5.10 writing

yixin5690UID: 2790180

The best way to improve the quality of the education in a country is to increase teacher's salaries   

When talk about how to improve the quality of education, people find it hard to come to consensus due to diverse personal experience and conflicting values. Some people hold that increasing teacher’s salaries is an appropriate method. But I kind of disagree with this point of view. There are a couple of reasons to name.

On one hand, the quality of the education can not be probably measured. Some might simply consider the paper marks as the final judgment while ignoring the overall development of the children. We send our children to school not only to exercise their brain but also their body and sense of beauty. As an old saying goes “all work and no play makes jack a dull boy”. I, myself, is an appropriate example. If I study all day without doing any physical exercise, my performance will drop and will catch a cold imminently.

On the other hand, even if there is a scientific way to measure it, the critical thing, I think, matters most is the teacher’s responsibility. If a teacher has not intend to devote himself to this sacred occupation, no matter how much money you give him, there is never going to be a change. So what we have to concern about more is the attitude. Take my teacher Tony for example, he used to spend almost two hours explaining a complex math problem to us until we all full comprehend it. Due to his devotional effort, we all behaved very well in the last final exam.

Admittedly, increasing teacher’s payment will in some extent improve their working efficiency. But what we have to pay more attention to the children’s capability of comprehending. Because the lowest part of the bowl is the decisive one.

To sum up, basing on the discussion and exportation I have given above, it may be safe to draw the conclusion that quality of the education in a country has no direct relation to the increasing of teacher's salaries.

shufescUID: 2616499

0511 shufesc修改
有个问题我也不明白，拿出来与大家一起讨论：
我就是一个很好的例子，这句话应该怎么翻译比较好呢？

yixin5690UID: 2790180

难道on one hand 和on the other hand 不是与first, second 等价的啊！
还有就是我第一段的观点是quality 不能measure 所以老师的工资提高能否improve quality 未可知，那么我这里加一句so the relation between teacher's wages and  students' behavior is over the air.会好些？
非常感谢shufesc的修改，以后不会再用kind of  了，呵呵
那个in some extent是在某种程度上，performace will drop 是我在一个口语模板上看见的也不知对不对，我就是一个很好的例子我也就只能想到i, myself, is an appropriate example 了

shufescUID: 2616499

1 我附的第一点摘自牛津字典。
2 第一段我也不是很清楚到底行不行，感觉有点怪。

yixin5690UID: 2790180

do you agree or disagree that improving schools is the most factor in successful development of country
说实话，真难写
When talk about what is the most important factor in successful development of country, people may find it hard to come to consensus due to diverse personal experience and conflicting values. Some people hold that improving schools is an appropriate way while others do not agree. As far as I am concerned, I support the former point.

First, the word improving has lots of meanings which include the construction of school in rural areas. As we all know, there are so many people can not afford to go to school due to the high tuition fees which, I think, is the result of the limited number of schools. Among those people, some are very talented and intellectual. If given a chance to get educated, they will probably become professors, doctors or lawyers that is good for our country. More over, they in turn will help more people like them. For example, I know a friend Jeason who comes from a poor family graduated from university with scholarships. Now he has a good job and a decent pay and helps many poor children in remote west regions. Furthermore with more people get educated, the relationship between each other will be more harmony. There will be less quarrel and more laugh which is also an indication of the development of country.


Second, improving also means the improvement of the hardware of school, like the construction of high-tech laboratory and some other things. When government invests some money to build a agricultural research center, then more people will join in the agricultural research. Imaging if we find a solution to further increase the yield of crops, people would no longer suffer by hunger. Then our country can use this amount of money that saved from importing of rice to do other researches.

To sum up, based on the discussion above, it will be safe to draw the conclusion that improving schools is the most factor in successful development of country.

annskyaUID: 181142

When talk about what is the most important factor in successful development of country, people may find it hard to come to consensus due to diverse personal experience and conflicting values. Some people hold that improving schools is an appropriate way while others do not agree. As far as I am concerned, I support the former point.; Z, P$ A* `8 k8 @

First, the word improving has lots of meanings which include the construction of school in rural areas. As we all know, there are so many people can not afford to go to school due to the high tuition fees which, I think, is the result of the limited number of schools. Among those people, some are very talented and intellectual. If given a chance to get educated, they will probably become professors, doctors or lawyers that is good for our country. More over, they in turn will help more people like them. For example, I know a friend Jeason who comes from a poor family graduated from university with(by?) scholarships. Now he has a good job and a decent pay and helps many poor children in remote west regions. Furthermore with more people get educated, the relationship between each other will be more harmony. There will be less quarrel and more laugh which is also an indication of the development of country.
  _+ {8 y+ v1 E- |- _

Second, improving also means the improvement of the hardware of school, like the construction of high-tech laboratory and some other things. When government invests some money to build a agricultural research center, then more people will join in the agricultural research. Imaging if we find a solution to further increase the yield of crops, people would no longer suffer by hunger. Then our country can use this amount of money that saved from importing of rice to do other researches.8 ?7 P; o& z2 j' s1 W% U
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To sum up, based on the discussion above, it will be safe to draw the conclusion that improving schools is the most factor in successful development of country.

