m4mischa的 作文贴 ~

m4mischaUID: 2740466

5.12Advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits.


The essence of modern society that aspiring for the maximum profit pushed numerous enterprises to go to any length to enlarge their customer group ,especially in the catering business. Then some individuals may stand out and announce that the swinging baby temped by the big yellow “m” logo ( mcdonald’s classic advertising ) is to blame for their physically inferior to the previous since the usual meal was supplanted by mcdonald’s wonderful burger. In my humble opinion , advertising does can be accounted for the unhealthy eating habits nowadays to some degree ,while it’s mostly ourselves that spark the problem.

Initial meals with home made dishes used to be healthy and without that much fat and oil. Then ,
Suddenly, came the explosion of advertising towards varied sorts of food . The media merely tell you the supreme taste of the food but never refer to its potential risk which can even be fatal during a long period of accumulation . on condition that majorities don’t aware of this adverse effect and keep enjoying it, the unhealthy eating habits will be eventually aroused among all. But is advertising really to blame for it all ?

Definitely not . as the old saying goes ,human effort is the decisive factor . advertising was created to attract us ,but we are human beings with consciousness as well as ideology. So it’s in fact our willing to adopt it or reject it ,it’s our decision to eat it or not . from this aspect , it’s us that hold the absolute initiative ,that is everything under our control ,thus the impossibility that advertising turn back and make a predominance.


Otherwise , our body ,which take the product of advertising ,undoubtly make sense . we are all different ,some was born with a efficient kidney to detoxify what is other’s poison . some have already accustomed to oil.fat fulfilled food ,even someone with poor digestion cannot absorb what he eat at all ,no matter it’s nutritive or not . this suggest that advertising itself cannot be the leading cause of terrible eating habits, at least ,not the only cause .

As it’s unrealistic to tell something is absolutely right or wrong
,I concern that were advertising the main cause of
terrible eating habits, there must be something else weight as equal.

m4mischaUID: 2740466

5.13Young people should try defferent jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.

Suffering from the global financial crisis while still aspiring for a present  maximum profit in case of bankruptcy pushed numerous enterprises shrink their employees. People has been increasingly awared that the job they are involving into is frail and fragile. Pressed by the likely evanescence of tools of trade , people are less wild about job-hopping ,but neglect the escaping precious opportunity from their own hand  .for you will never know which one fits best before you tried a lot .

Thomas Edison once tried more than 1000 sorts of materials as the filament in order to seek out one that can endure the heat released by a lamp bulb being used persistently. And eventually ,he got a Tungsten filament .we are just like Edison’s filament , without attempting  to varied jobs, how could we recognize our vocation of destiny that deserve a lifetime dedication? So what are you waiting for ,just try bravery , the next one may be somewhere you belong .

Some people may stand out and oppose that it’s entirely a waste of time if job-hopping occurs frequently . but you may never wondered how significant my interpersonal relationships can be developed during this process. And connection ,weights equally with time to some degree ,at least ,neither of them can be purchased . if luck fairy comes to you ,it’s possible that your previous colleague may turn to become your fiancé .  Experiences are treasures that can never be evaluated.

Although trying different jobs before the option of a permanent career can promote a young individual’s formation ,emotionally and intellectually ,it do has some adverse aspects . for the youth are always need to earn much to afford the house , car ,raise babies and support their parents ,this may result in their financially being cornered .Otherwise , were a extensive collective job-hopping arose, it can undoubtedly ruin the current economic order .

