Issue212 第一篇issue，请帮忙看看，谢谢^_^

chenda8201UID: 171368

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Issue212
“If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.”

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Some one claims that one can take any means to attain a goal that is worthy, which is justifiable. I conditionally agree with this statement. In my point of view, all the means, which are under the restriction of laws and moralities of our society, can be taken to attain the worthy goal.

Admittedly, those actions that defy the rules of human society should be banned even if it claims for a ‘great’ goal. Here, let’s take the terror attacks as examples. The terrorists, who set a ‘great’ goal that for providing better lives to some people in Middle East Countries, take any attempts to the extremeness cases, such as the terror attack ‘911’ in American and explosion in 7 July 2005 in London. In these situations, no matter how worthy the goals are, their actions to reach their goals have defied the rules of the world and moralities of human being.

However, if the means, which one takes to attain a worthy goal, is no harm to others and this world, then that should be encourage to realize the goal because it can stimulate people to make progress and benefit the development of human society. Cases of this situation can be found everywhere.

In the research fields of science, scholars should use their minds and inspire their creativities to try every means that they can imagine to reach the goal—a new invention or breakthrough of a new theory. Just look the scientists how to reach the goal for searching antimatter as an example. The scientists in Europe and in USA use many different ways in the research of this project. To get the secret of the antimatter, scientist build up many apparatuses using various means, such as using ‘Particle Smasher’ under the ground or ‘Alpha Magnetic Spectrometer (AMS)’ outside the Earth, to detect the nature of antimatter. All the efforts using many various approaches are the trying to reach the goal that unveil the unknown knowledge of the antimatter, which may benefits the human being to learn about the originate of the universe.

In the realm of philosophy, for reaching the goal that the philosopher want to express the idea in his or her minds, any means, which can satisfy the thinker’s need, should be taken without hesitate. For example, a perfect idea that contains the basic principle of the universe, an attitude to the life of the thinker, which is very difficult to express in a normal way. To reach this goal—expressing the idea that can be accepted easily to the common people, the thinker should use any approaches he or she could to let his or her idea spread freely in the human society. For instance, the thinker can draw some pictures or make a movie instead of the normal way—write it down on the paper. As far as I know, some famous pictures express some physical laws, which are very difficult to explain clearly to the common people, can be easily show the idea to the most common people.


In the business field, the well businessmen will try to sell all their products in any means that they can to reach their goal—make as more profits as they can. Take the case of Ye Shaoquan as an example，who is now the CEO of Pacific INS, a successful businessman in Malaya, how to use any means he could to sold more than 100 English-learning machines in a poor village that he hadn’t familiar with anyone there before. To achieve his goal for selling as more products as he could, he used a strange way that become a volunteer in the village at the first time he came to the village until the villagers want to make a friend with him and then success in selling his products later. What we can learn from this real story? If you are a businessman and you want to get your goal that earn more money as you can, then use your mind to find any attempts, which should obey the rules of our society, that can be well done for your achievement and you will be success.

In sum, no matter in any fields of this world, he who does want to reach his goal should be take any means, which are obey the rules and moralities of human being, as he could to achieve his goal.

(732 words)

拖了这么久才终于写写第一篇issue，很多表达没能说出头脑里想说的话，词汇也比较疲乏。。。
anyway， 终于迈出这一步了～
希望大家帮忙看看；
我最近也看过不少其他人的作文，很有收获的说：）



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chenda8201UID: 171368

对朋友的修改表示感谢，我需要好好琢磨～
贴上来，大家有空也不妨看看，也指点指点^_^thx～


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…***… 17:25:20
太长，
蓝色是意思不明确，红色是有语言错误，绿色是使用不顺畅，棕色是我的一点想法，灰色是我加进取的。
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Issue212
“If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.”


[Some one claims that one can take any means to attain a goal that is worthy, which is justifiable.] I conditionally agree with this statement. In my point of view, all the means, which are under the restriction of laws and moralities of our society, can be taken to attain the worthy goal.

