argument76 望大家拍转！ 必会拍！！

chris_zhUID: 2101887

In this argument, the arguer concludes that Luxess will improve the condition of facial skin. To justify this claim, the arguer offers the evidence that after using the new Luxess face cream, people's skin looked and felt better. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.
In the first place, we found no sign of random sampling in the study procedure, what is worse, the respondents in this study were all volunteers. Thus, the sample does not represent the whole situations. Because as volunteers, they might be interested in this new product. As a result, the effects they reported later could be not objective because of their preference to Luxess. On the other hand, the arguer does not provide us the sample size. What is the exact number of volunteers in that "group" ? If the sample size is not big enough, the result will be not persuasive by the same token.
In the second place, even if the study sample has no flaws at all, the arguer fails to rule out other possibilities that may result in the better facial skin condition.  As it is showed in the argument, Luxess face cream was applied after washing face with a mild soap. There were double external factors there, thus we probably could not conclude that the better-off condition was merely due to Luxess, if we can not exclude the effect of mild soap. Moreover, there were chances that the volunteers involved in this study washed their faces more than once a day, and used other face creams in the other times except in the morning. Hence, it is also unreliable to validate the real effect of Luxess. Since the other face creams might have different influences which would weaken or strengthen the effect of Luxess.
What further weakens the conclusion is the indicator the arguer used in judging the effect of the new product. Even if it was Luxess that made volunteers' skin looked and felt better, the conclusion that the condition of facial skin was improved was still unwarranted. As the conclusion that the arguer attained was based on the fact that in the volunteers' report, their skin "looked and felt" better after the use of Luxess. Yet, how people's skin look and feel could not necessarily indicate the condition of facial skin. There should be more physical and scientific indicators to judge their skin to make the result of this study more convincing and logical, rather than the subjective personal feelings.
To sum up, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. Before we accept the conclusion, the arguer must improve the sampling procedure, exclude the other external factors. To solidify the argument, the arguer would have to turn to more scientific indicators for a better judge of the new Luxess.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-25 at 13:04 ]

echostateUID: 194935

太困了今天，睡觉前拍了两个人。
明天好不？
严格的说是今天~~~~12小时后吧：P

[ Last edited by echostate on 2005-7-25 at 00:10 ]

xiliustreamUID: 205175

In this argument, the arguer concludes that Luxess will improve the condition of facial skin. To justify this claim, the arguer offers the evidence that after using the new Luxess face cream, people's skin looked and felt better. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

In the first place, we found no sign of random sampling in the study procedure, what is worse, the respondents in this study were all volunteers. Thus, the sample does not represent the whole situations. Because as volunteers, they might be interested in this new product. As a result, the effects they reported later could be not objective because of their preference to Luxess.（不一定是preference， 也可能是dislike,而且这句话也很罗嗦，改为 the sample does not represent the whole situations due to their personal attitude. Thus, we cannot rely on the objective effects they reported later. ）On the other hand, the arguer does not provide us the sample size. What is the exact number of volunteers in that "group" ? If the sample size is not big enough, the result will be not persuasive by the same token.

In the second place, even if the study sample has no flaws at all, the arguer fails to rule out other possibilities that may result in the better facial skin condition.  As it is showed in the argument, Luxess face cream was applied after washing face with a mild soap.（这个过渡有些生硬，不如改为 where has double…） There were double external factors there, thus we probably could not conclude that the better-off condition was merely due to Luxess, if we can not exclude the effect of mild soap(这个if引导的从句就多余了). Moreover, there were chances that the volunteers involved in this study washed their faces more than once a day, and (they may also use)used other face creams in the other times except( other than) in the morning. Hence, it is also unreliable to validate the real effect of Luxess. Since the other face creams might have different influences（influence不可数吧） which would weaken or strengthen the effect of Luxess.

What further weakens the conclusion is the indicator the arguer used in judging the effect of the new product. Even if it was Luxess that made volunteers' skin looked（应该是make sb. Do吧？） and felt better, the conclusion that the condition of facial skin was improved was still unwarranted. As the conclusion that the arguer attained was based on the fact that in the volunteers' report, their skin "looked and felt" better after the use of Luxess. Yet, how people's skin look and feel could not necessarily indicate the condition of facial skin. There should be more physical and scientific indicators to judge their skin to make the result of this study more convincing and logical, rather than the subjective personal feelings.

To sum up, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. Before we accept the conclusion, the arguer must improve the sampling procedure, and exclude the other external factors. To solidify the argument, the arguer would have to turn to more scientific indicators for a better judge(judge是动词吧？) of the new Luxess

我的感觉是文章表达很清楚，分析也到位，就是太罗嗦了点，开头和结尾不必把缺点都说过一遍，中间也有些句子稍嫌冗长，有的两个句子是可以合为一个的， 不必分开来说。

xiliustreamUID: 205175

这两天没写arguement,刚从学校回家嘛，昨天刚下车，从今天起，一天l两篇issue，一篇argument! 有懒惰需要人互相监督者，请加我qq34945397
马上就写，一会给连接

