argument57 欢迎拍文修改小组

raysun77UID: 2688235

57, The following appeared in a newsletter on nutrition and health.
"Although the multimineral Zorba pill was designed as a simple dietary supplement, a study of first-time ulcer patients who took Zorba suggests that Zorba actually helps prevent ulcers. The study showed that only 25 percent of those ulcer patients who took Zorba under a doctor's direction developed new ulcers, compared to a 75 percent recurrence rate among ulcer patients who did not take Zorba. Clearly, then, Zorba will be highly effective in preventing recurrent ulcers and if health experts inform the general public of this fact, many first-time ulcers can be prevented as well."

The arguer suggested, but did not prove, that Zorba will be highly effective in preventing recurrent ulcers and if health experts inform the general public of this fact, many first-time ulcers can be prevented as well , in this argument. After a careful consideration, we will uncover how groundless the conclusion that the arguer maintained is.

The evidence that the arguer cited, being based on the study that showed only 25 percent of those ulcer patients who took Zorba under a doctor’s direction developed new ulcers, compared to a 75 percent recurrence rate among ulcer patients who did not take Zorba, did not lend a strong support to the conclusion that the arguer got. First of all, no evidence shows that the two groups of ulcer patients who are studied in this experiment were given the same treatment other than the Zorba. We do not know if the effect that control group and the experiment group appeared result from another kind of medicine that the patients took. If so, it is clearly that the arguer’s claim is fallacy.

Moreover, granted that the fact that Zorba will be highly effective in preventing recurrent ulcers is true, the arguer fails to take account into the another fact that some ulcer patients who might have an allergy to Zorba, and Zorba might have serious side-effect to people. In cognition to this point, We cannot agree that those people should take Zorba for reducing their rate of recurrent ulcers.
In addition, the arguer commits a fallacy of generations because the arguer did not mention that what kinds of ulcer patients constituted the two groups, how many ulcer patients they researched before they got the conclusion over all. If they just studied several ulcer patients who can not represent all ulcer parents from slight ulcer to severe ulcer in this experiment, we do not agree that the argument the arguer maintains as well.

Finally, even though all of above can be proved to support the conclusion the arguer got, we still not agree that if health experts inform the general public of this fact, many first-time ulcers can be prevented as well. As the evidence indication, Zorba might reduce the recurrence of the ulcers, no evidence shows that it can prevent the first-time ulcers. We all know that the first-time ulcers maybe have different causes from the recurrence of the ulcers, we can not place reliance on the Zorba that will prevent ulcer broken from all reasons that can cause ulcer. Furthermore it is possible that the first-time ulcer patient’s experience would aid them to avoid the recurrence of recurrence with the Zorba together, yet people who have not these experience might not avoid the first-time ulcer broken well

In sum, before providing more information and details, the arguer cannot conclude such unconvincing conclusion.

alickenUID: 2845947

The arguer suggested, but did not prove(建议使用现在时), that Zorba will(would) be highly effective in preventing recurrent ulcers and if health experts inform the general public of this fact, many first-time ulcers can be prevented as well , in this argument(这句就不要了吧). After a careful consideration, we will uncover(这个词表示揭秘或者从地底下挖出宝藏) how groundless the conclusion that the arguer maintained is.

The evidence that the arguer cited, being(去掉) based on the study that showed only 25 percent of those ulcer patients who took Zorba under a doctor’s direction developed new ulcers, compared to a 75 percent recurrence rate among ulcer patients who did not take Zorba, did not lend(这个词…) a strong support to the conclusion that the arguer got. First of all, no evidence shows that the two groups of ulcer patients who are studied in this experiment were given the same treatment other than the Zorba. We do not know if the effect that control group and the experiment group appeared result from another kind of medicine that the patients took. If so, it is clearly that the arguer’s claim is fallacy.

Moreover, granted that the fact that Zorba will be highly effective in preventing recurrent ulcers is true, the arguer fails to take account into(into account) the another fact that some ulcer patients who might have an allergy to Zorba, and Zorba might have serious side-effect to people. In cognition to this point, We(we) cannot agree that those people should take Zorba for reducing their rate of recurrent ulcers. In addition, the arguer commits a fallacy of generations because the arguer did not mention that(去掉) what kinds of ulcer patients constituted the two groups, how many ulcer patients they researched before they got the conclusion over all. If they just studied several ulcer patients who can not represent all ulcer parents from slight ulcer to severe ulcer in this experiment, we do not agree that the argument the arguer maintains as well.

Finally, even though all of above can be proved to support the conclusion the arguer got, we still not agree that if health experts inform the general public of this fact, many first-time ulcers can be prevented as well. As the evidence indication, Zorba might reduce the recurrence of the ulcers, no evidence shows that it can prevent the first-time ulcers. We all know that the first-time ulcers maybe have different causes from the recurrence of the ulcers, we can not place reliance on the Zorba that will prevent ulcer broken from all reasons that can cause ulcer. Furthermore it is possible that the first-time ulcer patient’s experience would aid them to avoid the recurrence of recurrence with the Zorba together, yet people who have not these experience might not avoid the first-time ulcer broken well
In sum, before providing more information and details, the arguer cannot conclude such unconvincing conclusion.

首先，感觉你这篇文章和以前写过的argument(比如argument35)变化很大，大量使用从句(写得好的我用紫色标出来了).虽然我也不晓得从句用多了好不好，但是值得学习。

再有就是建议叙述作者观点的时候用现在时，不然的话叙述作者文中的study, survey不是要用完成时了。