CALMCAICAIZI的作文本

卡姆菜菜子UID: 2852079

第一篇~求狠批


2009.9.19 NA
Government should more support art museum andmusic performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or playground.

Actually,governments have the responsibility to support art museum and music performancefor increasing citizens' appreciatory, at the same time they the responsibilityto construct recreational facilities to release people from stressful life.However, if on the condition of the government face the finical limitation,from my perspective, the esthetic investment should be considered first.
Admittedly,esthetic location like museum, theater or music concern can provide people acomfortable place to enjoy the beauty of art and present their talent. Manyartiest has little money so that they may miss the opportunity to exhibit theirworks to public, however if their works can be display in art museum, theamazing works will never fail to catch the eye of public. So it is a way to excavatethe talents. On the other hand, if a local museum can present many pieces ofworks of master or modern young artist, there will be more opportunities toimprove citizen's artistic culture. What's more, merchantman can discover thepotential valuable works and increase the local art economy.
Notonly the museum or performance can excavate the essence of art, but alsoexhibition the diversity of different culture and attract people from differentto this place. The Louvre is a typical example and its beauty and plentyobjects on display attract thousands tourists to visit it. The economic profitsit brings cannot be ignored. The museum brings different works here and at thesame time it brings different culture here.
However,the recreational facilities cannot be ignored since it is a critical part incity construction. Suffer from the pressure from work, people want a place torelax and have fun. In current society, adults should encounter the pressurefrom housing loan, medical service fees and children education fees, so publicrecreational facilities are in need. In fact, children and old man and womanare more in need of them. After school, should children stay at home playcomputer games and watching TV? It is obviously harm the physical and psychicalhealthy for children. They should go out, play with other children and exercisetheir body. For old man, who are not familiar with the new technical facilityare more in want of a public recreational place for them to have fun. Theyprefer go out with their old friends playing cards, dancing or chatting.
Formthe statement above, I think the government should pay attention to both estheticconstruction and recreational facilities. Assuming that government fall into adilemma, government should balance them and in my view, the estheticconstruction has a high priority.

卡姆菜菜子UID: 2852079

2009.9 25NA do you agree or disagree:having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobswith high salary but being easy to lost.5 x! c6 d  |+ I) f
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When it comes to hunting job, what is most matter for people has been a hottopic in current society. Some people prefer a high salary, while other peoplegive priority to the secure of a job. In my opinion, these two priorities of ajob are not mutual exclusion, but if I must make a choice between them, I thinkthe secure is more important.
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: t, m# u4 N) U% A1 N5 Z# cFirstly,a job with more assurance can make people devoted in his work while incondition that surrounding with possibility of
unemployment people are
easily distracted attention. Besides,
a person with job easy to lost, he or she mayworry every day and manage to find another job. People in a company withoutsecure may come out a bad relationship among workmates considering they arefigure out who will be the next be lay off and they may intrigue againsteach other to protect positions of themselves.0 M$ i  ^) J9 R' {/ U+ |7 Q

! c8 R8 ]8 }2 lSecondly, a jobjust with high salary but lack guarantee is just has a short-term advantage.Think about this condition, if one has a high-salary job but just keep it forfew months, how much money he can attain from this job. What's worse, thispeople have to make much effort to find a new job and in this interval, he canget no more money to afford his life, not alone his family. K
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Admittedly, salary is a critical factor when considering a job. No one wants ajob with low salary even cannot afford the everyday expense of people living.In current social, people have to face pressure from all aspect like housingloan and children education fees and so on. So the low salary may lead to aperson to job-hopping, which indirectly causes the unsecure of job.
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3 w' y9 b9 }7 T  ?0 i! `Insummary, I think both salary and secure should be considered and bothadvantages can be obtain form one’s effort. If a person work hard and haveenough quality to occupy this position, he or she will hold a high salary andhigh secure job at the same time.

凼凼55667UID: 2904147

When it comes to hunting job, what is （缺定冠词the）most matter for people has been a hot topic in current society. Some people prefer a high salary, while other people give priority to the secure（改名词） of a job. In my opinion, these two priorities of a job are not mutual exclusion（太生硬）, but if I must make a choice between them, I think the secure(应改用名词) is more important.

