帮我拍拍--ISSUE 48

xiaohuimi291UID: 2760978

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 668

TIME: 00:44:33
DATE: 2010-8-4 7:53:15

I agree with the speak sofar as the history is mainly formed by groups of people whose names and struggle have long been forgotten. However, considering the history's function and some special cases, I finally hold the viewpoint that although the history is made by groups of people, the study of history could only focus on individuals.
Admittedly, in most significant events it is the numerous people who promote the development of the history. One person alone with limited spirit and ability
hardly do the whole complex and difficult things in history events. That is to say, only with help of others the key individuals could make a progress. When it comes to Civil War in 1770, we could safely assert that without thousands and hundreds of Americans no matter whose skin were white or black, President Linlcon would not win a historical fame. Similarly, without the hard work of numerous scientists and engineers in Apolo Project Team, Amostrong's famous speech, "A small step for a man, A gaint leap for a mankind". Also, in contemporary society, without the greats designers and engineers in Apple Company, who would impetus the eccentric ideas of Steve Jobs. Thus, it is too often the ordinary people or significant groups who have created history and unfortunately been forgotton by it.
However, the history could not write down all the people who have made a contribution in a history event for three reasons. The first one is that even though the history events would not happen without these people and its unique background, it is the individuals who accelerate the development of the event and built the history at the key conner. Take the historical events above as examples, it is Linlcon who advocate the great Civil War for numerous slaves suffered in the south and without his assertion and action we could not make sure when the historical change will happen. Another case is Lam Amostrong. Actually, he was
the best choice of representative for mankind for the reason that his brilliant mind and sophiscated skills to control the spaceship guaranteed the giant leap in mankind. Finally, if there is no Steve Jobs, the Apple Company could not exist and earn a great fame in the world. We have still remembered when Jobs claimed his panacrea cancer, how a serious threatn Apple have suffered in stock
market. Therefore, we could make safely a conclusion that the key individual deserve a unique fame in history after considering their fablous contributions to history events.
The second reason for my viewpoint is that in certain cases, especially in scientific breakthroughs, the history have gone forward for an individual's own effort, rather than the groups of people. Let's review two great events in science. Chales Goodyear, lived in porvoty all his life, had spent 17 years to finance his research on rubber and finally invented the rubber after he throwed a piece of sulfer to the pot. Mendle, cultivating 30.000 peas in his garden and counting the number of colors of their flowers, have found the famous Mendel's Law of Inheritance which open a door for mankind to discover the mythes of heritage. In science area, we could see that the historical discovery and invention are more often made by individual's unique eyesight and hard work than the whole society's help.
At last, the goal and meaning of history is not to pursuit the fame and position of one people, but the spirits and characteristics of mankind. In other words, history is a precious book which not only records the struggle process of mankind but also reveals the virtue and nature of our precedents. Thus restrospecting to history, too much focus on the great fame and position of a person is meaningless. To the controry, we should put more attention to the consensus and fine characteritics in history idols.
In conclusion, I concde the great significance of groups of people in history, but the study of history could only focus on individuals for its unique purpose.

