糊涂的作业帖～

夏诺多UID: 2981956

欢迎板砖，切莫灌水～

夏诺多UID: 2981956

ISSUE 138
"Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress."

Industral revolution witness the boomed progress in technology and discoveries in science. And we shall not ignore that many of these progress are based on thousands of mistakes. I generally agree with the speaker that mistakes  play an indispensable role in the development of the society, however, the speaker overestimates the importance of mistakes, in fact, there are other characters behind the mistakes which contributes to the dicovery and progress.

First I should point out a proverbedly fact, that no one is perfect,we all have our blind spots, and even the giant of the world can't evade this human nature. But mistake doesn't equal to failure, and sometimes the consequence is just the reverse. In ancient China,when a Taoist named Wangdan wad engaged in alchemy,wishing to find the exlir to prolong the empiror's life, he accidently put a wrong matiral into in furnace. The furnace exploded into pieces immediately, and fortunately, Wangdan survived, and for the first time in the history discovery the formulation of powder.
However, if we deliberate into the depth of  these mistakes which lead to progress, we may find out clearly that it's not the mistake it self bring about pregress, but the introspection and rexamination by those great minds that truly contribute to success. Alexander Fleming is not the first sicentist who forget to clean the dish with bacteria in the lab, but why other chemists who had made the same mistake couldn't notice the mold in the dish and discover penicilin? Because it is Doctor Fleming who introspected why this little mistake inhibited bacterial growth and then, with more researches, found out penicillin.

Even, to consider these introspection and reflection as part of the speaker's 'mistake', I still think the speaker's statement too absolute, for in some field, mistake doesn't seem that necessary compared with other elements, such as in arts. Jackson Pollock was an influncial American painter, in his abstract expressionism paintings, even mistakes can be accepted as inspiration, in other words, there's no mistakes. No one can deny his great contribution to the progress of abstrct expressionism, although lack of mistakes. Same thing also happens in science, if a scientist make a great effort in preparing and only give one shot in experiment , and then make a discovery, can we blame for there's no mistake in his research?
In a word, mistake can lead to introspection, and eventually lead to discovery and progress. Thus, when a mistake happened, instead of discourage and regretness, we should focus on why it happened and how to prevent it next time. Only through these can we take a significant step closer to discovery and progress.

夏诺多UID: 2981956

argu188
A new report suggests that men and women experience pain very differently from one another, and that doctors should consider these differences when prescribing pain medications. When researchers administered the same dosage of kappa opioids — a painkiller — to 28 men and 20 women who were having their wisdom teeth extracted, the women reported feeling much less pain than the men, and the easing of pain lasted considerably longer in women. This research suggests that kappa opioids should be prescribed for women whenever pain medication is required, whereas men should be given other kinds of pain medication. In addition, researchers should reevaluate the effects of all medications on men versus women.

This argument draws a conclusion that Kappa opioids(KO) is more effective on women than men, so doctors should only prescribe the medicine to women. The speaker relies on a research involving 48 patients who were having their wisdom teeth extracted. However, the speaker's conclusion is unwarranted on several grounds.

To begin with, the research is not well-organized and methodical. Only 28 men and 20 women involved in the research obviously can not draw a general picture. The speaker fails to substantiate that these people can stand for all the patients. Perhaps these women who claimed to suffer much less than men took other painkillers with OK, so you can't say whether Ok or other painkillers contributes the most to the relief. Or perhaps the 28 men are so sentimentive that even a tiny skin abrasion will arise a shriek.

What's more, the research doesn't mean that OK is suitable for all pains besides wisdom teeth extraction. All these patients can only show the effective of OK (assuming it works) to the pain caused by the extraction of wisdom teeth, so how about other pains like fracture or concussion? Maybe OK will lose its effectiveness when dealing with other diseases, or what’s worse, works counterproductively.

Another problem I must point out is that even OK works for most pains, the speaker still can not draw the conclusion that it can only be applied to women. We all have a universal commonsense that prescription should be written with discretion according to every individual patient. Perhaps there's a woman who is allergic to OK, which means taking the pill may kill her life, or perhaps although Tom is a man, OK works well in his body and better than any other painkillers even. So doctors should choose a proper painkiller depending on the actual condition of the patient, in other words, case by case.