As everything seems to be a swinging pendulum where a balanced point can never be found , there is no absolute answer but trying different jobs tends to dominate apparently . Besides, don’t forget what Forrest Gump said : “ life is like a box of chocolate ,you will never know what you will eat .”

kingarthur_leeUID: 2810596

不好意思，昨天其实很早该好了，但是在园区不能上网，晚上12点多才回来，室友都睡了，希望见谅。


5.12Advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits. " F+ N: P& P: g: T& @

The essence of modern society that(不要,aspiring 就可以直接修饰) aspiring for the maximum profit pushed（pushes） numerous enterprises to go to any length to enlarge their customer group ,especially in the catering business. Then some individuals may stand out and announce that the phenomenon that the swinging baby temped （tempted吧，lured会不会更好点？) by the big yellow “m” logo ( mcdonald’s classic advertising ) is to be blamed for their physically inferior to the previous(这是形容词,后面接什么名词？不是很明白) since the usual meal was supplanted by mcdonald’s wonderful burger.(我没有太明白你整句话的意思，你看我添加的是不是改了你的意思) In my humble opinion , advertising does can be accounted for the unhealthy eating habits nowadays to some degree ,while it’s mostly ourselves that spark the problem.


Initial meals with home made dishes used to be healthy and without that much fat and oil. Then ,Suddenly, came the explosion of advertising towards varied（这是变化的意思，用a variety of）
sorts of food . The media merely tell you the supreme taste of the food but never refer to its potential risk which can even be fatal during(after会不会更好) a long period of accumulation . on condition that majorities don’t aware of this adverse effect and keep enjoying it, the unhealthy eating habits will be eventually aroused among all. But is advertising really to be blamed for it all ?

Definitely not (个人建议，这个放前面的疑问句，回答完后本段再阐述原因). as the old saying goes ,human effort is the decisive factor . advertising was created to attract us ,but we are human beings with consciousness as well as ideology. So it’s in fact（in fact 应该放句首，句中的话actually 或者virtually） our willing to adopt it or reject it ,it’s our decision to eat it or not . from this aspect , it’s us that hold the absolute initiative ,that is everything under our control ,thus the impossibility that advertising turn back and make a predominance.

[% ?) x6 K. r8 }
Otherwise , our body ,which take the product of advertising（of advertising改为 by advertised要不然意思是吃广告产品，即广告） ,undoubtly make sense . we are all different ,some was born with an efficient kidney to detoxify what is other’s poison . some have already been accustomed to oil.fat fulfilled food ,even someone with poor digestion cannot absorb what he eat at all ,no matter it’s nutritive or not . this suggest that advertising itself cannot be the leading cause of terrible eating habits, at least ,not the only cause .

; N2 j. _6 Z/ K9 ~. V/ w, x- O; N# T
As it’s unrealistic to tell something that is absolutely right or wrong 4 F- E1u7 s" w,I concern that were advertising (were advertising 改为advertising was not ) the main cause of terrible eating habits, (用个转折的however，表示advertising不是最重要的原因，更贴近文章主题)there must be something else weight as equal.

1.我觉得LZ语言蛮有功底的，句式的变换很多，不过好像有时候一句话里动词太多忽略了用从句
2.多注意下主动被动就更好了，而且时态出现1，2个问题，比如were/was，一般时写成过去时
3.LZ从个人内部意愿去写，我还是蛮佩服的，感觉这样很难想原因，不过已经蛮好的了。
加油

m4mischaUID: 2740466

1. aspiring 那个 我是想表达 是这个社会追求利于最大化的本质迫使众多企业... 所以我觉得不能省掉
2. 我觉得the phrnomenon that 不加比较好 因为会显得比较啰嗦
3. 严重同意改成lured 谢谢你告诉我这个好词
4. previous 后面落了个one 嘻嘻~
5. 意思就是呃 ·· · 在人们觉得看了麦当劳的广告并导致平时正二八经的饭被麦当劳代替之后身体越发不如从前
6. varied 有形容意思的 嘻嘻~  
7. 严重同意after会更好 ~
8. 关于blame的用法 我查了一下 确实可以直接 sth/sb be to blame for sth
9. 关于definitely not 放哪里 我自己当时也拿捏了很久  现在觉得你的建议还是更合理的
10. 嗯~ virtually 我没想到~  谢谢啦~
11. 嗯~ 确实变成吃广告了 哈哈~　但是如果用by 的话我觉得是by advertising 或者是 products advertised 过去分词坐定语。
12. were advertising the main reason 那里是虚拟语气啦~ 所以后面没用转折词 不过如果照你那样改我也严重同意~　
　
总之看得出是在很认真的修改了～　真的非常感激～　
加油~

m4mischaUID: 2740466

5.14 09.2.27 NA
More vacation time job better than high salary less off vacation time job.