chris_zhUID: 2101887

提出的问题确实需要改，谢谢修改！QQ已经加你了，每天一篇A两篇I的工作量太大了点吧，你什莫时候考？

kito9695UID: 209685

In this argument, the arguer concludes that Luxess will improve the condition of facial skin. To justify this claim, the arguer offers the evidence that after using the new Luxess face cream, people's skin looked and felt better. A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.
In the first place, we found no sign of random sampling in the study procedure, what is worse, the respondents in this study were all volunteers. Thus, the sample does not represent the whole situations. Because as volunteers, they might be interested in this new product. As a result（前面刚用了thus，又用thus，读起来不舒服，合起来可能好一点）, the effects they reported later could be not objective because of their preference to Luxess. (interested in 不代表就能有好的效果，it might because they paid more attention to their skin protecting due to their preference,可能会更好一点吧)  On the other hand, the arguer does not provide us the sample size. What is the exact number of volunteers in that "group" ? If the sample size is not big enough, the result will be not(细节：will not be) persuasive by the same token.
In the second place, even if the study sample has no flaws at all, the arguer fails to rule out other possibilities that may result in the better facial skin condition.  As it is showed in the argument, Luxess face cream was applied after washing face with a mild soap. There were double external factors there, thus we probably could not conclude that the better-off condition was merely due to Luxess, if we can not exclude the effect of mild soap. Moreover, there were chances that the volunteers involved in this study washed their faces more than once a day, and used other face creams in the other times（at other times吧） except in the morning. Hence（没必要用因果，个人认为and就行）, it is also unreliable to validate the real effect of Luxess. Since the other face creams might have different influences which would weaken or strengthen the effect of Luxess.
What further weakens the conclusion is the indicator the arguer used in judging the effect of the new product. Even if it was Luxess that made volunteers' skin looked and felt better, the conclusion that the condition of facial skin was improved was still unwarranted. As the conclusion that the arguer attained was based on the fact that in the volunteers' report, their skin "looked and felt" better after the use of Luxess. Yet, how people's skin look and feel could not necessarily indicate the condition of facial skin. There should be more physical and scientific indicators to judge their skin to make the result of this study more convincing and logical, rather than the subjective personal feelings.
To sum up, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. Before we accept the conclusion, the arguer must improve the sampling procedure, （加and或者改为excluding）exclude the other external factors. To solidify the argument, the arguer would have to turn to more scientific indicators for a better judge of the （effect of）new Luxess.

论证还是很充分的，但是长句太多，让人看着很辛苦，同楼上观点，有些句子和用语可以省略或合并，长短交错，文章才有节奏感。另外，感觉thus之类一段之间用得太多，有时出现两三个，感觉不太对劲儿。鸡蛋里挑骨头，请楼主包含。

chris_zhUID: 2101887

谢谢，明天帮你回拍！

echostateUID: 194935

In this argument, the arguer concludes that Luxess will improve the condition of facial skin. To justify this claim, the arguer offers the evidence that after using the new Luxess face cream, people's skin looked and felt better[复述作者理由的时候，应该把其逻辑漏洞原样复述出来，比如这里你漏了soap]. [加个转折词吧，你看ets6分范文里经常夸的一点就是衔接自然：P]A careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.
In the first place, we found no sign of random sampling in the study procedure, what is worse, the respondents in this study were all volunteers. Thus, the sample does not represent the whole situations [whole situation,感觉这么写总有点不舒服，好像是找不到合适的表达方式了一样，记得某个东方的老师说过，想put、make、take这样的词是万能动词，什么动作你忘了英文怎么写，都可以试图用这几个词代替——但是大家就是，越通用的外国人看了越不爽。我觉得whole situation也是这种词，所以能避免就避免。]. Because as volunteers, they might be interested in this new product. As a result, the effects they reported later could be not objective because of their preference to Luxess.[理由有点牵强——志愿者也有可能更挑剔啊对吧！所以凭什么说志愿者就一定偏向这个新产品呢？] On the other hand, the arguer does not provide us the sample size. What is the exact number of volunteers in that "group" ? If the sample size is not big [big别扭，large好点？不清楚，纯语感] enough, the result will be not(细节：will not be) persuasive by the same token.
In the second place, even if the study sample has no flaws at all, the arguer fails to rule out other possibilities that may result in the better facial skin condition. As it is showed in the argument, Luxess face cream was applied after washing face with a mild soap. There were double external factors there, thus we probably could not conclude that the better-off condition was merely due to Luxess, if we can not exclude the effect of mild soap. Moreover, there were chances that the volunteers involved in this study washed their faces more than once a day, and used other face creams in the other times except in the morning [坛子里有一片imong的典型与非典型6分argument，里面一个重要启示是——能具体化的反例一定要具体化，所以，与其说除了早上以外的其它时间，不如直接举例他们晚上睡觉前还要护肤一次。当然这里不是十分明显，但是很多时候，当我们写“there exists other possibilities…..”的时候，都要注意，举反例或其它可能性的时候，越具体越好，充分发挥你的想象力。]. Hence, it is also unreliable to validate the real effect of Luxess. Since the other face creams might have different influences which would weaken or strengthen the effect of Luxess.
What further weakens the conclusion is the indicator the arguer used in judging the effect of the new product. Even if it was Luxess that made volunteers' skin looked and felt better, the conclusion that the condition of facial skin was improved was still unwarranted. As the conclusion that the arguer attained was based on the fact that in the volunteers' report, their skin "looked and felt" better after the use of Luxess. Yet, how people's skin look [looks] and feel [feels] could not necessarily indicate the condition of facial skin. There should be more physical and scientific indicators to judge their skin to make the result of this study more convincing and logical, rather than the subjective personal feelings. [ok :p]
To sum up, this argument is not persuasive as it stands. Before we accept the conclusion, the arguer must improve the sampling procedure, [as well as] exclude the other external factors. To solidify [这个词不好！用strengthen/support] the argument, the arguer would have to [直接用should不就行了] turn to more scientific indicators for a better judge of the [effect of] new Luxess.

[argument你需要自己准备一些攻击模版，针对不同的错误]
[同时，我觉得你的句子写作能力还有提高余地，毕竟即使arg可以靠模版，issue就得看真功夫了，所以赶紧背点句型吧！]

echostateUID: 194935

很抱歉，现在才来。被导师抓取封闭了2天~~

chris_zhUID: 2101887

多谢echostate的仔细批改，指出的不足以后会注意，有机会多多交流啊