In a word, unless the speaker offers more convincing evidences to support his or her argument, I can't reach the agreement with the speaker. More evidences should especially prove that the 48 patients can represent all the patients suffering the pains, and OK also has such kind of distinction between man and women in other kind of pains, and OK won’t develop allergies to women.

卧沙场UID: 3016143

2# 夏诺多

Industral revolution witness the boomed progress in technology and discoveries in science. And we shall not ignore that many of these progress are based on thousands of mistakes（文章中，最好不要出现not，应该用否定前移或者有否定意义的短语代替：under no circumstances should we ignore that +虚拟语气）. I generally agree with the speaker that mistakes  play an indispensable role in the development of the society, however（可以用一些短语来代替however，一方面避免重复，另一方面可以增加字数,如on the other hand）, the speaker overestimates the importance of mistakes, in fact, there are other characters behind the mistakes which contributes to the dicovery and progress.

First I should point out a proverbedly fact, that no one is perfect,we all have our blind spots, and even the giant of the world can't evade this human nature(彻底的中式英语：it is commonly believed as a proverbedly fact that no one is perfect ,that each one has its own blind spots, in that even the giant of the world is unable to evade its human nature). But mistake doesn't equal to failure, and sometimes the consequence is just the reverse. In ancient China,when a Taoist named Wangdan wad engaged in alchemy,wishing to find the exlir to prolong the empiror's life, he accidently put a wrong matiral into in furnace. The furnace exploded into pieces immediately(换成right now), and fortunately, Wangdan survived, and for the first time in the history discovery the formulation of powder（改成this is the first time in history that the formulation of powder was discovered）.

However, if we deliberate into the depth of  these mistakes which lead to progress, we may find out clearly that it's not the mistake it self bring about pregress, but the introspection and rexamination by those great minds that truly contribute to success. Alexander Fleming is not the first sicentist who forget to clean the dish with bacteria in the lab, but why other chemists who had made the same mistake couldn't notice the mold in the dish and discover penicilin? Because it is Doctor Fleming who introspected why this little mistake inhibited bacterial growth and then, with more researches, found out penicillin.

Even, to consider these introspection and reflection as part of the speaker's 'mistake', I still think the speaker's statement too absolute, for in some field, mistake doesn't seem that necessary compared with other elements, such as in arts(词句改成：Even admitting that these introspection and reflection are the consequential benefits from the so-called mistakes, the speaker’s statement is also to absolute to be accepted, for in some fields, ……). Jackson Pollock was an influncial American painter, in his abstract expressionism paintings, even mistakes can be accepted as inspiration, in other words, there's no mistakes. No one can deny his great contribution to the progress of abstrct expressionism, although lack of mistakes. Same thing also happens in science, if a scientist make a great effort in preparing and only give one shot in experiment , and then make a discovery, can we blame for there's no mistake in his research?

In a word, mistake can lead to introspection, and eventually lead to discovery and progress. Thus, when a mistake happened, instead of being discourage and regretness, we should focus on why it happened and how to prevent it next time. Only through these can（提建议时，用虚拟语气更好一些） we take a significant step closer to discovery and progress.

评价：
第一，
本人感觉你的语法真的是有待提高。一个句子没有连接词，就必须用句号。还有就是一些短语，其中关键词的词性不明。这个问题在原文中改了一些。
第二，
你我英文的表达习惯很不同，所以我读着你的文章就是感觉怪怪的。我更建议用一些倒装，插入，伴随短语的方式。这个在原文中也改了一些。
第三，
感觉你词汇不够，直接表现就是complexity不够。举个最简单的例子，数数文章中mistake这个词出现了多少遍。超过3遍后，没多一遍都要扣分。
   直接在你文章中改写或者纠错了

FROM 卧沙场 FOR
ISSUE 138
"Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress."

夏诺多UID: 2981956

5# zerr 童鞋。。忘了插入附件了吧？点不开。。。

zerrUID: 3006555

没法传附件……直接在这里写吧。

ISSUE 138

"Only through mistakes can there be discoveryor progress."