Admittedly, those actions that defy the rules of human society should be banned even if it claims for a ‘great’ goal. Here, let’s take the terror attacks as examples. The terrorists, who set a ‘great’ goal [that for] providing better lives to some people in Middle East Countries, take any attempts to the extremeness cases, such as the terror attack ‘911’ in American and explosion [in] 7 July 2005 in London. In these situations, no matter how worthy [the] goals are, their actions to reach their goals have defied the rules of the world and moralities of human being.

However, if the means, which one takes to attain a worthy goal, [is no harm] to others and this world, then [that] should be encourage [to be used to] realize the goal because it can stimulate people to make progress and benefit the development of human society. Cases of this situation can be found everywhere.

In the research fields of science, scholars should use their minds and [inspire their creativities] to try every means that they can imagine to reach the goal—a new invention or breakthrough of a new theory. Just [look] the scientists how to reach the goal for searching antimatter as an example. The scientists in Europe and in USA use many different ways in the research of this project. To get the secret of the antimatter, scientist build up many apparatuses using various means, such as using ‘Particle Smasher’ under the ground or ‘Alpha Magnetic Spectrometer (AMS)’ outside the Earth, to detect the nature of antimatter. All the efforts using many various approaches are the trying to reach the goal that unveil the unknown knowledge of the antimatter, which may benefits the human being to learn about the originate of the universe.[(Examples inappropriate)]

In the realm of philosophy, for reaching the goal [that the philosopher want to express the idea in his or her minds], any means, which can satisfy the thinker’s need, should be taken without hesitate. For example, a perfect idea that contains the basic principle of the universe, an attitude to the life of the thinker, which is very difficult to express in a normal way. To reach this goal—expressing the idea that can be accepted easily to the common people, the thinker should use any approaches he or she could to let his or her idea spread freely in the human society. For instance, the thinker can draw some pictures or make a movie instead of the normal way—write it down on the paper. As far as I know, some famous pictures express some physical laws, which are very difficult to explain clearly to the common people, can be easily show the idea to the most common people.

In the business field, the well businessmen will try to sell all their products in any means that they can to reach their goal—make as more profits as they can. Take the case of Ye Shaoquan as an example，who is now the CEO of Pacific INS, a successful businessman in Malaya, how to use any means he could to sold more than 100 English-learning machines in a poor village that he hadn’t familiar with anyone there before. To achieve his goal for selling as more products as he could,[he used a strange way that become a volunteer in the village at the first time he came to the village until the villagers want to make a friend with him and then] [success] [in selling his products later.] What we can learn from this real story? If you are a businessman and you want to get your goal that earn more money as you can, then use your mind to find any attempts, which should obey the rules of our society, that can be well done for your achievement and [you] will be success.  [Avoid using “You”s]

In sum, no matter in [any] fields of this world, he who does want to reach his goal should be take any means, which are obey the rules and moralities of human being, as he could to achieve his goal.

(732 words)

[This issue should be focused on the use of ‘inappropriate means’ for ‘great’ goals, mediocre means should not be elaborated. ]

songwei1765UID: 202658

Some one claims that one can take any means to attain a goal that is worthy, which is justifiable. I conditionally agree with this statement. In my point of view, all the means, which are under the restriction of laws and moralities of our society, can be taken to attain the worthy goal. 恩，中规中矩的开头

Admittedly, those actions that defy the rules of human society should be banned even if it claims for a 'great' goal. Here, let's take the terror attacks as examples. The terrorists, who set a 'great' goal that for providing better lives to some people in Middle East Countries, take any attempts to the extremeness cases, such as the terror attack '911' in American and explosion in 7 July 2005 in London. In these situations, no matter how worthy the goals are, their actions to reach their goals have defied the rules of the world and moralities of human being. 又是模板式的折衷开头，不作评价。你的例子偶个人认为一直都很跟时代潮流，但911和恐怖主义用在这儿并不合时宜。题意是就if the goal is worthy展开的，即便折衷也不要走到反方向去了，这些恐怖袭击在terrorist眼中是worthy，可在大众眼中却是祸害。应该从有利的事情也有约束这个方面出发。另外，论证语言太少~~

However, if the means, which one takes to attain a worthy goal, is no harm to others and this world, then that should be encourage to realize the goal because it can stimulate people to make progress and benefit the development of human society. Cases of this situation can be found everywhere.

