argument76 同主题,请拍!

qinwang96UID: 2109858

The arguer concludes that Luxess, a new face cream, can effectively improve the condition of facial skin according to a study of consumer responses to the new product. The study shows that after volunteers washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess for one month, most of them found their skin looked and felt better. The argument, though somewhat sound, stands no deep and wide examination.

Firstly, a group of volunteers can not be representative of the whole people for the arguer does not provide the sample number which is crucial for a logical study. If the sample is not big enough, the study is unreasonable and the result can not be applied to all people. In addition, the details of volunteers such as age and original condition of face are not demonstrated. Maybe these volunteers are young and their facial skin can be easily improved by using Luxess while for old people, the product can hardly do work. Maybe the basic face condition of these volunteers is good in itself. Thus the product is not necessary to improve the face condition of those whose skins are awful. Without the evidence of these relative situations, the conclusion that Luxess is effective in improving facial skins is still unconvincing.

Secondly, the arguer does not provide firm evidence that it is Luxess face cream that improves the volunteers' facial skins. Is it because the mild soap’s effect that made the improvement in the volunteer’s skin? Is it because healthy body and happy emotion which contributed to the improvement? It is also possible that the psychological factors functioned for these volunteers were told that the face cream was very useful. Besides, one month is too short to study the long-term effect of the face cream. It may be that the climate in the month was suitable for the product to do work. The long-term toxicity may occur if the time of applying Luxess is elongated. If these factors are not ruled out, I can hardly accept the result.

Finally, the reports of volunteers are lack of authority and can not reflect the real situation. They evaluate their condition of facial skins only by observing and feeling. Since they have little professional knowledge of skin, volunteers can not provide scientific evidence. Therefore, whether their skins are improved should be judged by professional doctors or scientific instruments. Without these authoritative reports the effect of Luxess is doubtful.

To sum up, although the argument seems well-presented, in fact, it is neither sound nor persuasive. To support the conclusion, the details of the study such as sample number, age and the like should be provided and other factors which can influence the condition of skins should be ruled out. Moreover, the effect should be studied for longer time and evaluated by professionals.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-24 at 23:17 ]

星星之火UID: 2107154

argument 76

The arguer concludes that Luxess, a new (kind of) face cream, can effectively improve the condition of facial skin according to a study of consumer responses to the new product. The study shows that after volunteers washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess for one month, most of them found their skin looked and felt better. The argument, though somewhat sound, stands no deep and wide examination.

Firstly, a group of volunteers can (might语气尽量委婉一些，显得逻辑严谨) not be representative of the whole people for the arguer does not provide the sample number which is crucial for a logical study. If the sample is not big enough, the study is（would be)  unreasonable and the result can (could) not be applied to all people. In addition, the details of volunteers such as age and original condition of face are not demonstrated. Maybe these volunteers are young and their facial skin can be easily improved by using Luxess while for old people, the product can hardly do work. (Or maybe)Maybe the basic face condition of these volunteers is good in itself. Thus the product is not necessary to improve the face condition of those whose skins are awful. Without the evidence of these relative situations, the conclusion that Luxess is effective in improving facial skins is still unconvincing.

Secondly, the arguer does not provide firm evidence that it is Luxess face cream that improves the volunteers' facial skins. (Therefore some questions would come into my mind,个人认为最好有个过渡句)Is it because the mild soap’s effect that made the improvement in the volunteer’s skin? Is it because healthy body and happy emotion which contributed to the improvement? It is also possible that the psychological factors functioned for these volunteers were （might be) told that the face cream was very useful. Besides, one month is (mitht be) too short to study the long-term effect of the face cream. It may be that the climate in the month was suitable for the product to do work. The long-term toxicity may occur if the time of applying Luxess is elongated. If these factors are not ruled out, I can hardly accept the result.(个人认为连续的疑问句起的效果并不是很好)

Finally, the reports of volunteers are lack of authority and can not reflect the real situation.(语气有点太绝对，最好用虚拟语气 ） They evaluate their condition of facial skins only by observing and feeling. Since they （might) have little professional knowledge of skin, volunteers can not provide scientific evidence. Therefore, whether their skins are (really) improved should be judged by professional doctors or scientific instruments. Without these authoritative reports the effect of Luxess is doubtful.

To sum up, although the argument seems well-presented, in fact, it is neither sound nor persuasive. To support the conclusion, the details of the study such as sample number, age and the like should be provided and other factors which can influence the condition of skins should be ruled out. Moreover, the effect should be studied for longer time and evaluated by professionals.(最后连用了三个should be,显得句型有点单调)


总的来说,文章有理有据,内容也很充实,有板有眼. 一个应该注意的问题是好多地方最好用might , could , 等虚拟语气 ,这样会使文章显得更加严谨.
呵呵,能力有限,说得不到的地方多包涵!
有空也帮我看一下,同主题argument76,有时间再交流一下.
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1