欢迎拍文修改小组7.26作业 i

迷失的鱼UID: 2850922

TOPIC: ISSUE30 - "The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."
WORDS: 606
TIME: 00:55:00
DATE: 2010/7/26 18:06:32

When you enter the office full of computers and faxes, do you feel the leisure, offered by those technological products, or the pressure aroused in your heart? Efficiency is, if not paramount, an important character of new technologies, which is undoubted. However, I will contend the more leisure time is rarely seen in our daily life.

Denying the advancement of technologies promote our efficiency is remarkable inaccurate. With the help of technologies, we indeed are able to finish one detailed task in less time. E-mails, phones, computers, faxes, make information available in minutes contrasted with "snail email" or meeting informing, requiring hours even days to notice the information; vehicles such as cards, trains, planes, offer us more time dealing with other things rather than spend on the road. According to the aforesaid examples, we can clearly see the higher efficiency brought by the development of technologies. No wonder. It is human original ideal to promote efficiency by taking advantage of those technologies.

Is that true with more and more phones and laptops, you have more leisure time or vacations? We can turn for help to the reality of recent years. Due to the survey of American Demographics magazines, three quarters of young workers claimed they have no leisure time or vacations most or all of the day, while the percentage was relatively low among workers 30 years ago. Also most workers under 25 claimed they do not have enough sleep usually, compared with earlier years, when worker had a regular working time everyday and have more sleeping time. The statistics above show that people, especially the younger ones, do not have more time because of improving technologies and higher efficiency, and they get less free time instead. What will respond to this situation?

Firstly, nearly everyone can feel the pressure and burden raised by quick-paced society. Everyone are involved in the competition nationwide or even worldwide thanking for the development of communication, and if one want to keep his job or status, he or she must keep full pace ahead in order to maintain his or her position in that field. As everyone does like this, the pace of whole society is accelerated, praising who are more devoted, usually exhibited by more working time, and punishing the lazy ones. In that case, it is intense social competition that keep people sacrifice their free time to work.

Secondly, sophisticated equipments of communication offer the possibilities for people to continue their work at home or even on travelling. Over 80 percent of young people between 20 to 25 own
private cell phones according to the survey by Economist, and most of them proclaimed that they would "die" without their phones around. Moreover, over half of my classmates own a private laptop. This demonstrates that even you want to have an easy time at home with your family, those equipments will alert you of work immediately. This kind of indication is better than bosses requirement which may arouse resistance and kill our leisure time more or less.

However, it is us that own our time. We should have a serious think about the combination of working and relaxing. Uniquely working in hyperactive spirit may cause psychological illness illustrated by more and more popular psychological clinics. Some successful businessmen who have little time relaxing suggests that we should at least own a hobby seriously and that may keep us away from work for a few minutes.

Primary goal of technological development is to increase efficiency but actually deprived people of their leisure time. However, they should know how to enjoy their limit free time with efficient use to relax their hyper sense.

Ocean~SprayUID: 2847693

When you enter the office full of computers and faxes, do you feel the leisure, offered by those technological products, or the pressure aroused in your heart? Efficiency is, if not paramount, an important character of new technologies, which is undoubted. However, I will contend the more leisure time is rarely seen in our daily life.

Denying （+that引导从句）the advancement of technologies promote our efficiency is remarkable （remarkably）inaccurate. With the help of technologies, we indeed are able to finish one detailed task in less time. E-mails, phones, computers, faxes, make information available in minutes contrasted with "snail email" or meeting informing, requiring hours even days to notice the information; vehicles such as cards, trains, planes, offer us more time dealing with other things rather than spend on the road. According to the aforesaid examples, we can clearly see the higher efficiency brought by the development of technologies. No wonder. It is human original ideal to promote efficiency by taking advantage of those technologies.科技进步的确提高了效率。

Is that true with more and more phones and laptops, you have more leisure time or vacations? We can turn for help to the reality of recent years. Due to the survey of American Demographics magazines, three quarters of young workers claimed they have no leisure time or vacations most or all of the day, while the percentage was relatively low among workers 30 years ago. Also most workers under 25 claimed they do not have enough sleep usually, compared with earlier years, when worker had a regular working time everyday and have more sleeping time. The statistics above show that people, especially the younger ones, do not have more time because of improving technologies and higher efficiency, and they get less free time instead. What will respond to this situation? 这段提出了问题，通过举出事例来简单说明。

Firstly, nearly everyone can feel the pressure and burden raised by quick-paced society. Everyone are involved in the competition nationwide or even worldwide thanking for the development of communication, and if one want to keep his job or status, he or she must keep full pace ahead in order to maintain his or her position in that field. As everyone does like this, the pace of whole society is accelerated, praising who are more devoted, usually exhibited by more working time, and punishing the lazy ones. In that case, it is intense social competition that keep people sacrifice（sacrificing） their free time to work. 说明现代快节奏生活给人们带来的压力。若是能加个小事例就更有说服力了。

Secondly, sophisticated equipments of communication offer the possibilities for people to continue their work at home or even on travelling. Over 80 percent of young people between 20 to 25 own
private cell phones according to the survey by Economist, and most of them proclaimed that they would "die" without their phones around. Moreover, over half of my classmates own a private laptop. This demonstrates that even you want to have an easy time at home with your family, those equipments will alert you of work immediately. This kind of indication is better than bosses requirement which may arouse resistance and kill our leisure time more or less.科技工具的使用使得人们依赖于它们，并且闲暇时光进一步减少。

However, it is us that own our time. （不太明白）We should have a serious think about the combination of working and relaxing. Uniquely working in hyperactive spirit may cause psychological illness illustrated by more and more popular psychological clinics. Some successful businessmen who have little time relaxing suggests that we should at least own a hobby seriously and that may keep us away from work for a few minutes.我们应该处理好工作与放松的关系。

Primary goal of technological development is to increase efficiency but actually deprived people of their leisure time. However, they should know how to enjoy their limit free time with efficient use to relax their hyper sense.
结构层层深入，结构清晰。字数也很有优势~~
引出话题的论述可以缩短些，来将最后的总结完成得更丰富。同时开头段与下文的论述似乎关联不大，抑或这是楼主有意为之，也作为正式论证的一部分？