdue是指迟到的） it ,which wouldn't be accepted by morality or ethos of society.And the critics are the standard of the baseline.For example ,in a peaceful country ,no any（Any不用了，下一个any也是）starvation,no any wars or proverty,a painting about extoling （Extolling）the jingo has been shown in the library ,does anyone accept it ,without embraced by people ,how does it give something of lasting values to human beings ?In this situation ,critics could eliminate the work in the first place.
（这一段有观点，即艺术会有一个底线，评论家是控制这个底线的，观点很好，可是这个例子跟观点有点不沾边…换个例子试试，比如一些社会底层音乐，常常牵涉到毒品，暴力，犯罪等极端举动）

In sum ,critics are just like the assistants for artists to create the art values to society ,although critics’ importance is always omitted by aftertime people when they encounter the masterpieces .In a word ,critics and artists are both give something of lasting values to society.No critics ,no masterpieces.

xwjsarahUID: 2627269

感谢你的修改。你的观点真的很好，给了我很多启发，特别的倒数第二段，倒数第三段真的找不出什么好例子了，所以就只是凭空说理了 4# zhusichao88

plukaUID: 2721764

Nevertheless,in fact ,merely those fabulous works of arts always impress people for long time and be craved by history and society,instead of criticism .（这句话其实已经回答了题目，表明了你的态度，即，是艺术家而不是批评家创造了lasting value。这就是一个主题句了。后面一句but差不多是废的，有了它反而再次招来离题的危险）But we should know that the greatness of arts is born of not only the inspiration of artists ,but also the criticism of critics（此句费解，可弃） .They both give society something of lasting value（这里又说艺术家跟批评家都创造了价值，于是这不就跟前面merely those fabulous works一句的意思矛盾了咩）.
开头观点太跳跃，显得断裂，前后的衔接显得费解。

B1 On science and technology level ,critcism is the prerequistes of any new doctrine and theory's development ,for the more criticism and scepticism they have ,the more mistakes they can avoid 。此段与题目隔得远了，没必要，或者干脆并到下一段上。

B2 On arts level ,in certain respects , critics can play a vital role to propel the development of art.（TS：没有扣紧题目。题目关键是啥，是lasting value，不是the development of art！）For example, in the renaissance,amounts of artists and critics exsisted in the same era parallelly.And with this background ,the culture of Europe had been burned in wind.Whereas,only the fantastic works of art have been left and the artists have been extoled by people ,no any critic has been memorised,or even praised.（这~么~长~一~段~到底想说些啥？或许这是个欲扬先抑的招数，毕竟后面来了个however。但是请注意把握好度。扬才是主要的，抑不是。全段一大半都抑去了，后面怎么能扯回扬批评家的TS？）However,we couldn’t hold the saying that critics don' t gives something of lasting values compared with artists as the speaker.Because critics are the catalyst of arts, that no criticism, the artists never know whether what he or she have done is right or not.Meanwhile the works of art will never be great,thus,how do they leave any values for society ? （总算，再次见到value这个关键词了……真不容易）

B3 Obviously,if a society whose members don't have any critic to criticise the works of art ,the artists will tend to be more egregious and more extreme. As we know that ,there is no complete freedom in the word even arts ,everything must be controled by laws ,and everything must have a base line ,if arts meet the base line or overdue it ,which wouldn't be accepted by morality or ethos of society.And the critics are the standard of the baseline.For example ,in a peaceful country ,no any starvation,no any wars or proverty,a painting about extoling the jingo has been shown in the library ,does anyone accept it ,without embraced by people ,how does it give something of lasting values to human beings ?In this situation ,critics could eliminate the work in the first place.（大致摸到LZ关于value是个怎么的思路了。然而还是要说，您写的TS太有欺骗性了！看到TS只会让人想到：噢，这是篇讨论艺术家与批评家关系的文。而不会让人想到关于lasting value的东西。即，关键词没有体现出来啊！所以我看了每段第一句，就会觉得：呀，偏题。只有扫到这段的末尾，才发现原来还是绕回去了……不要给人这种危险的印象呀）


主体部分看完，摸到LZ的思路了。论证方面需要改进。总觉看上去有些怪= =
另，推荐搜索一下ISSUE144的同主题写作，是以前斑竹们举办的，有利于进一步清晰思路和论证。

xwjsarahUID: 2627269

谢谢你的改正，呵呵，这是我第一篇issue，写得烂。我有一个问题是，issue只能持一种态度和一种观点吗？不能有混合态度吗？就是以讨论的方式来叙述？ 6# pluka

zhusichao88UID: 2786754

呵呵，我也是新手，看看楼下的大侠，分析的很透彻~你什么时候考作文？ 5# xwjsarah

xwjsarahUID: 2627269

四月16号 8# zhusichao88

zhusichao88UID: 2786754

呵呵，咱俩是一个小组的呀！ 9# xwjsarah