In the research fields of science, scholars should use their minds and inspire their creativities to try every means that they can imagine to reach the goal-a new invention or breakthrough of a new theory. Just look the scientists how to reach the goal for searching antimatter as an example. The scientists in Europe and in USA use many different ways in the research of this project. To get the secret of the antimatter, scientist build up many apparatuses using various means, such as using 'Particle Smasher' under the ground or 'Alpha Magnetic Spectrometer (AMS)' outside the Earth, to detect the nature of antimatter. All the efforts using many various approaches are the trying to reach the goal that unveil the unknown knowledge of the antimatter, which may benefits the human being to learn about the originate of the universe.很寒的例证，估计考官看得懂没有？前辈们的经验是，既然叫analytical writing，着重要在论证上，而例证作为论证方法的一种，所起到的作用只是画龙点睛，通篇如果都是例证，只能说明你掌握了事物的几个特例，但普遍性却无处下手。

In the realm of philosophy, for reaching the goal that the philosopher want to express the idea in his or her minds, any means, which can satisfy the thinker's need, should be taken without hesitate. For example, a perfect idea that contains the basic principle of the universe, an attitude to the life of the thinker, which is very difficult to express in a normal way. To reach this goal-expressing the idea that can be accepted easily to the common people, the thinker should use any approaches he or she could to let his or her idea spread freely in the human society. For instance, the thinker can draw some pictures or make a movie instead of the normal way-write it down on the paper. As far as I know, some famous pictures express some physical laws, which are very difficult to explain clearly to the common people, can be easily show the idea to the most common people.又从哲学上谈，可见知识面很广，但像这样展下去，可以写成一本书了。但考场上就只写得了几百字，如何精练概括的点到为止，下来再想想。


In the business field, the well businessmen will try to sell all their products in any means that they can to reach their goal-make as more profits as they can. Take the case of Ye Shaoquan as an example，who is now the CEO of Pacific INS, a successful businessman in Malaya, how to use any means he could to sold more than 100 English-learning machines in a poor village that he hadn't familiar with anyone there before. To achieve his goal for selling as more products as he could, he used a strange way that become a volunteer in the village at the first time he came to the village until the villagers want to make a friend with him and then success in selling his products later. What we can learn from this real story? If you are a businessman and you want to get your goal that earn more money as you can, then use your mind to find any attempts, which should obey the rules of our society, that can be well done for your achievement and you will be success. 又是商业方面……同学真是百科全书啊~~汗~~

In sum, no matter in any fields of this world, he who does want to reach his goal should be take any means, which are obey the rules and moralities of human being, as he could to achieve his goal.

第一篇issue，走入误区是正常的事。即便你从政治谈到军事，从军事谈到科教，洋洋洒洒写它几千字，或许当不了别人概括性总结的一段话。每个方面都谈，都要想面面俱到，就犯了记流水账的毛病。况且考场上就45分钟，往往写得再快的人也难以突破700字，因此精练而概括成为了首要。
语言部分偶就不细看了，可以拜托别人仔细修改
可以多看看精华区的优秀作品后再下手，你比偶晚考，因此剩下的时间里有可能会有质的变化。偶就这水平了，多练2天也不可能有什么变化了。加油吧~~

chenda8201UID: 171368

Originally posted by songwei1765 at 2005-7-8 18:40

又是模板式的折衷开头，不作评价。你的例子偶个人认为一直都很跟时代潮流，但911和恐怖主义用在这儿并不合时宜。题意是就if the goal is worthy展开的，即便折衷也不要走到反方向去了，这些恐怖袭击在terrorist眼中是worthy，可在大众眼中却是祸害。应该从有利的事情也有约束这个方面出发。另外，论证语言太少~~