Industral revolution witnesses the booming progressin technology and discoveries in science. And we shall not ignore that many of these progress are(much of this progess 或者many of these discoveries is ) based on thousands of mistakes. I generally agree withthe speaker that mistakes  play an indispensable role in thedevelopment of the society. However, the speaker overestimates the importance ofmistakes. In fact, there are yet other charactersbehind the mistakes which contribute to the dicovery and progress.

First I should point out a proverbedly(provedly?) fact, that no one is perfect. We all haveblind spots, and even the giants of the world can't evade this human nature.But mistake doesn't equal to failure, and sometimes the consequence is just thereverse. In ancient China,whena Taoist named Wangdan wad engaged in alchemy,wishing to find the exlir to prolong the empiror's life, heaccidently put a wrong matiral into in furnace. Immediately the furnace exploded into pieces, but fortunately, Wangdansurvived and discoveried the formulation ofpowder(?) for the first time in the history.
However, if we deliberate deeply thesemistakes which lead to progress, we may find out clearly that it's not themistake itself that brings pregress, but the introspection and rexamination bythose great minds that truly contribute to success. Alexander Fleming is notthe first sicentist who forgot to clean the dish with bacteria in the lab, but whyother chemists who had made the same mistake couldn't notice the mold in thedish and discovered penicilin? Because DoctorFleming introspected why this little mistake inhibited bacterial growth, andthen with more researches, he found out penicillin.(这句略有删改)

Even, to consider these introspection andreflection as part of the speaker's 'mistake', I still think the speaker'sstatement is too absolute to agree. In somefield, mistake doesn't mean the necessary comparison withother elements, such as art. Jackson Pollock is an influencing Americanpainter, in whose abstract expressionism paintings, even mistakes can beaccepted as inspiration, in other words, there's no mistake. No one can denyhis great contribution to the progress of abstrct expressionism, although lack of mistakes.(这句逻辑不好，尤其是although)
The samething also happens in science. If a scientist makes a greateffort in preparing but only gives one shot in experiment , and then makes adiscovery, can we blame him for thereason that there's no mistakein his research?
In a word, mistake can lead to introspection, andeventually lead to discovery and progress. Thus, when a mistake happens, insteadof discourage and regretness, we should focus on why it happens and howto prevent it next time. Only through these can we take a significant stepcloser to discovery and progress.

主谓一致的问题比较多，句子之间经常用逗号而没有连词。
论证比较充分，分析的部分可以再详细一些。

zerrUID: 3006555

颜色部分好像有些显示不出来……
晚上可以给你word文档。

bjhjerkeUID: 3020430

哈哈 有才

夏诺多UID: 2981956

ISSUE 112
"Some educational systems emphasize the development of students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions."

Since Renaissance, reasoning and logical thinking augment our capacity of discovering the unknown world and therefore lead to the advanced modern civilization. Yet some schools care too much on reasoning and logical thinking that they may be blamed for failing to teach students exploring their emotions. While I agree with the speaker the significant function of emotion exploring, I don't think one can measure out which one is more beneficial. In my view, they are equally indispensable.

To begin with, no one can deny the outstanding function of reasoning and logic thinking. Look back into the history, it is reasoning that blew the horn of resistance against the religion dark of medieval, and it is logic thinking that ignited the fuse of Industrial Revolution, strongly promoting the progress of human society.  

In the second place, I share the first claim of the speaker that part of education systems are, to some extent, blind to the importance of emotion exploring of the students. This problem is especially serious for developing countries that are desperate to pursuit the growing of GDP and a more prosperous market, and these goals may tie more closely to reasoning and logical thinking. One apt illustration of this point involves education bias in China. China's education system always holds the opinion that reasoning and logical thinking plays a more important role in the students' future development. Thus in China, art and philosophy, which are generally accepted as the most effective courses to help students exploring their own emotions, serve as a gimmick.
Furthermore, we may figure out that the well-explored emotion is in a crucial position of the modern society. For example, in art field, we seldom heard a master good at logic and reasoning. Art needs the inspiration, and inspiration comes from the outburst of emotion. Anger painted Picasso's Gernika, love composed Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, and ambition built Gaudi's Sagrada Familia. It's hard to imagine what our life would look like without the exploration of emotion.
However, I don't think exploration of emotion will be MORE beneficial than reasoning and logical thinking, or vice versa. The relationship between them is just like the right leg and the left leg, and without any of them can we stand up stably, not alone walking smoothly to the future. They are equally important.
In a word, education system should note the significant roles of both, pushing reasoning and logical thinking on one hand and emotion exploration on the other, with both hands working hard all the time.