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另外，修改纯属个人意见 仅供参考

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 668

TIME: 00:44:33
DATE: 2010-8-4 7:53:15

I agree with the speak sofar as the history is mainly formed by groups of people whose names and struggle have long been forgotten. However, considering the history's function and some special cases, I finally hold the viewpoint that although the history is made by groups of people, the study of history could only focus on individuals.（这个论点有点太绝对了，特别是用了ONLY之后，是否可以考虑说的委婉一点？比如，最好是集中在研究个人上面）
Admittedly, in most significant events it is the numerous people who promote the development of the history. One person alone with limited spirit and ability can hardly do the whole complex and difficult things in history events. That is to say, only with help of others the key individuals could make a progress. When it comes to Civil War in 1770, we could safely assert that without thousands and hundreds of Americans, no matter whose skin were white or black (what kind of colors they are), President Lincoln would not win a(his) historical fame. Similarly, without the hard work of numerous scientists and engineers in Apolo Project Team, Amostrong's famous speech, "A small step for a man, A gaint leap for a mankind" could not come out(一句话的完整性) . Also, in contemporary society, without the great designers and engineers in the Apple Company, who would impetus the eccentric ideas of Steve Jobs (How can Steve Jobs’s eccentric ideas come to realization?). Thus, it is too often (it is too easy to ignore the contributions of )the ordinary people or significant groups who have created history (and unfortunately been forgotton by it去掉) . (三个例子都很好，但是感觉说的太泛了，用词很空，建议聚焦到一点，可以少举几个例子，但一定要有所侧重)
However, the history could not write down all the people who have made (a )contributions in ( a )history events for three reasons. The first one is that even though the history events would not happen without these people and its unique background, it is the individuals who accelerate the development of the event and built the history at the key conner (crucial point). Take (the) historical events above as examples, it is Lincoln who advocate the great Civil War for numerous slaves suffered in the south and without his assertion and action we could not make sure when the historical change will happen. Another case is Lam Amostrong. Actually, he was the best choice of representative for mankind for the reason that his brilliant mind and sophiscated skills to control the spaceship guaranteed the giant leap in mankind. Finally, if there is no Steve Jobs, the Apple Company could not exist and earn a great fame in the world. (最好细说一下是什么贡献)We have still remembered when Jobs claimed his panacrea cancer, how a serious threatn Apple have suffered in stock market. （与主题无关 建议去掉）Therefore, we could make safely a conclusion that the key individual deserve a unique fame in history after considering their fablous contributions to history events.
The second reason for my viewpoint is that in certain cases, especially in scientific breakthroughs, the history have gone forward for an individual's own effort, rather than the groups of people. Let's review two great events in science. Chales Goodyear, lived in poverty all his life, had spent 17 years to finance his research on rubber and finally invented the rubber after he throwed a piece of sulfer to the pot. Mendle, cultivating 30.000 peas in his garden and counting the number of colors of their flowers, have found the famous Mendel's Law of Inheritance which open a door for mankind to discover the mythes of heritage. In science area, we could see that the historical discovery and invention are more often made by individual's unique eyesight and hard work than the whole society's help.
At last, the goal and meaning of history is not to pursuit the fame and position of one people, but the spirits and characteristics of mankind. In other words, history is a precious book which not only records the struggle process of mankind but also reveals the virtue and nature of our precedents. （这句话写的很好）Thus restrospecting to history, too much focus on the great fame and position of a person is meaningless. To the controry, we should put more attention to the consensus and fine characteritics in history idols. In conclusion, I concde the great significance of groups of people in history, but the study of history could only focus on individuals for its unique purpose.

注册名字UID: 2871249

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红色是逻辑有误  蓝色 语法错误 绿色 建议修改

另外，修改纯属个人意见 仅供参考

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 668

TIME: 00:44:33
DATE: 2010-8-4 7:53:15

I agree with the speak sofar as the history is mainly formed by groups of people whose names and struggle have long been forgotten. However, considering the history's function and some special cases, I finally hold the viewpoint that although the history is made by groups of people, the study of history could only focus on individuals.（这个论点有点太绝对了，特别是用了ONLY之后，是否可以考虑说的委婉一点？比如，最好是集中在研究个人上面）Admittedly, in most significant events it is the numerous people who promote the development of the history. One person alone with limited spirit and ability can hardly do the whole complex and difficult things in history events. That is to say, only with help of others the key individuals could make a progress. When it comes to Civil War in 1770, we could safely assert that without thousands and hundreds of Americans, no matter whose skin were white or black (what kind of colors they are), President Lincoln would not win a(his) historical fame. Similarly, without the hard work of numerous scientists and engineers in Apolo Project Team, Amostrong's famous speech, "A small step for a man, A gaint leap for a mankind" could not come out(一句话的完整性) . Also, in contemporary society, without the great designers and engineers in the Apple Company, who would impetus the eccentric ideas of Steve Jobs (How can Steve Jobs’s eccentric ideas come to realization?). Thus, it is too often (it is too easy to ignore the contributions of )the ordinary people or significant groups who have created history (and unfortunately been forgotton by it去掉) . (三个例子都很好，但是感觉说的太泛了，用词很空，建议聚焦到一点，可以少举几个例子，但一定要有所侧重)However, the history could not write down all the people who have made (a )contributions in ( a )history events for three reasons. The first one is that even though the history events would not happen without these people and its unique background, it is the individuals who accelerate the development of the event and built the history at the key conner (crucial point). Take (the) historical events above as examples, it is Lincoln who advocate the great Civil War for numerous slaves suffered in the south and without his assertion and action we could not make sure when the historical change will happen. Another case is Lam Amostrong. Actually, he was the best choice of representative for mankind for the reason that his brilliant mind and sophiscated skills to control the spaceship guaranteed the giant leap in mankind. Finally, if there is no Steve Jobs, the Apple Company could not exist and earn a great fame in the world. (最好细说一下是什么贡献)We have still remembered when Jobs claimed his panacrea cancer, how a serious threatn Apple have suffered in stock market. （与主题无关 建议去掉）Therefore, we could make safely a conclusion that the key individual deserve a unique fame in history after considering their fablous contributions to history events.
The second reason for my viewpoint is that in certain cases, especially in scientific breakthroughs, the history have gone forward for an individual's own effort, rather than the groups of people. Let's review two great events in science. Chales Goodyear, lived in poverty all his life, had spent 17 years to finance his research on rubber and finally invented the rubber after he throwed a piece of sulfer to the pot. Mendle, cultivating 30.000 peas in his garden and counting the number of colors of their flowers, have found the famous Mendel's Law of Inheritance which open a door for mankind to discover the mythes of heritage. In science area, we could see that the historical discovery and invention are more often made by individual's unique eyesight and hard work than the whole society's help.
At last, the goal and meaning of history is not to pursuit the fame and position of one people, but the spirits and characteristics of mankind. In other words, history is a precious book which not only records the struggle process of mankind but also reveals the virtue and nature of our precedents. （这句话写的很好）Thus restrospecting to history, too much focus on the great fame and position of a person is meaningless. To the controry, we should put more attention to the consensus and fine characteritics in history idols. In conclusion, I concde the great significance of groups of people in history, but the study of history could only focus on individuals for its unique purpose.