Firstly, a job with more assurance can make people devoted in his work while in condition that surrounding with possibility of #unemployment（不简洁） people are easily distracted attention（容易分散注意力：the attention is easily distracted）. Besides, a person with job easy to lost, he or she may worry every day and manage to find another job. People in a company without secure may come out（用词不当，come out 多用于物做主语，跟在people后面表示罢工）a bad relationship among workmates considering they are figure out who will be the next be lay（laid） off and（换成表因果的连接词更好） they may intrigue against each other to protect positions of themselves.

Secondly, a job just with high salary but lack guarantee is just has（不合语法，is和has是双重谓语） a short-term advantage. Think about this condition, if one has a high-salary job but just keep it for few months, how much money he can attain from this job（改成疑问句更好）. What's worse, this people have to make much effort to find a new job and in this interval, he can get no more money to afford his life, not alone his family.

Admittedly（用词不当。Admittedly有让步的意思，大多数情况为下文转折做铺垫，但是本段下文没有转折）, salary is a critical factor when considering a job. No one wants a job with low salary（应加which） even cannot afford the everyday expense of people （’s）living .In current social(应改成名词), people have to face pressure from all aspect like housing loan and children education fees and so on. So the low salary may lead to（应该删除to，和后面的to job-hopping重复了） a person to job-hopping, which indirectly causes the unsecure of job.

`In summary, I think both salary and secure（改名词） should be considered and both advantages can be obtain form one’s effort. If a person work hard and have enough quality to occupy this position, he or she will hold a high salary and high secure job at the same time.

优点：文章层次清晰，并且在题目给的选择上建立了新的观点，有胆识和创意。
不足：1，造句应该更加严谨，文章的流利感还需要提高。
2 ，对新观点论证不足。
3，例子举得不够。

楼主也给我看看文章吧~谢谢咯~
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... xtra=#pid1774359868

sherry1989007UID: 2705765

楼主很大胆的写法，我不敢这么冒险，建议逻辑更强点，有时候有点混乱

卡姆菜菜子UID: 2852079

楼主很大胆的写法，我不敢这么冒险，建议逻辑更强点，有时候有点混乱
sherry1989007 发表于 2010-9-15 15:50

我也觉得逻辑有点乱。。。写着写着就乱了。为啥冒险呢？？

卡姆菜菜子UID: 2852079

2009. 10. 17 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.

When it comes to movies or television dramas, some people hold the opinion that the good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished, which is rather tired plot. In my opinion, this kind of story actually can reflect the best wishes, however, it cannot reflect the real social situation.

Admittedly, the movies and TV plays rewarding good people and punished bad people indeed give people more hope of the real life. When they encounter the unfair treatment in contest of job market, giving up seat to old man on bus without thanks or return the wallet but being mistaken as thief, these movies and TVs can lead people realize the goodness of the world and not lose the courage to be a good person. Especially for children, whose ideology are not completely formed, the movies and TVs they watched can make a great influence on them. If they watch most of movies and TVs where the good people cannot rewarded and the bad person live a wealthy life finally, children may think there is no necessary to comply with high standard morality since bad person always have a good end.

However, if a movies or TVs are mainly focus on adult who have shaped up their own morality standards, the movies and TVs ending with the goods are rewarded and the bad are punished are seems illusory and has little attraction. When a movies and TVs want to attract more audience, they should make more realistic products and makes people feels what the actors paly is their real life. In current age, movies and TVs are made mainly for commercial purpose and if the plot separate from realism, how they profits the producers. So a no perfect but real ending may more meet the public taste.

In summary, an ideal ending, good people are rewarded and bad people are punished indeed directed people to a high standard morality, particular for children. But in fact a movies and TVs follow the realistic are more popular among people.

enyadidoUID: 2891551

When it comes to movies or television dramas, some people hold the opinion that the good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished, which is(is a) rather tired plot. In my opinion, this kind of story actually can reflect the best wishes, however, it cannot reflect the real social situation.