The essence of modern society that aspiring for a maximum profit pushed numerous enterprises to shrink their employees’ vacation while supply a slightly higher salary as reparation. I regard this sort of policy as exploitation, apparently, acrimoniously. For the torturous consequence result from an overabundant schedule to a employee’s flesh and psyche is beyond the solace where money can reach in a large extent.

As a clock will cease from twirling and a rivulet will dry up from evaporation, how can we human beings work persistently without or merely a few break? Definitely we can not. A simultaneous interpreter is always approved with a one-week vacation after interpreting for a whole conference due to this work’s requirement of a extremely concentrated attention. So the phenomenon is with some designers ,for they need more vacation to charge then trigger a new inspiration .Without being punctuated properly，a hard- pressed employee is likely to commit suicide . Foxconn should introspect this particularly.

As time flies by as the pendulum swings, do you still remember the naïve dream in your childhood, do you still remember the old days with your parents. But all these sweet memories can be rushed till fade if without going back and pick them up. if you ever dreamed to concur a peak , ask a vacation and enjoy your adventure ,if you haven’t go back to your parents’ for long , ask a vacation and take them in , just feeling the dense kinship merging in the beauty of nature .these can be never delayed till you retire and had earned sufficient money , for your aging body won’t wait you as well as your already gerontic parents won’t wait you, eventually, it will become a shape sward in shade stab your soul at times when you recall the past .

After all, one individual can never recover entirely from a collapsed one ,  physically or mentally .hence ,from my humble view , a less paid work with more vacation and freedom is a sensible option .

yixin5690UID: 2790180

2# m4mischa

macaoUID: 2404395

1

macaoUID: 2404395

乌龙了 哈哈 不好意思啊

shufescUID: 2616499

5.14 09.2.27 NA
More vacation time job better than high salary less off vacation time job.

The essence of modern society that aspiring for a maximum profit pushed numerous enterprises to shrink their employees’ vacation while supply a slightly higher salary as reparation. (不得不说，这第一句话用词相当丰富，看了三遍才看明白。不过语法有问题：
1 "that aspiring for a maximum profit"是什么成分？同位语不能这么用的吧。
2 aspire for? maybe aspire to is right.
3 pushed? 为什么要用过去式呢？这是一般事实啊。

I regard this sort of policy as exploitation, apparently, acrimoniously. For the torturous consequence result from an overabundant schedule to a employee’s flesh and psyche is beyond the solace where money can reach in a large extent.
（文采飞扬，恕我无知，语法真看不懂: for 表示原因？result，is 哪个是谓语？）

As a clock will cease from twirling and a rivulet will dry up from evaporation, how can we human beings work persistently without or merely a few break? Definitely we can not. A simultaneous interpreter is always approved with a one-week vacation after interpreting for a whole conference due to this work’s requirement of a extremely concentrated attention. So the phenomenon is with some designers ,for they need more vacation to charge then trigger a new inspiration .Without being punctuated properly，a hard- pressed employee is likely to commit suicide . Foxconn should introspect this particularly.

As time flies by as the pendulum swings, do you still remember the naïve dream in your childhood, do you still remember the old days with your parents. But all these sweet memories can be rushed till fade if without going back and pick(ing) them up. if you ever dreamed to concur(?) a peak , ask a vacation and enjoy your adventure ,if you haven’t go back to your parents’ for long , ask a vacation and take them in , just feeling the dense kinship merging in the beauty of nature(哇，作者肯定是文科的) .these can be never delayed till you retire and had earned sufficient money , for your aging body won’t wait you as well as your already gerontic parents won’t wait you, eventually, it will become a shape sward in shade stab your soul at times when you recall the past.（这用词，超出我的被动词汇了，不过这句话太长了，分两句写比较好，become和stab哪个是谓语？）

After all, one individual can never recover entirely from a collapsed one , physically or mentally .hence ,from my humble view , a less paid work with more vacation and freedom is a sensible option .
作者用词堪称一绝，不过多次出现一句话两个谓语的情况。
具体用词是否恰当，已经超出了我的范围，恕难以评价。
全文14句话是不是太少了呀？要知道，老外看长句子也会累的。

yixin5690UID: 2790180

5# m4mischa

m4mischaUID: 2740466

5.15 09.5.15 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Professional athletes, such football and basketball players do not deserve high salaries that they are paid.   