guiyujuanUID: 2898340

Argu188 修改

This argument draws a conclusion that Kappa opioids(KO) is more effective on women than men, so doctors should only prescribe the medicine to women. The speaker relies on a research involving 48 patients who were having their wisdom teeth extracted. However, the speaker's conclusion is unwarranted on several grounds. （开头很简洁，赞~~）

To begin with, the research is not well-organized and methodical. Only 28 men and 20 women involved in the research obviously can not draw a general picture. The speaker fails to substantiate that these people can stand for all the patients. Perhaps these women who claimed to suffer much less than men took other painkillers with OK, so you can't（正式文体不要用缩写，cannot） say whether Ok or other painkillers contributes the most to the relief. （这句话的第二人称怪怪的）Or perhaps the 28 men are so sentimentive that even a tiny skin abrasion will arise a shriek. 论点：样本少，不一定能代表全部（假设法）

What's more, the research doesn't mean that OK is suitable for all pains besides wisdom teeth extraction. All these patients can only show the effective（effectiveness） of OK (assuming it works) to the pain caused by the extraction of wisdom teeth, so how about other pains like fracture or concussion? Maybe OK will lose its effectiveness when dealing with other diseases, or what’s worse,
works counterproductively.论点：调查没有说ok适用于所有疼痛（这里可以再论述下）

Another problem I must point out is that even OK works for most pains, the speaker still can not draw the conclusion that it can only be applied to women. We all have a universal commonsense that prescription should be written with discretion according to every individual patient. Perhaps there's a woman who is allergic to OK, which means taking the pill may kill her life, or perhaps although Tom is a man, OK works well in his body and better than any other painkillers even. So doctors should choose a proper painkiller depending on the actual condition of the patient, in other words, case by case.论点：只能给women用
（假设法）

In a word, unless the speaker offers more convincing evidences to support his or her argument, I can't（正式问题不要用缩写，改成cannot）reach the agreement with the speaker. More evidences should especially prove that the 48 patients can represent all the patients suffering the pains, and OK also has such kind of distinction between man（men） and women in other kind of pains, and OK won’t develop allergies to women（这里可以不用要）.（此段一二句调换一下，个人觉得在最后要重申观点）


文章从样本少、KO不一定适用于所有疼等同、KO不一定只实用与女性三个方面进行反对，
条理很清楚~~论证部分多数采用了假设，要是能多元化一点就更好了！

楼主的长句很精彩，用词也很多样化，可以分享下相关的心得资料吗？偶也学习学习~~

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

A new report suggests that men and women experience pain very differently from one another, and that doctors should consider these differences when prescribing pain medications. When researchers administered the same dosage of kappa opioids — a painkiller — to 28 men and 20 women who were having their wisdom teeth extracted, the women reported feeling much less pain than the men, and the easing of pain lasted considerably longer in women. This research suggests that kappa opioids should be prescribed for women whenever pain medication is required, whereas men should be given other kinds of pain medication. In addition, researchers should reevaluate the effects of all medications on men versus women.(这段就是对原文的改写，不可取)

This argument draws a conclusion that Kappa opioids(KO) is more effective on women than men, so doctors should only prescribe the medicine to women. The speaker relies on a research involving 48 patients who were having their wisdom teeth extracted. However, (个人建议用Nevertheless尽管如此)
the speaker's conclusion is unwarranted
(既然前面说结论是建立在research上的，那就不是unwarranted,望楼主斟酌，建议个词unsound证据不足的) on several grounds.（没见过。。。）

To begin with, the research is not well-organized and methodical. Only 28 men and 20 women involved in the research obviously can not draw a general picture. The speaker fails to substantiate that these people can stand for all the patients. Perhaps these women who claimed to suffer much less than men took other painkillers with OK, so you can't say whether Ok or other painkillers contributes the most to the relief. Or perhaps the 28 men are so sentimentive that even a tiny skin abrasion will arise a shriek.