Admittedly, the movies and TV plays rewarding good people and punished bad people indeed give people more hope of(in) the real life. When they encounter the unfair treatment in contest of job market, giving up seat to old man on bus without thanks or return the wallet but being mistaken as thief, these movies and TVs can lead people realize the goodness of the world and not lose the courage to be a good person. Especially for children, whose ideology are not completely formed, the movies and TVs they watched can make a great influence on them. If they watch most of movies and TVs where(that) the good people cannot rewarded and the bad person live a wealthy life finally, children may think there is no necessary to comply with high standard morality since bad person always have a good end.

However, if a movies or TVs are mainly focus on adult who have shaped up their own morality standards, the movies and TVs ending with the goods are being rewarded and the bad are being punished are seems illusory and has（have） little attraction. When a movies and TVs want to attract more audience, they should make more realistic products and makes people feels what the actors play is their real life（that the plot is a reflection of real life）. In current age, movies and TVs are made mainly for commercial purpose and if the plot separate from realism, how they profits the producers. So an no perfect(imperfect) but real ending may more meet the public taste.

In summary, an ideal ending, good people are rewarded and bad people are punished indeed directed people to a high standard morality, particular for children. But in fact a movies and TVs follow the realistic are more popular among people.

所有的TV都改为television~作文中最好不要出现简写~
写作时最好用2+1的写法吧。

cqx83UID: 2671579

改好了

卡姆菜菜子UID: 2852079

9.18

Playing sports like a miniature of our life. At first glance, people cannot see the similarity of them, however there are many valuable lessons contained in sports.
First thing we learn from sports is perseverance and never give up which also a critical quality in our life. Think about the athletics who win the golden medal in Olympic Games, none of them have ever encountered the difficulties in the process of practicing. However, what makes them overcome other people is the quality of persistence. The quality which is learned from sports also can contribute to their life. For example Dengyaping, a Chinese PingPang athletics win the golden medals many times,  SimilarlySimily, it is acknowledged by us universally that perseverance or keeping effort on what you are pursing is among the main factors which contribute to the success.in our life we may face many difficulties and setbacks  we want to give up. For example, when I was in senior school and prepare the university entrance examination , there was thousands of times I want to give up, but I know once I give up, all the efforts I made before have been wasted and I will never attend to my dream university. Success belongs to the persevering is what the sports teach us.
Second thing I learn from sports is the skill can improve efficiency. If just depend on the efforts one can make difference, there is no need of tutor. As we know, coach always teach athletic some skill to improve their performance. In our daily life, the skill and thinking can accelerate our improvement. For example, more skill and thinking make me study more efficiency and save me more time to have some release myself in stressful environment.
The third thing sports teach us is how to cooperate with others. In sports, in most time people should cooperate with their teammates and individual excellent cannot promise the win of a team. A team which good at cooperative always been the winner. The current society need people to cooperative with each other and every work need more than one people to complete. In a company, employers belong to a team and what they done should think the benefits of their team first.
From the points mentioned above, we can learn more form the sports. If we apply these qualities in our daily life, we can gain more in life.

