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[a习作temp] argument1 第一篇AW 大家拍啊!必回! [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-7-18 22:44:06 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
第一篇,超时了...各位有空帮忙看看啊!必回!!!
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The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
'Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.'

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In this argument, the vice president of Nature's Way (NW) recommends that NW should build their next chain store in Plainsvile. To justify this conclusion, the auger provides several evidences, such as: the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing in Plainsvilleare at all-time highs. In addition, in the local health club, there are more members than ever, who will patronize to their store shopping. What's more, he gives us an assumption of future customers because of the 'fitness for life' program which provides to Plainsvile's school students. Although all these things seem rather convincing for us, a careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

Firstly, we should point out, all these evidences are based on the assumption that Plainesville's residents are enthusiastic in sports and healthy life-related products. But the arguer failed to give us any evidence about the assumption, which can hardly make us believe the feasibility of his conclusion. Also, the author thinks that the high sales of sports products in the region can guarantee the same amazing level of sale of NW's products which is lack of the evidence of facts. Since the author forgets to take other facets into consideration, for example, there is little information sustaining that the residents here buy sports products for their love ness of playing sports. In today's world, the clothing style tend to become casual, relaxing and looks sportive, so we have enough reason to believe that the residents buying the sports products is to keep the pace with fashion, which has no relationship with their love ness of sports.

Secondly, the popularity of the local health club is little indication that NW will earn a profit from a store in Plainesville. The argument fails to rule out other possibility of the situation. For instance, perhaps many members of the local health club take the club as a place of meeting mew friends instead of exercising their body for health. They may have little interest in healthy products and food. Even assuming the majority of the members enter the club for health training, the mere fact is insufficient evidence to conclude the relation between UW's sale and the number of the club members. Perhaps many members in the club live in a long distance to UW's new store. They would buy the sports materials nearby rather than drive, maybe, 10 miles away to UW's store.

Last but not least, the fact of a certain fitness program lends little support to the conclusion that we will have a new generation of customers in the near future. According to the memo, we can find that this program is mandatory to the school students which they have no choose but just obey. The mandatory participation is not the good way in causing genuine interest in health or fitness, which cannot sustain the arguer's assumption.

In sum, the recommendation lacks certain sufficient evidence to convince us. Unless the arguer provides more evidence to rule out all the above mentioned possibilities that weaken the argument, we cannot assess the recommendation adequately.
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沙发
发表于 2005-7-20 17:43:19 |只看该作者
555没人理我,自己先顶顶...

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板凳
发表于 2005-7-31 13:15:55 |只看该作者
The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
'Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.'

In this argument, the vice president of Nature's Way (NW) recommends that NW should build their next chain store in Plainsvile. To justify this conclusion, the auger provides several evidences, such as: the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing in Plainsvilleare at all-time highs. In addition, in the local health club, there are more members than ever, who will patronize to their store shopping. What's more, he gives us an assumption of future customers because of the 'fitness for life' program which provides to Plainsvile's school students. Although all these things seem rather convincing for us, a careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is. [开头还是显得冗赘了一点。]

Firstly, we should point out, all these evidences are based on the assumption that Plainesville's residents are enthusiastic in [about] sports and healthy life-related products. But the arguer failed to give us any evidence about the assumption, which can hardly make us believe the feasibility of his conclusion. Also, the author thinks that the high sales of sports products in the region can guarantee the same amazing level of sale of NW's products which is lack of the evidence of facts. [这前面提到了缺乏证据,但是攻击的时候却没有给出可能的证据。] Since the author forgets to take other facets into consideration, for example, there is little information sustaining that the residents here buy sports products for their loveness of playing sports. In today's world, the clothing style tend to become casual, relaxing and looks sportive, so we have enough reason to believe that the residents buying the sports products is to keep the pace with fashion, which has no relationship with their love ness of sports. [感觉这段中的“人们购买与体育、健康相关的产品”和“在NW也能有相同的产品销售量”两点不能很好地统一在一段里面,考虑分开来攻击。一个段落攻击一个主要错误,攻击地要有深度,多给出几种可能的情况。]

Secondly, the popularity of the local health club is little indication that NW will earn a profit from a store in Plainesville. The argument fails to rule out other possibility of the situation. For instance, perhaps many members of the local health club take the club as a place of meeting new friends instead of exercising their body for health. They may have little interest in healthy products and food. Even assuming the majority of the members enter the club for health training, [这个段落中的让步做得不错。] the mere fact is insufficient evidence to conclude the relation between UW's sale and the number of the club members. Perhaps many members in the club live in a long distance to UW's new store. They would buy the sports materials nearby rather than drive, maybe, 10 miles away to UW's store. [对于后面的分论点:那些会员也不一定会购买UW的商品,还可能再进一步地进行攻击。攻击完以后,结尾考虑做一个小结。]

Last but not least, the fact of a certain fitness program lends little support to the conclusion that we will have a new generation of customers in the near future. According to the memo, we can find that this program is mandatory to the school students which they have no choose but just obey. The mandatory participation is not the good way in causing genuine interest in health or fitness, which cannot sustain the arguer's assumption.

In sum, the recommendation lacks certain sufficient evidence to convince us. Unless the arguer provides more evidence to rule out all the above mentioned possibilities that weaken the argument, we cannot assess the recommendation adequately.

这篇文章的主要问题已经在上面提到了;另外,对于攻击顺序,还可以有更好的考虑。

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-31 at 13:16 ]
Love, is always a star in the foggy dawn......

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地板
发表于 2005-8-3 19:49:37 |只看该作者
谢谢,斑竹的建议,很受用呀!!!学习中...
不过.对于攻击的顺序应该如何安排还是不太清楚,不可以找给出的原文提到的顺序来分析吗?

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RE: argument1 第一篇AW 大家拍啊!必回! [修改]

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argument1 第一篇AW 大家拍啊!必回!
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-302187-1-1.html
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