楼主，我刚刚开始TOEFL学习，词汇和句型都很有限，抱歉提不出什么句型上的改进意见。


内容结构上，第一个论点中包涵了：发展教育可有助于落后地区经济发展和改善人际关系两个论据，这两点之间我觉得没什么联系。是不是可以把后一点但挑出来讲述。


^^;

yixin5690UID: 2790180

5.12  Advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits.

When talking about what is the main cause of the unhealthy habits. People find it hard to come to consensus due to diverse personal experience and conflicting values. Some people think that it is advertising that lead us to the harmful eating habits while I, with all aspects carefully considered, believe that there are other factors we have ignored.

With the rapid development of modern society, the working pace has become extremely faster than has ever been before. Thus we hardly have anytime to sit down and enjoy a wonderful meal in restaurant. What we do everyday is to grab a quick bite and finish the task on time. I remember there is one time I trapped in a traffic jam just because I eat at home and was fifteen minutes later than before. It took me almost forty five minutes to get out of it, then as everybody can imagine I got punished by my boss. From then on I no longer dare to eat breakfast which I know was harmful to my health.

An equally critical reason that contributes to the unhealthy eating habits is that we tend to believe the result that we do not eat or eat not on time is not that severe, because we are energetic young people. So under direction of this idea, the workers sometimes work for continuous ten hours without eating anything. The same thing also happened on the college students. As we all know most of them are so fascinate on the online games that when they get short of money, they usually supplement it with the money that used to buy food.

although advisement has attract us to eat the junk food like fried chicken and something like it, the impact of it, compare to the above two aspects, are so weak. So we are safe to draw the conclusion that advertising is the just one cause of the unhealthy eating habits.

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

5.12 修改 by  暧暧

见附件。

y.doc (24 KB, 下载次数: 7)

2010-5-13 10:40:14 上传

下载次数: 7

violarqUID: 2534729

:loveliness: Sheldor你好

yixin5690UID: 2790180

Young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term. 5.13 请猛拍之

When talking about if young people should try different jobs before they finally choose their favorable job, we always find it hard to come to consensus due to diverse personal experience and conflicting values. Some people hold that they should be provided many chances before they eventually make their decision. But as far as I am concerned, I tend to hold a contrary opinion for the following reasons.

In the first place, it’s not a good idea to give them many opportunities to try, as it would make them become less responsible and ambitious which, I think, is disastrous for the further development. For example, when a young man encounters some problems at work, they might not spare any effort to work it out but rather change their job if they are told to have other approaches to resort to. Because we are not suitable for the job is always and will continue to be the excuse. Some of my classmates graduated last year have already shift their jobs and one of them even quit to stay at home with his parents. What a shame.

In the second place, people frequently changing their job can lower the production efficiency in those manufacturing company. As we all know that we can not find a appropriate person to supplement the vacant position immediately which means there are less people to do the same amount of work. This definitely will bring about some adverse effect on the whole working schedule. Further more, it will also increase the financial expense of the company, for it has to spend money to cultivate your specialties before you are capable of taking your work on your own.

To sum up, from what I have illustrated above, it is safely to draw the conclusion that letting young people try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term is not a good propose.