teresaliqUID: 2371296

Playing sports like a miniature of our life. At first glance, people cannot see the similarity of(between) them, however(,) there are many valuable lessons contained in sports.
First thing we learn from sports is perseverance and never give up which also a critical quality in our life. Think about the athletics who win the golden medal in Olympic Games, none of them have ever encountered the difficulties in the process of practicing. However, what makes them overcome(defeat) other people is the quality of persistence. The quality which is learned from sports also can contribute to their life. For example, Dengyaping, a Chinese PingPang athletics win the golden medals many times,  SimilarlySimily, it is acknowledged by us universally that perseverance or keeping effort on what you are pursing is among the main factors which contribute to the success.in our life we may face many difficulties and setbacks  we want to give up. For example, when I was in senior school and prepare the university entrance examination , there was thousands of times I want to give up, but I know once I give up, all the efforts I made before have been wasted and I will never attend to my dream university. Success belongs to the persevering is what the sports teach us., ?" z3 W( `. w9 Y! O* O
Second thing I learn from sports is the skill can improve efficiency. If just depend（depending） on the efforts one can make difference, there is no need of tutor. As we know, coach always teach athletic some skill(skills) to improve their performance. In our daily life, the skill and thinking can accelerate our improvement. For example, more skill and thinking make me study more efficiency and save me more time to have some release myself in stressful environment. 8 @1 \1 z1 y7 D# X) Y( g
The third thing sports teach us is how to cooperate with others. In sports, in most time people should cooperate with their teammates and individual excellent cannot promise the win of a team. A team which good at cooperative always been the winner. The current society need people to cooperative with each other and every work need more than one people to complete. In a company, employers belong to a team and what they done should think the benefits of their team first.
From the points mentioned above, we can learn more form the sports. If we apply these qualities in our daily life, we can gain more in life.

第二段举的邓亚萍的例子一句话带过没有表现出她的perseverance.应该再写详细一点把perseverance表现出来

primrose0519UID: 2887617

仅供参考，逻辑很好，把细节再雕琢一下就更好了
9.18; Z' b, d3 {! P/ w
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[url=]Playing sports like a miniature of our life[/url][S1] . At first glance, people cannot see the similarity of them, however there are many valuable lessons contained in sports.
[url=]! T2 e% N6 r: N" U$ }# r0 FFirs[/url][S2] t thing we learn from sports is perseverance and never [url=]give[/url][S3] up which [url=]also[/url][S4] a critical quality in our life. Thinking about the athletes who win the golden medal in Olympic Games, none of them have [url=]ever[/url][S5] encountered the difficulties in the process of practicing. However, what makes them [url=]overcome[/url][S6] other people is the quality of persistence. The quality which is learned from sports[url=] also can[/url][S7] contribute to their life. For example Dengyaping, a Chinese PingPang athletics win the golden medals many times,  Similar [url=]Simily,[/url][S8] it is acknowledged by us universally that perseverance or [url=]keeping[/url][S9] effort on what you are pursing is among the main factors which contribute to the success.in our life we may face many difficulties and setbacks  we want to give up. For example, when I was in senior school and prepare for the university entrance examination, there was thousands of times when I want to give up, but I know once I [url=]give up[/url][S10] , all the efforts I made before have been wasted and I will never attend to my [url=]dream[/url][S11] university. Success belongs to the persevering is what the sports teach us.
[url=]% \: _& J& v( zSecond thing I learn from sports is the skills l can improve efficiency. If just depending on the efforts one can make a difference, there is no need of tutor. As we know, coach always teach athletic some skill to improve their performance. In our daily life, the skill and thinking can accelerate our improvement. For example, more skill and thinking make me study more efficiently and save me more time to have some [/url][url=]release [/url][S12] myself in stressful environment. [S13]
. d5 e# i, a! }6 {The third thing sports teach us is how to cooperate with others. In sports, in most time people should cooperate with their teammates and individual excellent cannot promise the win of a team. A team which is good at cooperative [url=]always been[/url][S14] the winner. The current society need people to cooperative with each other and every [url=]work[/url][S15] need more than one people to complete. In a company, employers belong to a team and what they [url=]
done [/url][S16] should [url=]think[/url][S17] the benefits of their team first. 0 g: P4 F, C# Z% r
From the points mentioned above, we can learn more form the sports. If we apply these qualities in our daily life, we can gain more in life

[S1]这句语法也不对，要表达什么意思呢？



[S2]The first



[S3]Giving



[S4]Is also



[S5]Get rid of “ever”



[S6]Surpass or transcend



[S7]Can also



[S8]??



[S9]making



[S10]did, try to avoid repeating the same word



[S11]ideal



[S12]rleaf



[S13]这段的例证说服力不够强，运动对你的影响在技能方面微乎其微，也不会提高你其他方面的技能，再斟酌一下



[S14]Can always be



[S15]job



[S16]do



[S17]consider or think about



10# teresaliq