argument167

htpengUID：2115584

------题目------
A folk remedy* for insomnia, the scent in lavender flowers, has now been proved effective. In a recent study, 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept each night for three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored. During the first week, volunteers continued to take their usual sleeping medication. They slept soundly but wakened feeling tired. During the second week, the volunteers discontinued their medication. As a result, they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. During the third week, the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two weeks. This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia.
*A folk remedy is usually a plant-based form of treatment common to traditional forms of medicine, ones that developed before the advent of modern medical services and technology.
------正文------
In this argument, the arguer draws the conclusion that a folk remedy for insomnia which is the scent in lavender flowers is effective. In order to sustain his conclusion he illustrates a study in which 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept three weeks in the scent of lavender flowers and finally the insomnia is cured. The arguer's view seems plausible, but it commits several flaws.

First of all, whether these 30 volunteers can represent the comprehensive situation of all the people troubled by insomnia is still in doubt. The arguer fails to give any information about how these volunteers are selected. As scientists tell us, insomnia can be divided into many kinds. The specific mechanism of each one may be different. It is possible that these 30 volunteers' insomnias are of just one kind. And also, the number of volunteers is too small to support the arguer's conclusion.

Moreover, the arguer fails to exclude any other would-be factors which may effect in this study. Perhaps the lavender-scented pillows contain other constituents which helps sleep. Or other medical means is employed by the scientists but the author of this argument overlooks.

Additionally, in the previous two weeks, the volunteers' insomnia seems not be cured at all and even deteriorates. How could the arguer explain this phenomenon? The best explanation is that scent in lavender flowers is ineffective in curing insomnia. If the volunteers slept in a normal environment, what the arguer describes can also occur. To convince us, the arguer needs at least a comparison between these volunteers and the same number of volunteers sleeps in a normal environment.

Last but not least, the arguer fails to give any explanation about the dramatic change in the third week. As common sense tells us, illness is always cured gradually. Why the scent in lavender flowers seemed useless in the previous weeks can completely reverse the situation in the third week? It seems entirely possible that other ways to cure insomnia is employed in the third week.

In the final analysis, the arguer's view that the scent in lavender flowers is effective to cure insomnia is untenable. He illustrates an unconvincing study in which many flaws can be found.

d_messiahUID：177468

First of all, whether these 30 volunteers can represent the comprehensive situation of all the people troubled by insomnia is still感觉still似乎有承接感，B1开头，不用吧 in doubt. The arguer fails to give any information about how these volunteers are selected. As scientists tell us, insomnia can be divided into many kinds. The specific mechanism of each one may be different. It is possible that these 30 volunteers' insomnias are of just one kind. And also, the number of volunteers is too small to support the arguer's conclusion.

Moreover, the arguer fails to exclude any other would-be factors which may effect in this study. Perhaps the lavender-scented pillows contain other constituents which helps sleep. Or other medical means is employed by the scientists but the author of this argument overlooksthem .

Additionally, in the previous two weeks, the volunteers' insomnia seems not be cured at all and even deteriorates. How could the arguer explain this phenomenon? The best explanation is用点儿“可能”性词汇 that scent in lavender flowers is ineffective in curing insomnia. If the volunteers slept in a normal environment, what the arguer describes can also occur. To convince us, the arguer needs at least a comparison between these volunteers and the same number of volunteers sleeps in a normal environment.

Last but not least, the arguer fails to give any explanation about the dramatic change in the third week. As common sense tells us, illness is always cured gradually. Why the scent in lavender flowers seemed useless in the previous weeks can completely reverse the situation in the third week? It seems entirely possible that other ways to cure insomnia is employed in the third week.