The income discrepancy in modern society has becoming increasingly apparent. People struggling around the poverty line may complain the unfairness that some professional athletes , such as football and basketball players obtain a overabundant salary while what they are engaging in  seems to be decent as well as effortless .I generally oppose this view based on these career’s feature of profession, sacifice and evanescence.

It is universally acknowledged that the structure of our society is virtually a pyramid. The salary of a certain work decrease successively as the increase of people qualified for the work. Of all the people who can play basketball, there is only one Kobe Bryant, of all the people who can swim, there is only one Phelps. This suggests that their position cannot be replaced by other people, and this is where their professionalism is, which makes a high income reasonable.

At the same time，it is their statue as a professional athlete that generate the risk they are taking is far more critical than we amateurs do . almost all the professional athlete get permanent physical hurt less or more to some extent during the match. Besides, not only during  competition does injury occur to them frequently ,but also when they exercise, getting bruised is as inevitable as having meal. From this aspect, they do need more money to solace the sacrifice in flesh.

Our lifetime is like a burning candle, consuming constantly as time fly by as the pendulum swings. So it is with these athletes. They are doomed to retire before the age of 30 for their body, with numerous accumulated wound and accelerating aging, will never afford such a violent sport. In addition, most athletes cannot find a well paid job after retiring for their deficiency of working experience or education, which means the evanescence of their high salary. All the bills of their remaining time can only be covered by their earning of less than 2decades.

Things are always have reason to exist. The rich reward of an athlete appears to be totally contrary to what some folks imaged previously. All in al , their diligent dedication toward sports undertaking does deserve the salary paid.

m4mischaUID: 2740466

谢谢大家了 ~ 不过 shufesc 我是学理的 嘻嘻~　

还有　我觉得你们觉得我句子长　　那是因为·　··　
我标点几乎是乱点的·　·　·　
惭愧一下·　··　　  

真得很感激大家对我文章的认真修改 ~　　　

m4mischaUID: 2740466

5.16 07.12.153 e4 y/ B, e0 ?7 Y
It is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts


People in the modern society has been increasingly awared of the significant necessity of education. And it is most countries in the world still use marks or grades as a standard based on tests of theories to measure one’s education level that triggered people’s attention on ideas and concepts. But I unswervingly concern that there is a sort of relationship called interdependency twins theory and practice tightly.

Theory lays foundation for practice. all of the advanced production lines and precise facilities where we obtain profits was invested by us, but depend on our brilliant ancestor’s theory. Without the principle about relationship between magnetism and electricity, I may still sitting in a dark, freeze room and taking TOEFL PBT with a candle burning besides. If was not those complex Newton’s laws, how dare we reach a curious hand to the infinite universe. One thing can never be denied is that the total prosperity of human being stems from theories.

However, practice reacts upon theory. How did Newton discover gravity, how did those chemical elements get emerged from fog to us human? The only method is to practice. Our predecessor experimented persistently and went to any length to pass the essencial part of their intelligence to the subsequent generation. That is how does practice react on theory. That is formation of accumulated theory which we take advantage of.