确实，这个terror的例子用在这里我自己想想也不适合。。。
“应该从有利的事情也有约束这个方面出发”——这个建议好！

Originally posted by songwei1765 at 2005-7-8 18:40
很寒的例证，估计考官看得懂没有？前辈们的经验是，既然叫analytical writing，着重要在论证上，而例证作为论证方法的一种，所起到的作用只是画龙点睛，通篇如果都是例证，只能说明你掌握了事物的几个特例，但普遍性却无处下手。
……
第一篇issue，走入误区是正常的事。即便你从政治谈到军事，从军事谈到科教，洋洋洒洒写它几千字，或许当不了别人概括性总结的一段话。每个方面都谈，都要想面面俱到，就犯了记流水账的毛病。

例子方面，我想我们不要低估了那些改卷人，他们大都是Prof.，整天要是看着牛顿、Albert Einstein 什么感觉。。。而且例子还是力求准确，不要想含混朦过那些阅卷者；当然这就是平时联系时做的准备要充分；考场上确实很难做到。。。
“通篇如果都是例证，只能说明你掌握了事物的几个特例，但普遍性却无处下手。”——这点切中我的要害；我在写时严重感觉到我的普遍性无从下手；我唯有想想从列举三个不同领域的例子，企图从中提升共性从而来说明论证我的论点。可是这样的问题又来了，我写了两个，觉得少，片面；于是再写到三个，之前也写了一段来作为统领的。这样造成字数过多。。。

Originally posted by songwei1765 at 2005-7-8 18:40
又从哲学上谈，可见知识面很广，但像这样展下去，可以写成一本书了。但考场上就只写得了几百字，如何精练概括的点到为止，下来再想想。
……
况且考场上就45分钟，往往写得再快的人也难以突破700字，因此精练而概括成为了首要。

精练概括啊，我要好好琢磨才是！

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[ Last edited by chenda8201 on 2005-7-8 at 21:10 ]

wxfhillUID: 180140

Admittedly, those actions that defy the rules of human society should be banned even if it claims for a ‘great’ goal. Here, let’s take the terror attacks as examples. The terrorists, who set a ‘great’ goal that for providing better lives to some people in Middle East Countries, take any attempts to the extremeness cases, such as the terror attack ‘911’ in American and explosion in 7 July 2005 in London. In these situations, no matter how worthy the goals are, their actions to reach their goals have defied the rules of the world and moralities of human being.
偶觉得让步应放在后边,以突出主要观点
楼主知识面真的很广,佩服佩服

chenda8201UID: 171368

Originally posted by wxfhill at 2005-7-9 16:46
Admittedly, those actions that defy the rules of human society should be banned even if it claims for a ‘great’ goal. Here, let’s take the terror attacks as examples. The terrorists, who set a ‘ ...
偶觉得让步应放在后边,以突出主要观点
楼主知识面真的很广,佩服佩服

我的想法是用case by case的形式来组织我的文章结构，可是用两个吧，觉得太少了；三个一下子字数有太多了，而且由于字数一多起来，我都没去花心思在进行深入论证；而且我还真无法处理如何使用这用case by case的结构而做到不至于让人觉得是在堆砌罗列例子；其实关键就还是精练语言了～头痛啊，这个。。。:mad:

flfengUID: 2111823

Some one claims that one can take any means to attain a goal that is worthy, which is justifiable. 不太顺啊！！I conditionally agree with this statement. In my point of view, all the means, which are under the restriction of laws and moralities of our society, can be taken to attain the worthy goal.