我写的同一题目的ARGU，欢迎恨恨的批
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

AlexandraUID：185174

我帮你改
我记下题号了
回去研究

AlexandraUID：185174

argument167

------题目------
A folk remedy* for insomnia, the scent in lavender flowers, has now been proved effective. In a recent study, 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept each night for three weeks on lavender-scented pillows in a controlled room where their sleep was monitored. During the first week, volunteers continued to take their usual sleeping medication. They slept soundly but wakened feeling tired. During the second week, the volunteers discontinued their medication. As a result, they slept less soundly than the previous week and felt even more tired. During the third week, the volunteers slept longer and more soundly than in the previous two weeks. This shows that over a short period of time lavender cures insomnia.
*A folk remedy is usually a plant-based form of treatment common to traditional forms of medicine, ones that developed before the advent of modern medical services and technology.
------正文------
In this argument, the arguer draws the conclusion that a folk remedy for insomnia which is the scent in lavender flowers is effective. In order to sustain his conclusion he [不用he，his，行不？ 你怎么知道作者的性别？尽管是小问题，我还是觉得用the arguer，比较正式。 个人意见哦 ] illustrates a study in which 30 volunteers with chronic insomnia slept three weeks in the scent of lavender flowers and finally the insomnia is cured [这里按你的句子来看，是the insomnia is cured？？ 现问题好象还没有解决耶？ 对吗？ 换个说法说明作者说是cured 。因为illustrate只管study，后面的修饰 是从属study的。也可能是我太转牛角尖了。 请赐教。 谢谢。] . The arguer's view seems plausible, but it commits several flaws.

First of all, whether these 30 volunteers can represent the comprehensive situation of all the people troubled by insomnia is still [still有表示 某个动作 或某个状态 仍然保持着，用在这里，我认为不适合。用 remain 怎样？？：） ]  in doubt. The arguer fails to give any information about how these volunteers are selected. As scientists tell us, insomnia can be divided into many kinds. The specific mechanism of each one may be different. It is possible that these 30 volunteers' insomnias are of just one kind. And also [重复？？] , the number of volunteers is too small [你怎么知道？ 你下边也没有说明啊 ]  to support the arguer's conclusion.

Moreover, the arguer fails to exclude any other would-be factors which may effect in this study. Perhaps the lavender-scented pillows contain other constituents which helps sleep [这条 可能性，好象很离谱啊，跟你想说的，或者说 应该怀疑的 逻辑错误，有点背离，按我的角度来看的话。而且，太小的牛角尖了。] . Or other medical means is employed by the scientists but the author of this argument overlooks.

Additionally, in the previous two weeks, the volunteers' insomnia seems not be cured at all [如果用你的说明方式，是不是应说你的怀疑之处，再说可能？ 与下面连起来看，就HOP得太厉害。]  and even deteriorates. How could the arguer explain this phenomenon? The best explanation [是不是太主观了？
说的真，我不太欣赏你的说明方式，也可能是与我想象的不一样我才有这种想法。在狗狗的写作中，你的重心在说作者的逻辑错误。]is that scent in lavender flowers is ineffective in curing insomnia. If the volunteers slept in a normal environment, what the arguer describes can also  [加be吧？？] occur. To convince us, the arguer needs at least a comparison between these volunteers and the same number of volunteers sleeps in a normal environment.

Last but not least, the arguer fails to give any explanation about the dramatic change in the third week. As common sense tells us, illness is always cured gradually. Why the scent in lavender flowers seemed useless in the previous weeks can completely reverse the situation in the third week? It seems entirely possible that other ways to cure insomnia is employed in the third week.
[B4，我认为没有说到重点。我能猜出你想说什么，但是 我个人感觉 只说了一点点，就没有了，让你只隔着窗户看到了一些东西。 再扩展怎样？]
In the final analysis, the arguer's view that the scent in lavender flowers is effective to cure insomnia is untenable. He illustrates an unconvincing study in which many flaws can be found.
[看得出来，学长很有想法， 你的风格，我估计找不到类似的。 脱离我们经常看到的 范文风格，但是，写法还是不太成熟，可能还没有定型。 继续努力哦 ：）]