m4mischaUID: 2740466

When talking about if young people should try different jobs before they finally choose their favorable job, we always find it hard to come to consensus due to diverse personal experience and conflicting values. Some people hold that they should be provided many chances before they eventually make their decision. But as far as I am concerned, I tend to hold a contrary opinion for the following reasons.' _5 C+ L% D5 Z/ f
& z6 d( ^- Q* x
In the first place, it’s not a good idea to give them many opportunities to try, as it would make them become less responsible and ambitious which, I think, is disastrous for the further development. For example, when a young man encounters some problems at work, they might not spare any effort to work it out but rather change their job if they are told to have other approaches to resort to. Because we are not suitable for the job is always and will continue to be the excuse. Some of my classmates graduated last year have already shift their jobs and one of them even quit to stay at home with his parents. What a shame.
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In the second place, people frequently changing their job can lower the production efficiency in those manufacturing company. As we all know that we can not find a appropriate person to supplement the vacant position immediately which means there are less people to do the same amount of work. This definitely will bring about some adverse effect on the whole working schedule. Further more, it will also increase the financial expense of the company, for it has to spend money to cultivate your specialties before you are capable of taking your work on your own.
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To sum up, from what I have illustrated above, it is safely to draw the conclusion that letting young people try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term is not a good propose.
我觉得写的相当好  好流畅  读下来很舒服  论证足够充分  个人觉得可以再添一段 写写 大学生刚毕业本来就没钱没房没车，还要娶妻生子养老，能找份工作就不错了 ，如果频繁的换的话难以保证正常生活开销甚至反过头来啃老。而且如果一直找不到适合自己的工作，很可能迫于压力自杀，再结合最近什么富士康员工跳楼 ，大学生频繁自杀 ，以及多起校园惨案都有可能是找不到合适工作，迫于生活压力的人所谓。因此不如既来之则安之，选好一份工作干到底。 这样 前两段从正面说明 最后一段从反面说明 我觉得更有利 。
并且 结尾段 好像只有 重申论点 如果能稍加总结前面的内容而不只用 to sum up ,from what i have illustrated above 来带过的话 应该会更好 。
总之  读你的文章很惬意 。

shufescUID: 2616499

Young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term. 5.13 请猛拍之
# ?/ i3 R* n, L' j' b
When talking about if young people should try different jobs before they finally choose their favorable job, we always find it hard to come to consensus due to diverse personal experience and conflicting values. Some people hold that they should be provided many chances before they eventually make their decision. But as far as I am concerned, I tend to hold a contrary opinion for the following reasons.

In the first place, it’s not a good idea to give them many opportunities to try, as it would make them become less responsible and ambitious which, I think, is disastrous (this word may be too exaggerated) for the further development. For example, when a young man encounters some problems at work, they (you say a young man before so …) might not spare any effort to work it out but rather change their job if they are told to have other approaches to resort to (sorry, I don’t understand what you mean by “resort to”). Because (I guess you want a 主语从句 here, but the sentence should start with that) we are not suitable for the job is always and will continue to be the excuse. Some of my classmates graduated (you should say who graduated or graduating but not graduated) last year have already shift their jobs and one of them even quits to stay at home with his parents. What a shame.

In the second place, people frequently changing their job can lower the production efficiency in those manufacturing companies. As we all know that we cannot find an appropriate person to supplement the vacant position immediately which means there are less people to do the same amount of work. This definitely will bring about some adverse effect on the whole working schedule. Furthermore, it will also increase the financial (this word may be redundant) expense of the company, for it has to spend money to (never say spend …to do) cultivate your specialties before you are capable of taking your work on your own.

To sum up, from what I have illustrated above, it is safe(ly) to draw the conclusion that letting young people try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term is not a good propose. (这个句子有点头重脚轻，可以用it)

文章思路清晰，例子举得都不错，但是两段分析略显单薄。

yixin5690UID: 2790180

感谢修改，我也想加一段让步来着。
spend..on sth
有些地方的词我也是胡用的，唉

yixin5690UID: 2790180

5.14More vacation time job better than high salary less off vacation time job 这题目看了半天没看懂，还是去群里问明白的。下狠手拍吧

When asked about what is the characteristic of a good job, people always find it hard to come to consensus due to diverse personal experience and conflicting values. Some people hold that a good job should have much more vacations while, as far as I am concerned, a good job is featured by high salaries. My standpoint can be substantiated by the following reasons.

First, we need to have enough money to support our family. For example, e have to buy a house when e get married, and pay the tuition fees for our child in order to let them get a good education. As we all know that the education investment in china is a very large expenditure. According to a recent survey published in the Journal of Social Life conducted by a group of sociologists in Perking University, the admission fees for primary school has soared by 50% from 2000 to 2005. From the data collected over these years, there is a conclusion that the charge will continue to increase. As a result, we can not afford the payment if we do not have a well-paid job.

Second, we can also have a large sum of extra money to many other things like have a trip to Tibet. I have longed to go there ever since I am a little kid but do not have the money to go. I know that the atmosphere there is very serine. You can have a peaceful mind without bothered by the daily trivial things. The people there are very nice, and it can remind you of the story of Shangri-La. Only by earn a lot of money can I make the trip and realize my dream.

Admittedly, some people may argue that the big pressure accompanied with it is so difficult to handle. To reinforce their point they refer to the news that recently there are amount to 20 people committed suicide in
due to the working pressure. But I have to say if we release our pressure appropriately and keep exercising our mental strength, it is not very hard to deal with.

In conclusion, from what I have discussed above, it is safe to  reinforce my perspective that taking a job with much more salaries is a favorable choice.

yixin5690UID: 2790180

committed suicide in 后面掉了Foxconn.