Admittedly, those actions that defy the rules of human society should be banned no matter how great a goal it claims for . Here, let’s take the terror attacks as examples. The terrorists, who set a ‘great’ goal that for providing better lives to some people in Middle East Countries, take many  extremeness actions, such as the terror attack ‘911’ in American and explosion in 7 July 2005 in London. In these situations, no matter how worthy the goals are, their actions to reach their goals have defied the rules of the world and moralities of human being.

However, if the means, which one takes to attain a worthy goal, is no harm to others and this world, then that should be encourage to realize the goal because it can stimulate people to make progress and benefit the development of human society. Cases of this situation can be found everywhere.

In the research fields of science, scholars should use their minds and inspire their creativities to try every means that they can imagine to reach the goal—a new invention or breakthrough of a new theory. Just look the scientists how to reach the goal for searching antimatter as an example. The scientists in Europe and in USA use many different ways in the research of this project. To get the secret of the antimatter, scientist build up many apparatuses using various means, such as using ‘Particle Smasher’ under the ground or ‘Alpha Magnetic Spectrometer (AMS)’ outside the Earth, to detect the nature of antimatter. All the efforts using many various approaches are the trying to reach the goal that unveil the unknown knowledge of the antimatter, which may benefits the human being to learn about the originate of the universe.我认为这段的论证太空了，不太切题，因为例子一点争议没有，人人都认为必须。我认为要写SCIENCE,可以用一些略有争议的例子（动物实验，偷尸体解颇。。。），然后得到有用的结果，证明在某些条件下有些可以JUSTIFIED。后面有同样的问题。 个人意见，进贡参考！！！
In the realm of philosophy, for reaching the goal that the philosopher want to express the idea in his or her minds, any means, which can satisfy the thinker’s need, should be taken without hesitate. For example, a perfect idea that contains the basic principle of the universe, an attitude to the life of the thinker, which is very difficult to express in a normal way. To reach this goal—expressing the idea that can be accepted easily to the common people, the thinker should use any approaches he or she could to let his or her idea spread freely in the human society. For instance, the thinker can draw some pictures or make a movie instead of the normal way—write it down on the paper. As far as I know, some famous pictures express some physical laws, which are very difficult to explain clearly to the common people, can be easily show the idea to the most common people.


In the business field, the well businessmen will try to sell all their products in any means that they can to reach their goal—make as more profits as they can. Take the case of Ye Shaoquan as an example，who is now the CEO of Pacific INS, a successful businessman in Malaya, how to use any means he could to sold more than 100 English-learning machines in a poor village that he hadn’t familiar with anyone there before. To achieve his goal for selling as more products as he could, he used a strange way that become a volunteer in the village at the first time he came to the village until the villagers want to make a friend with him and then success in selling his products later. What we can learn from this real story? If you are a businessman and you want to get your goal that earn more money as you can, then use your mind to find any attempts, which should obey the rules of our society, that can be well done for your achievement and you will be success.

In sum, no matter in any fields of this world, he who does want to reach his goal should be take any means, which are obey the rules and moralities of human being, as he could to achieve his goal.

(732 words)

flfengUID: 2111823

我的想法是用case by case的形式来组织我的文章结构，可是用两个吧，觉得太少了；三个一下子字数有太多了，而且由于字数一多起来，我都没去花心思在进行深入论证；而且我还真无法处理如何使用这用case by case的结构而做到不至于让人觉得是在堆砌罗列例子；其实关键就还是精练语言了～头痛啊，这个。。。



其实不要用例子凑字数，应当用例子证明你的观点，例子要到位，不要乱扯。例子的结构和组织可以考虑一下。其实4，5百子的文章也不一定不好啊......我第一次考试就犯了堆的错误，没有好好研究题目的深意，写的空，散，多，只有4分啊，教训啊，我得英语基础还行的，好歹专八良好啊。。。。。。

chenda8201UID: 171368

多谢指点～
我会接下来多加琢磨的^_^
+U :handshake