我看到的都重新标注了 叹  LZ如果有兴趣可以再看看 呵呵

scarlettbUID: 2758864

I agree with the speak so far as the history is mainly formed by groups of people whose names and struggle have long been forgotten. However, considering the history's function and some special cases, I finally hold the viewpoint that although the history is made by groups of people, the study of history could only focus on individuals.

Admittedly, in most significant events it is the numerous people who promote the development of the history. One person alone with limited spirit and ability (can) hardly do the whole complex and difficult things in history events. That is to say, only with help of others the key individuals could make a progress. When it comes to Civil War in 1770, we could safely assert that without thousands and hundreds of (这个不太确定啊，不是hundreds of thousands of 吗~去网上查了查好像各种说法数量级不太一样的） Americans no matter whose skin were white or black （有点罗嗦，语法感觉也不太对，可以说regardless of their color）, President Linlcon would not win a historical fame. Similarly, without the hard work of numerous scientists and engineers in Apolo Project Team, Amostrong's famous speech, "A small step for a man, A gaint leap for a mankind". Also, in contemporary society, without the greats designers and engineers in Apple Company, who would impetus the eccentric ideas of Steve Jobs （这句话没写完吧）. Thus （这儿用obviously更好）, it is too often the ordinary people or significant groups who have created history and unfortunately been forgotton by it （语法不对，it is too often that ordinary people or significant groups who have created history unfortunately have been forgotton by it ）. 【这三个例子不错，就是摆在这儿感觉有点散，如果时间上的逻辑能更明显就好了】

However, the （去掉the） history could not write down all the people who have made a contribution in a history event for three reasons. The first one is that even though the history events would not happen without these people and its unique background, it is the individuals who accelerate the development of the event and built the history at the key conner. Take the historical events above as examples, it is Linlcon who advocate the great Civil War for numerous slaves suffered in the south and without his assertion and action we could not make sure when the historical change will happen. Another case is Lam Amostrong. Actually, he was the best choice of representative for mankind for the reason that his brilliant mind and sophiscated skills to control the spaceship guaranteed the giant leap in mankind. Finally, if there is no Steve Jobs, the Apple Company could not exist and earn a great fame in the world. We have still remembered when Jobs claimed his panacrea cancer, how a serious threatn Apple have suffered in stock market. Therefore, we could make safely a conclusion that the key individual(用复数) (leading/pivotal/central figures 几个词换着用更好) deserve a unique fame in history after considering their fablous contributions to history events.

The second reason for my viewpoint is that in certain cases, especially in scientific breakthroughs, the history have gone forward for an individual's own effort, rather than the groups of people. Let's review two great events in science. Chales Goodyear, lived in porvoty all his life, had spent 17 years to finance his research on rubber and finally invented the rubber after he throwed (threw是正式用法） a piece of sulfer to the pot. Mendle, cultivating 30.000 peas in his garden and counting the number of colors of their flowers, have found the famous Mendel's Law of Inheritance which open a door for mankind to discover the mythes of heritage. In science area, we could see that the historical discovery and invention are more often made by individual's unique eyesight and hard work than the whole society's help.

At last, the goal and meaning of history is not to pursuit the fame and position of one people, but the spirits and characteristics of mankind. In other words, history is a precious book which not only records the struggle process of mankind but also reveals the virtue and nature of our precedents. Thus restrospecting to history, too much focus on the great fame and position of a person is meaningless. To the controry, we should put (pay) more attention to the consensus and fine characteritics in history idols. (这段没看太懂）

In conclusion, I concde the great significance of groups of people in history, but the study of history could only focus on individuals for its unique purpose.【感觉这个could表示能力，好像欠妥】

总的来说不错，例子挺好，前半部分语言挺流畅，后边可能时间有点紧了吧，加油加油~