What's more, the research doesn't mean that OK is suitable for all pains besides wisdom teeth extraction. All these patients can only show the effective of OK (assuming it works) to the pain caused by the extraction of wisdom teeth, so how about other pains like fracture or concussion? Maybe OK will lose its effectiveness when dealing with other diseases, or what’s worse, works counterproductively.

Another problem I must point out is that even OK works for most pains, the speaker still can not draw the conclusion that it can only be applied to women. We all have a universal common sense that prescription should be written with discretion according to every individual patient. Perhaps there's a woman who is allergic to OK, which means taking the pill may kill her life, or perhaps although Tom is a man, OK works well in his body and better than any other painkillers even. So doctors should choose a proper painkiller depending on the actual condition of the patient, in other words, case by case.

In a word, unless the speaker offers more convincing evidences to support his or her argument, I can't reach the agreement with (建议don’t agree with) the speaker. More evidences should especially prove that the 48 patients can represent all the patients (永远也不可能) suffering the pains, and OK also has such kind of distinction between man and women in other kind of pains, and OK won’t develop allergies to women.
楼主此文说理不够入微，而且没有例子，句句之间衔接不好，或是就没有连接词，也不用句号。
和我一样，中式英语太多了^_^,咱们一起加油提高吧*_*
KO简写错了，况且，能简写吗？

夏诺多UID: 2981956

11# Adolph.hu.85 兄弟。。。第一段就是原文。。。我是从第二段开始的。。。:L，另外，感谢拍砖～

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

楼主，不好意思，今天事情比较多，还没有修改你的I-112,很不好意思。明天一定尽快改好！多多原谅^_*

夏诺多UID: 2981956

ISSUE170
"The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people."

Great nations are always the leading roles starring on the stage of the history. Nevertheless, while admiring great nations glorious achievements, historians still argue about the standard of a great nation. What can be called a great nation? In my view, a great nation should engender and protect the general welfare of all its people, and own a group of great minds to obtain this welfare. A great nation can lack neither, but it is the achievement of the great minds that contributes the most to the ascendency of a great nation.

Fist of all, I admit that the elites of a country and the happiness of its people can both reflect the position of a nation in the world. We accept Austria as a great nation, not because of its social wealth, but for those musicians like Mozart and Beethoven who made their motherland the shrine of notes. We also reckon America as a great nation for such a tremendous welfare of the civilians of the US. In fact, these two factors interact with each other. We can seldom find a country where its people own a great fortune without any great rulers, artists or scientists, and vice versa. The reason for it is that these two factors can interchange to another under certain conditions. For example, if a nation if well known for its nice welfare, we can indicate this nation must also enjoys a developed education system, which can bring about the elites to promote the welfare of the society in return. And if a broken country is now under a new president with excellent capacity, it is possible to get out of the more by economy resurgence.

However, if we consider the reason of the admirable welfare of the civilians, we may find out it is the result of the achievements of the great men. While we are surprised about the considerable welfare of American, we must know it is not directly given by God. America's process to a great nation can be traced back to the Declaration of Independence. It set sail to glory by the indispensable contribution by the elites, such as George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Tomas Paine, and Abraham Lincoln. It is hard to imagine what America would like today without their historic work.

Furthermore, the general welfare is not only ensured by the stability in politic, but also by the living standard, physically and spiritually. This kind of outstanding standard of living is provided by the achievements of artists and scientists. A great nation is consists with well-informed citizens. In order to promote its people to this level, a nation must have compatible scientific payoffs and masterpieces of artwork. There isn't a great nation with a countless wealth whose people are still crass and blind.

In a word, welfare of the people is the result of the achievements of the nation's great men, so it is more accurate to claim that the achievements of its rulers, artists and scientists is the surest indicator of a great nation, rather than the general welfare of all its people.
没灵感咯。。。写得好搓。。自己都不忍心看了。。。

Adolph.hu.85UID: 2964075

9# 夏诺多


改过几次楼主的作文，发现楼主在ISSUE作文写作上功力真是深厚，举例很恰当。我写ISSUE最大的缺点就是举例不足，或是例子不恰当，这让我很揪心啊，都这么多次了，还没入正轨一样。楼主有什么好的建议吗？
顺便说一下，你的A也不错哦。


作文修改见附件！