From what I illustrated above , it can’t be more apparent that both practice and theory involve in a circulation which is the source of human boom and thrive. Because we won’t proceed any step forward if either of them is absent, as a student shouldering the significant mission of mankind, how can we just simply consider the relation between practice and theory as opposite and jump to conclusion that understanding concepts matters more or less than learning facts?

chengyue111UID: 2809740

5.15 09.5.15 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Professional athletes, such football and basketball players do not deserve high salaries that they are paid.   
The income discrepancy in modern society has becoming increasingly apparent. People struggling around the poverty line may complain the unfairness that some professional athletes , such as football and basketball players obtain a over abundant salary while what they are engaging in  seems to be decent as well as effortless.(此句啰嗦！)I generally oppose this view based on these career’s feature of profession, sacifice and evanescence（此处based on 修饰view？）.
g) T, J! `1 Q% x* V: O+ z
It is universally acknowledged that the structure of our society is virtually a pyramid. The salary of a certain work decrease successively as the increase of people qualified for the work. Of all the people who can play basketball, there is only one Kobe Bryant, of all the people who can swim, there is only one Phelps.（run on 句型，两个句子中间没有连词） This suggests that their position cannot be replaced by other people（？？？没解释原因）, and this is where their professionalism is, which makes a high income reasonable（此从句修饰不清）. ; c; ]+ }- {; r' |+ v, F% B$ V

At the same time，it is their statue as a professional athlete that generate the risk they are taking is far more critical than we amateurs do . almost all the professional athlete get permanent physical hurt less or more to some extent during the match. Besides, not only during  competition does injury occur to them frequently ,but also when they exercise, getting bruised is as inevitable as having meal. From this aspect, they do need more money to solace the sacrifice in flesh.
" H& `' O
Our lifetime is like a burning candle, consuming constantly as time fly by as the pendulum swings. So it is with these athletes. They are doomed to retire before the age of 30 for their body, with numerous accumulated wound and accelerating aging, will never afford such a violent sport. In addition, most athletes cannot find a well paid job after retiring for their deficiency of working experience or education, which means the evanescence of their high salary. All the bills of their remaining time can only be covered by their earning of less than 2decades.(此段论证偏弱，职业生涯短就应该高薪？) F2 q6 H8
）
Things are always have reason to exist. The rich reward of an athlete appears to be totally contrary to what some folks imaged previously. All in al , their diligent dedication toward sports undertaking does deserve the salary paid.

Lee.YUID: 2749003

People in the modern society has been increasingly awared aware of the significant necessity of education. And it is most countries in the world still use marks or grades as a standard based on tests of theories to measure one’s education level that triggered people’s attention on ideas and concepts. But I unswervingly concern that there is a sort of relationship called interdependency twins theory and practice tightly. 这句话感觉不是很地道，好像中国的政府报告一样~~~~~也可能是我见识少了~~~原宥则个~~

Theory lays foundation for practice. all of the advanced production lines and precise facilities where we obtain profits was invested by us, but depend on our brilliant ancestor’s theory. Without the principle about relationship between magnetism and electricity, I may still sitting in a dark, freeze room and taking TOEFL PBT with a candle burning besides.（例子举得很好，语言也很流畅~~） If was not without（感觉这么改是不是直接一点） those complex Newton’s laws, how dare we reach a curious hand to the infinite universe. One thing can never be denied is that the total prosperity of human being stems from theories.

However, practice reacts upon theory. How did Newton discover gravity, how did those chemical elements get emerged from fog to us human? The only method is to practice. Our predecessor experimented persistently and went to any length to pass the essencial part of their intelligence to the subsequent generation. That is how does practice react on theory. That is formation of accumulated theory which we take advantage of. 6 Z( C  _9 z$ w- ]1 |

From what I illustrated above , it can’t be more apparent that both practice and theory involve in a circulation which is the source of human boom and thrive. Because we won’t proceed any step forward if either of them is absent, as a student shouldering the significant mission of mankind, how can we just simply consider the relation between practice and theory as opposite and jump to conclusion that understanding concepts matters more or less than learning facts?


df第一次改作文~~~不知道楼主是不是限时写的啊？高级词汇很多，不像我全是初级词汇~~~哎~

1.感觉有些偏题，感觉是在说PRACTICE AND THEORY,而不是understanding of concept AND  learning facts
2.文章复杂句式很丰富，搞的我有点吃力~~要是语句能在流畅一点就好了~~